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RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/26/2008 1:11:55 PM

MsSaskia

Posts: 415
Joined: 9/9/2004
From: Denver
Status: offline

There were a few years after I got started in the scene when I stopped going to events. I'd been to a few play parties early on and had some bad experiences, the worst being a guy who kept rubbing his bare cock on my leg while I was sitting on a table. I'd tell him to stop and he did it again, suggesting I punish him for it. I left. I didn't know about DMs at the time or I would've reported him and gotten him kicked out. His domme was standing right there watching him do it and she smacked him on the butt and told him to stop, but he didn't. I did not want to be around people like that if they decided they could do whatever they wanted to me and that it was my job to force them to stop. He wasn't the only one, but he was the worst. Grabby hands guys were more common, but they also played the same "maybe you should punish me for doing that" game. Screw that! I got the impression that the older women in the scene thought it was funny. Nobody was telling me that it wasn't OK for men to act like that in the scene and I felt thrown to the wolves.

Another thing that kept me away for awhile was that when I would go to events, I'd be mobbed by subbie guys. They'd follow me around in a little pack and I couldn't have a conversation with anyone. I started calling them the I-I-I guys because anytime I'd make eye contact and address them, all they could say is "I, I, I...". It was really annoying, trying to chat with people and not being able to turn around in any direction without bumpging into an I-I-I guy. These days I don't get mobbed the way I used to, being 10 years older and a few pounds heavier, but when someone's fixated and won't give me breathing room, I've learned how to handle them. It was definitely something that made going to play parties unpleasant for me.

I've gotten more assertive since then and don't get my boundaries pushed the way people used to. If I see younger women in the scene and they're getting mobbed by guys, I keep an eye out for them and help them out if I can see the game players going after them. I'm very active in my local scene now and am glad I gave it another shot instead of just playing privately as I did for a few years.

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 21

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/26/2008 2:28:27 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeChains

I can only speak from my experience but down here in Central Texas there is a pretty decent percentage of the lifestyle community that are femdoms whether unpaired, or in marriages/partnerships with subs or, as in my case, with a male Dom husband and we each have our sub or bottom partners. Actually, in almost all of the groups active here there is active participation by femdoms. By that I mean in leadership positions or active in doing presentations or in participating and attending meetings and play parties.

I'd agree with you to the extent that they're active, especially in situations like yours where the women are part of a male Dom relationship and would be what I'd refer to as essentially a switch; although I totally understand you wouldn't be switching with your sub as is the case with most I know of in your type of situation. I also don't know how intimate your relationship would be with your sub as it seems to vary greatly from relationship to relationship.

Not to jump all over pixel and please don't think I am - lol - but ... what I have quoted might be the exact problem.

There is a mindset that pervades this lifestyle that 'all' women are some how yearning to submit to the 'right man'. The quote above is a case in point. There was no reference in DommeChains' original post that she was submissive to her male Dom husband. I've read both their profiles and once again there is no mention of her bottoming for her husband. Yet, it was presumed that she was a switch simply because she was the female part of the D/D pair. Why was it not assumed that her husband switched for her and had his girl as a reward to service to his wife?

Once again, I am not jumping all over pixel but the attitude that he has (that on some level we all have by simply being a part of a patriachal society) is that women want to submit and are some how 'less' than men. This very attitude is also why many submissive men feel ashamed to be submissive and why many Dominant men think of submissive men as 'the bottom of the food chain'. After all, if you are submitting to a woman (who is obviously 'less' than them) then you must be even 'less' than that woman.

These attitudes are very pervasive and very sad. It has been my experience that women taking on roles of leadership are always seen as 'bitchy' or 'whiney' unless they cater to the men around them. This doesn't bode well for women Dominants being more involved in the broader community.

These are just my experiences and my thoughts - your mileage may vary. Thank you to pixel for providing a great example (and I don't mean this is a bitchy or whiney way - lol).

Wickad

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 22

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/26/2008 2:58:35 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

These are just my experiences and my thoughts - your mileage may vary. Thank you to pixel for providing a great example (and I don't mean this is a bitchy or whiney way - lol).

Wickad

(blushes)
You're welcome Ma'am. However, it's my recollection that DommeChains has posted in the past that she subs to her male Dom husband, but I could be totally mistaken. I did not look at her or his profile to verify this at the time I posted and I'm not certain whether or not either would have included the information in their profiles since they are both seeking subs. Their profiles only seem to state they are primary partners in a poly relationship. Whether one subs to the other does not seem to be addressed.

