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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 12:52:06 PM

BoundDown

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It is entirely possible to be a Sadistic Daddy.
Anyother opinions I have I will postpone until more information is released. Such as:
How long have ya'll been together?
Are you ok with poly, or an open relationship?

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 12:55:50 PM

chamberqueen

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We have been together for two months. This was our third real time session.

He has an open relationship. His rule for me was that if I wanted sex with anyone else I had to ask his permission first, but there is no one else that I am interested in that way.

We have talked about threesomes (MMF) but I wanted to get used to Him first before I handled two at once.

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 1:09:01 PM

kinkypuppy2

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No I do not think its a one time thing

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 1:11:41 PM

BoundDown

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This is a hard situation, from my stand point because I do not believe he lost control, and did that by "accident". I think it was on purpose, I can only assume he has more experience than you and disregarded your pain. From where I sit, compared to my own relationship, that is ok. My Daddy is a sadist; I am barely a masocist, but because of the nature of our relationship and my submission to his will in whatever way it manifests itself I endure things most would not...But this isn't about me.
if you think your passive aggressive attemps to manipulate him into not being sadistic, because he is "scared of lossing you" are going to work, you are mistaken.
I think you need to slow down a little, and get some more experience with someone else, but you can't make him your ideal Dom.

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 1:26:54 PM

Nineveh

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I think you need to have a discussion about this, you should definitely let him know that he stepped over your boundaries, and I would think that asking for a safeword might be a good idea. He has shown that he may push beyond your limits in the heat of the moment and that would give you a signal that would show incontrovertibly that he had done so. If he does it again and disregards your safeword, then you need to be gone.

Just my perspective on it, but then, I am not generally in favor of the run don't walk approach.

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 1:35:05 PM

chamberqueen

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I have an update. I just heard from my Daddy who says that he is taking time to figure out where the sadism came from and what his true orientation is. He won't have any more sessions until he figures out who He really is. I think that this is a very responsible move on His part, and I applaud Him for it.

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 1:40:58 PM

angelikaJ

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is he your first Dom?

you state that you think he might be afraid to lose you but really, what is it that you are afraid of [losing]?

my thoughts...is that if you were to go back over your history with him, you would find other instances of similar behavior...maybe nothing as obvious but little lapses of thought and care.

He told you you would not need a safe word because he would not hurt you.....then he hurt you and when you communicated that fact, he told you to shut up.

It is true that if you alter the reality of what happened and justify his actions then you may hear what you want to hear.

It is true that maybe the truth is in his apology and his telling you this morning you are his baby gurl...not to mention...you are his favorite sub...his best one....after all you are special....
(and of course there is no chance that he has ever said that to someone else..is there...?)

I believe the problem you are having is that deep down there is something incongruent between his actions, his words and your wants.
You want his words and actions to match.
They don't.
It breaks your heart to know this....so maybe you are wrong.... .

And maybe you can find someone to tell you just how wrong you are... .

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 1:44:21 PM

chamberqueen

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Actually, he just wrote to me and said he thought about the situation all night (he works a late shift) and that he realized that true sadism had come out in him. He is stopping all sessions until he figures out where it came from and if that is who he truly is. I think that's a very wise course, and then he can let his subs know. There are women that long for that; just not me.

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 2:15:53 PM

RavenMuse

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I am oft Daddy to My girl and she trusts Me to care for her, I am also a sadistic SoaB when the occassion warrants.... But the one thing she trusts in during the latter is that I am still in full control (of MYSELF as well as of her) and that My duty of care remains to avoid her taking harm.

As others have noted, it isn't the sadist part you need to watch for but the apparent lack of EITHER self control OR honesty (If He fully intended to indulge His sadistic side without that being something you consented to).

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 4:16:12 PM

celticlord2112

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I have an update. I just heard from my Daddy who says that he is taking time to figure out where the sadism came from and what his true orientation is. He won't have any more sessions until he figures out who He really is. I think that this is a very responsible move on His part, and I applaud Him for it.

I applaud his ghostwriter.

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 4:17:16 PM

celticlord2112

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

Actually, he just wrote to me and said he thought about the situation all night (he works a late shift) and that he realized that true sadism had come out in him. He is stopping all sessions until he figures out where it came from and if that is who he truly is. I think that's a very wise course, and then he can let his subs know. There are women that long for that; just not me.

Cunning, certainly.

So has he started figuring out how you're really a masochist yet?

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 4:19:04 PM

chamberqueen

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Actually, he just wrote and called our relationship off. He isn't going to be anyone's Dom until he can figure out what he really needs.

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 5:11:04 PM

CalifChick

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It sounds like he made a very wise decision.

