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Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 6:46:32 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

this has been rattling around in my mind for a while.

I grew up in a small town, but when I was there I didn't care if I "fit in" or not, then I moved to a liberal college town where fashion is a statement not a trend (meaning there is alot of self expression here and I'm fairly moderate in comparison). The move I am planning on making in a few months is to a conservative smaller town with a strong religious base. m'Lord wants a collar, he wants it to be a real collar with a lock, not just symbolic but he is concerned about how it and I would be percieved in the community.

It makes me wonder about my appearence as well. Like I said, here I am moderate, but in the town I grew up in I was and would be now considered edgier, and if I was moving back there I wouldn't care as most who live there already know me and wouldn't be making an initial judgement based on appearance. But in the new town I would have to meet new people, the nieghbors and such and I would be looking for a job, interacting with the school system.

I've seriously never thought about clothing nearly as much as I am now...

My "style" is basic, I favor black clothes but not exclusively, anyone who's commented on it says that I am normal with a "goth" edge. I favor layers, camisoles with a jacket or cardigan over it usually. Jeans, skirts, or dress pants, this fits with the casual business code for working at the University.

I guess I'm wondering if he (and I, now) are making much ado about nothing. Would people not in the know be taken aback if I had a metal choker looking peice of jewelry on my neck with a lock? Is it possible that they wouold be uptight about people who don't conform to the social uniform of the local society?

Do I think too much?

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

Post #: 1

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 6:49:35 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

chains with a small padlock is actually a fashion trend - especially if the padlock is in the shape of a heart.

If anyone asks, then your "boyfriend" has the key to your heart. They'll think it's romantic

If they ask anything more like "can you take it off?" just say you don't know, you've never tried. It never occurred to you.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 2/14/2008 6:51:09 AM >

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 2

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 7:00:47 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

yes, all those responses sound totally reasonable to me. His stressing is causing me to overthing, I think.

I also told him that no one would notice the lock on my neck as they would be more focussed on the tatoo on my shoulder, or the one one my back, or the one on my ankle....

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 3

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 7:06:17 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

they are *very* expensive but there are collars that use a magnet to stay locked shut .. they can only be unlocked by doing so something complicated to the magnetic strip ... they are also beautiful and fairly "normal looking" it terms of they could easily be passed as just stylish vanilla decoration .. no one would know unless you told them.

I have a "collar" type necklace that I wear most days, its not one of ownership, its just a beautiful piece of jewellery that I love. It's a ring of silver, more delicate that a choker but the same style, because it is a beauitful item in itself it only ever gets positive attention. Very very occassionally someone looks at it and "gets it" .. and that is always a special moment, because its so subtle someone must have really been observing me to understand it.

I dress very conservative for work, and similiarly at home, (sexy/frumpy rocks!) its not a lifetsyle choice because I want to hide who I am. I have never needed/wanted to advertise myself and my personality through my clothes. Sometimes when we move to new places we need to adjust slightly to fit in more easily. Dont change who you are or how you behave, just select the most endearing aspects of yourself to put forward until people know you well enough to happily embrace the whole package.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 4

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 7:10:05 AM

BloodLuna

Posts: 403
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline

The Master got me a very awesome collar known in the Gorean subculture as a Turian collar. it is a steel collar that locks with an allen wrench. its very discrete and looks like a loose choker. http://www.ringofsteel.net/ is Vad Farkas' website - he is a Master Craftsman that makes these collars and more - some of them take padlocks and there is some goth styles as well. I LOVE mine - it has only come off maybe twice in the last year. It doesn't rust, stain or cause any skin reactions - I've even dyed my hair with it on and the dye just wipes right off. The only time you have to be careful is going through a metal detector, it will set them off. I've worn it even in situations that called for evening wear. Polished to a shine and sitting just above a strand of pearls it is very impressive. its not as heavy as it looks or feels in your hands, the collar bones support it and after about a day you forget you're wearing it.

As far as society - You're goth. even if only on the edges. I live in a small conservative town too. I dye my hair black, blue, red, you name it. Hell, I wear a cape in the winter time. Remember that society will always find a way to judge people and you just have to decide if you are ashamed enough of yourself and your lifestyle to hide it or proud enough of who you are to say screw it, your opinion of me doesn't make me who I am.

remember, its better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not.

(sorry to have to disagree with you on this one softness!)