They only live a few hours south of me, although the atmosphere and community there is definitely it's own and unique from that in DFW. Here in Dallas, it is very common in the organizations I belong to for women to be in M/s relationships and also have a male or female sub of their own. In fact, the most active leaders in the community I know of seem to be submissives. Don't ask me why or what that says, but it does seem to be the case. Whether or not some serve their Masters in doing so, I can't say. Others I know of are not partnered, so in at least some cases that clearly isn't the situation.

You are however absolutely correct, that we are often conditioned by society to make assumptions that may or may not be at all accurate. And for that reminder, I humbly thank you.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Wickad)

Post #: 23

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/26/2008 5:07:00 PM

Kaiynasha

Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

I am so glad you asked this because I was starting to feel like me not going to Munches and so forth was strange. Even though I joined a group. Honestly, I don't have the time, and two I don't feel comfortable going. Also I don't like going by myself. I feel pretty bad about it because I have stated I was going to go to three events and ended up not going. Oh well...maybe one day.

MK

_____________________________

"Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability...nothing deepens intimacy
like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins
off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing
to share in the scary stuff"

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 24

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/26/2008 5:21:18 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

... What's preventing you from becoming involved? Equally important, what, if anything would need to change in order for you to feel comfortable socializing with your peers in the lifestyle you choose to lead?

I do attend Twisted Teas, but as to anything else, nothing is "preventing" me; nothing needs to be changed to make me feel "comfortable." I'm a private person. Simply, my choice.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 25

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/26/2008 5:45:50 PM

DommeChains

Posts: 415
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline

To clarify ( in no way I am flaming anyone) neither my husband nor myself submit to each other. We are both dominants, we both seek to have our kink needs met outside of our marriage so we are poly in order to accomodate our needs and desires. And, just a FYI, I am personally acquainted with 4 other married couples who are also both dominants and not either party submissive to the other.

I can understand your apparent frustration in not finding a goodly number of unattached femdoms seeking a male sub in your area. It can be frustrating on any side of the fence trying to find a good match.

I also wanted to clarify that there definitely are unattached femdoms who attend our functions in this area. However, I have noticed that if a woman chooses to not wear fetish attire or act in what some individuals seem to feel is a "domly" fashion or is interacting with an apparently dominant male she is almost unconsiously labled submissive or a switch. As Wickad pointed out this cultural prejudice is most definitely present many times.

Maybe we should all wear a color coded label with our availability or status to events? Said tongue in cheek...no offense intended.

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 26

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/26/2008 6:44:03 PM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

The only time I've typically seen the dommes come out is probably on a 4th Friday munch which is separate group of it's own that meets in the DFW area and is the largest pansexual munch around. Of special interest to Mistresses and subs would be WICK'D, which is for the Dommes and subs, but attendance is much smaller than one would expect with the reputation Dallas has for being the home of so many Femdoms. However, all the ladies are of course very nice and I enjoy their company.

pixel,

Thank you for your kind words about the ladies of WICK'D. We enjoy your company, too!

I'm fairly active in the community, but I didn't make it to SPLF because my cold/flu was starting to relapse and I needed some rest.

It is interesting how many subs outside of the area think that Dallas/Ft. Worth is a mecca for Femdoms. I have had subs from New York, Chicago, San Francisco, and other major cities complain of a shortage of Femdoms there and tell me they wished they lived in Dallas/Ft. Worth, where there is supposedly an abundance of Femdoms. I tell them that the subs living here don't feel that way at all--they lament the shortage of Dommes. Out of curiousity, I have done searches for Femdoms in other major metropolitan areas and have just as many, if not more, than in DFW.

I have also talked to subs in rural areas and small towns in Alaska, Wyoming, Wisconsin, etc., who complain about the lack of Femdoms. In their case, they probably have a point.

I did a survey last year about why Dommes and subs don't attend WICK'D and other public events. Several Dommes, as well as subs, said that they don't feel comfortable attending functions by themselves. I guess I have never been inhibited by that stigma--I go where I want to go and do what I want to do, either with someone else or by myself. However, many don't feel that way. Several in the survey also replied that they were shy.

We also have some members (such as teachers) who are nervous about going out to a dungeon or to a lifestyle event, yet they will attend a function at someone's house or at a restaurant.

Some Dommes have had unfortunate experiences with pesty subs who won't take no for an answer. WICK'D has a rule that "no" means "no," and if I hear reports of a sub (or a Domme, for that matter) not respecting that rule, they will be invited to leave. However, I have witnessed (and experienced) subs at other events who follow Dommes around and are just genrally annoying.

