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RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/15/2008 4:58:31 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I would like to thank everyone who tried to help me. I apologize to all of those who don't think that I realize that a Daddy Dom can be a sadist; I just didn't think that mine was both because He had assured me that He was not. The situation is now resolved in Him releasing me and taking the time to figure out what happened before He plays with anyone again.

We did communicate, i did forgive. I know that these were unanswered questions to many of you. I even tried to pull the thread when I saw how much anger I seemed to stir up by asking the question at all. Thank you again to those who gave helpful advice.

_____________________________

(in reply to BlackPhx)

Post #: 41

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/15/2008 5:30:18 AM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

Just remember sometimes the truly helpful advice doesn't come sugar-coated in sweetness and light. What may seem harsh is more likely blunt, straight talk.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 42

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/15/2008 6:48:50 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

chamberqueen,

I didn't really see any anger. I saw a lot of people giving advice in the fashion they're used to giving it. There are lots of really friendly, kind, patient people in the world. There's also a lot of harder, more direct types. If you feel they were angry, it's probably more to do with the baggage you brought in.

Frankly, for my part, I didn't answer the question because I genuinely cared about you. I don't know you, and likely never will. Rather, I usually answer posts like this in a hypothetical "If I were in this spot" or "if a good friend of mine were here." It gives me a chance to discuss, in very non-personal terms, topics and issues that affect many people.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to SassySarijane)

Post #: 43

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/15/2008 8:56:25 AM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

I answered just as I would to anyone I knew real time.. sometimes " nice " doesnt get heard .....

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 44

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/15/2008 9:29:41 AM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

It reminds me a of cautionary parable.

In the story, a scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too." The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?" Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."

BadOne

i soooo looove that parable...i just used it when talking to a gf yesterday.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 45

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/15/2008 9:38:18 AM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx

As an affirmed "nice guy" I have seen dozens of women I grew up with literally throw themselves at men (boys actually) that were really really bad for them. They lied to them, did drugs, hit them, cheated on them, and at any moment would explode in a fury of violence that could have cost them thier lives. Part of the attraction of the Dominant/sadist is the fact we play in dangerous fields, with the possibility things could go horribly wrong.
<snip>
Also the loss of control is not just a Dom issue. Many masochists lose control during the dance craving more and more pain despite the ill it may cause them. It can be scary and exhilerating when riding just such a pain slut but such loss of control and loss of communication could have dire consequences to the slave's body and the dominants psyche if he has any empathy. Should we run away every time their hunger try to drag both our souls into oblivion because thier needs compel our actions.

Tired and lonely in Houston
BlackPhx

Ahh most beloved Master and sadist all you have said is true and more. The difference in this case is her Master apparenty did not know he was a sadist (hard as that may be to believe) and found he was angry at the time he played with her (possibly the truth, possibly excuse), but at any rate he was not in control of himself nor, did he listen when she tried to tell him she was being hurt.

We who are masochist can lose control, fall into a feeding frenzy and seek more and more pain. We rely on our Masters to remain in some semblance of control, so that they do not do more damage than can be recovered from. Doesn't always work, as we both say, we're human. But as you say a Dominant is not a life support system for a whip. Arms get tired. Muscles strain to do more and more, and Doms reach top space where they stop and feed on what has been done. No matter how focused you are on our dance, you do not let me go to far and you stop if I growl or safe word. You check constantly on where I am, where you are and that is the difference.

He failed to, failed to hear her, failed to recognize he was doing damage, failed to stop.

poenkitten (eagerly awaiting the arrival of the plane tonight)

< Message edited by BlackPhx -- 2/15/2008 9:39:14 AM >

(in reply to BlackPhx)

Post #: 46

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/15/2008 10:00:29 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

again, well said, poenkitten.. (and I hope the plane gets in early :) )

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to BlackPhx)

Post #: 47

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/15/2008 10:37:13 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I have only hurt one of my subs once, and it was doing something that he requested. I immediately stopped and gave him extra attention and affection until he was ready to go on.

My Daddy may claim never to hurt me again and mean it. I just wanted to get some opinions on whether this seems realistic.

Lets see this guy has ended up injuring 2 subs fisting and ordered you to do something that injured your sub, and here you are presenting him as some nice sweet guy that means well and has kindly released you inorder to reflect on what has happened ........yeah right!! what about his other subs is he dropping all of them too, and how many subs does he have to injure before you see him as the dickhead that he really is???? The police should have been called and this incident reported, are you still going to be protecting him when he injures someone else severely??? Will you still be forgiving him and thinking he is such a sweetheart then?? what about the sub that he injures which you could have done something to prevent, or is it okay with you that he is causing a trail of damaged subs or don't you care about that??? you should have been having doubts about his sanity when he ordered you to do something that injured your sub, but to then forgive him after he injures and rapes you .....suggests maybe there is a problem with your sanity as well and just maybe you should not be domming others either since you are not capable of using common sense....sorry to be blunt but reading your posts has got me shaking my head at the total stupidity your showing here

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 48

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/15/2008 11:30:50 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. I hurt my sub by accident last year, before I ever met this daddy. He was not the cause of it.

