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Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 12:22:30 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		This is my first post here so please bear with me. I'm planning on meeting someone that I've talked to from this site. I feel very comfortable talking to him and he's raised no red flags. My problem is that I have no one at all that I can talk to about this meeting since my entire life is vanilla (oh my... did she just admit that!). There is no one I can use as a safe call. No one that I can leave any info pertaining to whom I'm meeting, where, when, etc. Does anyone have any advice for me to ensure my safety in this situation. I'm sure I'm being overly cautious, but that's my nature. Oh...I do plan on meeting him in a very public place.
Aileen
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RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 12:25:31 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		Tell your frinds you are going out on a date, meeting somone for the first time from a webpage and tell them when where and such, they do not need to know you are going to be meeting somone from a BDSM site.

Welcome to the forum by the way.

(in reply to Aileen68)
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RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 12:31:20 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		There's no need for you to tell anyone that you're meeting "a dom." Just tell a friend "Hey, I'm meeting this guy for coffee at this restaurant and should be back by 8."

The end.

You've let someone know where you went and when you'll be back. That's pretty much as sensible and basic as it needs to be. Anything else is just superfluous and paranoid at this point, and no need to mention anything else.

(in reply to Aileen68)
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RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 12:31:28 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

This is my first post here so please bear with me. I'm planning on meeting someone that I've talked to from this site. I feel very comfortable talking to him and he's raised no red flags. My problem is that I have no one at all that I can talk to about this meeting since my entire life is vanilla (oh my... did she just admit that!). There is no one I can use as a safe call. No one that I can leave any info pertaining to whom I'm meeting, where, when, etc. Does anyone have any advice for me to ensure my safety in this situation. I'm sure I'm being overly cautious, but that's my nature. Oh...I do plan on meeting him in a very public place.
Aileen



If you meet in a public place and plan to leave along (watching for stalkers) you probably don't need a safecall, but there are two things you can do.

1/ Tell him you have a safecall. That usually puts the fear in them. It was the knowledge of an upcoming safecall that got at least one serial killer caught.

2/ Leave all the information you know about him somewhere easy to find in your house. If you've verified it and are sure he says who he thinks he is, that should give him pause. You can bring it up jokingly "I was so nervous about doing this I............"


_____________________________

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(in reply to Aileen68)
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RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 1:47:54 PM   
ItzKat


Posts: 86
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		I have to agree with what is listed here already. Leave teh information at your house, and tell one of your friends that you have a blind date and want to set up a safe call just in case. No need to mention that you are meeting a kinky man for fun and games.

Kat

(in reply to Aileen68)
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RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 1:50:06 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		After reading these posts I realized that I left out a very important piece of info about me. I'm married (I know I know...please no judging...that's a whole other topic in itself) so telling anyone ever about a vanilla date wouldn't fly very well. I do like the idea of the pretend safe call. That may be my only option. I will also be meeting in a large city and taking the train so I don't have to worry about him seeing my car or anything like that.

(in reply to JohnWarren)
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RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 2:16:18 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline 		Hi from another Jersey girl! You recieved good advice and should be safe in the city.

I have to ask: does he know you are married?

After all the angry posts about married Doms, guess what's good for the gander...?

Take care and good luck.

(in reply to Aileen68)
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RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 2:28:20 PM   
cellogrrlMK


Posts: 672
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

After reading these posts I realized that I left out a very important piece of info about me. I'm married (I know I know...please no judging...that's a whole other topic in itself) so telling anyone ever about a vanilla date wouldn't fly very well. I do like the idea of the pretend safe call. That may be my only option. I will also be meeting in a large city and taking the train so I don't have to worry about him seeing my car or anything like that.


Aileen, I have a vanilla friend who is also married; she has a close friend (who is also my friend) who knows what she is doing, and that is this woman's safecall.... even though they are totally vanilla they do this. It's just a matter of common sense I think.

Fawne's thoughts are also very vaild.

Good luck to you!

cello

_____________________________

There's too much Blood in my Caffeine system!

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RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 3:00:39 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cellogrrlMK
Aileen, I have a vanilla friend who is also married; she has a close friend (who is also my friend) who knows what she is doing, and that is this woman's safecall.... even though they are totally vanilla they do this. It's just a matter of common sense I think.

Fawne's thoughts are also very vaild.

Good luck to you!

cello


Well it's a bigger risk, but tell a friend anyway. Most cheaters have a confidant they go to for help and support, my sister had a friend who told her and her co workers about her affair. I have had other friends who were cheating and wh confided in me so they'd have someone to talk with.

The other risk is simply go it alone with just the info in an envelope at home, which at least leaves the police a place to start looking for you if something goes wrong. If something goes wrong, do you really care about the state of your marriage?

OR just go it alone and trust your instincts. I personally meet people on my own all the time from online without any previous safe calls and such BUT I have experience with it and good intuition.

