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RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/10/2008 5:36:57 PM

Ragin11

Posts: 6
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline

I've never posted on here before, I used to be a member of this site years ago, but you know life gets in the way. I just wanted to say that it's comforting to know that I'm not the only very strong willed female out there that doesn't want to be in control all the time. I used to and still sometimes feel like it's wrong for me to be submissive. That's just the way I was raised, you know, 'you must be better than the boys, you don't need a man'. It's a very confusing place to be when your heart tells you one thing and your head is telling you another.

(in reply to allurette)

Post #: 41

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/10/2008 6:09:11 PM

SubbieOnWheels

Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ragin11
It's a very confusing place to be when your heart tells you one thing and your head is telling you another.

Ragin, first welcome to CM!

I agree with what you said. I was totally ashamed of myself for liking being submissive. I had to be told it was OK to feel that way - by a woman who appears to be thoroughly in control of every aspect of her life.

I felt the joy of being submissive a long time ago but suppressed it for many years. now I know what I am, and I can't wait to celebrate it with a Dom who appreciates it.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels

(in reply to Ragin11)

Post #: 42

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/10/2008 6:37:44 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I had never heard the term as it is used here until 5 years ago when I stumbled upon b.com and had an aha moment.

Personally I think it's a response to depression starting with the beginning of puberty. Having so much to struggle with just to make it day to day, made the appeal of having someone who would want to make decisions enormous.

As far as being a bondage bottom, I blame it on the cartoons of Dudley Do-Right. Snidely tied Nell to the railroad tracks and afterwards she spent her time petting Horse. I also didn't have a pony.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to slaveadora)

Post #: 43

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/10/2008 10:05:15 PM

kittykat86

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

I think I've always been submissive. Not because its innate, but because I've never had a realistic conception of myself. I incorporated how I felt about myself into my fantasies, because I thought I deserved to be treated like nothing and deserved to hurt. That being said, I had a strange fasination with the Canadian Tire catalogues as a child, as I used to fantasize about all the creative ways all those tools could hurt me. I knew at the time that it was something I shouldn't tell anyone else, but I didn't know why. I was always fasinated with Black History Week as a child too, even though rationally I knew owning another person was wrong. There was a scene in Little House of the Prarie where one of the girls dreamed of being made to eat off the floor that stuck with me for a really long time. I thought about that a lot. Almost obsessively. In retrospect, it's always been there. And regardless of what enviromental factors contributed to my being submissive, doesn't really matter. It doesn't make it any less true or less valuable. :)

(in reply to slaveadora)

Post #: 44

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/11/2008 12:52:46 PM

sunshinedreams

Posts: 181
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline

I was raised with the women being in charge of things. My dad went to work, and my mom orchestrated all aspects of life. I saw this with my aunts and grandparents as well. Needless to say, I was taught that being in charge was what was expected of me. I spent years in relationships that somehow were not right. After my divorce, I did a little soul searching, and discovered that I do not like being in charge in intimate relationships. When I got involved this time, I told him about my submissiveness, but even in a vanilla relationship, I would always submit. I have tried time and again to have 'equal' relationships, to my misery and theirs.

(in reply to slaveadora)

Post #: 45

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/11/2008 1:03:18 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I don't think there is one particular moment that has stood out and I can say that is when I knew. For a long time I thought that I wanted to submit to an intimate partner and that I would find fulfillment in that. However, talking the talk is a lot easier than walking the walk. Once I actually submitted to his will over and over again, especially on the tough things, the things that hurt to submit to, that is when I knew I was submissive to him.

Whether it is a product of nature or nuture, I don't really know. The people who knew me growing up, would be shocked at how subservient I am within my relationship.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Feric)

Post #: 46

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/11/2008 3:02:12 PM

subguyca2000

Posts: 32
Joined: 7/5/2007
Status: offline

Tough question. I know this:

1. I always like being tied up when I was a kid
2. I remember trying to tie up a high school girlfriend because I was so excited.
3. In college, I asked my girlfriend to tie me to the dorm bed with bandannas several times.
4. I found that I had a bandanna fetish and got really excited to be tied and gaged with them. But it needed to be mouth filling gaggage.
5. When I was around 30 and had a successful professional life, I found that I really wanted to please my partner. I got more excited to have them cum, then for myself.
6. Now, I look back at my college and early 20 days and wish that I could have focused more on pleasing my partner, then worrying about my needs. I think I could have had so much fun.

So, #5 is probably when I learned that I liked to be Submissive. Now, I also like to tie my partner and tease her orally, but that is like 20% of the time. I do not consider that to be a Switch.

(in reply to Feric)

Post #: 47

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/11/2008 3:41:21 PM

trainedobedients

Posts: 56
Joined: 1/30/2006
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

It was always there. But suddenly words like, you need to stand up for yourself, speak up, choose, make a decission,. you have the same rights as men had a place in my heart. I felt relieved but it took me 43 years to get there, gosh the life I could have lived had i known before.

_____________________________

Play safe and sound,
trainedobedients
slave of Master JohnnyV

(in reply to Feric)

Post #: 48

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/11/2008 3:52:59 PM

lilabbotsfordgrl

Posts: 140
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline

When I was 7 I had my first sexual thought - being "stolen" by a strong man and taken away to be used for his pleasure. It was scary and arousing at the same time. I never lost the need for that, and Daddy eventually did take me from my parents and uses me constantly for whatever he needs me for.

I'm submissive in my day to day life, not just sexually. I love pleasing others, I feel "beneath" strong males, I feel safe when I don't have control in a situation, I don't prefer to lead, and so on.