I have been trying to get more Dommes to come out to public events, though it hasn't been the easiest thing in the world.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 27

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/26/2008 7:15:17 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

One of the primary reasons I have very rarely been to an event the last few years is that I moved to a rural area and went back to college full time, while maintaining a job that I work nights/weekends. On an average week, I can measure my free time in an hour here and there, not in a day off; when I actually have days off, it's off to see my love who does not live locally to me. Simply put, there's just not enough hours in the day to accomodate going to events right now. School is my priority - socializing is not.

I will say that in past times when I did go to events more often, the more social events like munches almost NEVER drew in single male subs....play events would draw in a couple but if they were unaccompanied, they were more often looking to hook up for casual play rather than to say, have a conversation that might lead to going out to dinner and a friendship/relationship. If you were a Domme looking for something more than casual play....pickings were VERY slim, and would have been a deterrant to attending events, if meeting someone at them was a goal.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 2/26/2008 7:20:12 PM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)

Post #: 28

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/26/2008 7:34:27 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I am one of the very few doms who does not get rude treatment, seemingly, but I do get bombarded by creepy guys who want me to pay attention to them. I started a chapter of Club FEM in order to give the female dom/ male sub couples some space, and we had a hellacious time attracting single male subs that were of any quality. Mainly we got the do me boys!

Being involved in the community is not really all that much fun. Trust me, I've been doing it for the past 15 years or so, and only sheer bloody mindedness keeps me at it. I want things to happen, and they won't if no one steps up and helps MAKE them happen, at least here in Detroit. If you look at the events that have lasted years, they were all started by females and/or run by females. With not a lot of help, and plenty of criticism!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 29

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/26/2008 9:15:06 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSaskia
I started calling them the I-I-I guys because anytime I'd make eye contact and address them, all they could say is "I, I, I...". It was really annoying, trying to chat with people and not being able to turn around in any direction without bumpging into an I-I-I guy.

Stuttering is not by choice, you know.

:p

quote:

I'd been to a few play parties early on and had some bad experiences, the worst being a guy who kept rubbing his bare cock on my leg while I was sitting on a table. I'd tell him to stop and he did it again, suggesting I punish him for it.

That was horrible behavior and is indeed grounds for explusion.

At one of our local parties, the rules are explained at the beginning of each party. One rule is that no means no. If one asks another to play and is told no, they are not to ask again. If the response is maybe, one can ask that person once more during the course of the evening.

And so at one party I asked a domme to play and she said yes. But then I didn't know what to do because the rules didn't say anything about that scenario.

Just kidding ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to MsSaskia)

Post #: 30

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/27/2008 8:08:03 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave
One of the things I was particularly aware of at the conference was the almost total absence or lack of attendance by Dommes except those who were "out of the closet" lesbians. I've noticed much the same thing at the lifestyle groups I've joined here in Dallas. There simply aren't many Dommes who are actively involved. So my question to those of you who have primary relarionships with men and aren't active in the lifestyle groups in your community, is why? What's preventing you from becoming involved? Equally important, what, if anything would need to change in order for you to feel comfortable socializing with your peers in the lifestyle you choose to lead?

- pixel

I think you'll find that SPLF was started and run, at least for a first grouping of years, by folks in the GLBT community.

Last I checked, there is at least one fem dom oriented group in Dallas, and a friend who moved down there a year or two ago has gone to their parties, so I know they are still active. I was sad that each time I was slated to be down there for an event (Ms World Leather in 2004 and Intl Leather Sir in 2007,) they had nothing scheduled so that I could meet them!

Being involved and a "crossover" in many communities, regardless of sexual preference, I find my involvement stimulating and fulfilling. But, I'm not someone who got involved in the "public" BDSM realm and leather lifestyle to date. I go for the cameraderie, education and socialization. (Although finding a good boy or girl from an event would be nice, I just don't expect it to happen.)

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 31

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/27/2008 8:15:11 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Being involved in the community is not really all that much fun. Trust me, I've been doing it for the past 15 years or so, and only sheer bloody mindedness keeps me at it. I want things to happen, and they won't if no one steps up and helps MAKE them happen, at least here in Detroit. If you look at the events that have lasted years, they were all started by females and/or run by females. With not a lot of help, and plenty of criticism!

I can 100% verify this.

I was very active in the local community for five years and then when I started my full-time teaching for a fellowship that overlapped with some events the group did. I was feeling a bit burnt out anyway with all the people willing to bitch and moan and refusing to do the WORK needed to make any event or group function.

I tried to just enjoy the community for a year and a half after that but the inability of others in the community to step up and do the work resulted in personal attacks on my family -- I wanted the group to fail because I left and didn't attend every event any more.

