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BlackPhx -> RE: When did You realize You were a Master? (2/9/2008 10:09:40 PM)
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Well, poenkitten has been burning up the boards and she is encouraging me to be more open and interactive, so here goes.
I guess it was when I decided I was not going to let my dark desires to violence and pain rule me. Don't get me wrong those desires define me and help shape my goals and gave me the motivation to go after the things I want. But, I did not let those dark desires to take me down a self destructive path or control my destiny. I took responsibilty for my actions, and worked to integrate my desire to hurt and control to fulfill the needs of those who desired those qualities in a partner.
Prior, to this choice, to this philosophy I do not think I was a dominant, Master, or top. I was just a confused young adult with desires and no way to express them.
This choice was made far before I ever met a "submissive" or a "masochist". I systematically practiced purple prose on chats, read voraciously, and planned and formulated and practiced when every opportunity that presented itself. But, each act was made with full disclosure and ended when it no longer fulfilled my partners needs. But being a master was not a natural conclusion for me. I had to work at it, enforce a lot of discipline on myself, reign in when I wanted to go too far. Certainly, I had a natural inclination and talent, but there is a skill to D/s seduction that has to be honed before you can get a woman into your chains.
I suspect a lot of new dominants, Masters, or tops are in this situation. They have a strong desire and needs but have not been trained in the skills to succeed, or have not developed the skills to expess thier desires and communicate them in a manner to attract a partner. A lot of people refer to these people as "fakes" or "wannabe" instead of the priomordial clay they really are. Most submissive "want" a dominant or Master that has natural ability and instictively "knows" what it takes to put them in the dance of subspace, as evidenced by the content of the profiles of subs/slaves on collarme and alt. I suppose there are people who have a natural inclination and were raised in a manner and environment that honed them in to a "natural" dominant. But, I think they are few and far between.
Now, the demand for "natural" dominants by subs and slaves means that most dominants will project themselves as "natural" dominants if only to get a chance to get noticed, and get an opportunity to prove the truth of the statement. The result is most dominants will never admit they are still learning and will always be learning to be what they want to be. Munches, and master groups are wondeful learning arena for men who have collected thier subs/slaves and are confident in thier relationships. But, for single dominants it fast becomes a competiative arena, rife with rivalries, social flamings, and political manuverings. With each dom/me trying to undercut the competition while promoting thier own talents. It is one of the reasons I stopped attending the local munch some 5 years ago.
Whoops, I rambled off topic.
BlackPhx
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