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RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/27/2008 6:26:52 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

I stated that I attend WICK'D and their functions, enjoying the company of the ladies who do attend.  Yet, it's a very small group compared to what one would expect from a metroplex of this size which Lady Topaz acknowledged in response to my post.  In fact, I've recently done something she requested of existing members in support of her efforts to increase awareness of the group on ALT and hopefully increase attendance at their functions.  I also spend time volunteering to help maintain the local dungeon for all to enjoy, which is where WICK'D and the other groups I belong to hold their munches.  
 
 - pixel



pixel,
 
I do appreciate your efforts to help WICK'D reach out to the Femdoms, male subs, and female subs on Alt.  I am also glad that you and others volunteer to help out Sanctuary, which is an important part of the Dallas/Ft. Worth BDSM community.
 
Lady Topaz
 

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/27/2008 9:23:49 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear pixelslave, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I personally feel that I am as active as I can be under the current circumstances.  I have been pulled hard from the 'community' as to fulfill my obligations as a care giver and care provider to a relative--it is a 24/7-365 situation and have little left after I'm bled dry of energy while dealing with this relative who is an 'energy vampire.'  When I am free of my duties--I will be more widely traveled and more visible.
 
That said, I am not as visible as I was but, I am not totally forgotten by the seasoned and senior ranks of my peers.
 
As far as attending any assembly of BDSM and or M/s and or D/s individuals, from meeting in public dungeons, public conferences and or specific 'groups;' I find myself sitting alone and not attended.  I've lost that expectation of individuals being 'friendly' and or 'inviting.'  I found myself the most popular with those who sought someone to 'service Top' them and when finished, they wandered off to go play with others--rarely, was I assisted in towing the 5 to 6 big gym bags back to the car.  It has been a situation where people are more interested in 'playing' and not looking at a larger picture of feeding one another--even if it is just being kind.  So, I have stopped enabling these 'Do me' sorts.
 
A lot of times, men have promised to come to Dungeon Dates and never showed up.  I got to the point of leaving my gear in the trunk until the person shows up.  Each gym bag weighs around 55 to 70 lbs, depending on contents. 
 
I have found many men wish to be humiliated and or crossdressing as a fetish and very little inclination to be of help and or service.  Since I dislike using humiliation--I avoid it.  I also am not into 'femme men' who are so self absorbed in the fetish, look and seeking attention.  Those who do cross-dress and are showing some kind of pleasure in serving others are far and few in between.  This also knocks me out of the majority of female Dominants--as I avoid humiliation and cross-dressing.
 
Most of the time, I visit with people that I know--killing time and making the best of things.
I do realize I am not young, a model's body and such.  Most of the men are drawn to the young ones in fetish and dismiss those who aren't in the fantasy mold.   However, when I am in action--I do not have to speak a word--my actions, skills and knowledge speak loud and clear.   I am pleased and honored when someone asks if I can help them with one of their skills and gladly share. 
 
I am at home per se; with the Leather men who are my friends.  I often am mistaken for a Lesbian and laugh over it with those who made the assumption.  It really is a good 'ice breaker.'
I do hang around the senior Leather men and enjoy each other's company very much. 
 
I feel that there is an assumption that 'active in the community' means you have to be very public and 'out and about' attracting attention to yourself.  I feel the most active people in the community are really behind the scenes and let those who want/need the publicity and or attention to have it as to remain free of the politics, the popularity contests, the cliques and people who are full of themselves and talk bigger than their skills, and still can't flog themselves out of a wet paper bag.
 
Speaking only for myself -- I am rather picky as far as collaring a slave or more.  I have rather high expectations and few men even float near the lowest of standards as far as expectations go.  I refuse to be a man's fantasy and or be Topped from the bottom and or humiliate for the sake of getting someone's woody happy; among the top three standards that are deal breakers. 
I'm not 'out' to just play silly games.  I am 'out' to be with other individuals, to meet those who I might be of help to, to meet those who might be what I seek in a slave and grow most old with. 
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/28/2008 8:12:27 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs
I feel that there is an assumption that 'active in the community' means you have to be very public and 'out and about' attracting attention to yourself.  I feel the most active people in the community are really behind the scenes and let those who want/need the publicity and or attention to have it as to remain free of the politics, the popularity contests, the cliques and people who are full of themselves and talk bigger than their skills, and still can't flog themselves out of a wet paper bag.
 
