RE: Credibility

RE: Credibility (Full Version)

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Paulsgirl -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 4:09:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia That is like asking a poor person, what is the key to being rich. This is like asking a person who is impaired what it is like to be whole and i can answer that question with something which is not experience: desire. Desire is what kneads us, shapes us and makes us search and look and question. wWnay not have it, but we may in our hearts and soul know exactly what it is we are looking for and will recognis it when we find it. This is akin, IMPO, to the psychological process of regression (bear with me here). One cannot guide another into regression simply by asking them to go back. This is like throwing a dictionary at a person and asking them to simply look up a word. BUT one can ask a person to go back and search for a concept, a vague feeling, not an experience directly but an ambience of a experience. This is like giving somebody a dictionary and asking them to look up a word which THEY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO SPELL AT THIS TIME BUT RECOGNISE IT WHEN THEY FIND IT, not by having seen it before but by understanding it in context and its meaning for them. Thus we embrace those who are entirely new to the scene, thus we encourage and hold to our hearts those who have never ever indeed had a bdsm/glbt relationship before but who long, who desire and who hope. Thus we allow and encourage careful disclosure of our own expeiences to our children, lest we become hypocrits and hold onto a body of knowledge as if it is our given right. Long live those who hope and desire but yet whose lives do not meet the expectations of the elders, of those who have lived a life in passing.

Leatherist -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 4:13:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor I think this question applies to real life activities where you meet people like us or online--do you place credibility in someone who does not have a "partner"--i.e, a Dom or Domina who espouses the life--but for some reason does not have a submissive? Yes.

TracyTaken -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 4:17:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: azropedntied I think it also depends on the context of why are we looking at validation for someone credibility . Me too. I sometimes can't tell from questions and answers if someone is in a long-term relationship or interested in one ... or even if they are talking about r/l relationships. I do judge the wisdom of responses differently depending on if a question (or answer) has to do with an activity or has to do with a relationship.

Wildfleurs -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 4:26:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor I think this question applies to real life activities where you meet people like us or online--do you place credibility in someone who does not have a "partner"--i.e, a Dom or Domina who espouses the life--but for some reason does not have a submissive? It depends whats actually being talked about. If we are talking about BDSM technique or something like that then being single or in a relationship doesn't really matter. But if we are talking about relationship issues then I do find it a bit strange for single people to give advice on relationships - or similarly people that still count their relationship in months to be giving relationship advice. C~

Sundowner -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 4:28:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness ... When I was new to the baords I seriously considered lying about my age on my profile so that people might take my posts mroe seriously. Now, generally, the people who give me feedback on what I write see that my age is not a factor. I accept fully that my terrible spelling is a major factor in my credibility .. lol Your spelling is often ghastly. Your wisdom, however, is a joy - you punch well above your weight (are you sure you're not lying about your age kid?).

SirJohnMandevill -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 4:54:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied Most people who are single have had past experience and they may also be having current experience, in a play situation or less serious relationship. I don't think what they say has less value than those who are in a serious relationship. Actually some people in relationships make me take pause when I read some of their nonsense. Exactly the way I feel, Katy! What a Dom or Domme says and does is far more important than whether they have a current partner. I certainly consider myself an active Dom, although I've had only one true former submissive and am courting another absolutely wonderful submissive woman right now! Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

KnightofMists -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 5:43:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor I think this question applies to real life activities where you meet people like us or online--do you place credibility in someone who does not have a "partner"--i.e, a Dom or Domina who espouses the life--but for some reason does not have a submissive? Do you place credibility on a Doctor who just finished medical school? Do you place credibility on a Doctor who has been practicing medicine for 5 years... 10 years.. 20 years? I think both are credible... but depending on what question a person is asking..... well I might listen to one more than I would the other. IE... What is it like go through medical school? The most recent individual will have a much more credible answer for me. The experience is fresh in their memory and applicable in todays changing world. As compared to a person that has been practicing medicine for 20 years... Again... it depends on the topic of who is more credible or less credible for the answer.

