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RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/19/2005 12:47:39 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		Not a bad quoute no, the only problem i ahve whit it is that things like that is often followed by and you are not becouse you dont fit my chriteria.

(in reply to MsIncognito)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/19/2005 8:50:43 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I didn't have anything too specific in mind. Through correspondence, my circle of friends and peers involved in the lifestyle, mail on this website and others, and various other places I've heard people drop rather snide little phrases, or even innocent ones, about those who aren't constantly immersed in the lifestyle as "faking it". Some people believe that those of us who carry on a strictly vanilla life outside the scene have missed the boat somewhere. I don't agree, but I don't get bent out of shape about it. I wondered, though, how common this type of view is, hence my query. I appreciated your response. It gave food for thought about the opposite side of the 24/7 coin. And to all who have responded, thank you. (Just to let you all know, though, I do live with master. We both, however, lead vanilla lives outside of BDSM).

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/19/2005 10:17:16 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		I guess in some ways I have to envy people like Mercnbeth that can actually live their dreams. I can't. I have to live in a Vanilla world and cross over to this lifestyle to play. Am I any less valuable? Who cares? I don't! I just enjoy what I have and I don't worry about what others think. Could I live in a 24/7 BDSM lifestyle? I don't know, (but I would like to try it once) maybe someday I'll find out. Until then I'm a lot more interested in what works for me and not what other people think. I have to agree with OsideGirl though; I too have issues with someone who presents themselves as something they are not.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to nella)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/20/2005 8:35:38 AM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		i've known people who lived together for decades but didn't do 24/7 in any way, shape or form - 'nilla, D/s, etc. my opinion is to live and let live. It's not my place to sit in judgement of anyone else..period!!! i try to remember the old saying about "not judging a man (woman) until you walk a mile in their shoes", and i suspect it applies to this as well.

Cheers
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to OscarHargraves)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/20/2005 7:04:55 PM   
sultryvoice


Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline 		Whatever works is what I believe..I have not lived 24/7 so I can't answer to it. I too, would like to have the opportunity. But, I must have to say, the vanilla world always creeps in. Yes, I love the lifestyle. I feel good in my skin now. But, what I believe and what the next person believes will always be different. I said different not wrong..We are all different (yes I know, I know..we are) but in all lifestyles, people are different. That is what makes the world.

Respectfully,
sultry

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.


www.themarkbycpi.com

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/20/2005 8:42:47 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Its worth bearing in mind also that sometimes people make "disparaging remarks" just to get a reaction from others. These forums are open to anyone, and we most certainly get all kinds here. Some folks come here to discuss things, to honestly share their thoughts and feelings. Some folks are very thin skinned and have their feelings hurt very easily by almost anyone who doesn't agree with them. Some are so narrow minded they can't see any point of view but their own. Some are so arrogant they think their "one true way" is the only possible way to do anything. And some just like stirring up trouble. So the next time you see a disparaging remark, take the time to consider the source and the motives the person might have had for saying it. While there are plenty of good people to discuss things with, some of whom will disagree with you about some things... there are also those who will disagree with you just to see if they can get under your skin.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/21/2005 10:37:02 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain

Every so often I notice someone on the boards make a disparaging remark about people who do not operate 24/7 in the lifestyle. It would seem that the general consensus from the people who make these types of remarks is that those who have their playtime and then go off to lead their vanilla lives are less experienced, involved, and regarded, as well as being merely into kinky sex. I'd like to take the opportunity to say that this just isn't true in many cases. I lead a very healthy and fulfilling life inside and outside the lifestyle. I'm extremely active and open about my play. I have the driving need to submit myself to master just as much as someone who does not have a vanilla life, and I most certainly am a valuable member of the BDSM community (as much so as anyone else). With that said, how do you view non-24/7 dom/mes and subs? Do you view them as less participatory? Do you agree or disagree with any of the above statements (regarding the general consensus quote, above)?


.......................Also,how practical is it for people to live in a 24/7 D/s relationship?.



HalloweenWhite.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/21/2005 10:55:54 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

how practical is it for people to live in a 24/7 D/s relationship?


Very

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/21/2005 2:54:55 PM   
Ks


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/29/2005
Status: offline 		there should no labeling.. what works for one doesn't for others.

each of us have different needs , different set of circumstances.. if they are right for us, then that is all that matters.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/21/2005 3:10:35 PM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

how practical is it for people to live in a 24/7 D/s relationship?


