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RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 4:58:45 AM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul

Who are any of us to really say what they can or can not enjoy as a couple? Why are things like this always looked at from the negative aspect. I did not see anywhere where it said that this girl was going to just out of no where walk over and slap this fella in the face.... if she was dumb enough to do that and he knocked her on her ass, thats her fault. Done within the context of play to arouse him and heighten his desire, its erotic and sexy as hell....

*edited for typos*

I'm not sure if your refering to my post. I was giving my view on face slapping. hell she can suspend him from the tree smacking him around until he shouts U N C L E for all I care. course then I'd know who the dom was.

BadOne

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Post #: 61

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 5:04:38 AM

Reflectivesoul

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Some was directly in reply to you, some was just an in general response, sorry I tend to ramble when I get on a topic and so no, not all of it was just to or for you..

*chuckles* hopefully she'll get him naked before hanging him from the tree, a human pinata is hella fun hehehehe

< Message edited by Reflectivesoul -- 2/19/2008 5:05:34 AM >

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Post #: 62

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 5:06:35 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

Squeeze nice and neat into the D/s labels. God forbid, somebody does something they enjoy that does not fit so nicely into the stereotype labels.

Most ppl learned early on that if you got out of line you got smacked by someone in authority ie teachers, cops, parents, what have you. You might have thought of smacking them back... but you never did cuz they were the dom. What part of that is so hard to understand?

BadOne

Don't get me wrong I totally see where you are coming from here.   However, I realized the power of not letting people take control over me with a face slap a long time ago.   Can be as simple as smiling back in their face after being slapped, or hell offering them to slap my face again. Basically in short a face slap does not change how I feel or think about something. Now, if I were to belly up and become all submissive after being slapped in a face or loose control and punch back, that would result in bad things happening.

Don't know if this will make any sense to you. But I was taught the worse thing to do is loose control in a fight. Taught that if somebody strikes me to not loose control yet at the same time not give into their bullshit.

I was smacked by teachers before (back in the day when teachers could do that). I had one asshole teacher in 4th grade that slapped me, and I kept a smile. It pissed him off very much, to the point he was the one that had to deal with his own anger management issues.   Yeah, the son of bitch even hauled my ass in for a good ass paddling too. I walked away smiling too. Went clear up to the principals office, because I was being so out of line with my smiles and taking things in stride. Needless to say before the day was over, the principal was handing him is ass.   Priceless man! To hear the school principal bitching his ass out, while I was standing outside the door.   Never had a problem with that asshole teacher on his power trip again.

I've went through similar experiences in the Military, work place and even with asshole cops on power trips. As long as I myself stay in control of myself, yet not play the submissive bullshit games and feed into their power trips.   I actually gained leverage over my boot camp intructors, gained leverage in a major fuck up incident on a fast attack nuclear powered submarine mishap as well.

Basically I was taught to respect the uniform, respect the position, but I don't have to respect the human being behind the uniform or position unless they deserved it.

I learned at early age, the power of maintaining control over other people's bullshit power trips.   Basically, i don't have to buy into, however physically fighting with them goes no where quick save a good ass kicking.   Two wrongs does not make anybody right about jack.

I've gone through the bullshit power games with people.  Been playing these games since grade school. I have too many stories to share about this crap that it's not funny.   So go ahead and slap me, cause you ain't gonna get any real or true power over my ass.   By being the one staying in control, I actually found that most of the time, I'm the one that maintains control and has power in the end.

I'd love to exchange stories or experiences with anybody in more detail on the other side. The concept it really simply though in terms of being in control yet not being all submissive towards the actual person.   It's a little off the wall, to respect a uniform or position of a person, yet not having to respect them as a person.  I grew up hearing stories about how to say "Sir, respectfully Fuck you, Sir".    I've had some ego power tripping mofo's that thought they had my ass on a silver plater, and were totally amazed at how calm I was.

Every time when I read about submissives making post complaining about DOMs with a Military background, I really tend to have a great amount of empathy for what they are trying to express.   True respect and power is something earned and gained, not something cheapy given out because somebody is in a position of authority or power.   This is in a nut shell how I was raised and brought up as a child.

I remember going through my Military Electronics Schooling, many times I would often fall asleep in class because it was boring as all hell. Basically, I already knew the friggen material and I have a high learning curve. I was in the top of my class as well.   I still remember the day, I had an new instructor for a mod, haul me into his office space and attempt to humilate, threaten, and boss me in front of the other the instructors there.   Basically, he said if I did not Ace all the tests he'd make certain I'd become a Bosun's mate on a skimmer puke (term for ships that float on top of the water, I was in the submarine force).   He was bragging about his mod (digital electronics) being the hardest course there was.   I smiled at him and said "no problem".   He was trying to show off to the other instructors that he was gonna be the man to break me of my class room sleeping habits.