WontSpareTheRod -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 6:00:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor I think this question applies to real life activities where you meet people like us or online--do you place credibility in someone who does not have a "partner"--i.e, a Dom or Domina who espouses the life--but for some reason does not have a submissive? Maybe some of us are just a little more picky :p

Hippiekinkster -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 6:11:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx Absolutely. I'd trust someone who takes their time, and waits for the right one over those who jump into whatever just to say they have someone. ~Christina Not meaning to be boastful here, but I've been told I'm fairly good-looking. I'm solvent, own my house, don't need to work now (no money, but, hey, that's just liquidity), nice car, well-travelled, semi-bi-lingual, and so on. Not hard at all to find a fuck buddy. I've had a couple since I was divorced, and had some intense experiences. But I am in "I'm gonna wait till a really good fit comes along" mode. I need the intimacy, the shared goals, the affection/love, the "rightness" of the right relationship. I have a whole lot of experience... with one person. I have some experience with a few, and a little experience with many. Does the fact that I'm not in the "community" (any more than I'm in the community of Benz owners or Babylon 5 watchers) mean there's no street cred? Or does the fact that I'm a private person who doesn't need the ego stroking of play-party exhibitionism mean I'm a "newbie"? In truth, I don't give a fuck what the "community" thinks of me. It only matters what one woman thinks of me, and I either haven't met her yet, or she hasn't answered my latest e-mail. I don't label myself ÜberSirLordMasterYadaYada, or even a "Dom" anymore than I label myself a blonde. I am who I am; that simple. Well, this ain't the time to go into my thoughts on the "scene". Namaste

petpete -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 6:28:33 PM)
Dear LadyH : Why does the fact that someone may have no partners have to do with his credibility??? If anything people that are more carful of entering relationships should be regarded as more stable and self secured thus trusted more then the ones who jump from relationship to relationship like butterflies and find out they frequently get hurt thus emotionally and psychologically down and depressed, unless ofcourse they are players and act out of sex drive alone.

luvnchains -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 6:33:24 PM)
OK here's how I view it, alone, single is good, never having had any experience bad....simply because taking some one from Vanilla to WELL...OMG...prolly ..NO! I know it's dangerous...having fantasies in the basement is fine...but some one like that being ready for the reality????

LadyPact -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 6:34:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Paulsgirl quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact My answer really depends on the situation of the individual. I don't necessarily base My thoughts of credibility to whether or not someone is currently single. What I will look at is if that person has always been single. (By single, I'm meaning that to say no long term relationships.) Even though a person isn't connected to another at the particular time, they may have prior life experiences, long term partners, etc., which make a difference to Me. If they've had the actual experiences, I'm more apt to listen when they speak. On the other hand, if it's a person who's never really walked down certain paths, I take what they say with a grain of salt until they've walked in those shoes. Very much the same as people who have never had UM's of their own (or raised someone else's) who want to give partenting advice. Edited for a typo. and yet we let teachers teach our UM's who are both relatively young, have no kids of their own and little teaching experience...just a thought in passing..... Agreed. Yet in this circumstance, we have a bit more flexibility than we might within the public school system. Regarding UM's, we do not get the right to fire and hire teachers by our own acceptance level. Still, we have more flexibility according to the lifestyle. No, we do not get to pick and chose the company we might keep at an event. However, we might use some common sense as to who we give credibility to when we chose to listen to those who would like to speak with regarding our own situations within the lifestyle. I have always found that those with personal experience in an area were far more knowledgeable, than those who haven't dealt with the issue at hand.

slaveluci -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 6:37:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor I think this question applies to real life activities where you meet people like us or online--do you place credibility in someone who does not have a "partner"--i.e, a Dom or Domina who espouses the life--but for some reason does not have a submissive? Yes, I sure did. He "espoused the life" but, at the time we met, did not have a submissive other than an occasional "play" partner. That was why He was looking after all, He didn't have what He wanted[;)]. Virtually from the first day, I knew just how wonderfully credible He was. He has never proven to be anything less. Am I a wonderful judge of character or what?[:)].................luci

slaveluci -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 6:44:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs But if we are talking about relationship issues then I do find it a bit strange for single people to give advice on relationships - or similarly people that still count their relationship in months to be giving relationship advice I could possibly agree with that if that short relationship was their first. I know for both Master and I (whose relationship has passed through enough months to be counted in years now[:)]) were both as qualified as anyone to give relationship advice even when we'd only been together a couple months. Why? We'd both had previous happy, healthy relationships that HAD lasted years. Just because a current relationship is only a few months old doesn't mean one hasn't gleaned lots of wonderful prior knowledge in other ones. Just a thought.............luci

TracyTaken -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 7:23:33 PM)
quote: But if we are talking about relationship issues then I do find it a bit strange for single people to give advice on relationships - or similarly people that still count their relationship in months to be giving relationship advice. I was surprised to see a few years considered as long-term, but the older you get ...

