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RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 4:05:24 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		The infamous car would be parked at a train station in NJ and I would be in NY so there would be no way he could follow me.

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 7:03:16 PM   
SoccerMomSlave


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I met Faramir 5 days after we talked on the phone. We talked on the phone the first night I emailed him. I felt very comfortable with him from the beginning. We met in a very public place, had dinner and just enjoyed eachother. I did not have a "safe call" but I felt very comfortable with him from the get go.....Go with your gut feeling. Your gut tells a women everything. If you need a safe call, tell the one friend you trust the most. The rest will fall into place. Good luck!

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 7:21:51 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		How would that have worked out as a safe call? What would have happend if something had gone wrong? Would anyone take seriously "a friend I know from online went on a date with a guy and didn't call me back tonight?"

quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

I was wondering do you have anyone that you are friends with online. My safe call for a couple of first meets with a Dom was another sub who I met on-line and became friends with. I was able to share all the important info. with her and also had someone to confide in afterwards as to how the meeting went and how excited I was for the next meet. Any way just what has worked for me in the past I hope you have a wonderful first meet.

aurora


(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/6/2005 10:25:19 PM   
ItzKat


Posts: 86
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

After reading these posts I realized that I left out a very important piece of info about me. I'm married (I know I know...please no judging...that's a whole other topic in itself)


I have to be honest with your here... after reading the above quote, my feeling is, you are on your own. You are starting down a path of lies and your choices from here on out will be tainted by those choices. I am sure there is more to it than you have shared, there always is. I am not trying to judge you here, but I no longer feel comfortable offering you any advise.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/7/2005 12:21:55 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		There seems to be a lot of judging going on. None of us knows the situation of her marriage. And it's none of our business either. The only people who can answer those questions are she and her husband. After being in a marriage that wasn't so great (on many levels), I really try not to judge people and what they do in/out of their marriages.

And, she is not asking about marriage advice, she's asking about safety advice.

(in reply to ItzKat)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/7/2005 1:20:51 AM   
frenchpet


Posts: 587
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ItzKat
I have to be honest with your here... after reading the above quote, my feeling is, you are on your own. You are starting down a path of lies and your choices from here on out will be tainted by those choices. I am sure there is more to it than you have shared, there always is. I am not trying to judge you here, but I no longer feel comfortable offering you any advise.

Itzak, you seem to know her private life really well. So please tell us exactly how wonderful her husband is ? Entertain us and enumerate the good things he has done for her in the last 3 months. Good thing you're "not trying to judge" !

Besides that, well of course the odds that something really wrong happens are very low (as are the odds of anything you pay insurances for), but isn't there anyone you could trust enough to tell her/him about that, or are all your friends self-righteous judgemental people ?

< Message edited by frenchpet -- 9/7/2005 1:33:22 AM >

(in reply to ItzKat)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/7/2005 2:58:54 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		It's funny because I really did hesitate to even write my original post. I just knew it would turn into a bash about me, my choices and my life when all I asked for was some advice about staying safe. I guess all of you who are so judgemental lead such a perfect life. It must be nice. For those who stayed on topic and gave some good advice...thank you

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 9/7/2005 3:00:05 AM >

(in reply to frenchpet)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/7/2005 3:22:13 AM   
frenchpet


Posts: 587
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68
It's funny because I really did hesitate to even write my original post. I just knew it would turn into a bash about me, my choices and my life when all I asked for was some advice about staying safe. I guess all of you who are so judgemental lead such a perfect life. It must be nice. For those who stayed on topic and gave some good advice...thank you

Well, given my cultural background I really couldn't throw you the stone (...) for having an affair that could make you happy... but I would certainly become judgemental if you keep going an affair that doesn't make you happy either !

Just a thought : If you decide to tell someone you know from online and that something goes wrong, s/he could say to the police that you're an old friend and confidant (instead of saying you're an online pal, which indeed might not be taken seriously), and that everything is explained in your car which is in such place. Police officers can't break into a car (even less because someone told them to do so by phone), but you could let the key somewhere, on a wheel or something like that.

Good luck, and be happy !


(edited for clarity)

< Message edited by frenchpet -- 9/7/2005 6:08:55 AM >

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/7/2005 5:34:27 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

How would that have worked out as a safe call? What would have happend if something had gone wrong? Would anyone take seriously "a friend I know from online went on a date with a guy and didn't call me back tonight?"

