quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

See, I think the guilt comes from an unspoken discussion related to "I've chosen to live here, you've chosen to live 300 miles away.  You've chosen a military life, I've chosen to work a daily job here.  You've chosen to put your immediate family ahead of our relationship.  To be together, one of us needs to be willing to sacrifice the life we already have, and neither of us are willing to do that.  Thus, we have to simply steal what hours and days we're able to steal, and carry on with our lives otherwise."

It's crappy.  It sucks donkey balls.  She doesn't want to throw that in his face, and have that be the last thought he has walking out the door, knowing she probably won't see him for at least another year, if ever.

It's not guilt about leaving; it's the guilt that leaving represents, that has nothing to do with what they share, everything to do with what they cannot share.

Stephan

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I very much understand not wanting to throw it in his face, having stood at the door and watched the man I love drive off many times. But I strongly feel there is a difference between throwing it in his face and acknowledging it. I also see what you are saying about where the guilt is coming from but it doesn't really change my mind about guilt in relationships.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

p.s. hangovers at noon on Wednesday are bad bad bad things.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I wonder what happened with the brother....

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness
He even said, I will stay if you ask me to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness
He even said, I will stay if you ask me to.

I'm in an LDR. We get to see each other far more frequently than you two do - every other weekend on average. Still, the time always seems too short. On occasion we've had to cut our weekends short due to family matters. It happens. The bottom line is that if we can stay, we stay. If we have to go we have to go. There isn't any hemming and hawing about it.

Quite frankly I thought his comment was.... a cheap shot. If you have to leave, do so. If it's not an emergency and you can stay, stay. Don't play these "If you ask me to" games. I cannot tell you how much that would piss me off if that was said to me. Total game playing in my book.

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness
*smiles* ...Luckily .... He is nothing like that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Then what is it softness, if not a shifting of responsibility onto you?  I wouldn't say it's a game, but I would say it's a cop-out.  YOU say "please stay" and he stays... YOU smile and say nothing and he goes.  Where is HIS responsibility in that decision??

Cali

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Then what is it softness, if not a shifting of responsibility onto you?  I wouldn't say it's a game, but I would say it's a cop-out.  YOU say "please stay" and he stays... YOU smile and say nothing and he goes.  Where is HIS responsibility in that decision??

Cali

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMspeach

Thanks you for sharing, soft. Your post is something I have struggled with in the past.  Master and I do not live together so there are times when one of us has to leave or plans get changes. Master counts on me to be able to handle it and be strong. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how I feel, or he can’t tell by the look in my eyes that I am disappointed. It means that I hand him his coat and kiss him good bye and he can walk out that door  knowing I will be ok. If he has an emergency the last think I want him to have to worry about is me. No it isn’t always easy but it is always rewarding. In the end He knows I am ok and waiting for his return, more in love with him then ever