Padriag
Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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Just my thoughts here Gauge. Speaking for myself, all responsibility ends with me, period. But taking responsibility does not mean I'm perfect, does not mean I won't make mistakes, errors of judgement, etc. I'm as human as anyone else (even if I frequently insist I'm actually an elf  ). Take responsibility means that you do what you can beforehand to make things as safe as you are able. If you do make a mistake, you take responsibility for it, you don't make excuses, you do what you can to correct the mistake, you learn from it and you get on with life. So with the example of the lube, the dom should have learned a bit more beforehand, that was irresponsible... is he irresponsible, don't know... what did he do afterwards? How did he react when he realized his error? What did he do to correct it? To learn from it? What's his past history, is this an isolated incident of carelessness or part of an ongoing pattern. Did anyone judging him bother to so much as walk two steps in his shoes... much less a mile?
There are no perfect dom's/masters/mistresses/people... just us flawed humans, same as those flawed submissives and slaves... we ALL fuck up on occasion. Forgive us our trespassess even as we forgive others... (yeah, funny an athiest should say that, I'm a complex guy). People are quick to blame because they are afraid, it takes courage to forgive, to understand, to try again. Its easier just to blame someone, to pin it on some simplistic excuse and lay that on some individual who is then made scapegoat for everything else, you see it all the time. People do that because they are afraid (sometime because they have hidden agendas, but mostly out of fear), its natural to fear the unknown... including when that unknown is no longer being sure you can trust someone or trust their judgement. Nietzsche said, "Not that you have lied to me, but that I no longer believe you, has shaken me." There is truth in that, truth about fear and trust and ourselves. Its not that a dominant didn't use lube, or made a mistake, that causes the submissive a problem... it was that they no longer trust that dominant that has shaken them. Maybe if submissives learned to have a touch more realistic view of us dominants.... not as gods on pedastals, but as mortal men... strong men... but mortal none-the-less... maybe then that trust would be founded in something too more real and more solid and less easily shaken.
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Padriag
A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer
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RE: So, whose responsibility is it? - 
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