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WTF? - 1/28/2008 1:24:53 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

I wrote this in another thread.
EDITED TO ADD: I have been thinking.....I am a 44 year old Mother and grand mother. I pretty much ran the house and reared the kids (3 of them, now 26; 23; and 22) My husband worked alot and I was a stay at home Mom. It was my calling, and I feel I did ok at it. All of a sudden I find myself at a loss. This relationship with my Master, has rattled me beyond belief. I am (or was LOL) a pretty together woman....but now I'm feeling things I never knew a person could feel....Its scary. I try so hard to do enough to show my appreciation to this awesome Man, that has shown me I am ALIVE.... and I fail miserably. I don't have words....I don't have a grand enough deed to perform, to show what He means to me. I'm not trying to take control...I'm trying to be the best me for Him I can....

Does anyone else who fancied themselves a fairly intelligent human being, feel like they are overwhelmed by their D/s relationship?.....I CANNOT believe the intensity of the feelings I have. The need I have for Him is SO strong, and it scares me to need someone that much. I've heard it said this is like any other relationship...and it sounded reasonable so I bought it....well its bullshit....this isn't like ANYTHING else I've ever experienced, and its freakin me out a little.... I am not doubting that my feelings are genuine or anything like that...Its just processing this has been a challenge I didnt expect.

I expected to be challenged in the area of submission....cause I am a very opinionated strong willed woman, with a quick wit and a quicker tongue(which my ass has literally had to pay for LOL)

So whats the deal? Before Master came into my life I had a good handle on stuff.( or thats the prevailing theory anyway LOL) Now I don't know whether to scratch my watch, or wind my butt..... and this just isn't like ME....OMG I'm losing what I had left of my mind.....Holy Shit!

I never knew giving away control could feel so good, and SO scary all at the same time.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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Post #: 1

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 1:33:57 PM

takenbyjohnr07

Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

i was just the opposite. My vanilla life was absolutely nothing to brag about. Then my Owner came and now i feel alive, centered, happy and conbtent. i guess because i have wanted it for all of my life and to actually have a dream come true. Does not happen vry often.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 2

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 1:47:55 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

i was just the opposite. My vanilla life was absolutely nothing to brag about. Then my Owner came and now i feel alive, centered, happy and conbtent. i guess because i have wanted it for all of my life and to actually have a dream come true. Does not happen vry often.

Thats cool...and I am happy for you and your "D" type....I personally did not know about this all my life....I believed I actually had it as good as it gets.... I never knew you could be truly "one" with somebody...I honestly thought that stuff was a product of fairy tales and Hollywood love story stuff. I'm glad I was wrong.... Now I just need to wrap my mind around it.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 1/28/2008 1:48:44 PM >

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 3

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 2:07:42 PM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

I wrote this in another thread.
EDITED TO ADD: I have been thinking.....I am a 44 year old Mother and grand mother. I pretty much ran the house and reared the kids (3 of them, now 26; 23; and 22) My husband worked alot and I was a stay at home Mom. It was my calling, and I feel I did ok at it. All of a sudden I find myself at a loss. This relationship with my Master, has rattled me beyond belief. I am (or was LOL) a pretty together woman....but now I'm feeling things I never knew a person could feel....Its scary. I try so hard to do enough to show my appreciation to this awesome Man, that has shown me I am ALIVE.... and I fail miserably. I don't have words....I don't have a grand enough deed to perform, to show what He means to me. I'm not trying to take control...I'm trying to be the best me for Him I can....

Does anyone else who fancied themselves a fairly intelligent human being, feel like they are overwhelmed by their D/s relationship?.....I CANNOT believe the intensity of the feelings I have. The need I have for Him is SO strong, and it scares me to need someone that much. I've heard it said this is like any other relationship...and it sounded reasonable so I bought it....well its bullshit....this isn't like ANYTHING else I've ever experienced, and its freakin me out a little.... I am not doubting that my feelings are genuine or anything like that...Its just processing this has been a challenge I didnt expect.

I expected to be challenged in the area of submission....cause I am a very opinionated strong willed woman, with a quick wit and a quicker tongue(which my ass has literally had to pay for LOL)

So whats the deal? Before Master came into my life I had a good handle on stuff.( or thats the prevailing theory anyway LOL) Now I don't know whether to scratch my watch, or wind my butt..... and this just isn't like ME....OMG I'm losing what I had left of my mind.....Holy Shit!

I never knew giving away control could feel so good, and SO scary all at the same time.