Speaking only for myself -- I am rather picky as far as collaring a slave or more.  I have rather high expectations and few men even float near the lowest of standards as far as expectations go.  I refuse to be a man's fantasy and or be Topped from the bottom and or humiliate for the sake of getting someone's woody happy; among the top three standards that are deal breakers. 
I'm not 'out' to just play silly games.  I am 'out' to be with other individuals, to meet those who I might be of help to, to meet those who might be what I seek in a slave and grow most old with. 



Lady Hugs,
Thank you for your thoughtful contribution to this thread.  Your words above resonate deeply with me, although from the other side of the D/s coin.  I have no interests in the politics, only in meeting friends who share the lifestyle I choose to be a part of.  I've found there's always something to be learned from the others I meet, the demo's I see and thought provoking seminars I choose to attend.  Discretion and respecting another's personal privacy is a keystone of the community here in DFW.  It's clearly understood that when you've met someone at a gathering, you don't acknowledge knowing them during a chance vanilla encounter at another time.  
 
As with the flip side to you, I could bottom any time I wanted, but that's not what I'm looking for.  Instead, I seek a compatible Mistress to grow old with and not just a play partner.  I too have high standards and not just any Mistress to serve will do.  A D/s relationship with a woman who knows how to manage our abilities and talents to create a special synergy that works to the greatest advantage of our relationship, ego's and who's on top being set aside, is something very important to me.  Not every woman can do that, or knows exactly of what I speak.  It's much more than knowing how to wield a flogger and involves the domme being honest with both herself and with me regarding her strengths and weaknesses while recognizing and understanding mine which I'll readily share with her.
 
In time, I know I'll meet her whether here or someplace else.  In the mean time, I'll continue to be active in my community, making friends and enjoying spending time with like minded people. 
 
 - pixel


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/28/2008 8:24:25 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora
It's called personal choice.   Reasons abound, to include fear of the unknown, shyness, no need (they already have someone in their life), limited time, work schedules, unmentionables, religious influences, finances, classism, ego, etc.  That someone doesn't participate in the "public lifestyle" doesn't make them any less valid as a good person who has kinky interests.


Miss Pandora,
You have a talent for stating the obvious. 
 
We all make choices on how we spend our time.  I hope not expressed any form of judgment (explicit or otherwise) regarding those who aren't involved in their local community.  Instead, I've only asked why they choose not to or what impediments might be preventing them from becoming involved.  It was a sincere question and nothing more.  
 
Thank you for your contributions.
 
 - pixel
 

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/28/2008 11:10:45 PM   
MstrssScarlet


Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline 		I spent almost an hour constructing a reply only to lose it on my stupid new computer.  If anyone out there knows why a brand new dell would kick you off the internet every time you close a window (the preview window after I was finished in this case), PLEEEEZE let me know!!!!
For us, it's been one thing after the other.  First it was an UM from my previous marriage and lack of child support.  Health problems that forced me to quit working a 'regular' job didn't help matters.  The budget was tight, but we did attend munches and sloshes as often as we could.  Weekend events were out of the question.  My ex felt that taking his UM for any lenghth of time was simply "giving me a break" and he was too busy traveling with his job.  During this time, I did manage to find a male submissive, but we parted ways after about two years.
My husband went through two major back surgeries and needed my care for a couple of months.  Even then, he had a difficult time getting around.  We finally got back into the swing of things and started attending munches and sloshes again.  We finally decided we needed to choose one or the other due to both health problems and a tight budget.  We chose to attend the sloshes until they lost their venue.
I was about to take my ex to court and he knew he was going to owe me big time, so he convince our UM to come live with him for his senior year.  The bribe of a new car worked until after the papers were signed.  Once he realized he'd been had, it was too late for me to help him.
After my UM moved out, we were finally able to move closer to where my husband works.  He had been making an hour and a half drive each way so my UM wouldn't have to change schools.  With gas prices going sky high, we were spending between $800 and $1,000 a month on gas for his car alone.  Once we made the move, we were centrally located to attend events in Indianapolis, Louiseville, and Cincinnati.  I converted the garage into a dungeon and began doing a little pro domming on the side. 
I was co-owner of a list called OVALS around this time until I got into an argument with one of the new co-owners.  He came out of nowhere and stepped in to take control when the original owner became too ill to run it himself.  I think he took advantage of the situation because after he ran it into the ground, he resigned and disappeared from the local lifestyle.  We joined a group in Cincinnati called PEER who had a fantastic venue and great people.  They lost their venue this year as well, but are working on a new one.  The munch and slosh have also found new venues.  We spent a lot of time with PEER, but I tried to make it to some of the sloshes.  I wasn't a regualr by any means.  I must say that I was never treated badly by anyone, whether I went with my husband or unescorted.  It wasn't unusual for me to go to events by myself.  I was always treated with courtesy and respect.  Perhaps because I enjoy the fetish wear so much.  There's an obvious lack of a collar, although everyone knows my husband is a dom in his own right.  No one ever attempted to convert me to a submissive either. 
I attended AFL two years ago by myself for the weekend and one of the members of PEER who was helping with the set-up introduced me to a distinguished looking gentleman who was looking for a dinner companion.  We talked non-stop all through dinner and wound up spending the weekend together.  My husband and I invited him down for the weekend and the three of us got along splendidly.  Now he's been my sub for going on two years, my collared sub for abour a year.  Pretty much every weekend we go up there or he comes down here.  We attend all the events together, although sometimes my husband has to bow out due to obligations at work.
We attended AFL and GLLA last year along with tons of parties with PEER the first two years we were with them.  Unfortunately, my health has continued to deteriorate and it's difficult to commit to anything.  I never know how I'm going to feel from one day to the other.  I do plan to attend GLLA and AFL again this year with my submssive and probably my husband as well.  Making it to the slosh or munch on a regular basis has become a real challenge.
So there you have it.....everything from UMs to tight budgets to health problems.  I really do try to get out as much as I can, but it's been less and less lately.   I'm hoping now that I have good doctors lined up I will be able to make more functions in the future.
Mistress Scarlet



_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/29/2008 1:26:55 AM   
dominalisa


Posts: 129
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

One of the things I was particularly aware of at the conference was the almost total absence or lack of attendance by Dommes except those who were "out of the closet" lesbians.  I've noticed much the same thing at the lifestyle groups I've joined here in Dallas.  There simply aren't many Dommes who are actively involved. 


--Just wondering... Have you ever heard of "Club FEM"? It's an international organization only for dominant Females and submissive males. There's several chapters of this Femdomme/malesub lifestyle group in the U.S. particularly, with the main headquarters being based in Texas. Each chapter meets monthly for events such as munches or parties.

(The "FEM" in Club FEM stands for "Females Enslaving Males")
The main website is http://www.ClubFem.com and it has a page listing all the chapters.

We promote the loving, Female-led lifestyle between a Woman and a male. I run the south florida chapter and we have monthly get-togethers. Usually it's 50% dommes and 50% male subs.

I also encourage my members to go to bdsm conferences since like you I have noticed that there's more male doms than female dommes at such events. I notice dommes more each year. This year I'm a sponsor of the "Beyond Leather" bdsm conference (www.beyondleather.net) in fort lauderdale, florida in april and know that several members from different Club FEM chapters are going to go to it.

Mistress Lisa


(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/29/2008 2:19:11 AM   
MadameTakhisis


Posts: 55
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		Ew so much to say here and so little time.