Needless to say, the other instructors were laughing their asses off at his feable attempts to Dom power trip my ass. Great entertain he was. Even more so for all the times I corrected his mistakes in class. Oh yeah, you betcha I seized every moment when he was getting lost or confused on some digital circuit or was having a hard time explaining shit to other students. Basically, I became the answer the guy or his fall back when he got himself into hot water.  Priceless!  Oh yeah, not that I was never taught anything about knowledge being power and all.   So yeah, did I end up making his ass feel a little more humble towards me, you betcha I did.   Did I still sleep in class from time to time, oh hell yeah.   Did he even try making me stand up in class at times, and attempt to humilate me in front of other students. You bet he tried at first.  Great source of entertainment for others, seeing him attempt to Dom power trip my ass and have it not work.

I have a whole well of similar stories, be it Military, Public school system, dealing with asshole police officers and you name it. I tend to leave an unforgetable impression behind me.   So sure, if somebody wants to play the power game, I'm up for it. I know how to play by the rules.

Hope this sheds some insight into at least my perspective and experiences on this subject.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 63

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 5:13:33 AM

SailingBum

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Thanks for a different viewpoint.

BadOne

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Post #: 64

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 6:13:41 AM

DesFIP

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If she wants him to be more confident in his dominance, the answer is not to challenge his authority and withdraw submission.
There is no short cut to him learning the ropes, so to speak.

What she should be doing is deciding if she wants just a play/casual relationship, and if so go find someone already at her level but if she wants a full relationship she should act submissively. She should ask him for what she wants, asking him to learn and think about it, and then wait for him to decide.

If she slaps his face, his response may well be that she isn't the right one for him, because she's withdrawn consent. She either allows him to make the decision of what, when and how hard or she doesn't.

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Post #: 65

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 6:27:06 AM

thetammyjo

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Hhhhmmmm...

Slapping me or any type of physical contact you haven't been given permission for does not push me into sadist or dominant mode.

It puts me in the "get your ass out my door" and "I'm calling the cops mode".

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 66

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 6:27:35 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If she wants him to be more confident in his dominance, the answer is not to challenge his authority and withdraw submission.
There is no short cut to him learning the ropes, so to speak.

What she should be doing is deciding if she wants just a play/casual relationship, and if so go find someone already at her level but if she wants a full relationship she should act submissively. She should ask him for what she wants, asking him to learn and think about it, and then wait for him to decide.

If she slaps his face, his response may well be that she isn't the right one for him, because she's withdrawn consent. She either allows him to make the decision of what, when and how hard or she doesn't.

So, you would not slap your Dom in the face and fight back during the start of a Forced Sex or Rape Scene basically? You'd what instantly submit on the spot, and make the scene not so much fun or realistic feeling anymore? If your Dom wanted to have primal animalistic furian sex, you'd wussy out on him? Damn, where's the challenge, the thrill and rush of great take down sex. lol

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 67

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 6:35:21 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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This thread has me reflecting upon some funny things I often don't think about.

One Summer vacation at a camp ground for a few weeks when I around 12-13 years old. This one guy around 17-18 years who got off on bossing and being the bully, tried to boss me around.   He did not like me playing "his" pinball machine because I was racking up really high scores and getting too close to beating his score.   Anyways, he out right told me not to play the pinball machine anymore, and I told him no way, I'm still playing it.

One night he decided he was going to make an example out of me in front of all the other kids hanging out in the Rec Hall.   He pinned me down to the ground, with his knees on my shoulders and grabbed my by my wrists pulling them upward. His crotch was really too close to my face.   Anyways, he pulled out a knife and held it to my throat.    OK, I was completely powerless with a crowd standinig around watching everything.   The whole thing with his crotch being so close to my face, well I just capitalized on it for a moment.

I said, what do you want me to do suck your dick now? I looked right at his crotch.   Instantly everybody standing around started to laugh and howl at what I just said. He looked down at how close his crotch was to my face... Think it Squicked the poor guy out at the thought of having me in some homosexual position.   Reverse humilation tactics 101.    But basically, he was gonna make me an example to the group to show off his authority and power over others.   Basically, I humilated him for the position he had me in and made him the laughing stock of the crowd.  Amazing how fast he got off from me and totally fleed the scene all embrassed.

I honestly had no idea if it would work or not, or what his reaction was going to be. For the most part, I was raised that people who like to bully are really insecure cowards anyways. Sure he had a knife to my throat, but he always had his crotch too close to my face.   The only thing I had left was to ether submit, or to use the one last thing I had. The power of speech.

