quote:

ORIGINAL: thisisafakename
"Stumbled across a Dom's profile who actually sounded like someone could potentially have a long term relationship with, a rare occurance online. So I wrote a heartfelt email to him and received an immediate response. We got along well, and even though he seemed a little crazy, it was no more than as crazy as I consider myself, or my closest friends, in the best sense of the word. Several emails, chats, many phone calls and three days later we planned to meet. Everything seemed potentially great. This is where my better judgement went out the window.

Coming from out of town he arranged to pick me up at my house. Despite a reservation about this, I stupidly agreed, because I already built a sense of trust in this person and was distracted by that. He picked me up, he looked just like his pictures, and was quite a gentleman. Prior to meeting he had expressed his strong feelings towards me and expected me to reciprocate. I maintained that we should keep things casual until we meet, but secretly felt the same way. We drove into town and went to see a movie."

"where is the line drawn between a healthy play desire, and a person who is being abusive or abused - and how do you tell the difference sooner?"

quote:

ORIGINAL: thisisafakename

I'm fairly new to the world of BDSM, but well versed in the ideas/philosophies. I've met enough people from online over the years, and am street smart enough to recognize some red flags, but this one really got me.

New to this website/forum, this was my first experience please note that this is more of an abusive online dating experience rather than an abusive BDSM experience:

Stumbled across a Dom's profile who actually sounded like someone could potentially have a long term relationship with, a rare occurance online. So I wrote a heartfelt email to him and received an immediate response. We got along well, and even though he seemed a little crazy, it was no more than as crazy as I consider myself, or my closest friends, in the best sense of the word. Several emails, chats, many phone calls and three days later we planned to meet. Everything seemed potentially great. This is where my better judgement went out the window.

Coming from out of town he arranged to pick me up at my house. Despite a reservation about this, I stupidly agreed, because I already built a sense of trust in this person and was distracted by that. He picked me up, he looked just like his pictures, and was quite a gentleman. Prior to meeting he had expressed his strong feelings towards me and expected me to reciprocate. I maintained that we should keep things casual until we meet, but secretly felt the same way. We drove into town and went to see a movie.

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

FF

I'd swear I've seen this episode before.

quote:

ORIGINAL: thisisafakename

OK example - it might never occur to him to have a safe word or to sit down like adults and go over a list of likes/dislikes and limits because for him, its all about him. He wants someone who is just going to say "ok i submit" and let him do whatever he wants, without need for permission, and have that person do whatever he wants without question, and his needs are always more important. Forgive me if I am mistaken, as I am new to the scene, but this seems a little off?

quote:

ORIGINAL: thisisafakename


I wanted to share this not only as a catharsis but also as a warning to even the most wary of those of you, who are actively meeting people online. I was taken in by a manipulative person who was mentally unstable and the situation could have been a lot worse. I let my guard down, and got really unlucky. But I consider every bad experience in life to be a gift. Because those experiences are part of me and partially shape my personality, and it strengthens me and makes me wiser, as well as feeding my creative side. In addition to learning my lesson about protecting myself and not being so trusting, this situation has effectively erased any desire to ever meet anyone from online ever again. Although I'm sure I will get over that, and these things can happen anywhere, not just online. Also it has opened my eyes up to an element of the BDSM world that is now a reality for me, that some people use it for the wrong reasons. I think everyone needs emotional release, whether it be through kinky-ish bedroom activities or 24/7 BDSM lifestyle - but where is the line drawn between a healthy play desire, and a person who is being abusive or abused - and how do you tell the difference sooner?

quote:


I, too, believe that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, even the bad things. It is actually the worst things in my life that have led me to the happiest. Sometimes it takes some time to "connect the dots" and realize why something may have happened. For you, with this situation, it certainly was a learning experience and I am sure you will do things quite differently in the future. After all, insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. You made some mistakes, big deal - we all do. Often when you want something bad enough, you will overlook things that you may see in retrospect. Don't look for LOVE or even an LTR, just be open to it if it comes along if that is what you want. If you are really looking for a Dom, look for Local Munches - I know in our community, most people have a collarme profile, but someone who is CRAZY would not likely go very long without it being called out. Also, I think you are right - his suicide threats, as scary as they may have been, were most likely a way to try to manipulate you. Most that do it - just do it, and don't threaten it. Regardless, you have no control over him, and shouldn't feel responsible for whatever crazy acts HE does. You can only control yourself, and change the way you meet people based on the lessons you have learned.

quote:

I'm very sorry you had a really traumatic experience and it's understandable if you've got some really deep trust issues.. But there are some really good Dominants out there, and some wonderful friends to be made, online or offline.

Don't let one nutcase put you off.  

quote:

ORIGINAL: thisisafakename

... At the same time as I want to just leave him alone and let him get on with it, I feel bad for the next girl...perhaps I should alert a mod?

quote:

ORIGINAL: thisisafakename
OK example - it might never occur to him to have a safe word or to sit down like adults and go over a list of likes/dislikes and limits because for him, its all about him. He wants someone who is just going to say "ok i submit" and let him do whatever he wants, without need for permission, and have that person do whatever he wants without question, and his needs are always more important. Forgive me if I am mistaken, as I am new to the scene, but this seems a little off?