(in reply to MstrssScarlet)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/29/2008 7:41:26 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dominalisa

--Just wondering... Have you ever heard of "Club FEM"? It's an international organization only for dominant Females and submissive males. There's several chapters of this Femdomme/malesub lifestyle group in the U.S. particularly, with the main headquarters being based in Texas. Each chapter meets monthly for events such as munches or parties.

(The "FEM" in Club FEM stands for "Females Enslaving Males")
The main website is http://www.ClubFem.com and it has a page listing all the chapters.

We promote the loving, Female-led lifestyle between a Woman and a male. I run the south florida chapter and we have monthly get-togethers. Usually it's 50% dommes and 50% male subs.

I also encourage my members to go to bdsm conferences since like you I have noticed that there's more male doms than female dommes at such events. I notice dommes more each year. This year I'm a sponsor of the "Beyond Leather" bdsm conference (www.beyondleather.net) in fort lauderdale, florida in april and know that several members from different Club FEM chapters are going to go to it.

Mistress Lisa



Thank you Mistress Lisa.
I mentioned Club FEM in an earlier post.  There's a fairly new chapter in nearby Ft Worth.  I'm working on connecting with them, but despite my earlier efforts, haven't been able to make that happen yet.  I talked with someone at SPLF last weekend who's active in the Houston chapter about it (Houston is 4 to 5 hours away) as well as a Domme friend who's a member of the Ft Worth chapter at an event the previous week who's going to pass along my email address to someone who can get me involved me with them.  Thanks for mentioning the organization again.
 
 - pixel


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to dominalisa)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/29/2008 6:23:39 PM   
Morghan


Posts: 99
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I've been involved in my local community as much as time allows.  However, I work two jobs totalling 44 hours or so a week, plus travel time and me time.  I also have a sub who is located three hours away in RI.  So for me, some of my not being available for events is simply a math issue. Theres a limit to my free time.  However, I've also noticed theres a lack of Dommes who socialize in general.  I'd love to find more Dominants for the TNG Maine social group, but we're pretty sub heavy.



(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Dommes active in their community - 3/3/2008 1:46:58 PM   
HelenaTroy


Posts: 93
Joined: 8/20/2007
Status: offline 		There's plenty of active FemDoms in DFW. You just haven't been looking in the right places.

Miss Helena

(in reply to Morghan)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Dommes active in their community - 3/3/2008 5:37:23 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HelenaTroy

There's plenty of active FemDoms in DFW. You just haven't been looking in the right places.

Miss Helena



Miss Helena,
Please enlighten me!  Where would you suggest I look?
 
 - pixel


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to HelenaTroy)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Dommes active in their community - 3/7/2008 11:20:06 PM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		 

I am active and so are lots of ladies in our community.  I really like our community.  There are also several purely femdom groups that are quite active as well.  We have wonderful parties etc.

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Dommes active in their community - 7/7/2008 5:14:36 PM   
sumiso11281


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline 		I am looking for a sub or switch I am, switch myself I live in Vegas

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Dommes active in their community - 7/7/2008 6:08:13 PM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		In my forays into the local community, I was uncomfortable with being such a minority...between the male doms who look at you funny because you're not submitting and the male "subs" who sidle up and try and sneak some submission...bleh.
Plus I'm an introvert to start with; I don't care much for socializing in groups and am highly uncomfortable around strangers, generally.

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Dommes active in their community - 7/7/2008 7:50:27 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Post deleted by author

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 7/7/2008 7:56:30 PM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Dommes active in their community - 7/7/2008 7:55:09 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dominalisa

--Just wondering... Have you ever heard of "Club FEM"? It's an international organization only for dominant Females and submissive males. There's several chapters of this Femdomme/malesub lifestyle group in the U.S. particularly, with the main headquarters being based in Texas. Each chapter meets monthly for events such as munches or parties.

(The "FEM" in Club FEM stands for "Females Enslaving Males")
The main website is http://www.ClubFem.com and it has a page listing all the chapters.

We promote the loving, Female-led lifestyle between a Woman and a male. I run the south florida chapter and we have monthly get-togethers. Usually it's 50% dommes and 50% male subs.