I have no proof he ever hurt another. Yes, I may be stupid and I can accept that. Things got out of control and I didn't just walk out.

_____________________________

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 49

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/15/2008 11:54:51 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. I hurt my sub by accident last year, before I ever met this daddy. He was not the cause of it.

I have no proof he ever hurt another. Yes, I may be stupid and I can accept that. Things got out of control and I didn't just walk out.

From your other post in Ask A Sub,

quote:

Yes, afterwards I wrote to him. He told me that it was the second time he had tried fisting on a woman that went wrong and he had decided never to do it again. (I wouldn't mind if he tried it slowly and gently, and made it something romantic, but I didn't tell him that.) I asked him what the lesson for the session was, and it turns out that the session was supposed to be for MY pleasure. (Ok, that one hit me totally out of the blue.) Then He asked if I still wanted him to be my daddy.

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 50

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/16/2008 7:35:13 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

I have had this happen once, not out of sadism, though. I stopped on the spot, took the girl to the doctor, and that was basically the end of action for that visit. Turned out, later, when she went to see her own gynecologist, that she had easily breachable veins on the vaginal wall, and there was no issue, and treatment was available.

I guess what I am saying is that if bleeding results from someone's inability to control his actions, and his remedial action is email, you are at a certain measure of risk. You need to decide whether that risk is worth it. You don't share much information about how this happened, so... All I can tell you is that if you're a dom and you do internal stuff like fisting, you have a responsibility not to do permanent damage. Bleeding comes awfully close, if it isn't there already. As I said, you decide if this level of risk is acceptable. The are risky activities, at the best of time, and the concern I would have is that if someone loses control, he may lose control again. This comes uncomfortably close to "I'll never kick you in the head again, sweetie, it was an accident". This is not sadism.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 51

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/17/2008 12:51:46 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

I've never turned sadistic, so I don't know what to say. It's not that I stop myself from it.. I just never feel the urge.

It's kind of creepy that that just popped out of him. Perhaps he has some self-discovery to go through?

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 52

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/17/2008 4:23:53 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

Yes, I did, and almost all of the subs said run, not walk, away. I thought if I asked in a little different way that I could get the opinions of some Doms.

Dominants, despite whatever some people think, are not infallible. We are not inherently smarter than the submissives, nor do we always give better advice. Being a Dom does not suddenly bestow some special wisdom. You got sound advice already, but if you don't want to listen to it, what are we supposed to tell you?

The communication in your relationship is not clear enough for this to be safe or successful.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 53

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/17/2008 4:53:16 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

*Fast Reply*

I am not sure if this was already delt with or not but I wanted to chime in anyway.

Please forgive me if this was discussed and determined or not.

As I see it your Daddy Fisted you and hurt you and as a result there was bleeding. Sadism is the act of deriving pleasure from administering or causing pain, so to say that you Daddy may be a Sadist because he fisted you in my opinion is not exactly accurate.

I have been forcefull during sex with my girl however it is rarely Sadistic in Nature it is more Animalistic and Primal when it happens. A Daddy Dom is very capable of simply getting caught up in the moment and losing his head, no matter what the blow-hards say NO ONE is Perfect and EVERYONE makes mistakes.

This being said I simply wish to point out that just because be attempted this act does not mean his intention was to cause pain and if his intention was not to cause pain I don't think you should call him a Sadist.

Beyond that I wonder if this whole thing is more of a misunderstanding than anything else, have you talked this out with your Master I mean really discussed how you feel and your worries and why you are now afraid and to discuss the possibility of now needing a Safeword for experimental play because of this reason?

I think there arer MANY more solutions then running and I get annoyed with the "Run, don't Walk, Run" Mentality because if a relationship is that delicate that this act could cause you to have to run then there was a MUCH larger problem before this even happened that needs to be addressed.

I think you need some face time without protocol where you can talk to one another Person to Person not Daddy to little girl or Master to slave, perhaps it is time to renegotiate things in your relationship.

Again Sorry if this was already discussed.

As Always

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 54

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/17/2008 6:41:43 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

It sounds like he made a very wise decision.

Cali

It sounds to me like a preposterous decision.

Chill for a while, that's fine. Give things time to settle out or percolate up, that's fine. All the time you want. Think about it. Examine your feelings. Talk to trusted others. Do research if you like. Pray. Meditate, Calculate. Do what you want. It is all fine and some of it will probably help.

