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no limits rant - 9/8/2005 1:09:09 AM   
firefey


Posts: 144
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline 		everytime i run into a sub/slave that piques my interest i send off a little note. yes, that means two or three lines. usually just tell me about yourself and hello and the like. i'm not about to sit around and just wait for the subs to come to me. if i have an interest in someone i'm going to let them know. if something in their profile interests me in them as a person, i say as much. i've made at least one really good friend that way.

but i seem to get back an awful lot of stupid drivel about how they are a "no limits" slave who only wants to please. ok, yeah, if you want to please that's cool. and you know, i kinda assumed that since your profile is marked as sub or slave. (before i get the hail storm of flame for this...yes, i know not all subs are service oriented) so what good does it tell me to just say, "i have no limits and just want to serve your every whim." blech!

the thing i just don't get is why everyone seems to be so focused on the no-limits thing these days. i mean, there has to be something you just don't want to do. i don't care if your limit is me filling a pig intesting with chocolate pudding and using it as a dildo. that's a limit, and it's ok to say you have them. there are some really extream people out there, and i guess if that's what you are into ok. but no limits says to me, i lack either a) knowledge of myself and my likes; b) common sence; or c) a sence of self worth.

it's one thing in my mind to come to be a no limits slave with someone you have built the trust with. and i have no problem with someone telling me they want to eventually become that with someone, maybe with me. but to put it on the table from just a handful of lines seems stupid. and agrivating. and not what i asked about.





*ranting done*

comments?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 1:46:37 AM   
Dr24


Posts: 25
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline 		Nicely done too Sir!! I gotta agree I've been reading through all this stuff for the past week and there seems to be an awful lot of under lying psychological disturbance being covered up as sex in this scene .. there is placces where the respect is lost and it becomes I phucking own you .. in bed thats all fun and stuff but where is the line of one having a brain and some principle!!

< Message edited by Dr24 -- 9/8/2005 1:47:42 AM >

(in reply to firefey)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 5:08:30 AM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		Um... completely random... just thought I'd interject... Firefey is a Domme.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to Dr24)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 5:42:28 AM   
Dr24


Posts: 25
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline 		Yip I gathered that by the way she mentioned she was looking for subs?!

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 6:26:30 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:


but no limits says to me, i lack either a) knowledge of myself and my likes; b) common sence; or c) a sence of self worth.




Hello There,
I think what happens is that the sub/slave wants to express their willingness to serve. While it may be premature some feel it's the path to finding ownership. If I were a Dom/Domme having someone offer this right off the bat would be a red flag for me. I'd wonder why these people would want to submit fully and without reservation to a stranger.

I do admit I am a no limits slave to my Master Gunship, but it took months of us being together on a daily basis to allow me to trust him enough to 1- be his slave & 2- to belong to him so completely I'd never use a safe word with him. I do have a sense of pride in the fact that I trust my Master, and He's trust worthy enough to have no limits be something we share between us.
This is not something I extend to any of the other Doms I play with or something that should be entered into lightly in my opinion.

I feel with a new partner you should communicate your limits and favorites and start there. I think you should only consider taking things further into a more deeply involved situation as the bond between you grows.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to firefey)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 6:50:29 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		Libby was once in conversation with a woman who insisted that she had "no limits." My darling then said, "What if your master decided to give up kink and the two of you should live a vanilla life." The woman looked at her with horror and said, "But he'd never do THAT."

Libby's response was "Oh, you do have limits; you just hope he won't test them."

That's often the case with experienced people who claim to have no limits. What they are saying (and this is good thing) is that they and their partner are compatable enough that nothing should come up that's a limit.

When novices bring up the "no limits" claim, I just feel it's a combination of a lack of experience and a lack of imagination. My role in the scene is that of an educator so I keep around a few stainless steel shark hooks and an autographed photo that Fakir Mustafar gave me [evil grin].

THAT usually gets the conversation about limits going.



_____________________________

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(in reply to plantlady64)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 7:57:23 AM   
Hissweetshiv


Posts: 200
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline 		John Warren Sir... i LIKE Your style!
I think that the "no limits" thing (with a total stranger) is nonsense. We all have things we don't want to do, and most of us have things we flat out won't do. If you arrive, after time, effort, and lots of honest communication, at a no limits state with your P/partner, then great. But right off the bat with a stranger? No...that says a)player or b) mentally ill to me...possibly both. I find it far easier to be honest about what i don't like than to (for example although i've never done this) fake enjoyment while Master does something i consider horribly wrong and invasive. Seems like common sense to me.

_____________________________

"Put your big girl panties on and deal with it."

"Forget love...i'd rather fall in chocolate."


(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 8:25:08 AM   
iamdownonmyknees


Posts: 93
Joined: 4/10/2005
From: Durham NC USA
Status: offline 		When all you have is fantasy it is easy to let the fantasies become harsher and harsher. It keeps your fantasy life exciting.

When I started negotiating with my partner I had to bring my own mind back to reality.