I also encourage my members to go to bdsm conferences since like you I have noticed that there's more male doms than female dommes at such events. I notice dommes more each year. This year I'm a sponsor of the "Beyond Leather" bdsm conference (www.beyondleather.net) in fort lauderdale, florida in april and know that several members from different Club FEM chapters are going to go to it.

Mistress Lisa


We're attending the next munch for ClubFEM here on the Third Coast. Everyone we've met so far has been really awesome.

Calla Firestorm


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to dominalisa)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Dommes active in their community - 7/8/2008 10:58:11 PM   
blackbeauty61061


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		I have wanted to be active in my community for a while. It is hard to find locations to attend. In Detroit everyone seems to stay to themselves or have a selective group to mingle with. If I could find locations to go to I would be there.

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Dommes active in their community - 7/9/2008 2:01:50 AM   
MsValentine


Posts: 82
Joined: 6/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

One of the things I was particularly aware of at the conference was the almost total absence or lack of attendance by Dommes except those who were "out of the closet" lesbians. I've noticed much the same thing at the lifestyle groups I've joined here in Dallas. There simply aren't many Dommes who are actively involved. So my question to those of you who have primary relarionships with men and aren't active in the lifestyle groups in your community, is why? What's preventing you from becoming involved? Equally important, what, if anything would need to change in order for you to feel comfortable socializing with your peers in the lifestyle you choose to lead?

- pixel



I can, if you are interested give you a perspective from the UK.

I have been attending munches, scene parties and sometimes clubs in the UK for about eleven years now. I think that unless an event is set up to be FemDom, in which case it will, of course, have plenty of Dommes around, there are less Dommes around than subs or male Doms.

Why? well, childcare issues, distance from events may play a part but it does not tell the full story.

Maybe for some Dommes, they may be living a lifestyle but they live it at home, privately and do not feel the need or desire to become part of an outside and more public bdsm community. This may be a greater need for discretion, fear of being 'outed' in some way, again childcare responsibilities etc. If the Dommes are at home, living the lifestyle, then they have most likely found what they want and so do not need to utilise the bdsm social scene to find a partner or play mate.

Before I was in my 24/7 with my sub, I found attending clubs and parties a bit of a chore as I don't enjoy playing publicly with strangers so wouldn't want to just negotiate play there and then. I was sometimes put off by the way in which some subs behaved. They would be pushy, unable to accept 'no' for an answer and, as others have said, monopolising time which I may have been trying to spend with scene friends. I know the subs were probably looking for casual play at least and searching for a real life full time Domme at the other extreme and so saw the events as a chances to get to know Dommes. I found it a mismatch of expectations as I saw the events as times to meet up with friends, and chill out.

Now, I am always with my sub, my life is so much better. Male subs don't ask for play, and if they do chat are much more respectful, if a little envious of paul.

I do sometimes find a proportion of male Doms can also be irritating when out socially. They can have this belief that a Domme will always eventually want to sub to a man, if they find the right one. This means they are also on the prowl, just in another way to the unattached male subs. Equally I have found some ( only some) male Doms are great at hogging all the equipment and so don't give others a chance to play. Very annoying.

Guess, I am not the best one to talk though about why straight Dommes keep away from the bdsm social scene. I do participate and always have done, even when I was single and didn't much enjoy it so much. I am found regularly at local munches, go the fetish Fairs, bigger events like kinkFest, SkinTwo EXpo etc. Basically if I had to choose my favourite bdsm environment it would be a femDom club as I could relax with my sub and he could feel he was in his element and we could just chill, chat,play and watch in an atmosphere which was entirely in line with how we live our lives.