But this guy has purportedly just had his first ever expression of sexual sadism. Does anyone hear actually believe he's going to come to some final decision about who or what he is without any further active, interactive exploration of these urges, these beahviors, these activities? He's going to figure this all out in his head?

I question the validity and the reliability of any such decision.

My advice to him would be to drop all the talk about "what you are". Whatever you are, you are, never mind the name you call it. One of the thngs everyone is, is fluid, dynamic, a living and hopefully growing being. Deciding what you *are* today as if it is settling some issue once and for all is naive.

The same goes for her, as for all of us. You don't know what tomorrow will bring.

What do you want? What do you like? What interests you, what fulfills you? What do you fear? What turns you on? What are you willing to sacrifice? What are you willing to forego? Where does all that fall within your ethics? These seem like much more powerfully serviceable quations than the metaphysical drama of "What am I?"

If after the very first kinky expression of whatever sadism there is in you, you intend to sort it all out without a single further exploration of this with another person ... I think you might as well follow up your first fall in the pond with an effort to go home and "decide" how to swim.

My best wishes to both parties.

(And once again my congratulations to the people here who managed to come to definitive conclusions about this relationship based on a few short paragraphs of description, without ever hearing a word from the person on the other side of it.)

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 55

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/17/2008 7:55:55 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

I was very clear about what my concerns were...
they had no safe word...he did not believe in them and told her he would never hurt her....
and then:
when she told him he was causing her pain he told her to shut up.

being responsible..literally being able to respond...
he did not or couldn't in that situation.

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 56

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/18/2008 6:24:42 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Gee, an asshole dom, who would have thought?

Jeff

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 57

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/18/2008 7:00:35 AM

Aynne

Posts: 740
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline

Oh, they can get stupider all right, and prove it daily. Daddy dom? Making you bleed from a fisting? Yeah, that's abuse, he will do it again, and just to add a bit of something because I am bitchy today, this Daddy thing creeps me out, my Daddy is married to my Mommy and after the age of oh maybe 20 I quit calling anyone Daddy, even my father.

Bring on the "live and let live" comments, yawn.....

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

aw shit, I just finished reading the rest of the posts.

are you 12?

sounds to me as if you and he have no idea what your doing and playing
some kind of Dom/sub board game where no one read the instructions.

just when I think people can't get any stupider

_____________________________

*Yes I know I have no profile at this time...

I looked in your eyes
Without saying a word
I told you what I am
And I hoped that you heard

~Owned and Loved by Master Sifu~

*founder of I Love Lushy Inc.*

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 58

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/18/2008 12:55:48 PM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

there are sadistic daddy doms

*raises hand*

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<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 59

RE: From Daddy to sadist - a one time thing? - 2/18/2008 8:24:27 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

It sounds like he made a very wise decision.

Cali

It sounds to me like a preposterous decision.

Chill for a while, that's fine. Give things time to settle out or percolate up, that's fine. All the time you want. Think about it. Examine your feelings. Talk to trusted others. Do research if you like. Pray. Meditate, Calculate. Do what you want. It is all fine and some of it will probably help.

But this guy has purportedly just had his first ever expression of sexual sadism. Does anyone hear actually believe he's going to come to some final decision about who or what he is without any further active, interactive exploration of these urges, these beahviors, these activities? He's going to figure this all out in his head?

I question the validity and the reliability of any such decision.

My advice to him would be to drop all the talk about "what you are". Whatever you are, you are, never mind the name you call it. One of the thngs everyone is, is fluid, dynamic, a living and hopefully growing being. Deciding what you *are* today as if it is settling some issue once and for all is naive.

The same goes for her, as for all of us. You don't know what tomorrow will bring.

What do you want? What do you like? What interests you, what fulfills you? What do you fear? What turns you on? What are you willing to sacrifice? What are you willing to forego? Where does all that fall within your ethics? These seem like much more powerfully serviceable quations than the metaphysical drama of "What am I?"

If after the very first kinky expression of whatever sadism there is in you, you intend to sort it all out without a single further exploration of this with another person ... I think you might as well follow up your first fall in the pond with an effort to go home and "decide" how to swim.

My best wishes to both parties.

(And once again my congratulations to the people here who managed to come to definitive conclusions about this relationship based on a few short paragraphs of description, without ever hearing a word from the person on the other side of it.)

Seroiusly, if the Master came to the conclusion that he needed to figure himself out after being abusive why would you question that? He released her because he did not want to put her in harms way again.

You think she should play with fire and let him "experiment" on her ?
I would value myself enough and without a Master it is my responsibility to protect my submissive self.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 60

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