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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 10:02:47 PM   
Lashra


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
The parties involved are a new, but somewhat more studied and self-aware submissive and a new, less than certain dominant. 


Three answers to the basic question.

They would be

No,
No,
and
HELL no.

I cannot answer for the male dominants present--I know they may be wired somewhat differently where violence against their person is concerned.  But a person who strikes me physically does not rouse in me an urge to "dominate" them.  They rouse in me an urge to kill them.  No matter who it is, no matter what our relationship has been before that moment, after a person has struck me I will never, ever be able to love them as much as I did before.

And if I lash out in genuine rage at anyone, submissive dominant or vanilla, it is not fun.  Or sexy.  In the goddamn least.

Getting your needs met and your buttons pushed as a submissive is all very well and good.  But do not even dream of this kind of unsafe, non-consensual, relationship-destroying, intimacy-annihlating nonsense.  If a dominant is hesitant or having difficulty overcoming inhibition, it is generally because he or she has been taught since childhood (semi-successfully) that we do not hurt people we care about.

The solution to that problem is to show them that sometimes the people we care about want and genuinely need to be hurt.  The solution is NOT to do things that will destroy or undermine the caring.

If all you want is a hateful, abusive creep who will beat you without love or concern--he shouldn't be hard to find.  Our prisons, drug rehabilitation centers and anger-management programs are full of them.  But there is no reason in the world to ruin a good dom for some other submissive who is actually able to sanely negotiate with him and bring him along into his full glory at his own pace.

It is far easier to help a good man overcome his inhibitions over time than it is to repair the damage on someone who spent his first D/S relationship with someone who thought she could make him be "properly dominant" through abuse.  Just FYI--there is such a thing as a nightmare sub, and behavior like this would be very high on the list of common attributes.


I have to agree with this post for the most part. My sub would never ever slap me, the reason is I have a hard wired self defense mechanism and he wants to keep his balls where they are.

OP I think she really needs to sit down with him and talk. It sounds to me like he is a newbie Dom and he needs that adrenaline rush from the slap to bring out his aggressive side. Now if they both enjoy this so be it, I like some primal play myself. However there is such a thing as getting to carried away at times. What will she do if he totally looses it and gives her a bashing? Perhaps what they need to do is speak with someone who is into this type of play, someone with more experience who can mentor the both of them.

~Lashra


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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 10:23:40 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		to each their own.  however if someone were to slap me, it would probably be pretty damn close to the last thing they do.

PM

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 10:28:16 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Someone who slapped my face would find herself flying through the air on her way to the curb-very bad idea.

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 10:31:56 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline 		 What will she do if he totally looses it and gives her a bashing? Perhaps what they need to do is speak with someone who is into this type of play, someone with more experience who can mentor the both of them.

 
This (thank you Lashra) IS the only advice here on the table that should be adhered to by the letter. There is alot of really good advice here. But the only way to SAFELY proceed from where this relationship is, is to get EXPERIENCED advice! From where it is now it can only be followed through with in a well maintained, SAFE environment.

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 10:43:32 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Striking someone else is only fine under consent.  If the Dom hasn't consented to being slapped, it's assault.

If a sub slapped me, she'd get it rough.  And by "rough", I mean picked up and thrown out the front door, regardless of what she may or may not be wearing.  She would not be welcome back.

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 10:59:21 PM   
Leatherist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

Striking someone else is only fine under consent.  If the Dom hasn't consented to being slapped, it's assault.

If a sub slapped me, she'd get it rough.  And by "rough", I mean picked up and thrown out the front door, regardless of what she may or may not be wearing.  She would not be welcome back.


Which would be quite a sight, if it was in the middle of an AB scene.  "Do these diapers make my ass look big?"

Is probably not the best thing to ask the gawking nieghbor.

Poll seems to be running in favor of avoiding face slapping da Dom.

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/18/2008 11:18:39 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		When the mood strikes me I can be sadastic in the extreme.  I have slapped girls more than once without their consent  Abuse/assualt call it what you will. thats for another post. My girl knows it would not be in her best interest to slap or be disrespectful to me in any way shape or form.  Although I don't know what I would do if I were slapped.  If I started to rage. I walked away until I cooled down.
A sub slapping a dom to get a response naaaa.  I'd be asking myself who's the dom in the relationship.

