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RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 4:15:03 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		This is a fast reply.
 
In this "book" which I highly suspect will be a website, will you be giving credit by name to all these nice people who have contributed to the creation of your web site? I think you are serious about this, and that's OK, but at least let the folks who are helping you know right from the get go the reason you are asking for their "rules" or "guidelines".
Castlerealm has closed it's doors, so the newbies, who are too lazy to do the reading of credited authors now need a quick place to get their information. Again, nothing wrong with that, except that as we all know THERE ARE NO RULES, so for us to simply direct the new people who are just learning about wiitwd to your brand new shiny web site, is just as bad as us referring them to castlerealm.com.
 
Let's face it, there are not many web sites out there that give out information about wiitwd to new folks. Can you imagine a new person coming here and asking questions (Yeah, they do that, and look what they get for their efforts) and we give them www.guidelinesforbdsm.com (Fake name for the sake of my post) and they immediately rush to that site to gather up in their inexperienced minds, all the "guidelines" there are, so they can quickly rush back here to write on their profiles "Experienced" blah blah blah...(That was a serious run on words, but screw it).
 
So, how much "help" are we really giving?
 
I suspect that the reason that no one is mentioning a safe word "rule" is because this is just one area that is too gray to include in a "book of rules". I have my sub use safe words, but there are many on this site who do not incorporate the use of them in their dynamic. For you to write a book or create a web site, I think it is important for you to mention Safety. Hell, have a whole page dedicated to it. It is, after all, one of the main credences of bdsm. Safe, Sane and Consentual.
 
I want to apologize if this post comes across as bitchy, I am having my first cup of coffee and reading this thread and the back tracking, and the "Oh I was only kidding" attitude of the OP turns my stomach a little.
 
Let the flames begin..I am strong enough to stand behind what I write here. And I suspect that I am not the only one that feels this way.
 
MoGa

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RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 4:33:31 AM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

This is a fast reply.
 
In this "book" which I highly suspect will be a website, will you be giving credit by name to all these nice people who have contributed to the creation of your web site? I think you are serious about this, and that's OK, but at least let the folks who are helping you know right from the get go the reason you are asking for their "rules" or "guidelines".
Castlerealm has closed it's doors, so the newbies, who are too lazy to do the reading of credited authors now need a quick place to get their information. Again, nothing wrong with that, except that as we all know THERE ARE NO RULES, so for us to simply direct the new people who are just learning about wiitwd to your brand new shiny web site, is just as bad as us referring them to castlerealm.com.
 
Let's face it, there are not many web sites out there that give out information about wiitwd to new folks. Can you imagine a new person coming here and asking questions (Yeah, they do that, and look what they get for their efforts) and we give them www.guidelinesforbdsm.com (Fake name for the sake of my post) and they immediately rush to that site to gather up in their inexperienced minds, all the "guidelines" there are, so they can quickly rush back here to write on their profiles "Experienced" blah blah blah...(That was a serious run on words, but screw it).
 
So, how much "help" are we really giving?



Just to make sure everybody understands, the only place that any of this was written on our behalf  was for the pages of these forums and the visitors of this site.  We are incredibly flattered and are currently stroking our egos over your thinking we could possibly good enough to be professional writers.  My Love and I thank you.

Safety comes under the heading of rule #4, be true to yourself, imho.

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RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 4:43:47 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

Just to make sure everybody understands, the only place that any of this was written on our behalf  was for the pages of these forums and the visitors of this site.  We are incredibly flattered and are currently stroking our egos over your thinking we could possibly good enough to be professional writers.  My Love and I thank you.

You are welcome, but I was not complimenting  you on your writing skills, I was complimenting the people who have responded to this, on their writing skills lol If  you had said in the first OP that the only place people would see this was on CM, I would not have written a word I just wrote. Sometimes, it is best to make your intentions clear and since you hopped around a little bit, my suspicions grew. I am that way. Like one of the posters said, I have also been burned. But mine was someone plagiarizing a book of poems I had published. What a mess that was. I also believe in giving credit where credit is due.

