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ORIGINAL: Lashra

Also I have been told that sometimes Femdom couples are given a hard time or the cold shoulder. The cold shoulder doesn't bother me or him, we can ignore people just as good as they can us, but I know if someone gave us  a hardtime about being a Domme and sub male there would be some words exchanged.

I've not observed that kind of behavior here towards Femdom couples.  Things are very pansexual and all seem to be welcomed equally.  There are also many special interest groups, such as those particular to Dommes and subs, or those into rope bondage, etc.

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But the larger problem is when they hold the meet and greet and most of the clubs won't let you join until you've attended them. I would think that it would be a lot of fun to belong to a club of like minded people.

~Lashra

I guess that greatly depends on the club.  Most clubs here are open to any who want to join.  I've found that it is indeed very satisfying to be surrounded by like minded people in the same lifestyle who are accepting of who you are.  There are no pretenses or explanations to make for your or your partner's behavior.  Everyone seems to readily understand that it's your dynamic.  It's a great way to find friends with similar interests with whom who can just be yourself.  One organization I belong to has regular activities at vanilla locations that are purely social for exactly that reason.

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ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey
The DC/Baltimore area does not seem to have the problem you are discussing. Maybe you should move here?

;)

Is that an invitation?

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ORIGINAL: Madame4a

for the nonlesbian femme dommes that I know -- well, there are very few... couple that with the fact that many have several reasons not to be out and about (children, school and all the regular stuff)

How is that any different for the typical M/s couple or the many female subs I run into all the time?  I have two UM's and numerous obligations to other things myself. 

I'm genuinely sorry to hear you've had those kinds of experiences.  Some communities tend to police themselves, or so it seems to me.  They either educate such miscreants on protocola or suggest they spend their time elsewhere until they learn good manners.  Granted, the same sort of thing happens on the flip side of the D/s coin in the M/s world as well.  Those who have no respect for the relationships of others can be found anywhere you go, both in this lifestyle and the vanilla one as well.

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I'm surprised, Pixel, I thought there were lots of femdoms in Dallas!

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ORIGINAL: pixelslave

I just spent last weekend at the South Plains Leather Fest in Dallas, learning and absorbing a great deal from the many sessions I attended; along with the numerous enlightening conversations I had with people I met. I'm still processing much of what I absorbed and will likely be posting on it in the near future.

One of the things I was particularly aware of at the conference was the almost total absence or lack of attendance by Dommes except those who were "out of the closet" lesbians. I've noticed much the same thing at the lifestyle groups I've joined here in Dallas. There simply aren't many Dommes who are actively involved. So my question to those of you who have primary relarionships with men and aren't active in the lifestyle groups in your community, is why? What's preventing you from becoming involved? Equally important, what, if anything would need to change in order for you to feel comfortable socializing with your peers in the lifestyle you choose to lead?

- pixel

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ORIGINAL: pixelslave
 So my question to those of you who have primary relarionships with men and aren't active in the lifestyle groups in your community, is why?  What's preventing you from becoming involved?  Equally important, what, if anything would need to change in order for you to feel comfortable socializing with your peers in the lifestyle you choose to lead?
 
 - pixel

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ORIGINAL: DommeChains

I can only speak from my experience but down here in Central Texas there is a pretty decent percentage of the lifestyle community that are femdoms whether unpaired, or in marriages/partnerships with subs or, as in my case, with a male Dom husband and we each have our sub or bottom partners.  Actually, in almost all of the groups active here there is active participation by femdoms.  By that I mean in leadership positions or active in doing presentations or in participating and attending meetings and play parties. 

As for me perosnally, I'm not at all interested in a poly relationship.  So someone in your situation which is indeed very common here wouldn't be what I'd be looking for.  In my case, I'm looking for more than a long term play partner; one that would have the potential to become an exclusive life partner as well to share vanilla activities with me and a whole lot more.  It's the single or coupled Femdoms, that seem to be missing or not very involved in the community in our area based on my observations which I'll readily admit aren't especially scientific.  When I was married to my ex-wife/former-Mistress, I was forbidden to participate in the local community, so that may be where some are coming from.  I'm very pleased to have the freedom to make friends with people to whom I can now relate and not have to hide my submissiveness toward a woman in my life. 

In DFW PowerExchange for example, which has a membership of approximately 450 and an active core group of about 150 that regularly attend the various functions, rarely do I see a Domme who isn't part of an M/s couple.  They're wonderful people to hang out with and the group has many non-BDSM events, including social nights at a Karaoke bar, a submissives only night (all female subs I might add; I can never attend because it's scheduled on a night when I have the UM's), a monthly discussion group, a craft guild (make your own toys), a group for those trying to lose weight and get into shape, and a monthly munch with a play party afterwards, plus there's probably more that I'm forgetting (a "Seeking" group with 3 profiles from dommes, 1 of which is poly).  It's indeed a very active group and I've made many friends among them. 

The only time I've typically seen the dommes come out is probably on a 4th Friday munch which is separate group of it's own that meets in the DFW area and is the largest pansexual munch around.  Of special interest to Mistresses and subs would be WICK'D, which is for the Dommes and subs, but attendance is much smaller than one would expect with the reputation Dallas has for being the home of so many Femdoms.  However, all the ladies are of course very nice and I enjoy their company.  I've not yet connected with the new ClubFem group that meets in nearby Ft Worth.  One group that's new in the northern suburbs (the area where I live) with 49 members so far has a total of two dommes that have joined (oops, based on her screen name, there may be a 3rd one now). 

There's now a 2nd dungeon in the Dallas area, and it's too early to say what will become of it.  I belong to the original and volunteer to help out there.  As a result I'm there often enough to get a feel for the numbers of Femdoms who frequent it.  I can assure you it's generally very low as a percentage of the total number of those who frequent the place.  I really don't doubt that dommes exist here who aren't coupled in M/s relationships, I'm just wondering why they don't come out to the many events available to them.  The kinds of behavior some have described is truly not tolerated in our area from what I've observed although I'm certain it happens as it does everywhere.  But there are always DM's and others to put them in their place or toss them out the door if necessary.

I was just really surprised to attend SPLF and not see hardly any dommes in attendance where they could learn more about themselves and the lifestyle while socializing among their peers.  That's where I was initially coming from and expanded it to include a domme's local lifestyle community for those who have them readily available to them.  Whether to play in public or not is always a choice even when available and that's not at all where I was coming from.  The demos I've seen put on at the meetings I've attended are typically geared to both D/s and M/s orienations, with some more specific to one or the other on rare occasions from what I've sen.  Even in cases of that sort, I've always found there's something to be learned from attending those which might not seem to be of interest or apply to me.  Of course YMMV according to your openeness to alternative lifestyes and POV's different than your own.