So for myself, I'd say I lean toward "nature" rather than "nurture", but I do believe some people interested in D/s can simply find their way into it at any point in life.

(in reply to slaveadora)

Post #: 49

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/11/2008 4:11:19 PM

BBWnNC72

Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline

For me, i think i was born this way, just didn't know exactly what it was till last year. In my past relationships, i gave in easily and would just go along with what was happening. i have always had fantasies about "weird" sexual encounters. Have always enjoyed stories about bondage, spanking, and such. Now that i know what i am, i am so much more happier and my whole self feels so much lighter and free. Some how it has given me confidence that i didn't have before.

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to slaveadora)

Post #: 50

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/14/2008 10:28:29 AM

branbran77

Posts: 24
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline

It took me a while to realize i was a sub....i loved sexual encounters when the man would be rough but i wasnt sure what i was after....what i ended up with was me telling my lovers what to do ...when what i really wanted was them telling me....i knew i was a sub when i answered my Doms ad and started talking to him....when he started telling me what i was going to do and that i had to call him daddy...in that instant i realized i found what i had been looking for.

(in reply to slaveadora)

Post #: 51

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/14/2008 11:00:32 AM

Firebirdseeking

Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline

Oh, my. Years of unsatisfying relationships with men; having feelings inside perhaps before puberty that I could not name, and not being able to name those feelings until two men, both dominant, but I did not know that, gave me a nudge in this direction. That was in the summer of 06, and from that point forward, I went into the steepest personal growth learning curve I have ever experienced. Suddenly a lot made sense. I understood what those feelings were; and that I can be strong and assertive professionally but want, need and crave something very different in my professional life. I think a lot of women have those feelings and thoughts but do not know what they are or what to call them. Since my discovery, I have never felt better about myself.

(in reply to branbran77)

Post #: 52

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/14/2008 12:13:11 PM

Calikitty2483

Posts: 17
Status: offline

i've always known i was submissive...but i didnt know how to express it..until i met my Sir...but i am not only submissive in the bedroom...in my day to day life i am an outgoing person...but i am always striving to please...i've always been submissive when it came to men who carry themselves in a dominant way

(in reply to slaveadora)

Post #: 53

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/14/2008 1:19:56 PM

ruthiexxxx

Posts: 78
Joined: 1/29/2008
Status: offline

when i think back, and wow how do i resist doing that all over again!, my masochistic fantasies date back to early childhood. that means i've been running from them for a very long time. i'm SOOOOOOOOOOOO glad i've finally stopped running!!

(in reply to slaveadora)

Post #: 54

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/14/2008 2:05:31 PM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

Ruthie...it sounds like we have a lot in common there. I would masturbate, always imagining submitting and being used. It was only when I met my man when I felt like I could really begin to let myself feel the things I feel. It's such a relief!

(in reply to ruthiexxxx)

Post #: 55

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/14/2008 2:26:28 PM

DemonicSlave666

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline

I pretty much knew I was a submissive right after puberty hit, but I also remember how I use to like trying to tie myself up and then escape. I use to think I was kind of like batman, escaping from those type of situations, haha. For a long time in my life though, I thought I was a sick pervert for wanting to submit to a woman because I never heard of men doing this. Also my father was sort of what you call a pimp or player when it came to women and always thought of himself as superior to women. To be honest all of his friends were the same. It was something that seemed normal, so I really started to hate myself for fantasizing about serving a woman and treating her like a Queen or Goddess. For many years I tried to cure myself, thinking that I'm sick and I have to stop. I also was really worried that I look different enough as it is (I'm 20 years old) and that I have no right to be into BDSM since I look so young for my age. After many years of self hatred and depression, I'm finally starting to realize that it is ok for me to be a submissive because that is just who I am.

(in reply to Ragin11)

Post #: 56

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/14/2008 2:26:41 PM

Searcher38

Posts: 21
Joined: 7/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

he asked me if I was a sub.
I asked him why he thought I was a teacher. (where is the *blushing* smiley anyway?!!)
He took it from there.
I learned.
Found this place and others, and haven't looked back.
(he did think I was having fun with him when I asked why he thought I was a teacher.)

~Christina

SPECTACULAR!!!

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 57

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/24/2008 6:52:00 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

When i separated from my passive/aggressive husband, who took no action, made no positive moves on his own and never acted as sexual aggressor. I said to a friend,"I just want to submit". I wanted a manly man. A man who in the passed I would have called a chauvinist and ran the other way from .i realized that those i ran from may actually be those that were the best for me. However, when I said those words BDSM never entered in my mind. I had a profile on a vanilla site. I was looking for a commanding man. I met my first Dominant there. He told me what I was and what I was looking for. He told me to read the story of O. That book freaked me out. It was torturous and then O was discarded. I didn't know how to deal with the submission verses the fear. But then I realized that as a Deep Tissue massage therapist who needs to inflict "good pain" on clients, I am a bit dominant at times in my career.
I am very intuitive and responsive to their pain thresholds. I also have them use 10 point scales to rate pain. I realized that my sensitivity to the needs of my client are the same traits that a caring Dominant would have. With that I had been able to relax and walk steadily onto my path as a strong submissive with my eyes wide open.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Searcher38)

Post #: 58

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/28/2008 8:50:17 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

As far back as I can remember, I thrilled to the idea of submitting to a woman. I don't know why. However, I was a child when I first had those desires.

It remains with me to this day. As the twig is bent, as they say...

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 59

RE: When Did You Know You Were A Sub? - 2/28/2008 8:57:02 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

When my Dominant spread their legs and yelled, "Dive, Dive".

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to Feric)

Post #: 60

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