Thanks for responding :)

MoGa


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RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 4:48:02 AM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		No, thank you for your honesty.  It's exactly what we hoped for.  You're also correct.  The people spoke for themselves. 

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RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 4:52:37 AM   
Hatari


Posts: 15
Joined: 12/15/2006
Status: offline 		MistressOfGa I totally agree with your comments. The first rule must be Safe, Sane and Consensual and the second rule must be Safeword.

Now if a couple decide not to use that safeword that is fine and up to them.

If we do not push safewords, we must consider that there are many on this and other sites who very easily get themselves into play situation and are rapidly passing their limits and do not know how to get themselves out of it. If we teach them to use safewords they have a way out. OK later they may decide that they do not need it with their Dom/me, but that come with experience, a lot of it.


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Profile   Post #: 85
RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 5:06:20 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hatari

MistressOfGa I totally agree with your comments. The first rule must be Safe, Sane and Consensual and the second rule must be Safeword.

Now if a couple decide not to use that safeword that is fine and up to them.

If we do not push safewords, we must consider that there are many on this and other sites who very easily get themselves into play situation and are rapidly passing their limits and do not know how to get themselves out of it. If we teach them to use safewords they have a way out. OK later they may decide that they do not need it with their Dom/me, but that come with experience, a lot of it.

Hatari,
I agree to a point. If the scene is between a top and bottom who don't know each other well, then most certainly I would insist on a safe word. But for the most part, if the dynamic has been in place for a while and the people involved know each other well enough, the use of safe words may not be as important. Even with safe words, it is still the tops responsibility in my opinion to be aware of their partners well being at all times because the sub/slave/bottom may not be aware of how much is too much or they could have slipped into sub space and are not able to say or even mutter their safe word. My sub has never used his safe word while we are doing a scene, he has, however, used it when I was tickling him and he couldn't breathe because he was laughing so hard.
It all comes down to safety. No matter how much you feel you may trust someone, accidents do happen, and a sub should never be afraid or ashamed to safe word out.

In my own opinion <s>

MoGa

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RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 5:39:31 AM   
quinnny


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

My only rule is to rule out doms who look like they have cum dripping off their mustaches.


Oh dear - very nearly fell off my chair at that - keyboard seems to have coped with the coffee tho. <Hugs marieToo>


hee hee hee


That remark is the funniest. At first I didn't notice but now that you mention it...

I can't see anything else

< Message edited by quinnny -- 2/25/2008 5:41:46 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 87
RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 6:16:00 AM   
quinnny


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Hmmmm...I really don't know if I can give up my rules. I've been developing them for years and they are up to seven completed volumes. I particularly love volume 2 covering the use of upper and lower case letter (642 pages); and volumes 6, 7 and the future volume 8 covering the rules for reading the rules.  Of course I haven't actually had time to have a sub in real life because I'm so busy with my book of rules. I did try once, but she ran screaming from the house around the middle of volume three... If she was a real masochist she would have stayed.

If I find another sub, I'll have her read voume 6 first...or should I rename volume 6 volume 1 and the rewrite all of the other volumes to correct all the cross references? I'l have to think about that.

I only have about 8 more volumes to write and then I'm going to get lots and lots of subs. They will be well behaved since I've covered all the rules that could possibly be needed. It should be easy to get them because I'll be the guy who wrote the book of rules, which is why I'm writing the rules in the first place. I'll probably have sex then...if my penis works....which could be an issue since I dropped volume 4 (1067 pages) on it.

Good luck with your rules...and be careful with volume 4 if you have vaseline on your hands.





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RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 8:28:13 AM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hatari

If we do not push safewords, we must consider that there are many on this and other sites who very easily get themselves into play situation and are rapidly passing their limits and do not know how to get themselves out of it. If we teach them to use safewords they have a way out. OK later they may decide that they do not need it with their Dom/me, but that come with experience, a lot of it.



Sorry I cannot agree with this. The baseline is know who you are playing with.
You can RED all you want, if the person you are playing with ignores it and you are tied up, your fucked.

