Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Depression


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Depression Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Depression - 2/10/2008 11:18:53 AM   
liloneshade


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		Have any of you had a submissive or slave with depression issues?  How do you deal with them when they are at a bad low?  How do you help them?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 11:23:35 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		If it's clinical depression, professional help may be warranted. If it's just the blues, talk to them, make them comfortable, and listen to what they have to say, no matter what it is. People tend to get down when they feel stuck, or trapped.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to liloneshade)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 11:30:43 AM   
liloneshade


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		Does it change how you live your S&M life?  Or do you just slightly adjust? Or put it aside until the depression passes?

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 11:32:15 AM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

People tend to get down when they feel stuck, or trapped



Amen!

edited to add: My Sir has nothing to do with me being "stuck" He is the first one I go to for support. With talk and reinforcement He'll eventually get me out of my "stuck" mode.

girly (aka stuck girly)

< Message edited by girlygurl -- 2/10/2008 11:45:07 AM >

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 11:33:41 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		All that depends on how severe the depression is, and how one feels about their partner. Severe depression can make a person oblivious to much of what is going on in their life.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to liloneshade)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 11:37:36 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		I suffer from clinical depression, but have found ways to cope without drugs. Any Dominant who wishes to be involved with me is informed that  it's not 'the blues' I'm not being emo and I must deal with it in the ways I've discovered. They can be part of it, or not, chances are if they don't want to be part of it, I don't want them.

Get the depression diagnosed first different forms of depression need different treatments. If it is directly linked to event in the past, therapy may be needed, if it is a chemical imbalance or psychological condition, such as bipolar, drugs may be needed. I would never reccomend trying to 'control' a depression through D/s power exchange, it's a lose-lose situation most times. I also wouldn't ignore it and 'hope it goes away'.
Usually if one suffers from a serious depression, it needs to be dealt with by the person and their significant other. If the significant other can't help or cope with it along side the patient, then find someone who can help. Depression often leads to isolation and distancing, which is counter productive. The one who suffers from depression will be more readily able to recover and learn to deal with the condition if they have someone who can support them without enabling emotional dependancy.

Long and short of it, if it's more than just the occasional blah's seek professional help. Talking to your GP about it is the first step.

(in reply to liloneshade)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 11:39:46 AM   
Kindandcruel


Posts: 27
Joined: 5/29/2005
Status: offline 		My first degree was in psychology and I can say that the majority of so called professionals are not worth anything... beyond taking your money and projecting their own itinerary onto you.

Yes, I have remained in the field for research and I have worked as a crisis councilor (sp?) proving to me that the majority of psychologist cause more harm than they resolve.

The first thing you might do is to listen; what is the issue that is beneath the choice of depression. If possible give them a different choice that they can take outside of choosing to be depressed. Avoid medication if at all possible because that only helps (sometimes) the symptoms and does nothing to resolve the issue... in fact with medication the issue is usually pushed back and forgotten until after you get off the medication and it comes back after time.

About a year or two ago I was reading a Russian study on depression and they had found that if a person was given regular whippings, spankings, or canings... that would cause the body to secrete the hormones needed to elevate the chemical that can cause depression (as you see on tv).

The problem is that the chemical (I'm sorry that I forget the actual name), is reduced after we select depression as a solution... in other words, it is the depression that creates the lack of chemical rather than the lack causing the depression. Usually, depression is a choice we make when we believe we have no other choice to make... it is usually an internal and subconscious decision. That is why I suggest using a regiment of spankings or canings to elevate the chemical and then to look at the issues in a more clear way in order to resolve the key problem. Or at least to show that there is a different path to select other than depression.


(in reply to liloneshade)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 11:41:37 AM   
atursvcMaam


Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline 		There is no one-liner answer to this question.  for the most part depression has to be self acknowleged to be worked with.  to agree with Level professional help may be required to aide in finding that acknowlegement.  With each depressed person there may be a different key to that depression and acknowlegement, and poking to  find it can open new doors or areas of depression.  Telling them to "get the hell over it" will sometimes work and sometimes drive them further away.  A perfect solution in one case can create a lot of difficulty in another.  Clinical or day to day depression is too tricky and individualized for a fast answer.

_____________________________

live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 11:41:37 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		The thing to remember is that feeling stuck or trapped may have absolutely nothing to do with what our Masters are doing. I know I'm feeling a bit trapped these days - it's not my Master. It's me shedding more of the vanilla trappings of my life and being scared about it all. I'm in an "omg, I just can't do this! But OMG, I can't NOT do this!" place. He's the same as he's always been...very consistent. This is my fear, my pain and I get to deal with it.