< Message edited by MsValentine -- 7/9/2008 2:43:35 AM >

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Dommes active in their community - 7/9/2008 2:16:31 AM   
SpiderInWaiting


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

As far as attending any assembly of BDSM and or M/s and or D/s individuals, from meeting in public dungeons, public conferences and or specific 'groups;' I find myself sitting alone and not attended. I've lost that expectation of individuals being 'friendly' and or 'inviting.' I found myself the most popular with those who sought someone to 'service Top' them and when finished, they wandered off to go play with others--rarely, was I assisted in towing the 5 to 6 big gym bags back to the car. It has been a situation where people are more interested in 'playing' and not looking at a larger picture of feeding one another--even if it is just being kind. So, I have stopped enabling these 'Do me' sorts.

A lot of times, men have promised to come to Dungeon Dates and never showed up. I got to the point of leaving my gear in the trunk until the person shows up. Each gym bag weighs around 55 to 70 lbs, depending on contents.

I have found many men wish to be humiliated and or crossdressing as a fetish and very little inclination to be of help and or service. Since I dislike using humiliation--I avoid it. I also am not into 'femme men' who are so self absorbed in the fetish, look and seeking attention. Those who do cross-dress and are showing some kind of pleasure in serving others are far and few in between. This also knocks me out of the majority of female Dominants--as I avoid humiliation and cross-dressing.


Over the past 10 - 12 years I have made attempts to be involved with which ever bdsm group that was local to me at the time. Each time it just seemed to be the same bs only with different people and in a different place. I have encountered so many of the things that previous posters have mentioned. 

I have been in both situations where I seem to be completely ignored and the situations of being followed by a group of subs who become nothing more than annoying. At one party I went to a sub actually followed me down the street to beg me to play with him. As Lady Hugs has described the cross dressing men, I have to agree with her 100%. I do enjoy humiliation but only when it's part of a D/s relationship. I have no interest in the people who just want a domme to be a service top. I learned very early on that traveling light (a few select toys that can easily fit into an over the shoulder tote bag) is usually what works out the best. If you have to struggle with bringing them then it's also very likely no one else is going to struggle with them to help you out.

Then there are the male doms who assume every woman is a sub, and even worse the ones who assume every female will bow to them and act submissive to them. Another time at a party a male dom was being so rude and harrassing me and had been doing the same to others, although that night I must have been his favored target for some reason. Most of the people there seemed to be aware of his behavior but no one took the initiative to deal with it. I finally started yelling at the guy and then the host was forced to handle the situation by inviting the guy to leave. I have encountered the innapropriate touching by both subs and doms. It wasn't only the males I had problems with it, it was also other dommes. There is too much jealousy and cattiness. At one point a domme who was jealous of me because of the sub I was with at the time, made an attempt to get me into trouble legally in order to create an opening for her approach my sub. Thankfully that did not work.

Then there is all of the gossip and politics...yuck. When I see a group of people (seems to be mostly female subs from what I have seen) sitting around gossiping I often feel left out because I hate gossip and won't participate in it. As some have mentioned before,  there also seems to be a majority of male dom/female sub relationships, which to a certain degree makes me feel outside of the core group.

Now on top of all of the things mentioned, the price of gas is even one more deterent for me to go to munches and take part in groups. I will say that in the past I have had some great times with bdsm groups, however, the negatives out weigh the positives to the point that I just don't have an interest in getting involved anymore.


_____________________________

"Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!"

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Dommes active in their community - 7/9/2008 5:51:28 AM   
Dari


Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline 		I really just don't have the time.  I keep meaning to go to a munch in my area, at least, but it seems like every time there's one scheduled, I have something happening that only happens once in a while.  I have met a few friends in the scene - some from the CM boards here, and others from another board, or quiet chatting.  And in truth, I prefer the personal connections, rather than a larger group.  Not that I'm agorophobic or anything, I just like keeping this part of my lifestyle private.

I'm still planning to go to a munch, but it won't be this month, I know that already.  <sigh>

There are munches that fit my available time more, but they're far enough away that the gas is a significant expense.  I don't fancy paying $100 to go to lunch for a couple of hours to talk to people I don't know about something I tend to keep private.  I'm sure I'll make it eventually though - I just don't know when!

(in reply to SpiderInWaiting)
Profile   Post #: 60
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