Composing a checklist of BDSM practices and noting which excited me, I was neutral about, wasn’t sure I could handle and the outright “No, I won’t do that.” Really helped me learn about my limits before actually entering into the relationship.

Possibly the biggest mental hurdle facing many submissive men is understanding that dominant women can find somebody to just kick around. They, like most women – most people – are looking for someone to interact with on a richer level than just kink.

I hate to use a Mars/Venus kind of stereotype but this seems parallel to the complaints many women have on vanilla online dating sites.

Richard


_____________________________

Down On My Knees & Sensual Sadist

(in reply to Hissweetshiv)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 8:25:24 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: firefey
but no limits says to me, i lack either a) knowledge of myself and my likes; b) common sence; or c) a sence of self worth.


I absolutely agree. The other one that I would add is "experience". I think most subs that say they're no limits with a complete stranger must still be in the fantasy stage.

Master says, "Give me a sub with no limits and in 10 minutes I'll discover at least three".

quote:

it's one thing in my mind to come to be a no limits slave with someone you have built the trust with. and i have no problem with someone telling me they want to eventually become that with someone, maybe with me. but to put it on the table from just a handful of lines seems stupid. and agrivating. and not what i asked about.


I agree with this as well. Master and I have evolved into me not needing to have limits because I know him very well and trust his limits. It took years to get to this point. If it's something that you want to happen eventually, then fine, that's a good goal.

I think walking up to a complete stranger and telling them that they can do anything they want is dangerous and lacks common sense.




< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 9/8/2005 8:28:57 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to firefey)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 8:27:36 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with JohnWarren.

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 9:46:02 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		i have to agree with the experience thing...most people that i have met or talked to that have stated they have no limits just haven't come across anything they couldn't stand to do...heck, even the all knowing magnificent chelle came up with limits after trying something...
as for creating limits...i know of a Dom that has a 10" diameter butt plug that he brings out for his "no limit" prospects....
as for those who "agree to have no limits eventually"....a wise Dom once said in a discussion of limits, something to this effect..."Sharing the same limits as your Master does not negate their existance"....

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 10:48:20 AM   
firefey


Posts: 144
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline 		thanks everyone. i just got back, something like three or four e-mails saying more or less the same thing lastnight. "i have no limits and live only to serve." i think you nailed it richard, when you said the fantasy has to get more and more extream when all you have is fantasy.

but everyone's resoponses have given me some perspective and maybe a few ways to tease out a different answer.

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 10:49:37 AM   
firefey


Posts: 144
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadameDahlia

Um... completely random... just thought I'd interject... Firefey is a Domme.


yeah, i'm a domme. but i sometimes like to be called sir. messes with people. hehehe. just to add to the randomness.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 10:52:49 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: firefey
but everyone's resoponses have given me some perspective and maybe a few ways to tease out a different answer.


You'll have to get your own shark hooks, but you can refer them to http://www.bodyplay.com/

[evil chuckle]


_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to firefey)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 11:03:37 AM   
Orbital


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: firefey

...me filling a pig intesting with chocolate pudding and using it as a dildo.


Wow. Are you free this weekend?

(in reply to firefey)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 11:21:20 AM   
justatoy2


Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		when i come across someone who says they have no limits, i simply ask them, so if it was my kink to amputate you, say a leg, you wouldn't have a problem with that? That is usually when they kind of stammer and say...well ummm...ermm...thats a bit extreme. I say well its a limit then isn't it?

(in reply to firefey)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: no limits rant - 9/8/2005 9:32:56 PM   
muzz


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/5/2005
Status: offline 		i was talking with another sub the other day about how hard it was to find Doms in our area that aren't players...and she asked me what my reply was when asked what my limits were...i stated my limits and added that there may be things other then those stated...i just don't know them yet...and so on...well she squiggles her face up and says no wonder all you can find are players...the real Doms think you are a wannabe unless you say you have no limits...

i think comments like that are the reason subs/slaves say at first that they have no limits...they are afraid of not being taken seriously...but in my opinion for a sub/slave to say they have no limits out of fear of not being accepted is a dangerous path to go down.

(in reply to justatoy2)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: no limits rant - 9/9/2005 4:11:03 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: muzz

i was talking with another sub the other day about how hard it was to find Doms in our area that aren't players...and she asked me what my reply was when asked what my limits were...i stated my limits and added that there may be things other then those stated...i just don't know them yet...and so on...well she squiggles her face up and says no wonder all you can find are players...the real Doms think you are a wannabe unless you say you have no limits...


There's only one proper response to that sort of comment: begin with giggle, progressing to laughter, culmination in gasps while rolling on the floor.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to muzz)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: no limits rant - 9/9/2005 4:42:08 AM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		i think that most have limits, though some give up the right to enforce them, if you understand what i mean. Take a slave that give up all rights, he or she might ahve limits, but have given up the right to force the Master to abide by them.

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: no limits rant - 9/9/2005 4:43:24 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I don't believe in no limit slaves. But I do see the occassional no limit -relationship-. A lot of people want the status symbol without having to put in the work it takes to get there.

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 20
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