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From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 10:37:42 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I was in a session yesterday where my Daddy Dom suddenly turned sadist, even knowing that i am a service slut and not a massochist. He apologized later, then last night emailed me wanting to know if i still wanted to serve Him. i said yes if He wants to be a Daddy Dom, no if He wants to be a sadist. When He wrote me this morning He was still calling me His babygurl so it seems He agrees.

My question to the Masters is: Do you think i can trust Him not to turn sadistic on me again? i know i am His favorite sub, and i think He was truly scared of losing me. Do you think that will be enough to keep Him in Daddy mode, or should i expect that He will lose control again? (Yesterday ended up with bleeding from a fisting which He has promised to never do again.)

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 10:50:46 AM

kyraofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I would not equate sadism with losing control. My Lord can be very sadistic and yet he has quite a bit of self control.

I would also not assume anything about your relationship either. Don't assume by him calling you "his babygurl" that he fully understands and appreciates the boundaries that you are now drawing within your relationship with him.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 2

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 10:51:30 AM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I was in a session yesterday where my Daddy Dom suddenly turned sadist, even knowing that i am a service slut and not a massochist. He apologized later, then last night emailed me wanting to know if i still wanted to serve Him. i said yes if He wants to be a Daddy Dom, no if He wants to be a sadist. When He wrote me this morning He was still calling me His babygurl so it seems He agrees.

My question to the Masters is: Do you think i can trust Him not to turn sadistic on me again? i know i am His favorite sub, and i think He was truly scared of losing me. Do you think that will be enough to keep Him in Daddy mode, or should i expect that He will lose control again? (Yesterday ended up with bleeding from a fisting which He has promised to never do again.)

I would be sure you communicate your needs clearly. Make sure he more than "seems to know".

Most deserve a second chance, imo.

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m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

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(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 3

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 10:55:44 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I was in a session yesterday where my Daddy Dom suddenly turned sadist, even knowing that i am a service slut and not a massochist. He apologized later, then last night emailed me wanting to know if i still wanted to serve Him. i said yes if He wants to be a Daddy Dom, no if He wants to be a sadist. When He wrote me this morning He was still calling me His babygurl so it seems He agrees.

My question to the Masters is: Do you think i can trust Him not to turn sadistic on me again? i know i am His favorite sub, and i think He was truly scared of losing me. Do you think that will be enough to keep Him in Daddy mode, or should i expect that He will lose control again? (Yesterday ended up with bleeding from a fisting which He has promised to never do again.)

As Kyra points out, sadism is not lack of control.

I would not worry so much as to whether he is a sadist or a daddy dom--there are sadistic daddy doms. You speak of him "losing control"; if he cannot maintain control during a scene you have to decide how much risk the relationship is worth.

Losing control is dangerous. Losing control gets people dead. Is he worth risking your life?

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 11:15:20 AM

FRSguy

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
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Keeping your self control when you have a woman tied up and are able to do anything you want to her is kind of a big issue with Doms. Its kind of like the difference of having a wonderful time vs. spending your time in a jail cell. Concentuality is kind of a big part of all this. You didnt say if you safe worded out or not which could add to the issue. I think you should think in terms of what are you going to do when it happens again even if its a couple of years down the road. You said that you are his favorites so if he has others then what do they have to say about it?

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 5

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 11:18:54 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

We had no safe word. He had promised me that he would never physically hurt me during a session. When I screamed an called out, "No, stop, it hurts too much" he harshly commanded me to relax, then told me to shut up and not say a word.

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 11:20:41 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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yanno? just fuckin' ------ Uff DA!!!!!!

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 11:21:25 AM

domahpet

Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
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didnt you post this yesterday in ask a sub?

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Post #: 8

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 11:23:26 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Yes, I did, and almost all of the subs said run, not walk, away. I thought if I asked in a little different way that I could get the opinions of some Doms.

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 11:23:28 AM

sensiia

Posts: 103
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

No intention of flaming or being disrespectful but...

chamberqueen I was curious, you claim to be a Dominant and a slave, as a Dominant do you do the same things to your subs that he does to you? or do you respect their limits and only push as the scene dictates, how their body reacts to what you do to them, etc.?

Seems from your last post about him hurting you there may be a breach of trust, yet I see red flags in each of your posts. Is it possible both your needs are different? or is your desire to be his sub more powerful then what you need? Only you are responsible for yourself, if you feel he is out of control then maybe you need to reconsider your relationship.