BadOne

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 12:20:49 AM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		[FR]

If that works for the two of them, I see no reason why she shouldn't do it. I would suggest she not do it in public, however, especially at BDSM events. In that case I don't doubt there would be very many people thinking "Holy crap, did he just let his sub get away with that shit?" Likely no one would be rude enough to say it, but at least a few would certainly be thinking it.

If she prefers a less physical approach, tell her to try laughing at him. If he yells at her, laugh. If he hits her, laugh. Etc etc etc. Men HATE that. It's a great way to goad a Dominant. Don't ask me how I know ;)

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 12:47:12 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

[FR]

If she prefers a less physical approach, tell her to try laughing at him. If he yells at her, laugh. If he hits her, laugh. Etc etc etc. Men HATE that. It's a great way to goad a Dominant. Don't ask me how I know ;)


If goading it the goal...  Tell him he hits like a girl.  For some reason thats never been said to me.  smirkle

BadOne

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 3:14:43 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		I'm pretty amazed how consensual activities that a Dom does to a sub during play are not considered real and true abuse.    Yet god forbid a submissive slapping her Dom during play time, you'd think that was for real though.  

How does one face slap put anybody in control of anything?  If a sub slaps her Dom/Masters face and he responds by taking her by the back of her hair and pulling her down to her knees.   Basically it appears to me that everybody feels, it's ok for a submissive to wear sexy clothing that helps get a Dom sexually excieted.  However God forbid she do anything physical to get him all excieted.  A face slap is just something that can physically as well as mentally stimulate a Dom.

We are talking about "Play" here are we not folks?

Sure some Doms might get all pissed off, and loose control, but I would seriously have reservations about the level of self control they have over themselves.  The topic often comes up about True Doms having self control, yet I'm amazed at the thought process about how easy it for a Dom to loose self control the very moment a slap in the face occurs.

Perhaps it's just me and part of my family Pennsylvania Dutch background, but I was taught to take certain things like a man.

Is this all it takes for a DOM to loose their self control, one face slap while in the middle of playing with somebody?  Whatever happened to thing happening during play time not really being all that real?  Basically, back to core issues about consent and what is or is not abuse during scene play.

Now some of us Doms have a maso streak, a slap in the face can become rather erotic during the start of play.   Basically, a slap in the face can quickly place a Dom into self control head space, as well as playfully goad him, and hell it might even sexually arouse him if he has a slightly maso streak.

This topic seems to have gotten a lot of panties in wad over the thought of it happening though.  Almost a set of double standards when it comes to what is or is not actually real.   Come on here, it's all in fun and play.    Scene play actually helps reinforce D/s dynamics.   

Personally, I enjoy maintaining self control when I'm slapped in the face.  I know it's a goading game and not some act for me to take so damn seriously.  My point is that I know I am being Lovingly slapped during play, and it's not a real threat to the D/s relationship itself nor to my Dom status.

I'd swear from the sounds of it at times that only the submissive is the one allowed to experience all the many sensations during play time.

Us Dom types expect our submissives to maintain self control while we are bitch slapping them like crazy during a play scene.  Does not this same standard apply to Doms.   Oooo Oooo... don't slap the DOM he might be a pussy boy loose self control, feel not so Domly, get all pissed off, and now he's outta control at the mercy and control of the submissive.

I love this thread, and it's been somewhat entertaining to read.   I realize it's a serious topic with a real issue though.

Another thought on this subject, a sub slapping a Dom in the face, is a sort of test of what I call the control game.  It's good to have tests with regular checkups at times.  Imagine the level of respect that is earn or maintained by a submissive slapping their Doms face, and not seeing him loose control of himself.  Hope that makes sense to somebody out there. 

Again, I'm talking about face slapping in the context of play time.  Not the type that can happen outside of scene play.   I am amazed at the one wayisms schools of thoughts that result because people are trying to Squeeze nice and neat into the D/s labels.   God forbid, somebody does something they enjoy that does not fit so nicely into the stereotype labels.