Luna

< Message edited by BloodLuna -- 2/14/2008 7:11:16 AM >

_____________________________

"Old goths never die, they just need less makeup"

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 5

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 7:40:23 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

I just noticed your tag line, Luna-- that's very cute.

We've talked a bit about the clothes and he doens't mind if people percieve me as goth, he's sensitive to the idea that people could percieve more from my appearence that could give insight into our dynamics. I am of the mind that people aren't that intuitive and I really appreciate the feedback to evaluate if my paradigm is correct of if people are more "in the know" then I give them credit for.

ETA: I don't dress because of WIITWD, I dress the way I've always liked to dress, it just happened that it fits, apparently.

< Message edited by OmegaG -- 2/14/2008 7:42:12 AM >

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to BloodLuna)

Post #: 6

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 7:40:42 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BloodLuna

remember, its better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not.

(sorry to have to disagree with you on this one softness!)

laughs ... Luna, you are braver than me, I think i am being daring if i wear more than 3 colours at once - including underwear!

I didn't mean she should hide herself away, just give other people a chance to get to know all the shocking and wonderful things about her in stages ... Giving someone the information in small chunks is differnt from not giving it them at all.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to BloodLuna)

Post #: 7

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 7:43:26 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: BloodLuna

remember, its better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not.

(sorry to have to disagree with you on this one softness!)

laughs ... Luna, you are braver than me, I think i am being daring if i wear more than 3 colours at once - including underwear!

I didn't mean she should hide herself away, just give other people a chance to get to know all the shocking and wonderful things about her in stages ... Giving someone the information in small chunks is differnt from not giving it them at all.

That is probably sage advice, it's been along time since I've introduced myself to an entire community.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 8

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 8:03:24 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...interacting with the school system.

you don't say if that interaction will be on a professional or personal level, but rest assured, either way, there will be a code of dress that will either be stipulated in your employment contract, or expected of you by the soccer moms running the PTA. this slave is pretty sure they wouldn't mind the gold or silver version of the chain and lock, stamped with Tiffany and Co.---it could be perceived as some sort of expensive, fashionable piece of jewelry, and no-one would be the wiser as to the meaning your collar has to you and your Lord.

this slave used to live in a rural area that bordered a few small towns, and over the many years she endured it, she found the small-ness of the minds was in direct proportion to the small population of the township.

not fitting in with the locals in a small, conservative, rife-with-religious-fundie/zealots environment is one of the main reasons this slave chose to relocate to the much larger Los Angeles area.

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 9

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 8:15:37 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

You could make a black velvet choker with a heart and key charm. This would still give you the feeling of a lock but be something that could pass as vanilla.

_____________________________

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 10

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 8:15:56 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

ugh-- such a rant I could go on about soccer moms, I want to be terminated the second I look like one.

My mother grew up outside of LA and I do love the culture in that area, but there are too many people there now.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 11

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 8:18:46 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
he's sensitive to the idea that people could percieve more from my appearence that could give insight into our dynamics. I am of the mind that people aren't that intuitive and I really appreciate the feedback to evaluate if my paradigm is correct of if people are more "in the know" then I give them credit for.

It isn't so much that people are not intuitive; it is that the category of D/s for a relationship is not part of their understanding. They may only perceive him as "the boss" in the family and that might make you "fit in" in their eyes.

We are poly M/s in a small town and Alandra introduces me as her girlfriend and yet people put me in the "friend and roomate" category. The concept of poly and M/s is unknown to them, so they put us in the categories that they know.

If the people in the town do not know about D/s then they cannot put you in that category. They may think something is a little off, but will not know what it is.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 12

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 8:21:50 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
he's sensitive to the idea that people could percieve more from my appearence that could give insight into our dynamics. I am of the mind that people aren't that intuitive and I really appreciate the feedback to evaluate if my paradigm is correct of if people are more "in the know" then I give them credit for.

It isn't so much that people are not intuitive; it is that the category of D/s for a relationship is not part of their understanding. They may only perceive him as "the boss" in the family and that might make you "fit in" in their eyes.

We are poly M/s in a small town and Alandra introduces me as her girlfriend and yet people put me in the "friend and roomate" category. The concept of poly and M/s is unknown to them, so they put us in the categories that they know.

If the people in the town do not know about D/s then they cannot put you in that category. They may think something is a little off, but will not know what it is.

