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When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/4/2008 11:41:12 AM   
Feric


Posts: 227
Joined: 1/9/2008
From: San Francisco
Status: offline 		When did you first know you were submissive? Did you always know, or did it occur to you during a relationship? Do you think it's inborn, or a reaction to your position in life?

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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/4/2008 11:45:47 AM   
littlesui


Posts: 39
Joined: 3/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Feric

Do you think it's inborn, or a reaction to your position in life?


Can you explain what you mean?

(in reply to Feric)
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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/4/2008 11:49:26 AM   
atursvcMaam


Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline 		Looking back, i have been a submissive since 2nd grade (7 years old?) where i started to realize that the girls were different than boys.  i did not realize that this was a "lifestyle" or that it was used as a term to describe my personality and behaviour and a lifestyle "choice" until i was married for a few years (35 years old).  i became comfortable in that choice, and educated at about 40 years old.  when i got divorced and entered into my first BDSM relationship ...before that i was a very accomodating guy or very darned easygoing.  (yes or a doormat depending on one's point of view.)
    go figure. 

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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/4/2008 11:50:22 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		It's (another) Nature vs. Nurture question really.  Whether its innate or learned - or pushed onto you because of your situation/s.
 
the.dark.

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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/4/2008 11:53:35 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		I am not submissive in personality, I identify my submission through my sexual orientation. Thus to my intimate partners I express through service and submission. In everyday life towards other people, I'm quite un-sub-like.
I became more aware of my need for submission in intimacy when I learned to understand my own sexuality and wants in partners. I didn't understand about D/s and power exchange until much later so it wasn't exactly a clear cut issue. I didn't wake up one day and have a realization that answered all my confusion.

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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/4/2008 11:55:05 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I have a submissive personality in terms of want to please others and often putting people I care for wants and needs ahead of my own for the most part since I was a child.

When my personality with this nature and the extras bonus of being drawn mentally and physically to a person who has a dominant personality and would give over power and focus in a zealot manner about them was when I first fell into the life by happy accident when I was twenty-one. The level of what we talk about on a site like this is not my natural being but the combination of my personality, my Master’s personality and how we choose to live life. I was not lost or confused until I found this life; I just found it to be the best fit for me.

Having a submissive personality and being a submissive in a power exchange relationship are two different things.


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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/4/2008 1:56:46 PM   
fullofgrace69


Posts: 99
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		i realised i was submissive to certain people a few years, back and whilst i tend to apologise a lot and generally feel submissive in my responses to situations i do not take a submissive role in my day to day life and working life. whilst i am submissive i only submit to certain people.

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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/4/2008 3:59:07 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Feric

When did you first know you were submissive?

good question - i'll give you an answer when i find it ...seriously, i don't know when i was submissive

however according to Daddy, i was born this way despite having an aggressive domintant side to me


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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/4/2008 5:29:07 PM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline 		I discovered my submissive side when I turned 12.  I was given a birthday spanking by a girl I had a major crush on in school.  It felt so good, but I didn't completely know why.  Now I do...and I like it!

I believe it is just a personality trait...some are dominant, some submissive.  I'm very submissive at heart, but only with a very select few.  Mistress is the only one I've found that can bring out my deepest submission.  In my everyday life, I'm very assertive and aggressive.  Taming me is very much a trial by fire.



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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/4/2008 8:21:35 PM   
Feric


Posts: 227
Joined: 1/9/2008
From: San Francisco
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesui

quote:

ORIGINAL: Feric

Do you think it's inborn, or a reaction to your position in life?


Can you explain what you mean?



Well, for example, my own sub is an executive in a corporation. She is in command of many people, and she longs for someone to be in control of her. Ours is a D/s relationship based on total power exchange. I have heard from others that my sub's reaction is quite normal, but that other people are naturally submissive. I was attempting to find out if this was true.


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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/4/2008 8:26:13 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Feric

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesui

quote:

ORIGINAL: Feric

Do you think it's inborn, or a reaction to your position in life?


Can you explain what you mean?



Well, for example, my own sub is an executive in a corporation. She is in command of many people, and she longs for someone to be in control of her. Ours is a D/s relationship based on total power exchange. I have heard from others that my sub's reaction is quite normal, but that other people are naturally submissive. I was attempting to find out if this was true.



Yes, it is true for many submissives. I have the same dynamic as you describe; being a businesswoman who has to make decisions and deal with executives in big sales situations and take control of meetings and negotiations...and inside you may yearn to have someone take control of you the rest of the time.

I think this is more common than you might think, being submissive within a relationship dynamic can be mutually exclusive of how you appear in your work or social life.

(in reply to Feric)
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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/4/2008 11:37:35 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline 		Interestingly, I find myself submissive in most relationships and dominant in a few. It is uncomfortable at times but necessary when no one is taking charge of a situation.... truth be told I really dislike "having" to be the dominant one when it comes to certain relationships I have, but I can't change who they are... but I can change how I approach a particular scenario.

