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RE: Asking for things... - 2/19/2008 1:02:44 AM

MaamJay

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In My professional arena, I have had many trainees come to Me, some for periods of 10 weeks. I have always looked upon them as a work in progress ... if they knew everything already, why come to be trained? I also realised, and demonstrated many times over, that My putting in a lot of extra effort with them in the first 2-3 weeks would pay dividends in the latter part of their traineeship in that they could then be left more to their own devices and I would get the pay off of some extra time to do my other work.

It's exactly the same with subs. My belief is that few, if any, subs come to Dom/mes perfect *smile* ... they need some training. This usually requires work and input from the Dom/me in the first instance which they would hope not to have to continue in the future. I would see your Master's effort in asking you to ask Him in that light - a training regimen designed to encourage and assist you to become self-actuating in this behaviour. It would not be intended to continue, and if I was Him, if it wasn't showing some fruit in what appears to be a reasonable time, I would discontinue that approach and try something else. In the long term, if He kept having to ask, then yes, that would detract from your submission to Him.

Your later posts about the fact that in the past questioning hasn't been well received by others in your life tends to support My idea ... if actively encouraged by your Master to ask ... AND seeing that this time it IS well received ... that will hopefully help you to break down this barrier. I think it's very worthwhile to tackle this. I also liked how mbes put it ... if you don't ask Him, you are in effect keeping information from Him and this is topping from the bottom. Others had great ideas regarding hand signals ... a good way of attracting His attention so that He can time for Himself His turning to you and readying Himself so that He LOOKS receptive to your question (then you don't feel like you're distracting or interrupting Him), and also facing away at first until you get the hang of it. Again, that wouldn't be a tactic I would allow you to keep doing in the long term as I am very much an eye contact person, but in the short term, that could work too.

Good luck Kali ... and I am glad you feel you can ask here

Take that as a sign that you can overcome this!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Asking for things... - 2/19/2008 5:17:53 AM

Kalista07

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MaamJay,
Thank You so much for Your post. It proves You are not only kind, thoughtful, but very intelligent as well. i wanted to tell You all that since writing this post i've actually been able to ask Him a few things.. In fact yesterday i was able to ask Him to help me by bringing up the last load of laundry. i'm hoping this is one of those cases where saying it outloud, making it known has taken it's power away..
Kali

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RE: Asking for things... - 2/19/2008 7:17:31 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

It's not always just the sub/slave types that struggle with asking for help/things.

~nods in agreement~. So easy sometimes to just do it ourselves rather than command/ask someone to do it for us/with us.

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RE: Asking for things... - 2/19/2008 11:18:07 AM

shysub0951

Posts: 132
Joined: 1/22/2008
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i face some of those challanges, of not being able to ask for something as well. it seems to me that i have it all planned in my head on how to ask it, though i can't get the actual words out. So it would be interesting to know what others have to say about it, thanks for posting this question.

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RE: Asking for things... - 2/19/2008 11:29:17 AM

meticulousgirl

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i have the same problem but, it's mainly due to the fact that i have pretty much been conditioned not to.

There are times when i will ask Him for a spanking, the response i usually get is what did you do wrong but, that's not typically the reason why i'm asking, the reason i'm asking is because 1 i either want to be humbled or 2 i'm thinking about doing something i know i'm not suppose to be doing or 3 i just want to feel His control in a physical way.

~meticulous~

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RE: Asking for things... - 2/19/2008 7:28:40 PM

ThistleDown

Posts: 51
Joined: 1/15/2008
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The more submissive I'm feeling, the harder it is for me to ask a question even when I require more information to follow an order (such as "I didn't understand, could you explain it please?"). When I'm struggling with insecurities I have the same problem even when the atmosphere is casual to the point of being vanilla (which is somewhat normal for us).
This is in part due to a history of poorly received questions/requests. It is also in part due to my feeling that as a sub, I am being too forward by asking questions and that Master should never be required to repeat himself. In another dynamic, that might be the case, but for ours it's pure silliness.

To help me overcome these problems, my Master asks me if I have a question and sometimes he has to ask me several times. When that doesn't work he sometimes orders me to speak (a plain, simple, straight forward order sometimes makes it easier for me to do whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing). We haven't had a chance to test it yet, but we've decided the next time I have something I need to talk about or have a question I'm having difficulty with, I'm to take a particular kneeling position somewhere within his sight. This tells him that I have something to say that is very difficult for me and also allows him to prepare for what might be a difficult or long conversation. (I read about this somewhere, i don't remember where, it's where the idea came from but it's a good idea we think)
These things are helping but I'm still improving slowly.
~puppy

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RE: Asking for things... - 2/20/2008 4:23:59 AM

Kalista07

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i wonder if there are subs or slaves out there who don't struggle with this?

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RE: Asking for things... - 2/20/2008 7:46:39 AM

CreativeDominant

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I am sure there are, kali. Just as there are dominants who never struggle with some of the problems that occur with being dominant. Some folks are just so self-assured in what they are doing and almost seem to have a GPS system going internally that tells them how to do this and when to do it and where to do it and in what manner, etc.. I would tend to think that for the most part though, given that we are all human beings in the end, that the great majority of us...dominant and submissive alike...have those areas that are hard for us. For one group of submissives, it is asking for things...for another group, it is incorporating/following ritual...and on and on.

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