I got here in a round about way. I'd always had devient fantasies that never seemed quite as good when played out as they were in my mind, but I figured that somethings were just supposed to remain in fantasy land.

Then one day I was having sex with my then boyfriend and I realized that my mind was 1,000 miles away and that bothered me. So I rehashed my fantasies and pondered them and knowing a bit more then I did when I pushed them to the back of my mind, I looked for an on-line group where I might meet someone to play with.

I met someone who had other committments and could only be a play partner, and I found that it was good but still lacking, so I looked back at what didn't work in past relationships (utilizing more of the internet for a broader view of my world) and recognized that part of what I liked in relationships that made my partners uncomfortable was what was being described as submissiveness.

Fast forward alot of pondering and putting the pieces together in my mind all I can say is I wish I knew 20 years ago what I know now with regards to how I am wired as I've never felt so right as I do now.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 4

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 2:11:29 PM

takenbyjohnr07

Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Thanks, and i'm so glad you were wrong too. :) i always believed in finding my Prince Charming and i did. Believeing is everything.
i wish you tons of happiness, and of course a happily ever after.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 5

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 2:20:36 PM

simplycarla

Posts: 5
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

I can relate to what you are saying. I am somewhat like you. I have to tell myself that He is control. Anytime I feel like being in control He reminds that He is the Dominant :)

Like yourself it feels so wonderful to give Him control and it also feel scary. It's challenge for me also because I was the dominant one in my marriage. I told Sir that and He understands and He is always telling me relax that He has my best interest at hear(which He does). I trust Him and I know that He wouldn't do anything or allow anything to happen to me that would cause me hurt, harm or danger.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 6

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 2:35:34 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I got here in a round about way. I'd always had devient fantasies that never seemed quite as good when played out as they were in my mind, but I figured that somethings were just supposed to remain in fantasy land.

Then one day I was having sex with my then boyfriend and I realized that my mind was 1,000 miles away and that bothered me. So I rehashed my fantasies and pondered them and knowing a bit more then I did when I pushed them to the back of my mind, I looked for an on-line group where I might meet someone to play with.

I met someone who had other committments and could only be a play partner, and I found that it was good but still lacking, so I looked back at what didn't work in past relationships (utilizing more of the internet for a broader view of my world) and recognized that part of what I liked in relationships that made my partners uncomfortable was what was being described as submissiveness.

Fast forward alot of pondering and putting the pieces together in my mind all I can say is I wish I knew 20 years ago what I know now with regards to how I am wired as I've never felt so right as I do now.

_____________________________

OmegaG, I understand what you are saying...I was always a "freak" ...I just thought there was something wrong with me....and tried everything I could to be content with "normal" I was a twisted version of Donna Reed and Rosanne LOL..... After I got married... It was crazy too...because up until I met my husband, when I was 19 ...I was quite the little whore.... When I met him, and knew I would be marrying him.... BAM....full stop. I have never cheated on my husband...not once..............In 24 years (I know, I can't believe it either LOL)
When I did discover, at the ripe old age of 43, all those day dreams and fantasies I had been having all these years had a name, I was thrilled, and overwhelmed. I couldn't believe there were other people like me... I spoke with my husband, and he couldn't have been less interested...that REALLY bummed me out. so I read...researched...masturbated a lot LOL. One day a friend of mine asked me if my husband would let me have a lover...... I was shocked by the question....but then I thought, why not (btw, at this time my husband, and I had been in separate bedrooms for over 5 years)....so I talked with my husband...one of those heart to heart deals... He understood me...and told me to go find what I needed....Boy howdy did I ever..... I'm in a league I didn't even know existed now.... and I'm dancing as fast as I can....

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 7

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 2:41:37 PM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

It is great to see you happy :)
Just curious (perhaps to much lol) but would he have made you as happy without Ds relation?
I read your nice story....it radiates happiness...and then I see Ds..and thought...does she like the man..or the Ds situation.
Not that it matters, he is in that relation, but I was just thinking about it.

let me put it like this; If he stopped beeing a Dom...would you be still so happy?

now continue enjoying please ..it is great to read lol

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 8

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 2:50:51 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

It is great to see you happy :)
Just curious (perhaps to much lol) but would he have made you as happy without Ds relation?
I read your nice story....it radiates happiness...and then I see Ds..and thought...does she like the man..or the Ds situation.
Not that it matters, he is in that relation, but I was just thinking about it.

let me put it like this; If he stopped beeing a Dom...would you be still so happy?