Safe Calls are great as long as they are nearby (I prefer in the same public club or house I am dancing with him in, the first, second and fourth time). Frankly by the time one who is not there knows you are in trouble you can be dead, headed for a hospital or traumatized. The best they will be able to do is give the Police a Clue and thats only as good as the information they have. This goes for Tops/Dom/inas as well as Bottom/sub/slaves. There are psycho slaves out there as well and predators who will "submit" for the thrill of taking on a Top.

Part of the problem is not that newbies are new, it's that they forget the basic rules of dating in the hormone rush to playing. Information is out there, anyone who can type in a search engine can find it. They ask questions in forums like this one and leashme.com, and all the other sites out there including alt.com. They ask in chat and get as many answers as there are people, because there is no one way, no one set of rules.

Except two.

Know who you are playing with. Not just their names, address, phone number, but who THEy are as a person not a projection behind a computer screen or a few phone calls.
Trust your instincts. If something seems off, leave. Protect yourself at all costs, it is your life you are playing with.

Everything else is nice, but if he doesn't honor a safe word, your dead or hurt. If you go with them, let them in, meet them even when your gut is saying run away you open the door to potentially a wonderful world, or hell on earth. Trust yourself before you trust anyone with yourself.

poenkitten 

(in reply to Hatari)
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RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 8:46:53 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hatari
The first rule must be Safe, Sane and Consensual and the second rule must be Safeword.


Must?  No, no and absolutely no again.
Safe, sane and consensual is a happy touchy feely statement to make BDSM seem 'ok'.  It is an un-necessary burden BDSM doesn't need.  Maybe when you have worked out and defined what actions or 'things to do' safe, or sane and then find absolute consensuality, then yeah use it.  But until then - no thank you.

quote:

Now if a couple decide not to use that safeword that is fine and up to them.

If we do not push safewords, we must consider that there are many on this and other sites who very easily get themselves into play situation and are rapidly passing their limits and do not know how to get themselves out of it. If we teach them to use safewords they have a way out. OK later they may decide that they do not need it with their Dom/me, but that come with experience, a lot of it.


Safewords should not be pushed at all.  And I am agreeing with poen, what is the point of a safeword if you have no clear understanding of the person you are scening with?
Safewords are great, use them if you want, but don't ever push and rely on them.
 
the.dark.

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Profile   Post #: 90
RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 9:21:09 AM   
quinnny


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I started a separate thread on this that was moved (for some strange reason) to Polls and Other Random Stupidity

The Book Of Rules Volume 2



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Profile   Post #: 91
RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 9:49:36 AM   
brainiacsub


Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/11/2007
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

I was being sarcastic. I love reading about their one true way in the Gorean section :)


 Ah, sarcasm. That, generally, goes over my head. No doubt it stems from being a literalist.  

Celeste

No worries. Most of the literal sentiments go over mine. No doubt it stems from being a little obtuse.

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RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 10:23:52 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: quinnny

I started a separate thread on this that was moved (for some strange reason) to Polls and Other Random Stupidity

The Book Of Rules Volume 2





I wonder why the mods didn't move this one over there ----------->

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RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 2:05:31 PM   
agoodgirl4Daddy


Posts: 336
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline 		So..you don't really think you're gonna write THE one twue rule book do you? 

This seems like a waste of time to me.


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Profile   Post #: 94
RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 2:44:16 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

So, how much "help" are we really giving?


None whatsover.  A book of rules is an interesting coffeetable decoration, but has no use beyond the ornament.

As has been stated here and elsewhere too many times to count, there are no rules for D/s.  None.  There is no "right" path, nor is there a "wrong" path.  There is that which works for one, and that which works for another, and that is all.

"Rules" in the absolute are to my mind the essence of vanilla.  BDSM "rules" are at best "French Vanilla".

The OP's "Book of rules" is quaint and amusing....and that is all.


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RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 2:54:14 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

As has been stated here and elsewhere too many times to count, there are no rules for D/s.  None.  There is no "right" path, nor is there a "wrong" path.  There is that which works for one, and that which works for another, and that is all.