In another thread not at all connected to this one, someone who lives life as a slave admitted that there have been times she's felt like running but it always came back to the reality that she's his slave and his slave is what and who she'll continue to be. Sometimes, it's just darn terrifying to notice how far from mainstream you've come, how much further you're willing to go, and at least for me, I sometimes wonder if I can do it.

Thank goodness I've given myself no choice...I think it'd be 100 times harder if I felt I could simply choose not to take this road. While I share my feelings with him and yes, admit that right now, I feel trapped, I also know it's not really HIM that's making me feel trapped. It's me. He's the best man I've ever met and if it's up to me, I'll never leave. But sometimes, knowing that doesn't make the staying any easier.

And that trapped by my own desires feeling can sure make me sad sometimes. I guess it's manifesting itself as depression. Time will tell though. In the meantime... I just do nice things for myself and work on acceptance, once more, of this side of me.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 2/10/2008 11:43:30 AM >

(in reply to girlygurl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 12:27:07 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Assuming that the depressive is already getting treatment, medical and phychological, other ways he has helped: take stresses out of my hands - literally said you aren't in shape to do this, I'll do it for you; checked up on what and when I've eaten and slept - because sometimes just taking a nap helps; drag me out for a walk; and frequently just pull me into his arms and hold me until the skin to skin contact helps me relax.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 12:39:09 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I have suffered from mild depression to severe depression and everything in between. 

As one who needs to work and needs to be pushed, my Master has not let me off the hook when depression struck.  He has adjusted, in that his requirements of me were not quite as hard, but he refuses to allow me to wallow in my self pity when depression comes up.  I am required to recognize it, address it, and deal with it. 

Sometimes he lightens my load, sometimes he does not.  In any case, I am always to inform him of my thoughts and feelings, so he knows where my head is at all times.  He approved my going to therapy, and when I had my melt down last year, he approved my getting medicated, when my doctor convinced me it was necessary and I was beyond what any alternative care could do for me. 

I reported to him after all my therapy appointments, all that was said and concluded in each session, to keep him informed.  When my therapist told me I had "graduated" and didn't need to go anymore, Master was pleased at my progress, and said I had recovered nicely from all that had occurred.

When depression was mild, he did not let me off the hook.  When it was severe enough to cause a melt down, he removed much of my load and kept a close watch on me, while still guiding daily activities, and still requiring effort from me.

It really depends on the individual.  You don't want to enable wallowing, but you don't want to overburden the person, either.

(in reply to liloneshade)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 1:00:02 PM   
justdavid


Posts: 30
Joined: 7/19/2005
From: Saint Joseph, MO
Status: offline 		I was with a woman who was manic depressive for eight months. The biggest problem was she refused to admit that she had it or when she was in a peak or valley even though I knew from both her sisters that she had sought treatment several times.

For her particular denial and how she was it was impossible to maintain any sense of normalcy in the relationship and it was also the cause of us breaking up. I could have stayed with her forever if she would have admitted to the disease and managed it a little but it was the opposite. It very much turned out that the S&M and other aspects of the life was her trying to self medicate and in the end I realized I was not being treated as a human being she cared for but just another toy in a long line of her chasing the manic state.

Like most diseases in the mental area there really is nothing you can do but hope they seek treatment and manage the disease for themselves. There is a level of supervision you can perform but in the end they will either help themselves or not.

(in reply to liloneshade)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 1:05:39 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Seratonin.  (I have dealt with my own depression for over 20 years, taken a variety of drugs, and find that having tasks actually helps.  You are no longer just stuck in your own well but are actively looking out for someone else's pleasure.  For me the biggest cure was simply knowing that I "belonged" to someone.)

(in reply to Kindandcruel)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 1:20:10 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

Seratonin.  (I have dealt with my own depression for over 20 years, taken a variety of drugs, and find that having tasks actually helps.  You are no longer just stuck in your own well but are actively looking out for someone else's pleasure.  For me the biggest cure was simply knowing that I "belonged" to someone.)


Knowing that I "belong" helps... but sometimes, it's not enough. What has helped immensely is activity...specifically doing something for someone else.

Was wallowing on Friday night...dropped the kids off...boo-hooed all the way home (I have NO idea why)...and since I watch my parents' home while they're snowbirding in FL, I went over to check on the house. I started shovelling the sidewalk and by the time I was done, had done the entire driveway and sidewalk.

