RE: Count the Cost

RE: Count the Cost (Full Version)

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whiteslavebitch -> RE: Count the Cost (2/7/2008 5:39:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone I have reconciled the answer to this OP in my own heart and mind....It was not easy for me, but I am "taking the joy" I have to. I wish I could explain it....but I KNOW this is where and who I was destine to be with. (as hokie as that sounds i'm sure) You can flog me till I'm raw.....but DON'T break my heart. I'm an emotional weenie.....I have been in a nice safe cocoon for 25 years or so....Then the Truth came into my life...His name is Mike. Its the stuff poetry is written about....That songs are written for.....its the Hollywood love story. Its what I thought was some cruel unattainable "myth" but then the Truth came into my life. I actually "get" love songs now... (and they don't make me roll my eyes anymore either lol) I am a little less then a year into this journey, and I know that Master and I have just skimmed the surface of whats to come.... That thrills me, and terrifies me.... So yeah....I'm taking the joy...and I'm SO glad most all of you, have or would do the same....It would be a CRIME not to. But you know what?...I really do understand those that just "can't".....and I'm sorry I understand it too, to be honest...but thats another thread I reckon..... I feel much the same as you. For most of my life I didn't let myself be vulnerable to anyone, I never trusted enough to allow myself to love someone other than family. Now that I love, and just as importantly feel loved, I sometimes feel a little sadness for not having had any idea how that can feel. So, yes I would take that chance in a heartbeat. Ten years or ten minutes of that joy is better than never having it at all.

Gwynvyd -> RE: Count the Cost (2/7/2008 8:33:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam I knew my soul mate for two months. I have been forever changed and am grateful for the time. Even though I didn't know that he would die, I knew going in that there would most likely be emotional pain involved in the relationship. I still did it and still think it was totally worth it. Master Fire With great things come great prices. Even so you are lucky to have known that love. I met mine.. but due to issues we can not be together as we wish we could. So close... yet so far away. It is comforting to have found that missing half of ourselves though. Even if we can not connect the pieces. Gwyn

AFlyInYourWeb -> RE: Count the Cost (2/7/2008 8:41:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone Is the high, worth the low? No guts...no glory...and I say that as someone who lost a Lady while we were both on the right side of 40.

christine1 -> RE: Count the Cost (2/7/2008 8:51:10 PM)
i can't even begin to answer this question....i can barely get my mind to wrap around something this bittersweet...i hope i never have to.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Count the Cost (2/7/2008 9:07:00 PM)
Nothing can protect you from the pain of losing the ones you love in your life wether it is parents,lovers,spouses etc...So why turn down a time spent with one you fit so perfectly with out of fear..If you say "no" I cannot deal with this..does this protect you from "death" visiting someone important in your life?..In order to not have to deal with any grief ...you would need to isloate yourself from any and all contact with any living thing..but even then the grief of a life half lived could also be devastating...Tempting

Taintedblood -> RE: Count the Cost (2/8/2008 1:29:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone Is the high, worth the low? You finally did it....you met "The one" there is ZERO doubt in your mind and heart. Everything about this person...EVEN THEIR FLAWS, are a perfect fit with you. You are going to lose this person(meaning they are going to die)....this person will not be in your life for long....probably less then 10 years.(ok I can hear the youngans saying "OMG 10 years is a LONG fuckin time" but trust me its NOT) Do you go for it? Knowing the loss will be life altering and DEVASTATING, and thats not coming close to how bad its REALLY going to feel. Knowing the hurt thats coming....do you take the joy? the high is definately worth the low....without question. take the joy, take the happiness even though it will be tinged by much sadness.