now continue enjoying please ..it is great to read lol

Excelleand question.... its funny you ask it because just a few weeks ago my Master and I had a talk about this very thing...He told me that we could never pick up the flog or riding crop again...and He would still love me, and be who He already is to me...I agree with my Master. Nothing would change for me at this point if Master and I went "vanilla" My feelings would be no different.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 9

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 3:59:05 PM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

It is great to see you happy :)
Just curious (perhaps to much lol) but would he have made you as happy without Ds relation?
I read your nice story....it radiates happiness...and then I see Ds..and thought...does she like the man..or the Ds situation.
Not that it matters, he is in that relation, but I was just thinking about it.

let me put it like this; If he stopped beeing a Dom...would you be still so happy?

now continue enjoying please ..it is great to read lol

That is a difficult question as I see it part of someone's core personality. I don't think that aside from a head injury that he would change, even if he were physically incapeable of activities, I'm sure he'd find a way to remain in control

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 10

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 4:21:35 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Does anyone else who fancied themselves a fairly intelligent human being, feel like they are overwhelmed by their D/s relationship?.....I CANNOT believe the intensity of the feelings I have. The need I have for Him is SO strong, and it scares me to need someone that much. I've heard it said this is like any other relationship...and it sounded reasonable so I bought it....well its bullshit....this isn't like ANYTHING else I've ever experienced, and its freakin me out a little.... I am not doubting that my feelings are genuine or anything like that...Its just processing this has been a challenge I didnt expect.

No, it probably isn't. But the idea that your relationship is somehow deeper, more meaningful, more intense or more special is still what is actually bullshit.

You've found your match. What makes you tick, the relationship you thrive in. It's wonderful, scary, overwhelming, like being on a rollar coaster ride.

Now go look at vanilla love poetry and you'll find exactly the same terms and feelings. What you have is special, but it isn't BDSM that makes it so.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 11

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 4:31:22 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Does anyone else who fancied themselves a fairly intelligent human being, feel like they are overwhelmed by their D/s relationship?.....I CANNOT believe the intensity of the feelings I have. The need I have for Him is SO strong, and it scares me to need someone that much. I've heard it said this is like any other relationship...and it sounded reasonable so I bought it....well its bullshit....this isn't like ANYTHING else I've ever experienced, and its freakin me out a little.... I am not doubting that my feelings are genuine or anything like that...Its just processing this has been a challenge I didnt expect.

No, it probably isn't. But the idea that your relationship is somehow deeper, more meaningful, more intense or more special is still what is actually bullshit.

You've found your match. What makes you tick, the relationship you thrive in. It's wonderful, scary, overwhelming, like being on a rollar coaster ride.

Now go look at vanilla love poetry and you'll find exactly the same terms and feelings. What you have is special, but it isn't BDSM that makes it so.

So very true. I am constantly amazed at how people mythologize the BDSM thing and then seek to deconstruct it. It boggles the mind. Can't you just be happy you found someone perfect for you?

I don't know...from the time I was 16 and first time falling madly, addictingly in love till recently being madly, addictingly in love, I never once agonized about how hard it was to be happy.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 12

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 4:46:03 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
I personally did not know about this all my life....I believed I actually had it as good as it gets.... I never knew you could be truly "one" with somebody...I honestly thought that stuff was a product of fairy tales and Hollywood love story stuff. I'm glad I was wrong.... Now I just need to wrap my mind around it.

I have often said that he is a dream come true because the only place I ever thought such a man existed was in my dreams, or like you said, a fairy tale. I understand your post since it is my experience as well. What a life, huh?

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 13

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 5:37:10 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

It feels like so much more when you have a new D/s relationship.
You never realize you can easily turn vanilla.
A D/s relationship IS very special, but, it is no better and no worse than any other relationship.
I think you are on ....I'm not sure there is a word for it. (maybe there is, but I just don't know it)
It's when as a sub you meet the person you think you have been looking for, and from now on, everything will be perfect.
It's not exactly sub fever, but, it's something similar imo...
I guess I tend to believe these posts a bit more when they're from people who have been together for years and years.
It just sounds more believable, imo.

~Christina

(in reply to Littlepita)

Post #: 14

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 5:46:59 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

I think you are on ....I'm not sure there is a word for it. (maybe there is, but I just don't know it)
It's when as a sub you meet the person you think you have been looking for, and from now on, everything will be perfect.
It's not exactly sub fever, but, it's something similar imo...
I guess I tend to believe these posts a bit more when they're from people who have been together for years and years.
It just sounds more believable, imo.