Actually Em, some of us would take it seriously. Thank Goodness when I played safe call for an online friend all went exactly as planned and i didnt have to go hunting. But I would have. Thing is as I believe you said, the call doesnt equate safety it's only a net for catching fall out should things go wrong.

Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/7/2005 6:02:06 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Aileen i am in the same situation and i found a wonderful Dom (who was also maried) and we had a great reltionship. So if you need someone to talk to who knows what is going on in you mind i will be more than happy to talk with you.

littleone

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/7/2005 6:19:51 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ItzKat

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

After reading these posts I realized that I left out a very important piece of info about me. I'm married (I know I know...please no judging...that's a whole other topic in itself)


I have to be honest with your here... after reading the above quote, my feeling is, you are on your own. You are starting down a path of lies and your choices from here on out will be tainted by those choices. I am sure there is more to it than you have shared, there always is. I am not trying to judge you here, but I no longer feel comfortable offering you any advise.



Wow. I'm sure I've been judgmental, in the past, under certain circumstances...and while never being "married"...I do respect marriage, and the idea behind it, but safety advice, regardless of the circumstances is still a priority issue for me.

My advice for a 'safe call' would be to get all the pertinent info on the man you are meeting, and then because of your "situation," to send the information to someone you trust online. Your "safe call" would then be giving that person a specific time that you will e-mail them upon your return home. If they do not hear from you, at the specified time, or if you don't at least "call" them, then they are to follow your instructions.

Usually, from what I've seen, the spouse that meets "others" tends to share that info with "someone" online. (I've used online safe type calls, when I was meeting privately with clients, during my brief stint as a Pro. The information on my clients was NEVER to be shared with anyone, but was still necessary to be available, in the case of an emergency, for me. Fortunately (or unfortunately ), I was on AOL and could send the information to a friend that was also on AOL. Upon return from my meeting, I could recall (unsend) that e-mail, without my AOL friend ever having to view the private information. He was ONLY to open the e-mail, if I had not returned.) This worked fine for me, and for keeping my client's info private.)

Leaving the information in your car is not a solution, in my book. I've been carjacked before, and this choice wouldn't have helped one bit, until months later, when the car was recovered.

Don't "fake" a safe call either. Have one, for real, or don't go out and meet someone... anyone, whether new or someone you've been seeing for a while. Someone I knew online was also married, seeing another married partner. The man took this opportunity to meet his own twisted fantasy, and he actually beat the hell out of her. He felt protected to do this, as she had to protect her family. He was right, in this case, to assume he was safe in his abusive actions. She said nothing, but took a VERY long time to recover. Don't put yourself into a situation like this, please! Protect yourself!

K

(in reply to ItzKat)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/7/2005 7:03:24 AM   
frenchpet


Posts: 587
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan
I was on AOL and could send the information to a friend that was also on AOL. Upon return from my meeting, I could recall (unsend) that e-mail, without my AOL friend ever having to view the private information. He was ONLY to open the e-mail, if I had not returned.) This worked fine for me, and for keeping my client's info private.)

Some mail softwares allow you to send your email at any scheduled time. I thought the only purpose of this was to send professional emails and pretend you work late, but this would be another application.
I'm not sure how to do this, but googling "email schedule" might give some answer. I guess you can either try to use an extension to your email software (not thunderbird, I just checked), or use the windows scheduler application, which I have never used.
I guess all you have to do is :
1-writing your email ...
2-put it in the unsent messages box so that it's sent the next time your email program does the send/receive task,
3-close your email software
4-and use windows scheduler to send the email at the time you should be back home.
5-come back home safe and happy
6-cancel the email (have your comp offline during the process...)

An alternative could be using this http://www.download.com/AlarmWiz/3000-2350_4-10173865.html?tag=lst-0-7 (I don't know about this software, you have to try it before of course).

Take care.

< Message edited by frenchpet -- 9/7/2005 7:07:48 AM >

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/7/2005 2:00:52 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline 		Aileen,

Don't get in a huff. People have been incredibly supportive. Personally, I tried to be neutral in wording- just wanted to raise the big Q and to provoke some thought.

A married man who have been flamed to death here.

What a double standard.


