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Statepalace -> RE: Property = sharing?? (2/21/2008 12:27:39 PM)
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#1 Would I agree?
It depends on the type of "sharing".
Sexual sharing, absolutely not. "I am not to be shared" was one of the first things I ever told Him regarding limits.
As a "demo" body in a form of impact play (or other non sexual stuff like bondage) then yes. Only if He was there, and probably only if He held my hand, but yes. Even naked would be a yes.
Non-sexual - He has talked about wanting to see me top other girls, and I'm fine with that. Having sexual contact, or having them top me is a hard limit.
We've talked about me "serving" (as in drinks and food) at parties, but in a way that could be considered vanilla. Basically as a very attentive and old fashioned hostess (which feels perfectly comfortable to me anyway). So yes there as well.
In discussion about exhibitionism, I do not mind still pictures (no face to identify me) being shared (for example sent to another Dom He knows that sends pictures of his sub/wife to Him).
Live video is another story. Even without the identity factor (masks and all that), I have trouble with it, so no.
#2 If not, why not?
I am bi, and have had very nice experiences that involved more than one person. Even had a (non D/s) friends with benefits relationship that included the friend's girl; it lasted a little under a year, and I did not have a problem with the aspect of being with more than one person. However, I didn't love either one of them in more than a good friend kind of way.
See, when I go from "hard like" to "love, puppies and dreams of forever", my monogamy switch gets flipped. I know that this does not happen for everyone. It does for me, and so what would have been ok in a casual relationship becomes horrifying to contemplate.
The reason I would say no, both to the sexual sharing and to the live video, is that I cannot bear to feel that connection with another person. The intimacy, however fleeting and shallow, that comes from being intimate with someone would feel invasive and violating.
#3 How would I feel?
Well, as it is not something I would do, I can't tell you how I would feel, but I can imagine.
He and I talked, in depth, about the exhibitionism on video thing. Nameless, faceless, but live. Because I want/need to make Him happy I was, despite my feelings on the subject, willing to try. I told Him that it might be too much. I then told Him how it made me feel, how it changed how I thought of myself and how horrified the entire idea made me.
He said "This is a hard limit for you, and we won't be doing it". He didn't want to do anything that would permanently impact me in a negative way, and I think that really might have.
All that said, I know that a lot of people don't feel this way. I don't see a thing wrong with sharing, if both people are ok with it. Quite often I have looked at my cousin (who is a self confessed slut) and thought "Huh, it must be nice to get your needs met that easily". It just doesn't work for me. I have to know, and like, my partners. If I do fall in love, then all others are out of the picture until that relationship is over. Makes getting laid a lot more difficult, and sometimes it sucks, but I just do not work the other way.
I do not insist on monogamy from my relationship partners, because I know that not everyone is wired that way. I am, so "I" am monogamous, not necessarily my partner.
Edited to add - He does call me His property, but for us that does not remove my ability to say no to certain things. I am sort of a puppy/sub/object in our relationship. To Him, just like owning a dog, there are things that the dog simply won't tolerate. No less an owned thing, to be trained and corrected to the owner's liking, but I am not expected to allow everything.
He watches too much Dog Whisperer. "Is the puppy a bad dog because it forgets and jumps on the couch, or it the person a bad owner because they don't correct the puppy every time?" is how He described His view of our interactions.
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