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Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/23/2008 8:26:20 PM   
SodomizHer


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline 		Today I went to the mall and wore a small pin of handcuffs on the lapel of my leather jacket.
I wanted to see if it would get noticed from women.  Walked all three floors twice without anyone noticing.  Then specifically struck up light conversations with a few women.  Still no one made notice as far as I could see.

The reason for this sillyness is the idea of finding a submissive more or less the old fashioned way besides going to those awful S/M clubs or bars. While asking someone for a date they already know what they are getting into. Of course, the best places to find dates are the ones you are known and trusted which presents a catch-22. I don't want others to know of my interests.  People are funny in their beliefs sometimes.  A friend of mine used to stand in the Science Fiction or Occult section at Barnes and Noble. When a women he was attracted to entered the same section he would struck up a conversation; and when asked of what he liked, would mention "themes involving S/M and B/D".  Either the women would leave rolling hers eyes or he continued the conversation which over the years resulted in meeting a half dozen submissives. 

Over the years I've tried using many theories to predict if specific women are submissive sexually without success.  Most of the submissives I've have relationships with over the years never gave such an indication until I asked "So, what's your wildest fantasy or similar?" on a vanilla date.  If she replied, "Nothing weird", I knew that was my last date with her.

Many Doms I've met claim they can spot a sub within the general public by her demenor or the looks in her eyes.  I've never really found that to be true.  I do find that women OTOH who are somewhat geeky, if you will are more likely to be submissive.  Don't be offended. I like that type of women.

Anyway, my experiment failed for now.  Next week, I'll try the Divining Rod

< Message edited by SodomizHer -- 2/23/2008 8:29:08 PM >
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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/23/2008 8:38:26 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline 		lol at divining rod

You might also try a Divine Rod lol

< Message edited by HerLord -- 2/23/2008 8:39:18 PM >

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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/23/2008 9:25:52 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, we go to the mall at times.
But no, I probably wouldn't react to your pin. As you said, "I don't want others to know of my interests." Neither do I.
I've had a couple of people guess out my orientation quickly, but for all I know, they just assume all women are and hit it right with me.

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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/23/2008 9:44:46 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		They sell handcuff pins at Claire's which markets to girls as young as 8.  I'm not saying they can't be submissive, but you shouldn't expect much from a symbol that has such a mundane and omnipresent status in the general market today.

The problem is that even if you pick up someone there, what are the chances you'll be compatible in general?  About as much as anyone you'd pick up randomly.  Just both being "open to kink" isn't very much at all.

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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/23/2008 9:53:29 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		There's something to be said for picking up on subtle and not-so-subtle hints....Body language, eye contact, jewelry, things they find humorous, comments made about D/s type topics, or response to the same. I don't think it's foolproof, but some people seem to have a real talent for picking out the kinky folks in a vanilla setting. Master is really good at it. Now, I THINK I am good at it too..though I don't ask for actual confirmation...! I do think it takes more than one brief meeting with a total stranger to pick up on all the hints. I might not even notice the handcuffs on the lapel of a jacket in a causal conversation. It's more likely that you put together a series of clues, and in true Columbo fashion, solve the mystery.  If you are looking for the instant foolproof field test, I doubt you'll be successful most of the time.  

< Message edited by ChainedExistence -- 2/23/2008 9:55:03 PM >

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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/23/2008 10:10:05 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		I would not come to the conclusion that a handcuff pin meant someone was into kink.  I would more readily come to the conclusion that they were in law enforcement.  I worked in the legal field for 10 years and knew a very spunky PI who wore a white gold handcuff necklace which was very prominent.  It reflected the work that she did.  One day, I asked her about it and she said, "Do you know how many men see this necklace and automatically think I'm some sort of pervert who's into handcuffs and stuff?  I show them my badge and they realize that I get off on arresting them, not tying them up!"  I had to laugh because she later added, "Wouldn't you get offended if someone just assumed you had some sort of sexual kink just because you have handcuffs tattooed on your shoulder?" (referring to my tattoo that was occasionally visible to others)  I just looked at her with my best poker face and said, "Yeah, right...  that must be awful."  (Stifled giggles)    

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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/24/2008 3:47:30 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		i applaud your efforts to seek beyond the computer, however, if i saw a gentleman wearing a handcuffs pin, my initial thought would be "cop" not Dominant.

What DOES a submissive woman look like?  What does she do that is different from non-submissive women?  Trying to predict what is in the soul by a look or a gesture is like trying to predict how well a car will perform by looking at its tires....or predicting the length of a man's penis by looking at his feet.

What if it wasn't BDSM but finding someone with a shared interest in mountain climbing or hockey or sailing?  Still, the best way to find people with a shared interest is to be where others of the same interest hang out.

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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/24/2008 3:53:23 AM   
urlittleprincess


Posts: 149
Joined: 12/18/2007
Status: offline 		hmmm...if i noticed the handcuffs on your lapel, i would be more inclined to assume you were in a branch of law enforcement...but that is because we wear those little cuffs where i work!  ;)

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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/24/2008 4:01:47 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

Many Doms I've met claim they can spot a sub within the general public by her demenor or the looks in her eyes.


wow I feel small. I think CM can close the website and just keep the forum open

Not sure if the handcufss attract the ladies. Peopel can think so much when they see them...cop, Master, security, gay leather boy.
People also look at punkers with spiky green hair.
And while you only focus on ladies..you propably don't see the males peeking at you.


