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Conversation is not a one way street - 2/4/2008 11:16:32 PM   
greyangelus


Posts: 192
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline 		Hmm, has this ever happened to anyone? (Thats a rhetorical question Farley, do you know what a rhetorical question is?) kudos if you get the reference 

You find a sub thats got a decently written profile.  Shes new, shy, or inexperienced but wants to move forward with finding out about herself and where she fits into all this.  Maybe not quite what your looking for, but enough so that sending a "hey, how you doing?" or some other message like that seems reasonable propostion.

Shes responds well enough, enough for the two of you start emailing back and forth.  But wait, Batman, theres trouble ahead. No questions from her.  At all.  I mean none. about anything.   It's you the originally interested party, asking all the questions and getting all the replies.

Now note, I'm really not trying to read anything into this, there could a huge amount of reasons for it. She's just shy and has difficulty asking questions (the most likely case IMO, I'd say most subs get enough attention that its easier simply not replying to the first email), shes geniunely not interested and merely being polite, etc etc.

Other than just stopping the communication and never really bothering her again, is there some other way of dealing with this?  Any tips, tricks, side glances to figuring this little conundrum out?  I suppose I could just be blunt and say "Hey, you interested or not?", but that does spook quite a few I've noticed.
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RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/4/2008 11:30:32 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		FWIW, I suck at questions... at least online.  in PERSON, ya cant shut me up.., and it doesn't help that I'm ADD (ooooh/......sparklies!......).
Questions occur to me more often face to face than via email, and I will often ask them totally out of context to anything else.

but thats just me ;)

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to greyangelus)
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RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/4/2008 11:35:23 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		~FR~

IMO i think you're right, she might just be shy....atleast it is a goof assumption....When people are shy or nervous they sometimes forget to ask questions because that would mean they would have to be assertive. i have had this issue more times that i can count and then it will hit me that i haven't asked anything.

you could ask her if she has any questions for you....Or if she would like to know anything specific. That might indicate something to you....not sure how to help on the blunt part lol, that isn't generally my forte.

Best of luck


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to greyangelus)
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RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/4/2008 11:37:29 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		cherry.. sometimes, asking "do you have any questions" just causes a brain fart.. at least for folks like me...LMAO!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/4/2008 11:42:31 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		Greyangelus,
I would say this to her:
 
"I noticed that you aren't asking me any questions, I know that you are shy and sometimes the questions don't come out till I am not around to ask them. Might I suggest that you write down your questions and then present them to me while I am chatting with you?"
 
If she has no questions when you talk with her again, then you might re-think if she likes you or not. Never assume that they don't until you have tried everything.
 
Good luck,
 
MoGa

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RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/4/2008 11:48:39 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		oooh...good advice, MoGa!

(hey look, SPARKLIES!!)

lol

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/5/2008 12:21:08 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greyangelus


Other than just stopping the communication and never really bothering her again, is there some other way of dealing with this?  Any tips, tricks, side glances to figuring this little conundrum out?  I suppose I could just be blunt and say "Hey, you interested or not?", but that does spook quite a few I've noticed.



I'm all for open and honest communication but if you're afraid of spooking her, how about asking her a few questions that require more than yes/no answers and get her to thinking about 'how' one goes about learning a specific dominant and what sort of service they require.

Example:

How would you serve someone you didn't know? Do you feel that you can serve someone without discovering who they are, what they want, how they operate? How important is mutual communication to you? What do you think that entails? Do you feel that asking questions to get to know perspective dominants is important? If not, why not? If so, what kinds of questions would you ask to ensure that you are both compatible with someone and they are worth your time and effort?

Just a few off the top of my head. I think I must have asked Himself tens of thousands of questions because I was truly interested in him as a dominant and a man and knew I wouldn't be able to serve him well unless I knew him well.

Good luck. Let us know how it all goes!

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to greyangelus)
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RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/5/2008 12:28:42 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: greyangelus


Other than just stopping the communication and never really bothering her again, is there some other way of dealing with this?  Any tips, tricks, side glances to figuring this little conundrum out?  I suppose I could just be blunt and say "Hey, you interested or not?", but that does spook quite a few I've noticed.



I'm all for open and honest communication but if you're afraid of spooking her, how about asking her a few questions that require more than yes/no answers and get her to thinking about 'how' one goes about learning a specific dominant and what sort of service they require.

Example:

How would you serve someone you didn't know? Do you feel that you can serve someone without discovering who they are, what they want, how they operate? How important is mutual communication to you? What do you think that entails? Do you feel that asking questions to get to know perspective dominants is important? If not, why not? If so, what kinds of questions would you ask to ensure that you are both compatible with someone and they are worth your time and effort?

Just a few off the top of my head. I think I must have asked Himself tens of thousands of questions because I was truly interested in him as a dominant and a man and knew I wouldn't be able to serve him well unless I knew him well.

Good luck. Let us know how it all goes!

Celeste

Celeste! Good answer! Where have you been, you have been missed.
 
Hugs,

MoGa

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RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/5/2008 12:29:56 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

oooh...good advice, MoGa!

(hey look, SPARKLIES!!)

lol

lol GT, you are something else!