~Christina

I think she's coming out of her skin with happiness and excitement over realizing just how good a relationship can really be, since she has never experienced something like that before. And that for her, this type of relationship is the best there is.

I can relate, because 3 1/2 years into it, I'm still feeling that way.

When I was newly in this relationship, I couldn't believe how awesome I felt, and I thought D/s was the greatest, most special way of life in the world! lol. Now I see that it is the best way for MY world, but not for everyone's.

To the OP I'll say enjoy your excitement, and I hope it keeps getting better for you.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 15

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 6:07:24 PM

Bound2One

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Does anyone else who fancied themselves a fairly intelligent human being, feel like they are overwhelmed by their D/s relationship?..

Yes, I am feeling those overwhelmed sensations in my new relationship. Like AquaticSub said, I feel like I've found my match, and it's an amazing feeling. But it's not due to the D/s. While I adore that side of our relationship, it's not the reason we are a match - it's the person inside both of us that makes us so good together. And yeah, I'm a fairly intelligent human being. lol

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 16

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 6:28:49 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2One

quote:

Does anyone else who fancied themselves a fairly intelligent human being, feel like they are overwhelmed by their D/s relationship?..

Yes, I am feeling those overwhelmed sensations in my new relationship. Like AquaticSub said, I feel like I've found my match, and it's an amazing feeling. But it's not due to the D/s. While I adore that side of our relationship, it's not the reason we are a match - it's the person inside both of us that makes us so good together. And yeah, I'm a fairly intelligent human being. lol

OMG...I so get what You are saying....Master and I were talking about that not long ago. We both delight in the fact that "what" we do isn't "who" we are. I know in my heart of hearts He will love me whether I ever kneel at His feet again or not. Whether I ever desire to be flogged or tied up or not.....This is whats killing me....I just can't believe it ....we are in this just about 11 months now...and I realize thats not a whole long time...but I am a smart woman, and I KNOW my bullshit detector can't be THIS broken....LOL. So I'm thinking I really do have the real McCoy here....and I'm awestruck.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Bound2One)

Post #: 17

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 6:35:08 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

OMG...I so get what You are saying....Master and I were talking about that not long ago. We both delight in the fact that "what" we do isn't "who" we are. I know in my heart of hearts He will love me whether I ever kneel at His feet again or not. Whether I ever desire to be flogged or tied up or not.....This is whats killing me....I just can't believe it ....we are in this just about 11 months now...and I realize thats not a whole long time...but I am a smart woman, and I KNOW my bullshit detector can't be THIS broken....LOL. So I'm thinking I really do have the real McCoy here....and I'm awestruck.

Honestly, a great deal of people in love feel this way, vanilla or otherwise. These heights of love, the overwhelmingness, the scary feelings, the wonderful, intoxicating, dizzyness heights are simply not exclusive to us BDSMers. We just don't reach those heights in non-BDSM relationships.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 18

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 6:46:34 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Honestly, a great deal of people in love feel this way, vanilla or otherwise. These heights of love, the overwhelmingness, the scary feelings, the wonderful, intoxicating, dizzyness heights are simply not exclusive to us BDSMers. We just don't reach those heights in non-BDSM relationships.

I get that...whats even better is that it transcends both "worlds" I know whether I'm His slave or not....whether I'm kinky or not, His love for me...and mine for Him will not change. Thats what blows my mind.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 19

RE: WTF? - 1/28/2008 6:57:43 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

breatheasone,

First, congratulations on finding someone who fulfills you. Hopefully, the wonderful feelings you are having now will continue for a long time.

Second, i think that it's bull shit for anyone to tell you that your relationship isn't what you have expressed that it is, for you. Maybe i'm wrong but, what i have heard you say is that this relationship feels deeper, more meaningful, more intense and more special, for you, than anything you have ever felt before, from any of your previous relationships.

Nowhere did i hear you say that your relationship is "somehow deeper, more meaningful, more intense or more special" than anyone else's relationship.

As far as i'm concerned, no one else can or should be telling you what your relationship is or isn't. It's my opinion that you are the only one who can or needs to decide if your relationship is indeed deeper, more meaningful, more intense and more special, for you, than anything else you have known.

Enjoy your happiness together, in whatever direction the two of you choose.

joy
Owned servant of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
But the idea that your relationship is somehow deeper, more meaningful, more intense or more special is still what is actually bullshit.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 20

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