Thank goodness.  Here I thought I was weird for that thing...you know...with the tutu...and graveyard dancing...



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RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 2:55:38 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

So, how much "help" are we really giving?


None whatsover.  A book of rules is an interesting coffeetable decoration, but has no use beyond the ornament.

As has been stated here and elsewhere too many times to count, there are no rules for D/s.  None.  There is no "right" path, nor is there a "wrong" path.  There is that which works for one, and that which works for another, and that is all.

"Rules" in the absolute are to my mind the essence of vanilla.  BDSM "rules" are at best "French Vanilla".

The OP's "Book of rules" is quaint and amusing....and that is all.


Celtic,
I was reffering to sending newbies to a website for new people getting into bdsm, not "the book". If they can easily go to a website to get information, why would they bother getting a book by a credited author? I am from the old school, learn by examples, go to conferrences, read, read, read.

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RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 3:01:52 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

Thank goodness. Here I thought I was weird for that thing...you know...with the tutu...and graveyard dancing...


Nah....you're weird for that other  thing....


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RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 5:06:26 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx
  1. Life is too short to go to bed angry or to not say goodbye, I love you. (having lost a child to murder, I know this one to be very true)
  2. Life is too short to work at something you hate. Find what you love to do and make it your career.
  3. Laugh. It may not be funny now but one day it will be. Perspective changes with time.
  4. Love with all your heart, Committ to life fully. Trust in your self. Follow the beat of your Drummer.
  5. To thine own self be true. Stay honest with yourself and you will find few reasons to be dishonest with others.
  6. It takes great effort to remember a lie and to whom you told it, it takes none to remember the truth. Tell the truth and shame the devil.

poenkitten (typos before coffee)


"Work like you dont need the money,
love like you have never been hurt,
and dance like nobody is watching"
                             Mark Twain 



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RE: The Rules - 2/25/2008 6:35:09 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

So, how much "help" are we really giving?


None whatsover.  A book of rules is an interesting coffeetable decoration, but has no use beyond the ornament.

As has been stated here and elsewhere too many times to count, there are no rules for D/s.  None.  There is no "right" path, nor is there a "wrong" path.  There is that which works for one, and that which works for another, and that is all.

"Rules" in the absolute are to my mind the essence of vanilla.  BDSM "rules" are at best "French Vanilla".

The OP's "Book of rules" is quaint and amusing....and that is all.


I TY CL. You have understood my intent and helped make it clear for others. As I stated in the OP, "this is going to be messy." It certainly has been.

I knew coming in, this was going to be a "bash'em around" "slam'em all" and "send them running from the flames" kind of thread. Fortunately, with exception, this has been largely not the case. It seems after five pages now, that this is at minimum, a hot, debated topic. There are basic rules, that govern what I do. These "rules" apply here, in this world if kink, and on the other side of my bedroom door. The rules listed in my Book of Rules, strike me as rules, that if you are unwilling to live by, make you unfit for my company. Does this make you less a person? Not my concern. All the rulles mean, to any one, I think, is, "Do you live the way I chose to live?" If not, You are better served being in someone else's company.

There is levity in the approach I attempted to present. Some took it as a "Be All, End All" writing to tell them what to do, so as to relieve themselves of responsibility for thought. Some took it as, "Creedo's to live by." And got to the heart of what is important to them about thier own lives. Some took it as an oppurtunity to exhibit thier ability to put a few words together in a string, to make up one of those... silly sentance thingies.

Others took it as a chance to exhault thier superiority in all things, by pointing out the physical attributes of pictures they saw in some one elses post. Excellent powers of observation. Your insight was facinatingly useful, and meaningful.
Others, still, just had a few funny things to say that actually pertained to the topic of the OP.



So, to ALL. Thank You, for making this thread so very very very entertaing. Those who put the time and energy into some real thought about yourselves, Thank you again for your sincerity. Those who had fun, You're welcome. I will try another thread on as interesting a topic at another time.

In the mean time I am going to "baby" this thread, and hope to see it last for some time longer with many contributions to come.

< Message edited by HerLord -- 2/25/2008 6:37:47 PM >

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