_____________________________





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RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/5/2008 12:35:32 AM   
sweetnsensual


Posts: 61
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline 		I have the same problem with a Dom I'm talking to.  I asked one of my friends and he suggested (this may seem a little childish) playing 20 Questions.  That way at least you're not the one asking all the questions, it can be kinda fun and playful but also ask real, indepth questions.  Of course, as mentioned before she may not be able to think questions up to play the game but it's worth a try.  I have yet to play this game with the Dom, but hopefully I will be able to soon.

Hope this helps and good luck.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
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RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/5/2008 12:39:46 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa
Celeste! Good answer! Where have you been, you have been missed.
 
Hugs,

MoGa


Ah, Mz MoGa - Just had a busy r/t week with Himself and the mutt. All back to normal now and I'm in catch up mode for threads. It's always good to come home. Hope you and the pup are doing well. :)

~hugs~

Celeste





_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/5/2008 2:11:13 AM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		As a firm believer in communication, I communicate quite well...with no questions usually.  I'll get asked all the time if I have any questions for him/them/whoever.  I just tell them no, if I have a question I will ask but I usually find out everything I need to know in just plain conversation.  Works for me, YMMV.

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There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

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RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/5/2008 2:29:08 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		i very very rarely ask questions directly when i am getting to know someone ... unless they say something i do not understand and ask then only for clarity .... I prefer to get to know someone using conversation rather than questions and answers ...

also .. when I can't see someone face to face I cant trust their answers to be open, honest and off the cuff ... so I would rather just see what comes up while chatting.

I know how I am frustrates some because they want to tell me all about themselves and market all their unique selling features ... and when I just want to natter away with them about everything and nothing no opportunity is offered

but *shrugs* ... am a listener and a conversationalist ... not an interviewer ...


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RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/5/2008 3:42:16 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

Other than just stopping the communication and never really bothering her again, is there some other way of dealing with this?  Any tips, tricks, side glances to figuring this little conundrum out?  I suppose I could just be blunt and say "Hey, you interested or not?", but that does spook quite a few I've noticed.


yes do that...communication also means to be clear. perhaps the choice of words can be diferently..but..the question is justified if you feel that she is "uninterested" .
keep things simple..ask it directly...but ask nicely.
for example "may I ask you why you never have questions? "
It is not so hard.

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 2/5/2008 3:44:09 AM >

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RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/5/2008 4:54:26 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Inexperienced subs often think it is INCORRECT to ask any questions of a Dom.  On top of that, many women are socialized to converse instead of "interview" (as you are seeing in the responses above).  How about:

Him: Do you have any brothers and sisters?
Her: Yes, three.
Him: Cool! I have three brothers.  Hey... would you like to hear more about them?
Her: Yes, please, I like hearing about families.

Ask questions for her.  Then she's not uncomfortable asking, but has the option of helping to direct the conversation.

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/5/2008 6:01:36 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Inexperienced subs often think it is INCORRECT to ask any questions of a Dom.  On top of that, many women are socialized to converse instead of "interview" (as you are seeing in the responses above).  How about:

Him: Do you have any brothers and sisters?
Her: Yes, three.
Him: Cool! I have three brothers.  Hey... would you like to hear more about them?
Her: Yes, please, I like hearing about families.

Ask questions for her.  Then she's not uncomfortable asking, but has the option of helping to direct the conversation.



yes that is a nice way to get information too. If she doesn't reply to that approach, then she propably isn't interested....or want a pure D/s relation with out any extra's.
But at least you have it clear then

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RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/5/2008 6:12:12 AM   
trappedinamuseum


Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "questions".  Do you mean "questions in general, as in conversation", or "BDSM questions?"

Honestly, it irritates the devil out of me when someone e-mails me, and I respond, and then, by the second e-mail or third or even fouth e-mail, they ask me, "Do you have any questions?".  That's not the type of person I am.  If I have questions, I will ask them.  However, I don't feel it necessary to ask a Dominant, or a Master, or whatever you call them questions about their lifestyle, or how they run things.  I want to learn more about that in a progression.  I would rather talk about vanilla things first, and see if we are compatible, and then move on to the other, and that is where most of the questions come in. 

Its not my style to talk "lifestyle" to someone right off the bat.  I have to trust them/like them/ feel like I know them to be able to do that.  But, that's just me.  Your mileage may vary.

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"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

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RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/5/2008 6:30:32 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

oooh...good advice, MoGa!

(hey look, SPARKLIES!!)

lol


*giggling*

that just reminded me of the sigline i had for the longest time...

"i have a mind like a steel...OOoo! look! sparkly! *wanders off* "

kitten

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/5/2008 6:40:58 AM   
lauren0221


Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum


Honestly, it irritates the devil out of me when someone e-mails me, and I respond, and then, by the second e-mail or third or even fouth e-mail, they ask me, "Do you have any questions?".  That's not the type of person I am.  If I have questions, I will ask them.  



I'm pretty much the same way. And usually, at that point if there isn't a good flow of conversation, trying to pull questions out of me is not going to help.

(and cracking up at the oooohhh - sparklies)

< Message edited by lauren0221 -- 2/5/2008 6:41:31 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Conversation is not a one way street - 2/5/2008 6:48:54 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

oooh...good advice, MoGa!

(hey look, SPARKLIES!!)

lol

lol GT, you are something else!


LOL let me know when you figure out just WHAT, ok??  *grin*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 20
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