Knight's Kyra

Those are very similar to what my thoughts were. Thanks

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 13

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 8:23:14 AM

mitda

Posts: 26
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

i live in a small town east of Austin and have worn an eternity collar for months. i also go the the market holding my girlfriend's hand (she also wears one), and carry my groceries in canvas bags. Before i wore an eternity collar, i had a thick leather band with an enormous door-knocker sized d-ring. (avant-garde jewelry? who knows.)

the short of it is, who cares?

most people get over the 13 cbrs i have in one ear, any of the 12 tattoos i have that are noticeable, dressed or not, and the floppy black hair when they talk to me and realize i'm not going to eat one of their children.

And yes, we just wear less makeup.

best,
mitda
House Daedalus
she writes a blog

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 14

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 8:25:33 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

ugh-- such a rant I could go on about soccer moms, I want to be terminated the second I look like one.

My mother grew up outside of LA and I do love the culture in that area, but there are too many people there now.

lol.... yanno ... my dirtiest darkest most sordid kink ... is to be a soccer mom .. or at least the English version of one

to run the perfect, happy, 2.4 children, one cat one dog and 3 hamsters and a goldfish type home, bake my own cakes and make my own curtains, and upset the other mums because my children's PE kit is so much *whiter* than theirs ....

there is definate appeal in appearing to the world as one lifted directly out of the 1950s ... and being the worst kind of depraved temptress once the washing up has been finished

*skips off whitsling to check on her banana bread*

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 15

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 8:28:39 AM

BloodLuna

Posts: 403
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline

We actually lucked out. the little community we just moved to (back in october) has a large population of Baby Bats (goth term for preteenas and teens that dress goth but have no concept of what goth was/is about) So Master and I tend to get away with our more Victorian style goth look. However, I'm waiting with bated breath for summer when I break out my micro minis and short shorts and start taking walks with the stroller LOL.

Please don't let my society be damned, rebellious attitude make you think I'm braver than anyone else. I'm not brave. Master can tell you about the hours I spend worrying over what people will think. But I put on my black lipstick anyway because in the long run - if they are going to think bad things about me, I don't really want them in my life anyway. and hey, the ones that are afraid of me leave me the hell alone!!! I've lived in ghettos next to drug dealers and never been bothered because my pagan religion marked me as a "witch". No one steals from you when they worry that you know voodoo LOL.

But my major point is that it's ok to worry about what people will think. But it's not ok to let that worry control who you are, how you portray yourself, or cause you change your outer style to make those people happy.

Luna

_____________________________

"Old goths never die, they just need less makeup"

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 16

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 8:31:06 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

ugh-- such a rant I could go on about soccer moms, I want to be terminated the second I look like one.

My mother grew up outside of LA and I do love the culture in that area, but there are too many people there now.

lol.... yanno ... my dirtiest darkest most sordid kink ... is to be a soccer mom .. or at least the English version of one

to run the perfect, happy, 2.4 children, one cat one dog and 3 hamsters and a goldfish type home, bake my own cakes and make my own curtains, and upset the other mums because my children's PE kit is so much *whiter* than theirs ....

there is definate appeal in appearing to the world as one lifted directly out of the 1950s ... and being the worst kind of depraved temptress once the washing up has been finished

*skips off whitsling to check on her banana bread*

heh-- here's my deep dark secret-- I'm domesticated. I do sew, knit, crochet and on many days I'm wearing something that I've made myself (even if it's only my wool socks). I love to cook (baking is OK, bread making is therapudic) and am an orginazational freak. But the look that goes with the package, no thank you.

And I'd rather have snakes and lizards then hampsters and fish.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 17

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 8:34:18 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

oh but the look is the best bit!!!

the sensible shoes and neutral colours with a nice sweater knotted over my shoulders? .. pearls and a nice head band? .. pashmina scarves and body warmers?

*drools*

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 18

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 8:39:42 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

oh but the look is the best bit!!!

the sensible shoes and neutral colours with a nice sweater knotted over my shoulders? .. pearls and a nice head band? .. pashmina scarves and body warmers?

*drools*

Where is that icon of me on my knees doubled over hurling?

My mother tried for years to domesticate me, it happened only when I discovered that if I made my own clothes that no one else could possibly have the same thing I wore.

My time for fitting in had Izod shirts (with the collars turned up, of course) Calvin Klein jeans and Nike tennishoes, then the big hair came (and I had better hair then anyone in Motley Crue)

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 19

RE: Clothes/Collars in a Conservative Town - 2/14/2008 9:00:09 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

starts thinking about sensible cotton underwear in various pastel shades .... and has to go for a quick lay down

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 20

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