Frankly it makes me very unwilling to do any of the WORK in the future should we move to a city with an active and varied scene again. But given my A-type personality I'm wondered I might get suckered into volunteering again.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 32

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/27/2008 8:15:22 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

In DFW PowerExchange for example, which has a membership of approximately 450 and an active core group of about 150 that regularly attend the various functions, rarely do I see a Domme who isn't part of an M/s couple. They're wonderful people to hang out with and the group has many non-BDSM events, including social nights at a Karaoke bar, a submissives only night (all female subs I might add; I can never attend because it's scheduled on a night when I have the UM's), a monthly discussion group, a craft guild (make your own toys), a group for those trying to lose weight and get into shape, and a monthly munch with a play party afterwards, plus there's probably more that I'm forgetting (a "Seeking" group with 3 profiles from dommes, 1 of which is poly). It's indeed a very active group and I've made many friends among them.

The only time I've typically seen the dommes come out is probably on a 4th Friday munch which is separate group of it's own that meets in the DFW area and is the largest pansexual munch around. Of special interest to Mistresses and subs would be WICK'D, which is for the Dommes and subs, but attendance is much smaller than one would expect with the reputation Dallas has for being the home of so many Femdoms. However, all the ladies are of course very nice and I enjoy their company. I've not yet connected with the new ClubFem group that meets in nearby Ft Worth. One group that's new in the northern suburbs (the area where I live) with 49 members so far has a total of two dommes that have joined (oops, based on her screen name, there may be a 3rd one now).

There's now a 2nd dungeon in the Dallas area, and it's too early to say what will become of it. I belong to the original and volunteer to help out there. As a result I'm there often enough to get a feel for the numbers of Femdoms who frequent it. I can assure you it's generally very low as a percentage of the total number of those who frequent the place. I really don't doubt that dommes exist here who aren't coupled in M/s relationships, I'm just wondering why they don't come out to the many events available to them. The kinds of behavior some have described is truly not tolerated in our area from what I've observed although I'm certain it happens as it does everywhere. But there are always DM's and others to put them in their place or toss them out the door if necessary.

I was just really surprised to attend SPLF and not see hardly any dommes in attendance where they could learn more about themselves and the lifestyle while socializing among their peers. That's where I was initially coming from and expanded it to include a domme's local lifestyle community for those who have them readily available to them. Whether to play in public or not is always a choice even when available and that's not at all where I was coming from. The demos I've seen put on at the meetings I've attended are typically geared to both D/s and M/s orienations, with some more specific to one or the other on rare occasions from what I've sen. Even in cases of that sort, I've always found there's something to be learned from attending those which might not seem to be of interest or apply to me. Of course YMMV according to your openeness to alternative lifestyes and POV's different than your own.

- pixel

*bangs head*

You already have two more femdom groups than most cities have and you're complaining! Seriously -- recognize what you have there and be grateful for it!!! There are plenty of folks around the country in places where there are NO kink support activities at all, much less specializing in femdom/malesub.

Rather than saying, "it's here but no one participates", a better aim at it might be promoting these underattended events to women who are unaware as having "great potential" might draw people more to your liking out to attend.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 33

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/27/2008 8:21:50 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

Clubs and said gatherings have always struck me as meat markets. Most women have "been there, done that" in life. Seasoned Dommes find such places very predictable and have gone out on their own. So Pixel, as they say "they're out there".. they've just gone private.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 2/27/2008 8:22:18 AM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 34

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/27/2008 9:20:14 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeChains
Maybe we should all wear a color coded label with our availability or status to events? Said tongue in cheek...no offense intended.

Actually, some groups in our area do exactly that to help people connect with others who are looking for their counterparts at events in our area!

At SPLF, I can't tell you how many times I was mistaken for a Dom by some of the vendors either because of the way I was dressed or just because I was looking at "Domly" toys that I was considering purchasing to add to my own toybag for use by a Domme should I meet one that might like to use it on me, or else because I wanted to see certain items so I'd know what I might want to purchase as a gift down the road for a new Mistress once I make that special connection with her! LOL!

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to DommeChains)

Post #: 35

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/27/2008 9:55:45 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora
*bangs head*

You already have two more femdom groups than most cities have and you're complaining! Seriously -- recognize what you have there and be grateful for it!!! There are plenty of folks around the country in places where there are NO kink support activities at all, much less specializing in femdom/malesub.

Rather than saying, "it's here but no one participates", a better aim at it might be promoting these underattended events to women who are unaware as having "great potential" might draw people more to your liking out to attend.

