OmegaG
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Joined: 10/23/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AtlantaMistress
quote:
ORIGINAL: OmegaG
My daughter's father put my head through a wall, I left. He's been married for quite a while to a woman he's never thought of raising a hand to. I'm not excusing his actions but I do recognize that there was a quality in me that made him feel insecure and he used physical violence as a way of bringing me to his level.
The action was real and I could have warned his current wife, but seeing as how they are more compatible and he hasn't hit her, would I have been doing them a favor by warning her? Is it my right to make his life away from me miserable because of how he treated me?
You don't know for sure he hasn't hit her - do you think either one would tell you - bruises can be hidden, or hits can be without bruising. You take on his abuse as if you did something to pull it out of him - I don't care WHAT you did - there is a line that should not be crossed. PERIOD. Unfortunately I had to learn this from personal experience. I used to think that my waking my ex up, and not tiptoeing around his bad moods, or allowing a fight to escallate to where I was screaming at him - that I brought him to that breaking point, and shared blame in his abuse. Although for 17 years - he never hauled off and hit me (it was grabbed shoulders, wrists, his hand over my mouth, or pushing me) - it wasn't until he broke the window out of my car and tried to strangle me - with a 3 & 5 year old watching - that I got to my breaking point - clearly seeing it WAS abuse, and put an end to a marriage that was already done. If I allowed my children to see that he could put his hands on me in anger in that way - I would teach them it was ok - and it is NOT.
I don't know that you have to cause trouble in your ex's new relationship, but if you do have a chance to let his new lady know - that your relationship was abusive...maybe even in a way such as to say "I'm glad HE seems to be able to control his anger/violent tendancies and has not been physical with you - I do wish you both happiness" - you could let her know without seeming vindictive.
Sorry to hijack the OP thread - but I felt compelled.
To address the OP - I have also learned - that what you put out is what you get back. If you can let go of the negative energy and only put out positive energy - life can really be amazing. I believe everything happens for a reason, and without the worst things I have experienced in my life, I would not be where I am today. This Dominant you are despising...let it go. Realize there was a part they played in your life, and there must have been some good in them for you to bring them in your life to begin with, so hope that they use that good to make better decisions, not to hurt others and find happiness/peace...the LET IT GO. It is easier said than done, I know, but when you get let go of all the negative, a huge weight is lifted. After all, the saying is true - living well is the best revenge.
I am sorry for your experience.
I had an education which he despised, I also had an upbringing that he was envious of. It's no excuse for violence but I can see how it created the dynamic. Were I older and smarter I would have left before it came to violence.
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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris
Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade
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Learning to despise a Dominant. - 
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i learned quite a bit from that experience, mostly to listen to my own instincts, and not settle for half assed communication from either side.
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