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RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 10:51:32 AM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

My husbands, and also when in a grouping with other close male friends, are "the boys."
My boy cat is "Da BOY!"
My slave is either called by his name, "my slave", "slave", or when participating in a group with those mentioned in the first line, he is one of "the boys."
A female slave would be either her first name or the slave term.
Anyone I'm involved with without a formal negotiation of roles, is simply "my friend."

I honor, respect and gravitate toward mature, responsible individuals, but we do a lot of playing in our home. We have a lot of fun, tell jokes, watch cartoons and other fun stuff. We love(not live) like kids around here. There's none of that 'gettin' old' crap going on in this house. We know we are aging and our responsibilities change and grow over the years. We take care of those, and then we enjoy life. It's possible to be good and responsible and mature and still be young.

We choose to not lose our emotional youth. And when the male counterparts in my home are being silly, having fun and making my heart race with love and energy, the term "boys" just fits in my mouth nicely. In a mixed group, we fall under "kids" just as well.

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 21

RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 11:02:36 AM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

A second perspective...

Ok, I'm replying a second time to address the OP from a different point of view. The usage of the term "boy" for me in a D/s relationship has a good purpose. I think it is there to remind my partner that this IS and SHOULD be fun. Yes, submission and slavery are a serious business, but for the most part, it should be enjoyable.

I think it works for men because when they are called "Man" it seems to invoke a sense that they have to stand up straight, pay the bills, and move the furniture and take care of everything while sacrificing themselves. It's a byproduct of society attaching emotional anchors to certain names and labels. When I use the term "boy" affectionately with a male sub/slave, they tend to relax, feel cared for and loved, and feel freer to enjoy the moment as if they were just a young boy.

D/s is a nurturing relationship for me, and the person serving me should feel valued and cared for. It's possible to see it as childlike freedom without putting the D-role into a parenting situation. Maybe that's where the magic lies. I cannot seem to find a way to explain this much better without using some "unmentionables" terminology here that would probably trigger moderation. It's a shame, too because I see a lot of parallels and distinctions between the parent/ch thing and D/s, and they will always affect us in our lives regardless of our age.

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 22

RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 2:05:31 PM

funwbois

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline

Okay- first post here, but I had to chime in on this.

I'm a switch so maybe this is a little different in that respect.

I use the term "boy" occasionally for my pet and it is only in affection. He does not take it as derrogitory, but as a compliment. I know he's a man- he shows it to me every time we're together by respecting who I am and doing his very best to please me. He knows he's a man and doesn't need validation of that by my words.

On the flip side I actually enjoy being referred to as "girl"- from the right person in the right context that word alone makes me shiver. Again, I don't need validation that I'm a woman. I know I am- and my Master knows as well. I actually find the term comforting-

(in reply to MsPurrmeow)

Post #: 23

RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 4:00:35 PM

frenchpet

Posts: 587
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux
I read a lot of criticism about male subs here. To me, a lot of it could be lumped into a general category that you might call "immaturity". The qualities that seem to turn off a Domme are the types of things you see in, well, *boys* of a certain age -- social awkwardness, excessive shyness, rudeness, problems controlling sexual impulses, a failure to communicate effectively, not having full awareness of his emotions, feelings, needs, etc.

I was excessively shy. I'm still a bit shy, but at least now I have no problem to chat up in the real world (you know, the stuff that's left when you turn off the computer). It seems to me that being submissive is a way to give away the control and the responsibilities we have outside, and that is relaxing in a way. But erm... I just wrote in another post that I can track back my submissive fantasies back to the age of 11 and beyond. No control over anything at that age. I dunno.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux
Now, I also notice that many (but certainly not all) Dommes refer to their submissive partners as "boys", and I'm just wondering how these two things are related. Do Dommes call them that because of these negative qualities? Or do the subs act that way because that's what they are called (and maybe believe that's what's expected of them)?