Perhaps I was not thinking sane at the time. It's kinda of like a game of chicken. Sure, he had a knife to my throat but was he really prepared to use it? More times than not, people pull out knives to gain power and they never intend upon using them. Even more so when a group of people is standing around watching.

There's a big difference between being subdued and submitting. Just a face slap alone does not make anybody submit nor does it really subdue them either.   It really does make you any more or less Dom having or not having your face slapped, as it does not make you any more Dom or less for slapping somebody else.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 68

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 7:04:34 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I know that there will be an instinctive gutteral reaction to this thread, but allow me to explain a bit. The parties involved are a new, but somewhat more studied and self-aware submissive and a new, less than certain dominant. The submissive knows the dominant is capable of taking her in hand as she desires because she has seen it before in matters outside of the bedroom and it had her blood boiling by the time they were ready for some intimate time. The dominant treads lightly and will not push the submissive's limits and expand on what they already do. Direct challenge of his authority seems to work well, but she hesitates to slap him.

I am not in a position to advise as I often consider such drastic measures in my primary relationship as well (only about half kidding LOL). I tend to think that it may work in the beginning until they can both get their bearings. I also think there will come a time where she will find that she will pay dearly for doing so and, at that point, it will not only be unnecessary, but very ill advised. I am just wondering if, in this early part of the relationship with both of the parties' lack of experience, this would still be a complete breech of decorum. I know opinions will vary and I am just interested to see the different perspectives. Keep in mind the newbie status of each; they are not seasoned like many on this forum. Please also understand that they have an awesome relationship otherwise with fabulous communication. It is just difficult for him to get to the correct initial headspace on his own at this point. Are there better things she could do? Are there suggestions for him?

Eager for Courteous Responses,
lovingpet

<edited for typos>

Perhaps having her kneel...and do, or say certain things....or crawl to him....Something that will get his head in the right space through control, or...authority, whatever you call it....

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(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 69

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 7:09:24 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
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I am asuming this is a face slap we are talking about. I will say this once. Don't even think about it!

Jeff

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 70

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 10:20:23 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Hhhhmmmm...

Slapping me or any type of physical contact you haven't been given permission for does not push me into sadist or dominant mode.

It puts me in the "get your ass out my door" and "I'm calling the cops mode".

Yes this is important. I always recommend asking permission before engaging in primal or force play just to make sure everyone is on the same page.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 71

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 11:06:31 AM

meticulousgirl

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are you kidding....that would be grounds for release on my end ( i would never dream of it)

~meticulous~

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 72

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 11:31:23 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Hhhhmmmm...

Slapping me or any type of physical contact you haven't been given permission for does not push me into sadist or dominant mode.

It puts me in the "get your ass out my door" and "I'm calling the cops mode".

Yes this is important. I always recommend asking permission before engaging in primal or force play just to make sure everyone is on the same page.

I only slap Fox because we discussed that prior to my owning him. I use physical signals to tell him when it's going to happen and I would respect his "red" if he called it.

He doesn't though because I never personally slap out of anger and I think the mere act pushed him deep into sub space. Plus I'm generally really horny after I do it so we end up having sex which we both enjoy.

His touching me is even further out of the question without my permission but again that's how I work and that was made very clear to him early on. As an owner I have more personal space and privacy than he as my property does. Just how things work for us.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 73

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 11:33:53 AM

BlackPhx

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I would suggest then that she go for poking, teasing and tickling, things that while annoying and likely to get him into Dom space are less likely to actuially downright anger him or cause a flash anger. I do agree with DV however, it may end up becoming a regular part of their playtime if she does try the slapping and it works.

poenkitten (shuddering at the shades of Bodice rippers inherent in this)

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 74

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 11:34:15 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Hhhhmmmm...

Slapping me or any type of physical contact you haven't been given permission for does not push me into sadist or dominant mode.

It puts me in the "get your ass out my door" and "I'm calling the cops mode".

Yes this is important. I always recommend asking permission before engaging in primal or force play just to make sure everyone is on the same page.

I second this one too. Ask for permission before simply jumping in and going for it or having him tell you that it's ok to engage in doing it. I would never recommend anybody doing this without the understanding that it's acceptable and permitted.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 75

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 11:56:33 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

It always drives me nuts when I see this scenario.

A new dominant isn't doing it the way the submissive wants him to it so the new submissive tries to find ways to get him to be the dominant that she wants.

Amazingly enough, it usually ends with the dominant feeling even more insecure about himself and his dominance when he comes to realize that the submissive is the one running the show from the bottom.

I'm sure "Look, your not quite the dominant I want you to be, so I am gonna slap you to help you get there" will do wonders for him....