My Sir is a Sadist and I may never be anywhere where he is at, though I am a painslut I am determined to please him in ways that I may not like knowing he will never harm me (there are things he does I shiver at but in the same respect it totally turns me on), it is trust we have and communication, and I truly enjoy seeing and feeling his pleasure.

The only person who can asnwer the questions you have is your Dom, if you cannot communicate with him why stick it out or do you want to see how far he can take you before you are harmed?

Then again this is just my opinion.

(in reply to MistressDolly)

Post #: 10

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 11:26:14 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I have only hurt one of my subs once, and it was doing something that he requested. I immediately stopped and gave him extra attention and affection until he was ready to go on.

My Daddy may claim never to hurt me again and mean it. I just wanted to get some opinions on whether this seems realistic.

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Post #: 11

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 11:36:27 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Well he didn't mean it the first time, why should he mean it now?

Cali

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(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 12

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 11:36:37 AM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

Daddy Dom does not equal not a sadist, I am Daddy to both of my boys and I sure as hell am a sadist.

Mike

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 13

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 11:39:06 AM

sensiia

Posts: 103
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

You're 47 yrs old and a Dominant/slave, if you can't figure it out perhaps you should take a break for a while and discover what you need first... Then again we are only hearing your side.

When I was a Police Officer in NYC you know how many times women would say to me he loves me and will never do it again, I would equate that to loss of control. In the end we would be back at the residence within a few days to save her sorry ass for constantly taking him back in.

I guess I lack tolerance with topics such as loss of control.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 14

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 11:41:37 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

How long have you known him? What's his history with other subs? Do YOU trust him? Do you have a safeword, and if you do, did you use it? (Yes, I know not everyone uses or believes in safewords.) If you don't have a safeword, were you tied down so that you could not remove yourself from the situation? Did it frighten you to the point of generally fearing him?

No one can answer whether or not you should trust him to remain your Daddy Dom. Do a little soul-searching. You'll come up with the right answer if you're honest with yourself.

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 15

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 11:51:04 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I was in a session yesterday where my Daddy Dom suddenly turned sadist, even knowing that i am a service slut and not a massochist. He apologized later, then last night emailed me wanting to know if i still wanted to serve Him. i said yes if He wants to be a Daddy Dom, no if He wants to be a sadist. When He wrote me this morning He was still calling me His babygurl so it seems He agrees.

My question to the Masters is: Do you think i can trust Him not to turn sadistic on me again? i know i am His favorite sub, and i think He was truly scared of losing me. Do you think that will be enough to keep Him in Daddy mode, or should i expect that He will lose control again? (Yesterday ended up with bleeding from a fisting which He has promised to never do again.)

So you're trying to take a cat, put feathers and a bill on it, and hope to call it a duck?

Yesterday, I told you to make a decision for yourself on the original thread. It seems you made that decision, and are now attempting to justify that decision to yourself that somehow you can control him. Instead of taking the time to really communicate with him, you've decided that he must have somehow 'agreed' to your expectations since he calls you a pet name?

Frankly, none of us know enough about the guy to be able to judge if you can trust him or not. Clearly you're not willing to trust your own judgment either. This will turn bad, for everyone. If you're looking for someone to blame for that, take a good hard look in the mirror. When you figure out that she's the one who has to wear the big girl pants and make choices for herself, then you'll be leaps and bounds ahead of any advice we can give you at this point. If you'd rather cling to the fantasy of the sort of partner you wish he would be, by hoping he's too afraid to lose you, then I'd say the assistance we can render at this point carries only vanity value.

Stephan

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"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 16

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 11:59:37 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

That is the kind of post that is often called cruel. I find it to be direct, to the point and clearly stated. Well said Stephan

Jeff

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 17

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 12:06:40 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

My apologies if I have offended anyone by asking for help. I know that it is my responsibility to make my own decisions, and to communicate with my Dom. I am new to real time service, and was hoping to get advice from those with more experience. It is my way to research things fully. I am not looking for pity or even understanding of my problem, simply trying to get information.

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Post #: 18

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 12:33:13 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
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The point is. How can we know what you should do? It sounds to me like you should run. But how do I know? You said most of the subs told you to run. Are you looking for an opinion that alows you to stay with him? Are you looking for validation?
If I say " yes you should trust him" why would you listen to me? who the fuck am I?...lol

Jeff

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 19

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 12:50:00 PM

TotalState

Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

What Jefff and Stephann said, basically.

Do your research, just realize that you won't find your answer on the internet.

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Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 20

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