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Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:30:11 PM   
dcfirmhand


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/23/2008
From: DC
Status: offline 		Hola folks --

I just re-created a Collarme account after having tried it out a year or so ago. I wasn't very successful in finding someone last time around, but I thought I'd give it another shot.

In general I'm finding it really hard to meet a submissive woman who is interested in a D/s relationship. My main venues for meeting submissive women have been online personals sites like this one. I've managed to meet a handful of women in person, but in general I haven't felt like online personals sites have been all that effective in helping me find a like-minded woman. When I *do* get to the point of meeting someone in person, we frequently hit it off. But getting to that point -- even just getting an online conversation with someone -- seems like a major hurdle.

Perhaps part of the problem is that I value discretion. I would not be comfortable posting my own photos to a service like Collarme or Bondage.com (although I will share photos with a woman after I've corresponded with them). Likewise, although I know there are several BDSM clubs/organizations in my area, I am not comfortable "going public" with my interests in BDSM. I'm sure these organizations value discretion as well, but it's just not something I'm willing to do.

Hopefully someone in the forums here can offer me some advice for making the kind of connection I'm looking for with a smart, sexy, submissive woman?

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:35:46 PM   
mignoette


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline 		You are not alone. Ive had a hellish time trying to find a Dominant/Master. I honeslty think is more luck than anything else and will be watching this post for any good advice...

y

(in reply to dcfirmhand)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:36:29 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		You are right.  It is hard to find someone if you aren't willing to put yourself out there.  No pics, cool, I don't put mine up either.  But I am not afraid of meeting people at munches and stufff because they are people just like me who value discretion. 
I tried waiting for men to fall out of the trees when I walked down the path but OSHA is very active in my state.
If you want to meet people, the best way is to get out there in the world.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to dcfirmhand)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:37:57 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Well after looking at your profile it is very plain and doesn't say a whole lot. You don't say anything about yourself, wants, needs, desires etc. Jazz it up a bit and make it stand out.  It took me two years to  find Master. Finding someone who fits isn't a quick easy thing.

< Message edited by sweetnurseBBW -- 2/23/2008 2:39:43 PM >

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:40:12 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		It is probably that the majority of subs think that you are related to FirmHandKy....It is rumored that he is hung like a fucking horse and has stretched many a sub beyond her limits....It might be the problem...Ya know the nut doesn't fall far from the tree.

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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:40:47 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		i generally get confused about the picture thing.  i can understand not posting a picture but once contact is made what is the big deal?  i mean, we then turn around and tell people to get out in public to meet people.  But we never tell them to go out in public wearing a ski-mask or something so their identity will be protected.  Sheesh...people have faces.  Seeing someone's face is often the first part of attraction. 

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to dcfirmhand)
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RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:42:40 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Heh... I recognize your response is directed at the OP, but it did make me look down to see what might be hung...
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:43:06 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dcfirmhand
Hopefully someone in the forums here can offer me some advice for making the kind of connection I'm looking for with a smart, sexy, submissive woman?


Be a smart, sexy, dominant man.

No, I'm not being facetious.

_____________________________



(in reply to dcfirmhand)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:46:01 PM   
dcfirmhand


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/23/2008
From: DC
Status: offline 		sweetnurseBBW--

My profile is (currently) very plain because I just re-created it a little under an hour ago. Part of the reason it's plain is because I wanted to gather some advice here in the forums before I built out the profile and started contacting people again.

The last time I had an account on Collarme (~18 months ago), though, my profile was quite detailed. I did have photos attached to the account, but just not available to the public -- only shared them with women who were willing to correspond with me.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:46:53 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am one of those who does not post my pic online, yet I do meet in person (without a mask too!).  Mostly it is a desire not to have non kinked folk peg me into a slot that has no relation to our connection.  I wouldn't want my clients to wander by a site out of curiosity and see my face peering back at them.  I work for my clients, I don't play with them. 
Pics before meetings are fine.  Pics on site make no sense to me.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:47:57 PM   
dcfirmhand


Posts: 20
Joined: 2/23/2008
From: DC
Status: offline 		eyesopened--

I've got no problem sharing a photo once I've exchanged messages/email with someone. I just don't want to declare my personal kinks for the world to see, though.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:49:02 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Yes, it's difficult.
And I even have pictures and a full narrative and all my "likes" listed.
And I'm looking for a "live-in" ltr here with me so she'd even have a place to stay! lol A roof over her head, "three hots and a cot!"
And I'm in Myrtle Beach, S.C.
You'd think all the subs and slaves up North would be jumping at a nice situation like that!
Is it the pictures???

