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RE: What I Am - 2/22/2008 1:53:35 PM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
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I don't wear labels well...while my profile lists me as submissive, I am not submissive to all, and definitely not submissive to other females....my interaction with each individual will define if I respect them enough to submit to them, or if I feel I need to lead....I won't be lead by others preconcieved notions of who I am or how I should behave...


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(in reply to Hotch)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: What I Am - 2/22/2008 1:58:20 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

I don't wear labels well...while my profile lists me as submissive, I am not submissive to all, and definitely not submissive to other females....my interaction with each individual will define if I respect them enough to submit to them, or if I feel I need to lead....I won't be lead by others preconcieved notions of who I am or how I should behave...



Which is how it should be, for you - and you've stated it nicely enough in your profile.   [Yes, I perved - for a purpose.]  Perhaps a better way to put it would be:  being that you know who you are and are comfortable with it, how would you perceive a person who takes on a label for themselves and offers no such clarification?



_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: What I Am - 2/22/2008 2:06:02 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I think sometimes relationships develop that are specific to the people involved.

Maybe [she] is a sub...except with this one partner.

I had a friend who identified herself as a lesbian but there were a couple of men she had been "in love" with.

(in reply to Lumus)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: What I Am - 2/22/2008 2:07:08 PM   
chatondamore


Posts: 86
Joined: 12/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I was thinking it could be an instance where one need has been fulfilled and the other has not, therefore the profile being tailored to what they seek. Many switches don't bounce back and forth between Dom and sub with the same partner. If they are already happy in expressing their (for example) Dom side in their current dynamic, they are only searching for the people who they would feel submissive to, and have geared their profile that way.

It could also be that they feel none of the labels really fit who they were and where they are just now. Sometimes, only having, Dom, switch, or sub available doesn't cover all of the bases.


This is pretty much how i feel about it. My profile is listed under submissive. I am a switch, i also have a dominant profile that i keep on here because that was my first profile. In my submissive profile i state very clearly that i am a switch, but that i'm not looking for other people to switch with, i'm looking for a Dominant Male.

I find that a lot of Doms won't even consider switches because they think they will either try to take control of the situation, or that they don't know what a switch wants. I can assure you, i know exactly what i want.

I have one partner that i switch on a day to day basis with. Sometimes as quickly as minute to minute with. He's the only person i've ever felt that way with before. If i were to define my husband, i would say that he is submissive to me, but he isn't into wiitwd with anyone else.

I also find that when i classify myself as a switch, i run across a lot of switch men who i become this mythical creature that they have always fantasized about. I can be a damn good dominant, i'm poly, and i have a bisexual husband. Those situations tend to fall into a pattern where I consistantly have to be dominant and no longer get fun bottom time.

This might be more confusing than necessary, if so, I can clarify.



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(in reply to Lumus)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: What I Am - 2/22/2008 2:10:57 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

I think sometimes relationships develop that are specific to the people involved.

Maybe [she] is a sub...except with this one partner.

I had a friend who identified herself as a lesbian but there were a couple of men she had been "in love" with.



Given that I have an ex who's a lesbian, I can't help but see your point.

[And for once that isn't a facetious remark on my part.]


_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: What I Am - 2/22/2008 2:13:55 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		There is great truth to the quote "Once you label me, you negate me" from Kierkegaard.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Lumus)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: What I Am - 2/22/2008 2:15:15 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chatondamore

quote:

I was thinking it could be an instance where one need has been fulfilled and the other has not, therefore the profile being tailored to what they seek. Many switches don't bounce back and forth between Dom and sub with the same partner. If they are already happy in expressing their (for example) Dom side in their current dynamic, they are only searching for the people who they would feel submissive to, and have geared their profile that way.

It could also be that they feel none of the labels really fit who they were and where they are just now. Sometimes, only having, Dom, switch, or sub available doesn't cover all of the bases.


This is pretty much how i feel about it. My profile is listed under submissive. I am a switch, i also have a dominant profile that i keep on here because that was my first profile. In my submissive profile i state very clearly that i am a switch, but that i'm not looking for other people to switch with, i'm looking for a Dominant Male.

I find that a lot of Doms won't even consider switches because they think they will either try to take control of the situation, or that they don't know what a switch wants. I can assure you, i know exactly what i want.

I have one partner that i switch on a day to day basis with. Sometimes as quickly as minute to minute with. He's the only person i've ever felt that way with before. If i were to define my husband, i would say that he is submissive to me, but he isn't into wiitwd with anyone else.

I also find that when i classify myself as a switch, i run across a lot of switch men who i become this mythical creature that they have always fantasized about. I can be a damn good dominant, i'm poly, and i have a bisexual husband. Those situations tend to fall into a pattern where I consistantly have to be dominant and no longer get fun bottom time.

This might be more confusing than necessary, if so, I can clarify.



No worries, no confusions.  This is more or less something I found a viable conclusion before, whilst chatting with the.dark. and [resists urge] LA.  Separate identities online are a viable alternative to being only one person in real life   Stating who you are on top of the generic label is more communicative, satisfying discourse on a personal level, while still having a label to which the society can relate to [as long as they don't generalize you by it].