MzMia -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 7:25:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hippiekinkster [In truth, I don't give a fuck what the "community" thinks of me. It only matters what one woman thinks of me, and I either haven't met her yet, or she hasn't answered my latest e-mail. I don't label myself ÜberSirLordMasterYadaYada, or even a "Dom" anymore than I label myself a blonde. I am who I am; that simple. Well, this ain't the time to go into my thoughts on the "scene". Namaste [sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif] I agree with everything you normally say, and this as usual is on the money. I will be single, until I meet someone/and I am emotionally ready to NOT be single. I care about what my boss, family, loved ones and friends think of me. I don't live my life in accord with the "community" or give a flying fuck what the community thinks. When I meet someone special, and we are seriously involved, I WILL care what they think of me. If you like me or love me fine, and if you don't like or love me? You can kiss my grits! lol

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 7:33:30 PM)
I don't base someones credibility on whether or not they have a "partner", I base it on my own interactions with them.

MzMia -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 7:50:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW I don't base someones credibility on whether or not they have a "partner", I base it on my own interactions with them. I meant to add, doesn't it matter what area in which you are seeking credibility? Since the question had to do with being single, I naturally assumed it was based on being in a relationship. That is why I said, I would not consider anyone to be an authority on longterm BDSM relationships, unless they had beenin a longterm BDSM relationship. If I was looking for someone who was an expert in one aspect, what the hell does being single have to do with it? If I seek a rope expert, then I want a rope expert that has years of experience that can be verified. I guess I am thinking this involves a bit of common sense.

kallisto -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 8:05:54 PM)
I don't base someone's credibility on whether they have a partner or not. Everyone is not going to have a partner at all times. I base it on my interactions with them and how much BS they are throwing my way. A BSer will lose track of what they've said or done. It eventually comes out and with it goes their credibility.

stella41b -> RE: Credibility (2/22/2008 10:28:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor quote: ORIGINAL: camille65 quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor I think this question applies to real life activities where you meet people like us or online--do you place credibility in someone who does not have a "partner"--i.e, a Dom or Domina who espouses the life--but for some reason does not have a submissive? Well sure I do. Just as I consider anyone without a partner/s-type/d-type to be credible. Why wouldn't I?Some folks love being single or unattached, some are looking still. Some are fresh out of a relationship.Maybe I'm not understanding the question? You definitely have a grasp of the question, in the world out there, we think nothing of single people, but within the WIITWD, do we tend to be harsher on someone who espouses, speaks to, provides thoughts, ideas etc, participates that is single? Do we not wonder more why? Do we question more how they could offer any insight when they are alone? BDSM is hardly rocket science or applied psychology, it isn't as esoteric as many people try to make out it is. Experience of life is just as good as experience within the community. I know of at least a handful of Dommes who've come out of unsuccessful vanilla marriages in their 30's and 40's to become very good Dommes within a short space of time. I'm almost certain the same can be said of male Doms. It doesn't matter whether someone is Dom, Domme, switch or submissive, they're an individual, a person, they have their own individual life story, their own set of experiences, their own way of doing things. It doesn't matter how long you've been in this lifestyle, because when all of us form a new relationship we all start in the same place - at the very beginning all over again. That is, unless you're doing the same thing over and over again but with different people and expecting them to conform to your rigid views on what a D/s relationship should be, the focus on the psychophysical aspects of the relationship and the ritual. Some of the best insights and ideas I've come across in this community have come from people with little or no experience of 'the lifestyle'. Therefore I think to be more sceptical of someone who hasn't got a partner is rather harsh, and given the specific nature of the complex emotional and psychological needs of many Dommes, is also somewhat unfair.

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