(in reply to frenchpet)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/7/2005 2:19:16 PM   
frenchpet


Posts: 587
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline 		Fawne, I don't understand what you're saying here
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fawne
A married man who have been flamed to death here.

What a double standard.

(in reply to frenchpet)

Did I say something wrong when I pointed out that we cannot judge Aileen given that we don't know her life ? OR what ? I just didn't get what you said...

(in reply to Fawne)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/7/2005 4:20:27 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline 		Oh no frenchpet!
It wasn't meant for you. I replyed at the bottom of the thread and that places the last poster as "in reply to."

We see rage and contempt for (married) men on this forum, right? Can you imagine if a Dominant male asked the same question?


But hey, the thread is about safe meetings.

(in reply to frenchpet)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/7/2005 4:42:17 PM   
luvdragonx


Posts: 388
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frenchpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: ItzKat
I have to be honest with your here... after reading the above quote, my feeling is, you are on your own. You are starting down a path of lies and your choices from here on out will be tainted by those choices. I am sure there is more to it than you have shared, there always is. I am not trying to judge you here, but I no longer feel comfortable offering you any advise.

Itzak, you seem to know her private life really well. So please tell us exactly how wonderful her husband is ? Entertain us and enumerate the good things he has done for her in the last 3 months. Good thing you're "not trying to judge" !

Besides that, well of course the odds that something really wrong happens are very low (as are the odds of anything you pay insurances for), but isn't there anyone you could trust enough to tell her/him about that, or are all your friends self-righteous judgemental people ?


I didn't see anyplace where ItzKat said that her Aileen's husband was a pinnacle of good character or professed any knowledge of her personal life at all. I took her statement a little differently. I understood her to mean that she (ItzKat) would have a hard time offering good advice on being safe since she (Aileen68) has to keep secrets. The usual safe call rules don't easily apply, since the main person who might be the best bet for a safecall (her husband) or the next best bets (her friends) can't be told.

To Aileen:
I agree with the online friend idea being the best option right now. If there are any local groups in your area, try getting in contact with them during the next month before you meet this guy and establish contact with someone there. They may even have a safe call list. That way, should you need someone, they will at least be in the same area as you are.

_____________________________

Never Without Love

(in reply to frenchpet)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/7/2005 5:42:44 PM   
frenchpet


Posts: 587
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: luvdragonx
I didn't see anyplace where ItzKat said that her Aileen's husband was a pinnacle of good character or professed any knowledge of her personal life at all. I took her statement a little differently.

OK... I interpreted, my bad.

(in reply to luvdragonx)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/8/2005 6:48:32 PM   
Aquariansub


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

It's funny because I really did hesitate to even write my original post. I just knew it would turn into a bash about me, my choices and my life when all I asked for was some advice about staying safe. I guess all of you who are so judgemental lead such a perfect life. It must be nice. For those who stayed on topic and gave some good advice...thank you

Those choices are exactly your choices no-one elses....no one can make comment on your situation unless they are in one themselves and even then ever situation is different. I wish you all the best with your meeting and can only say when the time comes to meet you yourself will know exactly what you need to do.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/8/2005 7:16:43 PM   
BalletBob


Posts: 1645
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		Hi Aileen68. I won't mention about the Married part, because I've been there and done that....and my wife understood everything, and it all worked out. Now about the safety person, I agree with everyone, and either you tell another friend, maybe that you are meeting someone to plan something for your husband, and don't want him to know, or tell someone on here, all the information about it. I have a friend who is trying to find Mister Right online, and keep telling her to be careful, and to let her mother (Whom she also lives with) or me and myu wife know, and that way we can be her safety persons.

Take care and GOOD LUCK, BalletBob

If you want to know more about my personal experience, then just contact me..I also live in Jersey (YIKES, YUCK !)

_____________________________

"I get my kicks above the Waistline, Sunshine"

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Lack of safety options - 9/9/2005 5:58:15 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fawne

We see rage and contempt for (married) men on this forum, right? Can you imagine if a Dominant male asked the same question?


But hey, the thread is about safe meetings.


Married IS married...which is for the wife, AND for the husband, although many that are married don't see it as such, at the same time. lol

You're right...the thread is about "safety options." :)

K

(in reply to Fawne)
Profile   Post #: 40
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