I also felt sooo much better. Came home, drew a hot bath, got a glass of wine and just blissfully relaxed until my fingers got all shrivelly...then put on cuddly pjs and crawled into bed.

For the first time in months and months...slept until 5 (all night long!!! Usually, Ive been waking up at precisely 3:38 every morning) I stayed awake for about an hour and then, fell back asleep till nearly 11. When I woke up then, it was the first time in months that I felt good.

Nearest thing I can put it down to is finally FINALLY being rested.

At the same time, I need to clean my house... it gets done, but there's no sense of accomplishment/satisfaction to it. I get that from doing for others.

Hmmm... it occurs to me that with all that's been on his plate recently, I've been predominantly in waiting mode.. and perhaps that's what's been eating at me to the point of not being able to sleep.

I LOVE threads on this forum!!! Invariably, someone will say something - even if it seems small, and all the little pieces of the puzzle will just drop right into place.

(I don't generally take my own advice well at all. Then, when it works itself out, I look at it and realize how blindingly simple it was all along)

thanks chamberqueen.

juliet

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 1:29:33 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Exercise is definitely helpful, and as you said it is often easier when it is done for someone else.  I find that I get more blue when I have not had enough sleep.

Keeping a depression journal can be helpful, giving it a score of 1 to 10, then putting down what helped to pull you out of it.  Sometimes it is simply a help just to remember that you always did come out of it.  When depressed I become an always/never person - something I don't allow myself to do when I am feeling good.  Remember you aren't "always" depressed, and don't need to feel like you will "never" feel better.  The light didn't just turn red because it saw you coming.  : )

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 1:30:18 PM   
bamabbwsub


Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

The problem is that the chemical (I'm sorry that I forget the actual name), is reduced after we select depression as a solution... in other words, it is the depression that creates the lack of chemical rather than the lack causing the depression. Usually, depression is a choice we make when we believe we have no other choice to make... it is usually an internal and subconscious decision. That is why I suggest using a regiment of spankings or canings to elevate the chemical and then to look at the issues in a more clear way in order to resolve the key problem. Or at least to show that there is a different path to select other than depression.


Kindandcruel, I heartily disagree with your assessment about depression. The paragraph quoted above indicates to me that you believe people choose to be depressed, when that is SO not true (at least with chemical depression). Clinical depression is caused by an imbalance in the levels of seratonin, just as diabetes is a chemical imbalance of insulin. Do you also advocate that diabetics choose to become diabetics (in regards to Level I Diabetes)? Despite your degree in psychology, your opinions and "treatment" seem to be a dangerous combination when it comes to someone else's life. I certainly would not wish to undergo your "cure," particularly when it is based on a (singular) Russian study.

_____________________________

"Everyone is normal until you get to know them." - Dave Sim

I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 1:39:08 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: liloneshade

Does it change how you live your S&M life?  Or do you just slightly adjust? Or put it aside until the depression passes?


Everything changes how you live your life.  That is the nature of living.

You adapt.  You adjust.  You deal.  You go on.  What you should not do is nothing.  Whether a person has a bad case of "blues" or an actual case of clinical depression, emotional support and empathy are helpful in helping them cope.


_____________________________



(in reply to liloneshade)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 1:43:07 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: liloneshade

Have any of you had a submissive or slave with depression issues?  How do you deal with them when they are at a bad low?  How do you help them?


I'll point this thread out to Val when he gets home but I would like to say that, from my point of view, the best thing he does is that he listens and acts on what I tell him. I can tell him when I'm feeling a low coming on and he makes some extra time for me. We have created an enviroment where I feel safe coming to him and saying "I need you".

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to liloneshade)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 1:44:53 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Speaking as someone who has lived with depression, having someone still expect something from me is sometimes enough to shake me out of it more quickly.  (Mine has been clinical depression, including suicide attempts.)

My partner subconsciously sees a bout coming on because my self esteem starts to slide.  If I say something like, "you've seen me, you know I'm not beautiful", he'll simply tell me to stop it.  That is my little reality check, and helps me to stop the downhill slide.  I remember that I am valued and valuable, something that often slips out of the mind of the depressed person.

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Depression - 2/10/2008 1:46:00 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: liloneshade

Does it change how you live your S&M life?  Or do you just slightly adjust? Or put it aside until the depression passes?


Not for us. It's just a part of me and it would be too confusing for us to be switching from dom/sub to vanilla. Probably be a pain in the ass too.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to liloneshade)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Depression Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094