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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/24/2008 4:08:43 AM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		OP, maybe you'd have more of a reaction if you wore a pin that couldn't be mistaken as being in law enforcement, like a flogger or a paddle or something along those lines.

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He's the "boom" overwhelming...

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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/24/2008 4:12:43 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		Perosnally ... unless you are stunningly good looking ... am not even going to be paying attention to strangers when I am going about my daily business. In fact people who attention seek are the least likely to gain positive attention from me, I find it childish and annoying ,, and I have enough of those things at work.

I think that though this interesting method may create some degree of success in finding a submissive ultimately the odds are against you.

Do fishermen sit in the middle of the Atlantic fly fishing? .... nope
Do they sit beside water they know to contain the fish they want, and fly fish using bait they know works?... yes

Which fisherman catches more fish?

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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/24/2008 4:30:46 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		IF they notice you..the badge....and then?
I wouldn't personaly talk to a lady just because she looks at the badge. DOn't like my face red by a slap.
But perhaps if she saw you a few times..she might wear abadge too..to signal?


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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/24/2008 5:37:57 AM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		I've never been involved with anybody from a "life style" website and I don't go to munches or "events". But, I've been involved with several ladies who shared my interests. How did these relationships happen? I did it the old fashioned way. I meet people, I get to know them. It takes time. I would like to meet someone who not only clicks in the kinks, but in the many other things in life, my horses, my motorcycles, my love of politics, music, food, interests and of course family. Sounds boring doesn't it? I mean in this age of instant gratification, actually putting in time and effort to get to know people.

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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/24/2008 6:07:35 AM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		boring? definitely not!  that just sounds flat out crazy!

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3


He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/24/2008 8:04:21 AM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		"Flagging" yourself in public rarely works. Far too often, fashion takes it's cues from our subculture, (and other subcultures) and drain the meaning of them so that they can be sold to the masses. It used to be that wearing lots of leather was a flag. Not any more. Used to be that wearing a dog collar was a flag. Nope, kids do it all the time as a "fashion statement." Pins, hankies, and t-shirts with provacative saying on them used to be flags too... but thanks to Spencers and Hot Topic, you can blow those out the window.

Now, if I were to see Daddysredhead somewhere, and her handcuff tat were visible, I might make an assumption. But, would she be sub or Domme? How would I know she was single?

As much as you put down those awful groups and parties, it remains one of the few places one can go and be assured of actually meeting like minded people. CM and the other online sites aren't perfect either, but at least you have a chance of filtering through some of the BS and find people who are honestly interested in this.

Hanging out in a bookshop, annoying people, seems a little inefficient to me.

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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/24/2008 8:20:31 AM   
MasterToasty


Posts: 16
Status: offline 		You're not going to be able to tell if someone is dominant, submissive, or vanilla until you get to know them.  Unless of course they are leading someone around on a leash, or being led around on a leash, or doing something that is clearly, outwardly a display of power exchange.

It has been my experience, however, that in 4 years of college and 1 year of grad school, it's always the quiet intellectual ones at the library or the bookstore that like roses for their thorns.  So far over the last 5 years, that theory has held true 9/13 times for me (that I can recall), though they (unfortunately for me) weren't always sub.  They were at least interested in BDSM or very rough (go-to-the-hospital-for-stitches-from-nail-scratches-ROUGH) sex.

Just my $0.02 as a youngin'.

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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/24/2008 8:30:37 AM   
MrRandallspe


Posts: 110
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		I was at a mall recently and saw a woman wearing a tshirt stateing
" I am searching for my Master"
I was curious and when  i saw her once more at the food court,
I asked her about the tshirt.......thinking that she was into this life style.....

Well, the shirt was making a religous statement,,,

Even simple "signs" can be very misleading.

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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/24/2008 8:32:40 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRandallspe

I was at a mall recently and saw a woman wearing a tshirt stateing
" I am searching for my Master"
I was curious and when  i saw her once more at the food court,
I asked her about the tshirt.......thinking that she was into this life style.....

Well, the shirt was making a religous statement,,,

Even simple "signs" can be very misleading.



mmm good point
(did you ask if she found him ;)  )


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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/24/2008 8:35:11 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		did you offer to be his agent on earth?

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RE: Finding Submissive Women at vanilla public places? - 2/24/2008 8:38:41 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I wouldn't talk about my sexual fantasies at the bookstore. And I'd give anyone so blatant as to be wandering around in public with handcuffs on a wide berth. And I'm submissive.

But the last thing I focus all my attention on when developing a relationship is specific sexual fantasies. Shared moral values ranks much higher for me.

I like play but I can live without it. I can't tolerate a relationship with a man who does not naturally take the lead. And there's no way to predict that from book preferences or tie tacks.

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