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 3:21:21 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

[FR]

If that works for the two of them, I see no reason why she shouldn't do it. I would suggest she not do it in public, however, especially at BDSM events. In that case I don't doubt there would be very many people thinking "Holy crap, did he just let his sub get away with that shit?" Likely no one would be rude enough to say it, but at least a few would certainly be thinking it.

If she prefers a less physical approach, tell her to try laughing at him. If he yells at her, laugh. If he hits her, laugh. Etc etc etc. Men HATE that. It's a great way to goad a Dominant. Don't ask me how I know ;)


Thank you, you just gave me a wicked idea for a public mind fuck.  I always thought it was fun at times playing with the vanilla publics mind at times, seeing the reaction and responses.  Never thought about trying these same type of things at a BDSM event.   Wonder how many people would be looking at me and my girl like we were a pair of freaks.

Oh crap, my mind works in dark places thinking dark things at times.  I'm totally innocent, i know nothing about nothing. hahahaha.. 

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 3:31:51 AM   
Paulsgirl


Posts: 249
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Keep in mind the newbie status of each; they are not seasoned like many on this forum.  Please also understand that they have an awesome relationship otherwise with fabulous communication. 


Eager for Courteous Responses,
lovingpet


With respect: if they are like this together then the best thing IMO is to leave them to their own devices.....


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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 3:45:21 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		No one slaps my face unpunished..neither sub, slave, Dom, Domme or vanilla. They get a fist in return.
(yes  sound harsh....and with loved ones...I just walk away...to control myself....)

If it is play...well then don't complain..You propably agreed on it..lol

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 2/19/2008 3:47:09 AM >

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 3:48:16 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I can only echo these ladies' opinions. I cannot for the life of me fathom why there is such a lack of basic communication between persons that they would even conceive of hitting their dominant. If you feel you would like your dominant to increase force during any kind of impact play COMMUNICATE this - hitting someone in the face as a means of doing this is only communicating a lack of self restraint and disrespect for the person you call your 'dominant'. If the dominant is, in your words, less than certain, do you seriously think hitting them in the face is going to build confidence in them? The only message you are conveying is that it's fine to lash out as an act of frustration and this has nothing whatsoever to do with D/s, and the result will be a deconstruction even further of the relationship.

Have you even thought of the consequences should you take that course of action? He could simply reel back in shock and then find himself incapable of proceeding further b/c either way you have brought about the conclusion of that interaction, or he could, as is most likely, teach you a lesson in hitting someone you aren't likely to forget - then we'll see you posting again and asking for advice as to whether it's fine for a dominant to beat their submissive in anger.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
The parties involved are a new, but somewhat more studied and self-aware submissive and a new, less than certain dominant. 


Three answers to the basic question.

They would be

No,
No,
and
HELL no.



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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 4:00:58 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

Squeeze nice and neat into the D/s labels.   God forbid, somebody does something they enjoy that does not fit so nicely into the stereotype labels.


Most ppl learned early on that if you got out of line you got smacked by someone in authority ie teachers, cops, parents, what have you.  You might have thought of smacking them back... but you never did cuz they were the dom.  What part of that is so hard to understand?

BadOne

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 4:11:12 AM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		scoot over owner, I'm climbing in the boat with you. Primal play is hot as hell, while I'm not a huge fan of face slapping, and if it was done in any way derrogatory a mans nuts would end up in his chin... when done playfully in a scene it can be hella exciting. I have no qualms about things getting physically rough with a partner that you know and you trust, it can enhance the whole situation. Theres just something about taking a fiesty sub and whipping their fiestyness back into shape and letting them know that as much as they can dish you can take and then give 10 times worse *snicker* its hot hot hot hot hot hehehe....
 