breatheasone -> RE: Count the Cost (2/8/2008 1:50:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: whiteslavebitch quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone I have reconciled the answer to this OP in my own heart and mind....It was not easy for me, but I am "taking the joy" I have to. I wish I could explain it....but I KNOW this is where and who I was destine to be with. (as hokie as that sounds i'm sure) You can flog me till I'm raw.....but DON'T break my heart. I'm an emotional weenie.....I have been in a nice safe cocoon for 25 years or so....Then the Truth came into my life...His name is Mike. Its the stuff poetry is written about....That songs are written for.....its the Hollywood love story. Its what I thought was some cruel unattainable "myth" but then the Truth came into my life. I actually "get" love songs now... (and they don't make me roll my eyes anymore either lol) I am a little less then a year into this journey, and I know that Master and I have just skimmed the surface of whats to come.... That thrills me, and terrifies me.... So yeah....I'm taking the joy...and I'm SO glad most all of you, have or would do the same....It would be a CRIME not to. But you know what?...I really do understand those that just "can't".....and I'm sorry I understand it too, to be honest...but thats another thread I reckon..... I feel much the same as you. For most of my life I didn't let myself be vulnerable to anyone, I never trusted enough to allow myself to love someone other than family. Now that I love, and just as importantly feel loved, I sometimes feel a little sadness for not having had any idea how that can feel. So, yes I would take that chance in a heartbeat. Ten years or ten minutes of that joy is better than never having it at all. Sometimes its not just about fear....like you have said....Growing and learning is always a good thing, I get that....Its not always easy to learn.....to open up. Especially when doing just that has cost you dearly practically all your life. Thats why I'm so grateful for the lessons God has seen fit to teach me over the past 10 months.

travelgman -> RE: Count the Cost (2/8/2008 3:20:22 AM)
Simply - Yes

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Count the Cost (2/8/2008 3:38:02 AM)
I would go for it 100%... even knowing I would loose her after x number of years. At least I would have lived life for that time and not wasted on somebody who I did not click so deeply and well with. It would well be worth every damn tear I would shed the day she dies. Even in her death I would be embracing the life and the energy we shared with one another. Basically, it's priceless. Better to have lived 10 years with somebody so special, instead of living life without never having experienced such a relationship. I have to expand upon something LA posted about in regards to death. I myself would be more concerned about me not dropping dead on her during that 10 year period. In fact, when I know somebody is so much into me I generally worry more about me checking out on them, compared to them checking out on me in death. So I try to avoid being hit by any bus (thank you akisha for expressing that one) when crossing the street. The "City of Angels" clip that Gwynvyd shared is just tear jerking.. Hell, I would take the emotional pain and loss any day compared to not having had or made a connection. Things that all make life worth living. I've already known the loss of some people really close to me, a couple of very close friendships. I would never trade those friendships in for the world. They are gone, and I'm still alive. I live and remember them, and celebrate them in my life.

ThunderRoad -> RE: Count the Cost (2/8/2008 6:07:30 AM)
Never pass up an opportunity for happiness. Be logical and prepared to deal if it doesn't work, but if you don't try you can never succeed. When we met, we basically got together for a D/s booty call after meeting on Collarme. We had no pre-conceived notions about what might happen. Out only goal was to have some fun, get our rocks off and meet a new friend. Yet, it was magical and three weeks later we were talking about "what ifs" and two months later we're engaged with a bigass cathedral wedding planned for August. Going into it we knew the odds of it were damn low, and it was a welcome surprise when our expectations were far exceeded and the stars aligned.

fullofgrace69 -> RE: Count the Cost (2/8/2008 6:20:14 AM)
if they were the one, than my god yes, id rather have the memories of ten years bliss to look back on when grieving than find out ten years down the line, he'd passed away and i had not one memory of anything good, just the knowledge that i was cowardly and walked away from something potentially amazing.

Kana -> RE: Count the Cost (2/8/2008 10:54:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lauren0221 "I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." I cannot believe I am going to say this in public but that is one hell of a quote. I buried 13 friends before I graduated high school. I have lost more than I can count since. Each and every one of them has left their footprints on my heart. I am altered for having known them. Tomorrow I go to the viewing for another friend, another one dead too young, too soon. To choose to live a life free of emotional risk is something I do not choose to do. Were I to know then what I know now, how things would turn out, I would still love each and every one of them. The safe and easy road is the path to entropy and inevitebly death, I would rather reap the harvest, bitter though it may be, and chance to taste the heights of glory. I would take your offer for 10 years, 5 years, 1 year, 1 month, 1 day and consider myself blessed to have recieved the opportunity to have tasted the fruit of the tree.

juliaoceania -> RE: Count the Cost (2/8/2008 10:55:35 PM)
quote: Knowing the loss will be life altering and DEVASTATING, and thats not coming close to how bad its REALLY going to feel. Knowing the hurt thats coming....do you take the joy? Buy the ticket, take the ride....