In my honest opinion, she should try chilling out, being supportive, giving him some actual room to come into his own and be himself as opposed to the self she wants him to be, and focus on being submissive as opposed to him being dominant.

Viciously true and I absolutely agree. That is my reluctance along with what will happen if thing get out of hand and he hurts her. He will never forgive himself and she can look forward to never having another scene again.

On the other hand, from both of their mouths has come the confession that it is just so ever loving HOT........

What, oh what to do????

lovingpet

I'm coming in late on this thread and have only read the first two pages so what I have to say may have already been said.

I agree with Mad Rabbit. Why would it hurt her to focus on her own submission and see if that doesn't elicit a further dominant response from him rather than going to the extreme of "acting" the brat/SAM and suddenly provoking it? I know that there are SAMs out there and dominants who love them but if this submissive is not really a SAM and the dominant is not really geared over the long run into being provoked physically into dominance, I could see where this could be a looming problem.

I don't do SAMs. I've stated my reasons before and the OP is not really about the pros/cons of SAMs.

Someone else made the suggestion of speaking to other dominants and their submissives within this couple's area and getting perspectives on their behavior now. They could also learn a few things about modeling their behaviors based on where they want to go and on keeping track of where each other is at in the dynamic.

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 76

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 2:22:41 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

Another thought on this subject, a sub slapping a Dom in the face, is a sort of test of what I call the control game. It's good to have tests with regular checkups at times. Imagine the level of respect that is earn or maintained by a submissive slapping their Doms face, and not seeing him loose control of himself. Hope that makes sense to somebody out there.

When I consider this possibility, I think it is for this very reason and is very tempting to the my own switch side and to a more mental aspect. I do not think it is meant as disrespect as much as it is assuring that the dynamic is staying firmly in place. I do not necessarily want to play both sides with the same partner and I need to know that they are not going to allow me to do so. Words are just words and communications is great. Actions will demonstrate what words never can. Thank you for the opportunity to explain this aspect.

lovingpet

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 77

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 2:25:42 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Paulsgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Keep in mind the newbie status of each; they are not seasoned like many on this forum. Please also understand that they have an awesome relationship otherwise with fabulous communication.

Eager for Courteous Responses,
lovingpet

With respect: if they are like this together then the best thing IMO is to leave them to their own devices.....

I would leave them to their own devices except that they approached me about their own concerns on the subject thinking I would have a more objective response. Little did they know I was much in the same boat with them.

lovingpet

(in reply to Paulsgirl)

Post #: 78

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 2:26:24 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave
Another thought on this subject, a sub slapping a Dom in the face, is a sort of test of what I call the control game. It's good to have tests with regular checkups at times. Imagine the level of respect that is earn or maintained by a submissive slapping their Doms face, and not seeing him loose control of himself. Hope that makes sense to somebody out there.

That doesn't work in my relationships at all, I detest artificial imposed "tests" of any sort.

I prefer the level of respect and security to come to me when they actually have a question on how well I am in control- rather than choosing on their own to force a display of it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 79

RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? - 2/19/2008 2:32:37 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

I can only echo these ladies' opinions. I cannot for the life of me fathom why there is such a lack of basic communication between persons that they would even conceive of hitting their dominant. If you feel you would like your dominant to increase force during any kind of impact play COMMUNICATE this - hitting someone in the face as a means of doing this is only communicating a lack of self restraint and disrespect for the person you call your 'dominant'. If the dominant is, in your words, less than certain, do you seriously think hitting them in the face is going to build confidence in them? The only message you are conveying is that it's fine to lash out as an act of frustration and this has nothing whatsoever to do with D/s, and the result will be a deconstruction even further of the relationship.

Have you even thought of the consequences should you take that course of action? He could simply reel back in shock and then find himself incapable of proceeding further b/c either way you have brought about the conclusion of that interaction, or he could, as is most likely, teach you a lesson in hitting someone you aren't likely to forget - then we'll see you posting again and asking for advice as to whether it's fine for a dominant to beat their submissive in anger.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
The parties involved are a new, but somewhat more studied and self-aware submissive and a new, less than certain dominant.

Three answers to the basic question.

They would be

No,
No,
and
HELL no.

There has been repeated communication to this effect and the dominant in question has agreed to try being slapped as a form of goading. She is reluctant to use it and for obvious reasons. I must make these points clear again. They discussed the uncertainties and lack of force many times and have agreed upon this method. She is trying to avoid using it because she does not want this kind of control in the scene, but is frustrated enough that it has come to mind. It is not something that is going to happen undiscussed and in the heat of the moment. It is not necessarily even a test, but what the couple hopes will be a tool to assist him to find the headspace to dominate her in the way they both desire.

Thank you for your response,
lovingpet

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

Post #: 80

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