Does it mean that *I* give up my " status" because I have a partner that when we play it gets close to out of hand ( never goes over that side but damn it gets close) we both tend to end up with bruises, sometimes scrapes, cuts whatever, there's physical evidence of a scrap behind, and theres nothing quite as "sweet" as to nurse a wound when yer physically exhausted after some serious rough and tumble play.. whew
 
Ok I am now off to find a cold shower and some coffee... *chuckle*

*edited for typos*

< Message edited by Reflectivesoul -- 2/19/2008 4:12:55 AM >

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 4:24:11 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul

scoot over owner, I'm climbing in the boat with you. Primal play is hot as hell, while I'm not a huge fan of face slapping, and if it was done in any way derrogatory a mans nuts would end up in his chin... when done playfully in a scene it can be hella exciting. I have no qualms about things getting physically rough with a partner that you know and you trust, it can enhance the whole situation. Theres just something about taking a fiesty sub and whipping their fiestyness back into shape and letting them know that as much as they can dish you can take and then give 10 times worse *snicker* its hot hot hot hot hot hehehe.... 
 
*edited for typos*


I agree.  That doesn't have anything to do with the quesiton that was asked though.  edited OP post

The dominant treads lightly and will not push the submissive's limits and expand on what they already do.  Direct challenge of his authority seems to work well, but she hesitates to slap him.

BadOne


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The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 4:41:09 AM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		Here's maybe the ONLY time hitting my dom would EVER EVER happen.  If we had argument sex.  You know.  You've done it.   You're yelling at each other, and then you're clawing at each other.  Yeah, I could see it happening then, but I'd expect it back.

But just to goad him into being more dominant?  Yeah, that would be dangerous.  Isn't that why we're in this, after all?  I'm thinking, I'm not hitting him to provoke him.  I think, if it was me, I'd consider what responses I'm giving off, and what I might do, like whisper a fantasy in his ear during a break, that might set the kind of emotion I'm in the mood for.  That's just my way.


< Message edited by StormsSlave -- 2/19/2008 4:42:03 AM >

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 4:48:43 AM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		And for some it takes a Primal type play to get into that right head space, would I engage in it with just anyone, no.. hell no, but for some people it just takes that physical nudge, push, shove, etc to get them off and running. If someone that I wasnt interested in playing with ( as far as primal type stuff) did that, oooo buddy he'd be in big trouble, but for the partner that I do engage in these kind of activities it usually is him that instgates and pushes my buttons, and I like it and I love him the more for doing it.
 
So if this newbie Dom and his newbie sub wife already partake in a physically rough sex life and to get him fired up and running and into his best Dom space, then why the hell would someone say not to? Just because someone may have a reservation and not enjoy the idea for themselves, so what? what ever happened to your kink aint my kink and if it floats your boat have at it?
 
Seems most people have taken this kind of activity as an insult, out of play time, and put it into an everyday situation, which by the OP's first post I fail to see where it has anything to do with outside of the playtime/bedroom, as he is already Dominant to her in vanilla life.
 
Who are any of us to really say what they can or can not enjoy as a couple? Why are things like this always looked at from the negative aspect. I did not see anywhere where it said that this girl was going to just out of no where walk over and slap this fella in the face.... if she was dumb enough to do that and he knocked her on her ass, thats her fault. Done within the context of play to arouse him and heighten his desire, its erotic and sexy as hell....
 
*edited for typos*

< Message edited by Reflectivesoul -- 2/19/2008 4:50:44 AM >

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ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 4:58:35 AM   
TysGalilah


Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
slap Tysons face ?
no.
and we "do" explore erotic face slapping (posts you can find if you search my back threads ) .  But that is his hand on my face.

I have been put in a mindset by Tyson before where I have bitten, scratched, grabbed skin during primal space....but I have never slapped him or had the urge to. 

To slap a D-type face to "urge them on" ??
goad ?
why?  and who is in control when that happens?
if he is NOT there, he is just not there. 
but then again, I am not doing the bratty thing or acting out.
THAT wouldnt work with Tyson.  I would get my butt iiiiiiiignored and told to go home.

ahhhhhhhh sigh ...just love that mans control.

now, if it was commanded and pre-arranged, by Tyson..and his wishes that we both just go off on oneanother physically>>  it could be very erotic.
but that is not what the OP is talking about it appears.

goading...imo >  bratty behavior and topping from the bottom.

isnt  "making a dom, dominate you "
  about the same as the thinking  " making a sub submit to you"  ????
its inspired but not demanded...or its not submission.
imo anyway.






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