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to dcfirmhand)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:49:10 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcfirmhand
Hopefully someone in the forums here can offer me some advice for making the kind of connection I'm looking for with a smart, sexy, submissive woman?


Be a smart, sexy, dominant man.

No, I'm not being facetious.


I agree.   The OP makes his first post sounding very disillusioned and down. (This is not the first post I've seen about this very topic.  I would think you would want to be strutting your stuff like a peacock with his feathers out.   First impressions are lasting impressions. 

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:51:34 PM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dcfirmhand

sweetnurseBBW--

My profile is (currently) very plain because I just re-created it a little under an hour ago. Part of the reason it's plain is because I wanted to gather some advice here in the forums before I built out the profile and started contacting people again.

The last time I had an account on Collarme (~18 months ago), though, my profile was quite detailed. I did have photos attached to the account, but just not available to the public -- only shared them with women who were willing to correspond with me.


How long are you waiting to share pictures?  Before I met m'Lord (who had his pictures up, I didn't until later) I was contacted by men who sent a picture with the initial communication and I responded, I understand not wanting someone to stumble on a picture on a profile, but I am leary of faceless e-mails, but then I'm cynical like that.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to dcfirmhand)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:54:09 PM   
honeygirl


Posts: 111
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline 		Not having a picture up makes things tougher (I know) -- so your profile and initial mail has to really entice.  I've encountered lots of men who don't have a picture in their profile so it's not a stopping point for me...

It's challenging for me to give advice when working with a blank slate, so to speak.  Would you be able to share what you'd written in your previous profile?

I will say that I love the fact that, on bondage.com, you can have main profile pictures that don't show your entire face AND you can have hotlist-only pictures!

(in reply to dcfirmhand)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:55:58 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		I generally hate most pictures of myself, which is the main reason why I initially would not put them up online anywhere.

Then I realized that if I can tell people my name and personal business, a picture isn't half as troubling.

~ Todd



_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:56:39 PM   
luvnchains


Posts: 52
Joined: 8/17/2005
Status: offline 		Don't think it's the pic....or the profile...some of the Doms on here sometimes almost make me wish I was a more submissive type...  but seriously can't understand why you would have a problem finding sub, with the pic, or the profile.

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 2:57:25 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dcfirmhand

eyesopened--

I've got no problem sharing a photo once I've exchanged messages/email with someone. I just don't want to declare my personal kinks for the world to see, though.


Then i misunderstood your need for 'discretion' and i apologize, it's just that i've chatted with too many guys who want to keep everything a secret until we meet in person and i'm not likely to meet in person anyone who needs to keep everything a secret.  i apologise.

True story:  my ex-husband and i were travelling and as was his custom did not want to stop if we were 'making good time' but i HAD to pee so he pulls over on the hardscrabble desert and without so much as a ditch or a sagebrush i had to squat next to the highway and pee while the cars and trucks zoomed by.  That was 27 years ago and i have never ONCE had someone come up to me and say "Hey!  Aren't you the person i saw baring her ass on I-80??"  Likewise, if someone mentioned to me they saw me and my nasty slut self on Collar Me i would simply ask "what are YOU doing trolling on CollarMe, you pervert."  But then i'm old and addled.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to dcfirmhand)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 3:02:40 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		One thing I've noticed in here and in probably all sites is the "Married Men" problem.
These Jackasses write to 10 different women leading them on, promising to meet and then dissapearing.
You see it in a lot of women's profiles in here too, "NO MARRIED MEN!"
I don't know, they must get their jollies by leading women on or something.
Whatever, that certainly doesn't help matters to have those assholes in here.

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to dcfirmhand)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Difficulty meeting submissive women? - 2/23/2008 3:07:49 PM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		popeye the problem is that they don't want to eat spinanch all their lives. Bluto took Olive Oil so your just plain out of luck.  The only photo I have is croped to take out a unmentionable but CM dosent allow cropped photos . crap.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 20
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