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 6:54:06 PM

BlackPhx

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Sounds like he made a wise decision, but I am going to say something anyway.
A Sadist is always in control. He may be at one end of the line where he enjoys inflicting pain but sees his sub/slave as a person and shares that need to inflict pain with them or he may be at the other end of it where his victim is nothing more than a toy, an object to be used and discarded. But they are always in control. Without that control they break their toys far to quickly (or scare them off) and then they have nothing to play with and haven't fed their own beast. Feeding frenzies are not the mark of a Sexual Sadist. At least not until they have lost their minds and decompensated.

Learn to listen to that little lizard hindbrain. Some call it instinct, some call it intuition, I call it a gal's best friend. It's that little gibbering thing jumping up and down yelling "Don't walk down that alley!! Somethings gonna eat me!!" Hear it, Listen to it, and stop to understand why it is saying that AFTER you have changed direction. No sense listening after the Sabertoothed Lion is sleeping you off in it's gut.

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 7:39:02 PM

BlackPhx

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As always my dear you are very eloquent and have a strong and valid point. But, there is another side to every coin, except for the people that used little clay balls as money. While it is safe and sensible it is not as thrilling as being with a person that hovers at the edge of out of control. As an affirmed "nice guy" I have seen dozens of women I grew up with literally throw themselves at men (boys actually) that were really really bad for them. They lied to them, did drugs, hit them, cheated on them, and at any moment would explode in a fury of violence that could have cost them thier lives. Part of the attraction of the Dominant/sadist is the fact we play in dangerous fields, with the possibility things could go horribly wrong. It is the big ironies of BDSM our play partners want the thrill of a dominant, passionate, unyielding tower of power and strength that could smah them like twigs physically, mentally, or emotionally; yet do not want to risk life and limb to be with such voracious, will not take no for an answer, take no prisioners kind of personality. If we always listen to our sensible side, then we would never ride roller coasters, fly on planes, go to horror movies, or work in a prison depriving us with the thrilling and exciting experiences that make our pulse pound and remind us we are alive.

Also the loss of control is not just a Dom issue. Many masochists lose control during the dance craving more and more pain despite the ill it may cause them. It can be scary and exhilerating when riding just such a pain slut but such loss of control and loss of communication could have dire consequences to the slave's body and the dominants psyche if he has any empathy. Should we run away every time their hunger try to drag both our souls into oblivion because thier needs compel our actions.

We are not perfect, dominants or submissives, and we will make mistakes some more serious then others. If you can't accept possibility of forgiveness then the pool of those you can or will play with will dwindle to nearly none and the ideal ones will already be involved.

Last counter point, running away from problems never solves them, it only avails you of the opportunity to create them anew with different partners. You want a Dominant that exercises control you need to hone his skills through practice, guide him through his exercises that spark your excitment, nurture his attributes that yield the greatest rewards for your needs, inspire his creativity that you crave. You get what you pay for in a dominant, so be prepared to shell out a lot of attention, communication, and most of all desire and invest it wisely and it will pay off in the end.

Tired and lonely in Houston
BlackPhx

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 8:14:14 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

We had no safe word. He had promised me that he would never physically hurt me during a session. When I screamed an called out, "No, stop, it hurts too much" he harshly commanded me to relax, then told me to shut up and not say a word.

I ve said words to that effect any number of times Why cuz Im a sadist... it's my nature. It reminds me a of cautionary parable.

In the story, a scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too." The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?" Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."

BadOne

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 9:16:45 PM

swtnsparkling

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Profile says your a 47 yr old Female Dominant and your asking US if you can trust him?

lordy............

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 9:22:43 PM

MissHarlet

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What happened to common sense ??? Why did you need to post this thread in two different forums ??? and if you are an experienced Dominant .. why did you not know the answer to this already???? If you are a Dominant and have a Daddy doesnt that mean you are a Switch?? Do you have any idea what you are?? what you are doing ??

Seems to me that not only should he be decideing who and what he is or is not .. but so should you and that both of your subs should be running in the other direction as fast as they can .!!

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 9:28:28 PM

swtnsparkling

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aw shit, I just finished reading the rest of the posts.

are you 12?

sounds to me as if you and he have no idea what your doing and playing
some kind of Dom/sub board game where no one read the instructions.

just when I think people can't get any stupider

< Message edited by swtnsparkling -- 2/14/2008 9:31:49 PM >

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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/14/2008 9:39:39 PM

laurell3

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Not to belabor the point but being a Daddy doesnt mean not being a sadist and being a sadist doesn't mean that one causes physical injury outside of the negotiated limits, which this guy did. You are both rather clueless. You need to stop spinning around in circles and posting here asking us to validate this relationship and listen to what you are saying. Sadism doesn't make bad behavior good and the "he will never hurt me again" line really doesn't fit the shut up and bleed for me line he gave you. Wake up, this is not a romance novel, it is life.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 2/14/2008 9:40:04 PM >

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