Very



Fair enough. But the point I was trying to make was that (I.M.H.O) it may be hard for sone people to do it based on alsorts of other commitments.


HalloweenWhite.

< Message edited by HalloweenWhite -- 9/22/2005 2:41:28 AM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/21/2005 3:10:50 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain

Every so often I notice someone on the boards make a disparaging remark about people who do not operate 24/7 in the lifestyle. It would seem that the general consensus from the people who make these types of remarks is that those who have their playtime and then go off to lead their vanilla lives are less experienced, involved, and regarded, as well as being merely into kinky sex. I'd like to take the opportunity to say that this just isn't true in many cases. I lead a very healthy and fulfilling life inside and outside the lifestyle. I'm extremely active and open about my play. I have the driving need to submit myself to master just as much as someone who does not have a vanilla life, and I most certainly am a valuable member of the BDSM community (as much so as anyone else). With that said, how do you view non-24/7 dom/mes and subs? Do you view them as less participatory? Do you agree or disagree with any of the above statements (regarding the general consensus quote, above)?


What is meant by "24/7"?

I own Fox, all the time, 24/7, but I'm not a fetish stereotype or a walking ad for Ds.

I have my teaching, I have my writing (both creative and academic) and I'm finishing school. I have a house, a yard, and a family (of which Fox is a part).

So, yes, this is me, the dominant sadist all the time simply because it is me but it is only a part of me. I'm a varied individual with lots of interests, needs, and abilities. I don't think I would describe myself as "24/7" simply because I'm so much more than this one facet of my life.

On the one hand I can see this denigration of anyone not into Ds "24/7" as a way to validate one's own life, a need to feel that's its ok by putting others down and building oneself up. Frankly I think its a sign of the opposite. I don't need to proclaim I'm better than or more real than someone else because I simply am me and if that's not good enough for someone, guess who I don't need then?

On the other hand, when one does have a 24/7 relationship, whether it looks like a stereotype or not, you can feel very lonely and you can feel abandoned. There are no legal rights for me to own Fox and so our very relationship is a fantasy that the government and others could tear apart with the full economic, legal, and social power of the society we live in. When folks who don't have a 24/7 relationship start calling us abusive or dangerous (charges I've heard often though very very rarely directed at me personally) it feels like our life is being threatened.

So I understand why folks might talk badly about others who have different ways of playing or living or being in relationship to BDSM in all its forms. I think we'd all benefit from stopping at the "one-upmanship" game and just realizing that to other people, the mundanes or the vanillas, we can be easily seen as the same. Issues of legal protection, social validation, and freedom from persecution are important for all of us. This division according to when we do our kink only harms us all.

My opinions, not statements of fact.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/21/2005 3:13:27 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
.......................Also,how practical is it for people to live in a 24/7 D/s relationship?.



HalloweenWhite.
[/quote]

What do you mean by 24/7 Ds relationship?

Do you have a fantasy view of what that is?

Or do you have experience with it?

In my experience, and in those of others who do 24/7 Ds or ownership-slave/pet/sub relationships whom I've seen and interacted with, we look pretty much mundane the vast majority of the time. The big difference is we have a recognized authority structure that does not change. A structure we created for our individual needs and desires and not one we follow simply because society tells us this is how relationships work.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 9/21/2005 3:14:00 PM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/21/2005 3:41:02 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		Can anyone truly say they live the life 24/7? Doesn't the "vanilla" world creep in from time to time with everyone? I know that I may serve my One before I go to work, then I have to be vanilla all day long with my co-workers, etc. I can then come home and once again become totally submissive. But there are friends or family members that may not know about my lifestyle and I do no chose to share that information with them. Once again, the "vanilla" world steps in. While I'd like to say I live this life 24/7, it doesn't quite add up to it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sultryvoice

Whatever works is what I believe..I have not lived 24/7 so I can't answer to it. I too, would like to have the opportunity. But, I must have to say, the vanilla world always creeps in. Yes, I love the lifestyle. I feel good in my skin now. But, what I believe and what the next person believes will always be different. I said different not wrong..We are all different (yes I know, I know..we are) but in all lifestyles, people are different. That is what makes the world.

Respectfully,
sultry


(in reply to sultryvoice)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/21/2005 4:16:11 PM   
HentaiGamerKitty


Posts: 131
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		Hmmm...I usually lurk because I'm pretty new to the lifestyle but I'm going to chime in on this one.