Actually, I tend to call my girlfriends my baby... Maybe I'm not a REAL submissive

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 24

RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 5:27:55 PM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05

"I" DO self describe myself as the-boy..........because it is how i was trained by my 1st Ms.........to be. so i guess if i sent YOU an email and said "hello, i am just a boy seeking for a permanent domme" and You got uppity about it i guess YOU have some issues that need to be looked at,.........that is way too stressful for me.

i feel sorry for You.....

wolf

You should not feel sorry for me, wolf. Because you don't agree with how I feel on certain topics, doesn't mean that I am wrong, or unable to cope...it means that I have an opinion, that is clearly contrary to your own.

I don't like "boys," as I said. Pretty plain and simple, and I gave my explanation for it.

If "you" chose to describe yourself that way, and it works for you, then...well, it works for you. I never mentioned that I felt it was "wrong"....but I did say it was wrong for me.

I do question though, based on your many postings, and discussion of your experiences, why you refer back so much to your first Mistress. Is this not distressing to your current lady, to always refer back to the "first?"

Boy, oh boy

....that constant reference to the old girlfriend/Domme would be hard to hear all the time. Dotcha think?

K

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 25

RE: Boys - 9/8/2005 5:35:55 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Dommes, why do you call your mates/partners/subs/slaves, etc. "boys"?

Well I call the female ones, girl. As my good friend LadyBeckett always says "You're a boy or you're a girl... you either have an inny or an outie, which is it?"

It's more a term of endearment for me. Nothing more, nothing less.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 26

RE: Boys - 9/9/2005 6:10:06 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I do question though, based on your many postings, and discussion of your experiences, why you refer back so much to your first Mistress. Is this not distressing to your current lady, to always refer back to the "first?"

Boy, oh boy ....that constant reference to the old girlfriend/Domme would be hard to hear all the time. Dotcha think?

K

======================

it doesn't make any difference to my present Ms. She knows i use it as a reference table as much as i use events from childhood and or ex wives.........it is the foundation for my talks. don't start acting like i can make up fairy tale stories to use for deep discussion.......

wolf

< Message edited by lonewolf05 -- 9/9/2005 1:18:12 PM >

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 27

RE: Boys - 9/9/2005 6:26:09 AM

pollux

Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: frenchpet

It seems to me that being submissive is a way to give away the control and the responsibilities we have outside, and that is relaxing in a way. But erm... I just wrote in another post that I can track back my submissive fantasies back to the age of 11 and beyond. No control over anything at that age. I dunno.

Funny you mention that. One of the ideas you see expressed a lot is this idea about the motivation behind why high-powered people like CEOs, lawyers, etc. seek out domination. The conventional wisdom is that they have a lot of control & power in their lives and they want to have some release from their responsibilities for a little while. That's always rung a little hollow for me, and I can't quite put my finger on why.

I know for me, it runs a lot deeper than wanting to momentarily be relieved of needing to control my life or job or whatever. If I want release from my responsibilities for a while, I take a walk, or go to the movies, or surf the CollarMe message boards (LOL) or something.

(in reply to frenchpet)

Post #: 28

RE: Boys - 9/9/2005 10:32:13 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Whenever I hear from a potential that he thinks submission would be "relaxing", I know he is utterly missing the point. It takes balls to serve me. While I like to think that those that I am with are enjoying themselves, I seriously doubt it is relaxation they are after!

I have had those high powered types for pro clients, and I understand how a break *for the afternoon* can be relaxing, sort of like a game of golf can be. It's a *game*. Think back to the first important job you had when you were young, and you had to work at pleasing someone high up on the ladder---was that relaxing? Satisfying, maybe, but relaxation came AFTER the job was done.

Ms Francine, HBIC :)

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 29

RE: Boys - 9/9/2005 12:33:25 PM

pollux

Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I have had those high powered types for pro clients, and I understand how a break *for the afternoon* can be relaxing, sort of like a game of golf can be. It's a *game*. Think back to the first important job you had when you were young, and you had to work at pleasing someone high up on the ladder---was that relaxing? Satisfying, maybe, but relaxation came AFTER the job was done.

Ms Francine, HBIC :)

When you ask one of those clients, you know, why are you doing this, and they say, "well, I'm very powerful and I'm always in control and I have awesome responsibilities and blah blah blah and I just need to feel powerless for a couple of hours" do you believe them?