GreedyTop -> RE: Count the Cost (2/8/2008 10:59:23 PM)
Kana... sorry for your loss... hug

Kana -> RE: Count the Cost (2/8/2008 11:04:18 PM)
Its all good, but I sure hate funerals. He was a troubled soul whose found his rest I one saw Anthony Kiedis on an interview talking about Hillel, the Chili's first guitarist who died of an OD. The interviewer asked him what he thought when Hilel died and Kiedis said real quick, "Hillels not dead, he's just in another dimension." I kinda liked that a lot. I feel that way about my dead. They are still there in my heart and mind and I can call them up quickly when I need to see them in my mind again. The ones you know well you can even hear their voices and know what they would say.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Count the Cost (2/8/2008 11:04:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone Is the high, worth the low? You finally did it....you met "The one" there is ZERO doubt in your mind and heart. Everything about this person...EVEN THEIR FLAWS, are a perfect fit with you. You are going to lose this person(meaning they are going to die)....this person will not be in your life for long....probably less then 10 years.(ok I can hear the youngans saying "OMG 10 years is a LONG fuckin time" but trust me its NOT) Do you go for it? Knowing the loss will be life altering and DEVASTATING, and thats not coming close to how bad its REALLY going to feel. Knowing the hurt thats coming....do you take the joy? Absolutely. He is nearly 20 years my senior and we've had many talks about just this issue. In all likelihood he will leave this earth long before I do (he has ordered me not to die first). He has changed my life, and I am a better person because of him, in so many ways. I will grieve him terribly when he dies, and I will continue to live my life as he taught me to, and honor him daily. Were he never in my world, I probably wouldn't have survived, given the path I was on. I wouldn't change the joy of loving him, no matter what happens later.

breatheasone -> RE: Count the Cost (2/8/2008 11:26:27 PM)
I think the reason I struggled with this at 1st was because love scares me....I haven't had it very often, and its really rather awful at 1st(for me anyway)...When my 1st grandchild was born, my daughter still lived at home and did so until katelyn was 2ish...I was in the operating room when katelyn was born....I wasn't prepared for what that child did to me... I had NEVER loved anyone that much...and I knew I was in trouble....I was nowhere I had ever been...I was terrified of the intense feelings I had for katelyn....because I knew that if (God forbid) something happened to her it would end me...I KNEW this...but I pushed those thoughts aside as best I could for as long as I could. Me and katelyn were inseparable...we slept together(she would sneak in my bed in the middle of the night) we played, went "bye bye" ALOT LOL She was my world. The fear never left me. taking a deep breath So I did something (and this is VERY hard for me to confess) I pushed away from her. I created distance...because I just couldn't take it anymore. I realize I will probably get told how awful I am....fair enough. You won't say anything I haven't said to myself, so go for it. Emotional intimacy is(was) near impossible for me.... My Master is changing that, and I'm forever grateful to Him....but its slow going most times....

GreedyTop -> RE: Count the Cost (2/8/2008 11:36:21 PM)
aww, breathes.,...hugs but if you're getting better able to handle emotional closeness with Him, it may be ok for you to start working on reconnecting to Katelyn :) I wish you all the best, sweetie :)

breatheasone -> RE: Count the Cost (2/8/2008 11:46:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop aww, breathes.,...hugs but if you're getting better able to handle emotional closeness with Him, it may be ok for you to start working on reconnecting to Katelyn :) I wish you all the best, sweetie :) Agreed....and to note....katelyn wasn't letting go of grandma....shes SUCH a nag!("Grandma come see me"..."Grandma, when are you coming over?" and the like)...I wonder where she gets that?....must be her mother!...[image]http://www.collarchat.com/image/s4.gif[/image] Also....that was about 3 years ago...I am learning to "love" but seriously...the stupid fear can be paralyzing though.

GreedyTop -> RE: Count the Cost (2/8/2008 11:47:58 PM)
You'll do fine, breathes :) Obviously, she adores you and you adore her :)

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