Miss Pandora
While it may have been your interpretation, I don't really think I was complaining! Instead, I was coming from the point of view that these numerous groups and events exist, but was questioning why Femdoms choose not to participate in them. I'm indeed very thankful they are here and I apologize if that hasn't come through. I don't think you have any idea as to how much being able to participate in the local community here means to me. For years I was isolated by my ex-wife/former-Mistress and forbidden to participate in any events or organizations where I could meet others in the lifestyle to make friends with whom I would be accepted for who and what I am.

Having that available to me know, has been like a lifeline of support when I've needed it most. I suddenly have numerous friends when for years after moving to Dallas, I did not! So for me, the community here, regardless of whether the dommes come out to participate or not, is something I greatly value and would continue to be a part of. It's a place where I don't need to hide or make any pretenses; where I'm accepted as a submissive male and not judged for just being me!

I stated that I attend WICK'D and their functions, enjoying the company of the ladies who do attend. Yet, it's a very small group compared to what one would expect from a metroplex of this size which Lady Topaz acknowledged in response to my post. In fact, I've recently done something she requested of existing members in support of her efforts to increase awareness of the group on ALT and hopefully increase attendance at their functions. I also spend time volunteering to help maintain the local dungeon for all to enjoy, which is where WICK'D and the other groups I belong to hold their munches.

I'd also like to say that it's not uncommon for the ladies in this forum to suggest that men get out into their local communities in order to meet dommes and learn about the lifestyle, but if the dommes aren't getting out in their communities for the men to meet, connect with and learn from, please tell me how valid is that advice??

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 36

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/27/2008 10:03:44 AM

KindLadyGrey

Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey
The DC/Baltimore area does not seem to have the problem you are discussing. Maybe you should move here?

;)

Is that an invitation?

- pixel

Sure, why not?

:)

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 37

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/27/2008 11:05:21 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave
I'd also like to say that it's not uncommon for the ladies in this forum to suggest that men get out into their local communities in order to meet dommes and learn about the lifestyle, but if the dommes aren't getting out in their communities for the men to meet, connect with and learn from, please tell me how valid is that advice??

- pixel

It's hypocritical if the person offering that advice and then has never been involved themselves. However, let's look at the people who give that advice -- much of them that I see either have been involved in the community or still are -- myself included. Another point that I think you're missing is that we're suggesting that someone get out in the community and meet like-minded individuals and learn about BDSM. That doesn't have to solely come from femdoms. If you think that's the case, I'm afraid to say that you're mistaken.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 38

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/27/2008 11:19:03 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora
Another point that I think you're missing is that we're suggesting that someone get out in the community and meet like-minded individuals and learn about BDSM. That doesn't have to solely come from femdoms. If you think that's the case, I'm afraid to say that you're mistaken.

On that point, I'd totally agree with you Ma'am!

That said, I still question why others choose not to get involved. Many practices in our community require some education or mentoring in order to practice them safely. I've yet to attend a function where the inappropriate groping or fondling mentioned by some would be tolerated. Ditto for the shadowing. I'm truly sorry that those women had to experience that behavior.

Not all groups just have munches or play parties. One of the activities that I enjoy most are the discussion groups put on by one of the organizations I belong to which usually are held at someone's house each month. The other is a Craft Guild, where participants make a new toy each month. It's a nice way to socialize and add something new to your toy bag at the same time.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 39

RE: Dommes active in their community - 2/27/2008 11:50:15 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora
Another point that I think you're missing is that we're suggesting that someone get out in the community and meet like-minded individuals and learn about BDSM. That doesn't have to solely come from femdoms. If you think that's the case, I'm afraid to say that you're mistaken.

On that point, I'd totally agree with you Ma'am!

That said, I still question why others choose not to get involved. Many practices in our community require some education or mentoring in order to practice them safely. I've yet to attend a function where the inappropriate groping or fondling mentioned by some would be tolerated. Ditto for the shadowing. I'm truly sorry that those women had to experience that behavior.

Not all groups just have munches or play parties. One of the activities that I enjoy most are the discussion groups put on by one of the organizations I belong to which usually are held at someone's house each month. The other is a Craft Guild, where participants make a new toy each month. It's a nice way to socialize and add something new to your toy bag at the same time.

- pixel

It's called personal choice. Reasons abound, to include fear of the unknown, shyness, no need (they already have someone in their life), limited time, work schedules, unmentionables, religious influences, finances, classism, ego, etc. That someone doesn't participate in the "public lifestyle" doesn't make them any less valid as a good person who has kinky interests.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 40

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