Makes sense to me.



_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to chatondamore)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: What I Am - 2/22/2008 2:18:40 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Not separate identities- combined identities.

I am one person, whether here or there.  Online profiles present themselves with a particular limited view.  If I show up at a party not wearing a collar, does that mean I'm not being a slave that night?  Hardly.

If I create one profile labeled as "dominant" does that mean I'm ignoring that I'm also a sub?  No.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Lumus)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: What I Am - 2/22/2008 2:23:25 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

There is great truth to the quote "Once you label me, you negate me" from Kierkegaard.



Now, see, that's label abuse!  No one calls him 'Soren'...

From a microanalytical view, ole Sor got it half right - labels kill identity.  That leaves communication to undermine the steamrolling effect of societies, which - you guessed it [and especially in the English language] - is a series of terms and phrases which are actually labels, or points of references, for shared commonalities.  'Red', 'round'...I go through them when I read books to my son.

I suspect the only true form of self-definition without resorting to labels lies in spontaneous physical interaction on an individual level.

Dammit.  Now I'm thinking about sex.  I'm blaming you, HorizontalHawtie.



_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: What I Am - 2/22/2008 2:24:04 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I have to back Em here, not seperate but combined.
I am submissive, I top, I am a mother, a daughter, a sadist, a masochist, a cook, a pet, his girl, a woman etc - I am all these labels at the same time without ignoring all in combination makes the.dark.
 
the.dark.

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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: What I Am - 2/22/2008 2:25:50 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Not separate identities- combined identities.

I am one person, whether here or there.  Online profiles present themselves with a particular limited view.  If I show up at a party not wearing a collar, does that mean I'm not being a slave that night?  Hardly.

If I create one profile labeled as "dominant" does that mean I'm ignoring that I'm also a sub?  No.


Bad wording on my part - separate facets of an single identity might have read better.  The individual frames are still individual, even if they represent a whole moving picture.

Film at 11.



_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What I Am - 2/22/2008 2:29:31 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		I am kana, nothing more, nothing less.
A flawed human living in a flawed world.
I am joyous, angry, patient, exasperating, friendly, hostile, dominant, caring, selfish, giving.
I am the result of thousands of years of natural selection.
but don't try and dovetail me, there ain't a box big enough to fit.
Nor is there one for any other human.

(in reply to Lumus)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: What I Am - 2/22/2008 7:33:00 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Last time I looked there wasn't an option for Duality ... ie someone who prefers to live in both Domme and sub modes simultaneously but with 2 different people. That describes Me ... and as I am looking for someone I can Domme ... My profile is listed under Dominant though I clearly describe how I operate, and I usually sign posts with both My Domme and sub names. So I don't believe I am concealing the complexity of My nature or My requirements. my sub side has Master and is very happy, so i don't need to have a sub profile here. I don't consider that I switch as such, at least not in the way many seem to, and I am only seeking one other partner and that would be a sub one with whom I would definitely not switch ... so to opt for switch would just waste other folks' time. Does that help Lumus?

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: What I Am - 2/22/2008 7:57:41 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

Last time I looked there wasn't an option for Duality ... ie someone who prefers to live in both Domme and sub modes simultaneously but with 2 different people. That describes Me ... and as I am looking for someone I can Domme ... My profile is listed under Dominant though I clearly describe how I operate, and I usually sign posts with both My Domme and sub names. So I don't believe I am concealing the complexity of My nature or My requirements. my sub side has Master and is very happy, so i don't need to have a sub profile here. I don't consider that I switch as such, at least not in the way many seem to, and I am only seeking one other partner and that would be a sub one with whom I would definitely not switch ... so to opt for switch would just waste other folks' time. Does that help Lumus?

Maam Jay aka violet[A]


Again, makes sense to me.   You have different needs based on different facets of your life, which you define to make others aware...seems quite sensible to me.


_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: What I Am - 2/22/2008 8:53:43 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

I am kana, nothing more, nothing less.
A flawed human living in a flawed world.
I am joyous, angry, patient, exasperating, friendly, hostile, dominant, caring, selfish, giving.
I am the result of thousands of years of natural selection.
but don't try and dovetail me, there ain't a box big enough to fit.
Nor is there one for any other human.



Nicely stated and this works well for me.
I don't know of many people that can be put neatly into one box.
Most people are multi-dimensional.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: What I Am - 2/23/2008 12:51:22 AM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		This whole thread has been fascinating for me to read as a switch. I debated really hard what to list myself as when asked to set up my profile but none of the labels seemed to fit. I started in the Lifestyle as a sub, I've been a Domme for some years yet have switched for a Dom and know that I will do so again for a very special man. It's me, part of who I am, what I am, and like several have said, labels simply don't fit me. I don't flipflop back and forth. I actually felt that if I was to be honest with anyone looking at my profile, what a friend calls a starter profile, the only choice I had that was closest to *me* was "switch". I'm pretty upfront about the fact that I've been burned very badly by someone so honesty isn't something I ask for, I pretty much demand it. If you have an issue with that and honesty, then do us both a favour and move on. LOL... Ok, so I'm pretty upfront about a lot of things. That includes the fact that I love submitting to the right man but no, I don't, and can't, submit to just anyone. I won't be rude, I'll just smile politely and say "no, thanks". Likewise, I'm not just going to go out and dominate whoever. Again, polite smile and a "no, thanks". I don't think this means I don't know what I want. Far from it. It means that I know exactly what I want, when I want it and that I'm comfortable with who I am. A label? Got me.... How about "Rainfire"? LOL.....  
 
