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RE: Lack of safety options - 9/9/2005 6:18:48 AM

flaire

Posts: 60
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline

Dear Aileen,

I see your predicament. I've been on a few blind dates when I was at university. Fortuantely, I had several understanding hall mates who knew my kink and cared about me enough to look out for me.

The great advice on the pretend safe call is a recommend.

I used to do something when I was blind dating. I used to ask to see their driving licence. In the UK, a licence has a photo, a name and an address. You have your date's real idenity. I would then phone one of my hall mates and give her the information. Now, I understand you might not be able to do that. But you have an e-mail account. If you have a mobile (cellphone) then you can text it to your e-mail address. If, and God forbid, something does happen then the police can gain access to your e-mail.

It's just an idea.

Good luck.

f x

PS Meet in a public place and if he refuses to let you see his driving licence or some other type of ID, then walk away. I doubt many men in the scene would refuse as they would understand your concerns.

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Post #: 41

RE: Lack of safety options - 9/9/2005 6:56:36 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: flaire
PS Meet in a public place and if he refuses to let you see his driving licence or some other type of ID, then walk away. I doubt many men in the scene would refuse as they would understand your concerns.

Just to save embarrassment, I'd let him (or her) know you are going to ask for the licence. If it's a deal breaker, best to know up front and save the trip.

I'm really not concerned about a meeting in a public place; it's when you are going to meet to play that things get potentially hairy. I'd suggest saving the driver's licence thing for the time before you plan to meet to play.

Some people do get a bit carried away with this. I had one woman ask for my social security number. Given the amount of identity theft, I don't even give that to tradespeople any more. If they insist, I move to the next vendor.

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Post #: 42

RE: Lack of safety options - 9/9/2005 6:59:59 AM

flaire

Posts: 60
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline

Of course the licence could be fake!

f x

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Post #: 43

RE: Lack of safety options - 9/9/2005 7:24:45 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

having never actually used a safe call, i don't have much advice, like ES, i believe, i go on instincts, if something tells me i need a safecall, i don't go...but, i wanted to relay this horror story to ya'll...
have a friend, not a small girl, who did everything right for her first play time with this man, infact, had 2 safe calls, one at the restraunt and one at his home...and he knew about them...and after the second safecall, he tied her up and beat her black and blue ALL over...so...is a safe call may be a deterent for some, but to someone that really wants to hurt you...its just a delay...and even later she said there were no redflags...he just went psycho...while definately the extreme minority...i guess just be aware of the risks...
enough rambling...

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Post #: 44

RE: Lack of safety options - 9/9/2005 9:05:53 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

well that is why for playtime the first time you should not go to his place athere he has all the power. That is something i would never do on a first or even a 2nd meet. I am a big believer in safety.

littleone

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Post #: 45

RE: Lack of safety options - 9/9/2005 8:51:27 PM

itzelwing

Posts: 37
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

Just a note...

From the first post, Aileen mentioned that she was

quote:

planning on meeting someone that I've talked to from this site.

Now with that in mind, seems like the "fake safe calls" might not be the best option.

Maybe it's just me... but if this person can read the other threads, then maybe he can read this one too?

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Post #: 46

RE: Lack of safety options - 9/9/2005 10:20:21 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: 1CHRONDOM

I wonder how many would give such good advice on CHEATING to a MALE...lol. Good luck on your AFFAIR. I'm sure you will have a great time when you meet this Dom. You are sure to have a long LASTING RELATIONSHIP after. I'm being sarcastic not judgemental. All the advice is great. I like the one about telling the guy you have a safe call. that puts it in his head so it is like giving him the next choice..should I try and take advantage of her even though I know someone Might find out it was me quicker. My advice..tell your HUBBY you are going to meet a friend. He's gonna be the first to be upset if something goes wrong anyway..He might as well know from the jump. Hell, he might even get suspicous enough to follow you...then if the Dom gets nasty He could come and save the day! then take you home and spank the shit out of you for being a bad bad gi...oops..Went a lil left there huh...

Gotta say, hard to tell the difference between sarcastic and judgemental in this post. She specifically said she saw the other threads about being married, and only wanted input on safety....

Aileen68, if you don't feel comfortable telling a friend the full picture, then ask one of them to call you at a vertain time about something else. I think at Katylied has offered on this board to be your safe call. If you can't find another, message me on the other side, and I will make sure you get a call if you want one.

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Post #: 47

RE: Lack of safety options - 9/9/2005 10:34:01 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fawne

Oh no frenchpet!
It wasn't meant for you. I replyed at the bottom of the thread and that places the last poster as "in reply to."

We see rage and contempt for (married) men on this forum, right? Can you imagine if a Dominant male asked the same question?

But hey, the thread is about safe meetings.

Exactly, Fawne, and I think therein is where the difference lies. And this is not a flame, it is trying to make an objective observation. Although men should be worried about safe calls, etc., I don't think a lot of them get on the boards asking for safe call help. I think she has not been flamed extensively (nor should I think she should be) because that was not the crux of her post, the part about being married, it was about safety, and the majority stayed on thread topic and therefore she was saved from spontaneous combustion. I will also say, 99.9% of the time you have no idea what is going on in their life, and, until you have walked in their shoes or similar, well,,,and, I feel I can say that, speaking from personal experience because.....I am married also, although I do not presume to even have the same situation as hers, and have no idea of similarities or non similiarities of our situations, and don't need to. Aileen68, make sure you have someone to call or call you, even if it causes you to make a new friend on this board. Someone will be more than happy to provide it, I'm sure.

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Post #: 48