It's your call to judge the risks and what's worth the possible outcomes.

(in reply to cellogrrlMK)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 3:17:31 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Yes he knows I'm married. I was upfront with that in my first message that I sent back to him. I won't be meeting him until next month at the earliest so I have plenty of time to think this through. I certainly take all of your advice to heart and am sure that I'll come up with the perfect solution...probably made up with a whole combination of all of your advice. Thanks

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 3:18:15 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I want to add that not only should you have his information at your house, you should have it in your car as well. That way, heaven forbid, if something should happen, it's all there.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 3:20:28 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		oohh the car...what a great idea. I didn't think of leaving info in the car. That might solve most of my problem. Thanks

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 3:24:14 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Just remember, none of this will PREVENT something going wrong.

My saying is "If I am meeting someone where I feel I NEED to make them scared of a safe call or where I feel I NEED a back up plan, I just won't meet them at all."

The only thing that prevents something from going wrong is using good judgement in who you meet, being aware of the signs, and, if you goes into aggressive mode, being able to fight him off.

Everything else is a "when it goes bad, how quickly can we try and find your body?"

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 3:25:29 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

oohh the car...what a great idea. I didn't think of leaving info in the car. That might solve most of my problem. Thanks

But then how would anyone know where the car is? Sure, they have your license and car info, but it would take time to find it.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 3:28:51 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Hey it's not perfect, just a plan. I still think if there is any doubt lingering in your mind then you should consider a safe call. If you get to that point and don't have someone you can trust to do that for you, let me know.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 3:40:57 PM   
1CHRONDOM


Posts: 23
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline 		I wonder how many would give such good advice on CHEATING to a MALE...lol. Good luck on your AFFAIR. I'm sure you will have a great time when you meet this Dom. You are sure to have a long LASTING RELATIONSHIP after. I'm being sarcastic not judgemental. All the advice is great. I like the one about telling the guy you have a safe call. that puts it in his head so it is like giving him the next choice..should I try and take advantage of her even though I know someone Might find out it was me quicker. My advice..tell your HUBBY you are going to meet a friend. He's gonna be the first to be upset if something goes wrong anyway..He might as well know from the jump. Hell, he might even get suspicous enough to follow you...then if the Dom gets nasty He could come and save the day! then take you home and spank the shit out of you for being a bad bad gi...oops..Went a lil left there huh...

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 3:48:43 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Just remember, none of this will PREVENT something going wrong.

My saying is "If I am meeting someone where I feel I NEED to make them scared of a safe call or where I feel I NEED a back up plan, I just won't meet them at all."

The only thing that prevents something from going wrong is using good judgement in who you meet, being aware of the signs, and, if you goes into aggressive mode, being able to fight him off.

Everything else is a "when it goes bad, how quickly can we try and find your body?"

I have felt very comfortable with talking to him and he's never said anything to raise the hairs on the back of my neck. He has been the first to bring up my limits, etc. It is important to me to meet in public and have no playing at that first meeting. If I still feel as comfortableafter that then I'll think about the next step. I do like your attitude and I often rely on instincts. Thanks Emerald

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 3:51:49 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		I knew that someone was going to bring this up...thus my hesitation for mentioning it in my original post. All I can say is that you don't know my personal situation and my reasons. What goes on in your bedroom is your business and has no effect on my life.
quote:

ORIGINAL: 1CHRONDOM

I wonder how many would give such good advice on CHEATING to a MALE...lol. Good luck on your AFFAIR. I'm sure you will have a great time when you meet this Dom. You are sure to have a long LASTING RELATIONSHIP after. I'm being sarcastic not judgemental. All the advice is great. I like the one about telling the guy you have a safe call. that puts it in his head so it is like giving him the next choice..should I try and take advantage of her even though I know someone Might find out it was me quicker. My advice..tell your HUBBY you are going to meet a friend. He's gonna be the first to be upset if something goes wrong anyway..He might as well know from the jump. Hell, he might even get suspicous enough to follow you...then if the Dom gets nasty He could come and save the day! then take you home and spank the shit out of you for being a bad bad gi...oops..Went a lil left there huh...


(in reply to 1CHRONDOM)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 4:02:32 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		I was wondering do you have anyone that you are friends with online. My safe call for a couple of first meets with a Dom was another sub who I met on-line and became friends with. I was able to share all the important info. with her and also had someone to confide in afterwards as to how the meeting went and how excited I was for the next meet. Any way just what has worked for me in the past I hope you have a wonderful first meet.

aurora

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 4:02:39 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

oohh the car...what a great idea. I didn't think of leaving info in the car. That might solve most of my problem. Thanks

But then how would anyone know where the car is? Sure, they have your license and car info, but it would take time to find it.


[paranoid on]
Not only that but should he grab her as she's getting into the car, he might find it. Home is better even with the "husband" factor.
[parnoid off]

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 20
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