LadyRainfire

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: What I Am - 2/23/2008 3:06:17 AM   
PinkDice


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

- "I'm a Switch."
- "Great! I'm a Dom. What's your limits?"
- "Doms, at the moment. I'm looking more for a boytoy...thanks."
- "Are you sure...?"
- "...just...die."
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lumus


I had not originally intended to chime in on this subject but this mock conversation has me laughing so hard I have to say SOMETHING. I find it humorous because in the short time I have been a member of cm I have had MANY variations of that conversation over and over and over again.

I have had a series of misrepresentations in my profile, all of them bent at significantly decreasing the amount of inappropriate solicitations in my mailbox. It's was not meant to deceive or to dodge a specific label (switch obviously fits me), but to deceive the hundreds of people who don't get they can't impose their kink on others and to dodge that unwanted attention. For the record, I am a bisexual female switch who is fairly new to the lifestyle, looking for a real life partner (probably a Dom/me at this point) and friends that share some of my many interests. *whew, that was a lot of specification*

My first misrepresentation was to say that I am a submissive. This was to dissuade the s/types from contacting me. I have been feeling really submissive in general lately, and don't think I am fit to Top anybody. After that was to say I am a switch, currently collared, to also dissuade all the "I practice the ONE TRUE FORM of TPE, please move to egypt and be Mine immediately." and the only slightly more annoying "you are only a switch because you have not yet experienced the pleasure of submitting to ME (silly little girl)".

I have found what works best for me is to disclose that I am a switch and note that I am looking for friends only. I AM looking for friends only with some, this is completely true. I find it really uncomfortable to not tell the truth. The decrease of impolite mail I have gotten based on their (false) assumption I am ONLY looking for friends only allows me to freely browse and focus on communicating with those I may actually have an interest in.

This lie of omission has allowed me to concentrate my energy on communicating with people I have an interest in relating to, rather than spending hours wading through my inbox worrying that I may accidentally delete the one pertinent and interesting correspondence I have gotten all week.

*If only I could manage to get the spelling bit right the first time, SIGH.*



< Message edited by PinkDice -- 2/23/2008 3:14:13 AM >

(in reply to Lumus)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: What I Am - 2/23/2008 3:33:00 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		I am not going to try to guess the motives of another.  If I were sub/switch/top/bottom whatever.  I would leave my profile blank to that question and explain my situation to ppl that I found interesting.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to PinkDice)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: What I Am - 2/24/2008 3:51:32 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		This is Darcy

I am the hub of everything that is me.


_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: What I Am - 2/24/2008 4:37:07 AM   
ExpressiveSoul1


Posts: 13
Joined: 8/22/2007
Status: offline 		This thread has been very intriguing for me to read and is pulling me out of lurking mode to participate.

In my profile it clearly states that I started in this lifestyle as a submissive, and now am exploring my Dominant side.  I chose to list myself as Dominant because that is how I am interacting in the community.  I do not seek to be submissive to anyone in this community.  It's the mantle I feel comfortable wearing, as it is the label available that most accurately describes who I am to the BDSM community as I interact with it.

I do get the contacts occasionally from dominant men who try to convince me I am confused and haven't met the right man to submit to.  That's when I pleasantly inform them that, oh yes, I have.  My husband of nearly 19 years is the man that I take a submissive role within the dynamic of our "mostly" vanilla marriage.  My husband is a very dominant character who likes to indulge in some BDSM activities with me but has no interest in going outside of our relationship for more.  He also has no inclination to be involved in the BDSM community.  He is supportive and understanding that I enjoy the community and owning a submissive.  But I adore being submissive to him, making him king of our castle.  It works for us and I have never felt the need to justify or explain myself.

Interestingly, at a recent munch I attended with a girlfriend, we sat with a Master, his slave and a male friend of his that he was introducing to the lifestyle.  As we talked about our own histories and experiences, when it came to light that I do submit to my husband, he immediately turned to his protege, and labelled me a switch and went to explain what his definition of a switch was to the newbie.  I did not feel compelled to correct him because in his mind, that is what I am.  I had introduced myself as Domme, but from the moment I told him I submit to my husband, I no longer fit into the slot he had in his mind for a dominant.

I think many of the posts here indicate that an individual chooses the label for their profile as they best see it for themselves, open to different interpretations by others, but no label can ever be all-encompassing.

Thanks for the thread.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 60
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