I don't. I hear that and I think, "Yeah, right Mr. Trump. Spare me the compensating. You're just an ordinary kinky bastard like the rest of us."

*laughs*

Btw, what's HBIC? Help for Brain Injured Children? *laughs* (sorry, it was the first thing that came up in Google)

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 30

RE: Boys - 9/9/2005 2:10:21 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

You are too cute!! Head Bitch In Charge.

Well honestly, if they are scurrying around getting me drinks, and sweeping the floor on their hands and knees........they are a kinky bastard who gets off on being bossed for a few hours!

<G>

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 31

RE: Boys - 9/10/2005 9:18:07 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

When you ask one of those clients, you know, why are you doing this, and they say, "well, I'm very powerful and I'm always in control and I have awesome responsibilities and blah blah blah and I just need to feel powerless for a couple of hours" do you believe them?

I've never had clients. I've had submissive lovers who had high power positions. In fact, I prefer socially dominant men. And yes, I believed them when they saw part of our dynamic as an oasis away from it all. I refuse to only serve as an oasis, but I don't mind if that is part of the bigger package. In fact, I see it as something I can do for someone I care about.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to pollux)

Post #: 32

RE: Boys - 9/14/2005 5:23:12 PM

pinkvelvet

Posts: 16
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

I don't mind "boy" until it's spelled with an I at the end ~ " boi " -- ugh! I can't stand that.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 33

RE: Boys - 9/14/2005 5:35:56 PM

frenchpet

Posts: 587
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkvelvet

I don't mind "boy" until it's spelled with an I at the end ~ " boi " -- ugh! I can't stand that.

Welcome to the Spelling Police

.

(in reply to pinkvelvet)

Post #: 34

RE: Boys - 9/14/2005 7:15:39 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Well I think "boi" is intended to mean a genetic female who is taking a boy type role.......... but yeah, it makes me nuts, too!

Ms Francine, Grammardomme!

(in reply to frenchpet)

Post #: 35

RE: Boys - 9/14/2005 7:35:16 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Well I think "boi" is intended to mean a genetic female who is taking a boy type role.......... but yeah, it makes me nuts, too!

Ms Francine, Grammardomme!

LOL and I like boi but can't stand the word "domme" since "dom" is short for "dominant" which is neither male nor female and thus doesn't need to be qualified and even if it WERE a word would NOT be pronounced as "dom-may" or "dom-me" which everyone seems to do.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 36

RE: Boys - 9/14/2005 7:35:44 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

Yes, I always understood that spelling (boi) to indicate a lesbian. But I am noticing it cropping up more and more with the male submissives. I have asked a couple of them why they use that spelling. They think it is cute and seems more special than "boy".
Whatever!

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 37

RE: Boys - 9/14/2005 8:42:35 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Well I think "boi" is intended to mean a genetic female who is taking a boy type role.......... but yeah, it makes me nuts, too!

Ms Francine, Grammardomme!

LOL and I like boi but can't stand the word "domme" since "dom" is short for "dominant" which is neither male nor female and thus doesn't need to be qualified and even if it WERE a word would NOT be pronounced as "dom-may" or "dom-me" which everyone seems to do.

NO female dominant I know prounounces it dom-me or dom-may, most pronounce it just like the male counterpart. Just asking, even though we are all in agreement that dom is not a correct word either, why don't you have a problem with that? Same concept, isn't it? I wouldn't think you'd hear the term domme alot. How do you feel about the word subbie?

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 38

RE: Boys - 9/14/2005 8:45:45 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I've known a coupla dommes who pronounced it "dommay," but the first time I heard that, it took me by surprise. I always assumed it was just pronounced "dom."

Edited to add: I mean, Jeanne isn't pronounced "jeannay," and cherie isn't pronounced "sherriyay."

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 9/14/2005 8:46:33 PM >

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 39

RE: Boys - 9/14/2005 8:50:21 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

Well, LaM, I'm surely not disagreeing with you, but I have never seen it anywhere but written on these boards, written and discussed that way by a consistent, small handful. I have never heard it in everyday life. But then anything's possible, after all, in this board world, dominant is a noun, right? LOL ,

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 40

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