|
TysGalilah -> RE: Humbly asking for advice ... (2/24/2008 7:54:14 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Loveisallyouneed
In "Fighting Submission" several participants talked about their struggle with submission.
I must say that to some degree it has been a part of the beginning of each relationship I've been in.
I've never known a woman who did not struggle to some degree with this.
For some the struggle was brief and relatively painless. For others it was ... something else.
The thing is during these struggles the relationship seems trapped in limbo, not knowing how she will resolve that struggle.
And needless to say, as I love those with whom I've been involved, so too do I want to help when she appears to be suffiering from self-doubt.
Now it seems reasonable to believe there are some for whom the struggle is so painful they never achieve submission.
And it is reasonable to assume that there are some for whom there is no struggle.
Thus it is reasonable to suggest that everyone else fits somewhere in between, where there is some struggle and no certainty of the outcome.
What advice do you give a master when he must deal with this woman, her struggle, and the uncertainty of her committment to the relationship?
Patience
consistancy
confidence in what you feel and bring.
Time.
Trust happens when it happens.
A question:
Do you remember what it felt like to first learn how to swim?
ok
what if the first time out there> you were told to "release all your breath, let go of the side and go under the water"
would you have?
probably not.
most of us HOLD our breathes, taking as much into our lungs as possible to sustain our lungs. IF we consider releasing the sidebar > we kick and paddle . We don't just go under the water immediately without air in our lungs. If we consider dunking our heads > we are holding onto the side for the ability to re-emerge if needed.
It is instinctual to want to take a breath and hold our head above water at first.
This is what I think about when I think about surrendering our control to dominance at first.
trust and time..learning we are not going to drown, in baby steps.
Even babies, when tossed into the water, will instinctively paddle and hold their breaths..
Laying on our backs, air released in and out slowly, floating and trusting that we are not sinking/drowning even tho' relaxed and at ease> comes MUCH later! ( this can also read as surrender or submission if you think about it)
~~~~~
I believe that the level of trust and the level of submission are going to coincide. Trust in SELF first..and then trust in the dominant one.
I feel it is a natural course of things, that you describe.
subconsciously "testing" ourselves first! " is this really what I want, who I am, if I CAN do this"..."will I drown?? ( reads: lose myself). And then testing the dominance to know if it is strong enough...strong enough to "be there" if I let my guard and self-control down.
no matter how many years the relationship exists> each time, we put aside our natural instinct to protect ourselves and take care of ourselves.
the URGE can lessen, and so does the level of resistance as the trust grows, but as humans I think the instinct will always be there.
So our submission, and the dominance it surrenders to > needs to be more powerful and feel more ,or just as, safe as the emotionally secure place we provide for ourselves.
Taking care of myself! was my natural thing to do, until I totally trusted that if "I" didn't > HE would : )
but that takes time
and goes against most of our human natures and survival instincts...
so not only are you asking her/him to trust YOU and give all of her/himself physically > you are asking them to ignore their instinct to resist risk, fear and feelings of vulnerability and self-preservation. No easy job..and no simple accomplishment for either participant.
|
|
|
|