Being submissive with my Sir is like breathing... it just happens.

girly

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happily forever one

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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/5/2008 1:06:42 AM   
Tygra


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline 		I guess I was always submissive but didn't realize what was "wrong" with me until I stumbled upon D/s when I started SecondLife in April 2007 (yes, I'm late bloomer and you have no idea HOW late!). Until then I had no idea what BDSM & such was or even existed!

Although come to think of it, I've shown signs since an early age when I was playing with Sheena action figures.
Btw I'm totally straight and never been abused.

Yes, my only experience is through SecondLife but thanks to it I feel I've found my role in Life.
Now I have to find my Dom, He to whom I will submit my heart, soul and body.
But it's so hard to find Him...

< Message edited by Tygra -- 2/5/2008 1:25:21 AM >

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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/5/2008 7:48:28 AM   
UndreamtHeaven


Posts: 14
Joined: 12/3/2007
Status: offline 		Wow, this is my very first post on this message board and it couldn't be a better topic for me.

It seems I am a rare type of person on this site as I was raised with my role as submissive.  Not sexually speaking ( I discovered that later).

I was raised by my grandparents and it was just taught that you look after your man, wash, cook, clean, above all respect and follow his wishes. On the flip side, he taught me how a woman should be treated, love, honour, respect because she gives so much of herself to running a home.
I was taught how to cook, clean and run a house, pay bills, go shopping daily for the freshest food, scheduleing. I learned differnt forms of respect in different cultures too. (ie never look a man in the eyes when you are talking to him, face him but keep your eyes down, that is second nature to me now).
All these skills have suited me well over the years, I have a job I like and have gained advancement easily though the way I treat my boss.

I think I am a true submissive through upbringing. And it seems I don't hear of this often enough, is it becoming a lost trait?

(in reply to Tygra)
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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/5/2008 9:18:57 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I think i was born a submissive i was always doing for others fist and myself last.  Even when i went shopping i much more enjoyed shopping for gifts for others then shopping for something for myself.  I thought something was wrong with me because none of my friends was like that.  I figured out what i was when i was 30  and i met my Mentor (who was a friend who figured out i was a sub)  i finally had a name for it and knew what i needed.  Now have my Master and am very very happy and fulfilled.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to UndreamtHeaven)
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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/5/2008 11:25:51 AM   
parttimehotty


Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Feric

When did you first know you were submissive? Did you always know, or did it occur to you during a relationship? Do you think it's inborn, or a reaction to your position in life?


Hell, i still don't know!  i do enjoy giving up control, but it's my mouth that gets me in the most trouble!

< Message edited by parttimehotty -- 2/5/2008 11:27:09 AM >

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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/5/2008 11:58:17 AM   
juicy22


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/13/2008
Status: offline 		I wouldn't say I was born submissive!  I can't remember back that far.  However, as a child,  I was very submissive and sensitive to others needs and put them before my own and alot of times in a destructive way.  When puberty kicked in, I had always had thoughts of being dominated sexually and I have always been attracted to dominate men.  I didn't know anything about BDSM. 

With all of those feeling and thoughts and not knowing what to do with them, it lead me into a abusive destructive marriage that I was submissive to with a dominate man.  After finally leaving that situation and getting into counseling,  I discovered that being submissive is something to embrace and not be ashamed of and that being submissive doesn't mean I am a doormat, but a loving and giving person.  But most of all I learned to love me first and that my needs are just as important and it's ok to give to myself to. 

Practicing and making self love apart of my life lead me to my first Dom who was into BDSM and it was wonderful.  He taught me that I can have trust, love and a bond with someone, who yes dominates me, but doesn't abuse me and welcomes my submissiveness.  It made me feel alive again in so many ways and I have just been growing and learning ever since.  Now I am just a mentally healthy submissive!


(in reply to parttimehotty)
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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/5/2008 4:21:43 PM   
Denveresque


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		My first sexual fantasies were submissive, when I was about 14 or so. They're rarely faded.  

I don't have a lot of sexual fantasies or reactions before that,a nd even though I've had some nice vanilla fantaises since, the ones that mostly get me going are submissive-focused.

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/5/2008 6:56:32 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		This is really dumb.
I've always had fantasies but didn't know it existed in real life.
One evening, after I had been celibate for about two years (yep, I know), I was explaining to a guy friend of mine (online friend) that I wanted to meet a man who knew what he wanted, how to take control....etc...
he asked me if I was a sub.
I asked him why he thought I was a teacher. (where is the *blushing* smiley anyway?!!)
He took it from there.
I learned.
Found this place and others, and haven't looked back.
(he did think I was having fun with him when I asked why he thought I was a teacher.)

~Christina

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~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/5/2008 6:57:35 PM   
slaveadora


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/22/2007
Status: offline 		The submissive part of my nature, i think has always been there.  Almost as soon as my hormones kicked in when i was a teenager i found myself drawn to bondage, the idea of being tied down was always exciting to me.  It just took time to find someone i trusted enough to put the two together. 
Your question reminded me(ok actually i looked at it as the same thing) of the nature nurture question, and so i will answer the same way i do that question in my psychology classes; both.

(in reply to Feric)
Profile   Post #: 20
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