Why do people think its "impossible" to live a 24/7 relationship? It doesn't mean that you go around all day in full fetish gear talking about whipping people. It doesn't mean you kiss his feet in public or call him master in front of your parents!

Even though my master and I are long distance right now (but tentatively planning to move in together) I consider myself his 24/7. It doesn't mean I don't have a life. It just means he's in control of that life. I have a job, hobbies, friends, etc. He has his own interests, job, friends, etc. However, he is always in control. I ask his permission for just about everything. He's in charge of my diet, my exercise, my daily activities, etc.

To me, the difference between "weekend player" and 24/7 lifestyler is that the weekend players have a relationship as equal when they are not scening. In 24/7, the Master/mistress is ALWAYS in control of ALL facets of the slaves life. The slave has given up their rights to be treated as an equal. They are cherished property or a loved pet, but the Dom/me is always in control.

With "weekenders" , you live a vanilla lifestyle and you have "scenes" or "sessions" in which you shift to the d/s perspective. In a 24/7 lifestyle, that authority/power dynamic is always present. It's not necessarily obvious or "in your face" but its always there. There are no "scenes" or "sessions" , there's just life.

Just my humble 2 cents..

(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/21/2005 8:49:21 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HentaiGamerKitty

Hmmm...I usually lurk because I'm pretty new to the lifestyle but I'm going to chime in on this one.

Why do people think its "impossible" to live a 24/7 relationship? It doesn't mean that you go around all day in full fetish gear talking about whipping people. It doesn't mean you kiss his feet in public or call him master in front of your parents!

A) I love your name

B) I love your post

24/7 is not about actions, it's about dynamics. I'm just as much owned as when I'm at the grocery store as when I'm kneeling on the floor. 24/7 doesn't mean micromanaged. For me it means that the Owners authority is primary, whenever, wherever.

(in reply to HentaiGamerKitty)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/21/2005 9:14:06 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I have to second that. I bet there aren't two HentaiGamerKittys on here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

A) I love your name


(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/21/2005 10:38:38 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

A) I love your name

B) I love your post

24/7 is not about actions, it's about dynamics. I'm just as much owned as when I'm at the grocery store as when I'm kneeling on the floor. 24/7 doesn't mean micromanaged. For me it means that the Owners authority is primary, whenever, wherever.


i have to agree as well. We dont always scene, but everything is permission based. His control is ALWAYS there.

As for the orginial OP. Personally i dont care and whatever rocks your boat. People should do what works for them and if it doesnt affect me negatively.. then i dont care. As well, i believe there is no "better". Everything is perogative and perspective. There is no Fact of life Book on what is "best" or "better". There fore its all just an opionon. Plus who cares what others do? Like i said.. if it doesnt affect you negatively.. then whats it matteR?

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/22/2005 5:48:17 AM   
HentaiGamerKitty


Posts: 131
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2


A) I love your name

B) I love your post

24/7 is not about actions, it's about dynamics. I'm just as much owned as when I'm at the grocery store as when I'm kneeling on the floor. 24/7 doesn't mean micromanaged. For me it means that the Owners authority is primary, whenever, wherever.


Thanks for the compliments :)

And you're absolutely right. I think sometimes outsiders assume that a 24/7 life is much more melodramatic than it really is. I know I certainly had that impression at one point.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/22/2005 6:24:31 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HentaiGamerKitty
And you're absolutely right. I think sometimes outsiders assume that a 24/7 life is much more melodramatic than it really is. I know I certainly had that impression at one point.


Even insiders do. The thing I keep stressing is that relationship styles aren't hierarchial. There's nothing inherently better about 27/7 than an occasional slap and tickle. What is important is that the style meet the needs and desires of the people in the relationship.




_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to HentaiGamerKitty)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Observation on Lifestyle - 9/22/2005 6:54:03 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

24/7 is not about actions, it's about dynamics. I'm just as much owned as when I'm at the grocery store as when I'm kneeling on the floor. 24/7 doesn't mean micromanaged. For me it means that the Owners authority is primary, whenever, wherever.


*Clapping*

Here, here.

Its about the authority, the recognized authority and the rights and responsibility that comes with it 24/7. Rights and responsiblity, I must add, for all parties involved in that relationship.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 40
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