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RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/26/2008 7:59:19 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		Err...sometimes a man is just attracted to you and thinks you're hot enough to try the other side of the ropes.  Sometimes he's just attracted to the other side of the ropes and thinks you are a person who can be trusted to be responsible while he experiments with his personal limits.

Either way it's flattering, as long as he's not planning to use it as an opportunity to "switch" on you when you didn't agree to switch.

I would never, ever do this with a male dominant who was not a close personal friend, and accountable for the aftermath of the experiment--either that, or willing to do it in a public play venue or somewhere equally safe!  But I see no reason to be uncomfortable with the idea in general.  Nothing wrong with experimentation, or even just plain old attraction.  And some people do make co-dominant relationships work, at least in poly households. 

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/26/2008 8:02:23 PM   
Reigna


Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		This is fairly common in my experience. Sometimes you'll connect with a sub who thinks he's a Dom until he spends some time with irresistible you. Other times, it's a deliberate bait-and-switch. Certain male subs think it'll be easier to get a woman involved if they first present as Doms, knowing perfectly well all the while that what they really want is to submit. In my experience this latter is particularly common among CDs and trans folk. They do it out of sheer desperation, it seems.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/26/2008 8:05:50 PM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		Co Dominant relationships I can handle .. but that is very different from Topping another Dominant .. that jsut doesnt work for me .. I know from experience ... and yet I do know some that have started as Doms and realised they are truly submissive after having bottomed .. so it is a case by case thing .. I suppose

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Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to Reigna)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/26/2008 8:30:27 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		This may be over-simplistic, but have you considered that they may just be horny guys who want to get laid.  I mean there may be nothing deep about their so-called domliness or so-called subliness, they just want to get some.  Maybe this tactic has worked for them in the past.

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(in reply to DominaJayde)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/26/2008 8:43:42 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		The only problem I have with this is that its been my experience that some may not be sincere. They may tell you one thing then when they get you alone it could be something else.  I was speaking with a Dom and his girl, I was going to be me dominating the Dom and everything seemed ok. We met in person but something seemed a bit off in his demeanor. He just didnt seem submissive to me and seemed more pushy then anything .A few days later she called me to say that she couldnt go through with it (and I had already decided I wasn't going too) Apparently he wanted to Dom a Domme and decided the best way to do that was to meet at a hotel, then once in the room, overtake the Domme and have his sub tie her up then he would rape the Domme.

I am glad that my instincts told me something wasn't right here or I could have ended up getting hurt, or killed. Moral of the story be CAREFUL and trust your instincts. People are not always what they claim.

~Lashra

< Message edited by Lashra -- 2/26/2008 8:44:07 PM >

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to DominaJayde)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/26/2008 8:44:03 PM   
DominaJayde


Posts: 110
Joined: 12/28/2007
From: Tasmania, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

This may be over-simplistic, but have you considered that they may just be horny guys who want to get laid.  I mean there may be nothing deep about their so-called domliness or so-called subliness, they just want to get some.  Maybe this tactic has worked for them in the past.


Oh believe me I have thought that too, but they won't get far with me 8-)

DJ



_____________________________

letting go is a freedom in itself
http://fetishfandango.blogspot.com/

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/26/2008 8:46:04 PM   
DominaJayde


Posts: 110
Joined: 12/28/2007
From: Tasmania, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

to say that she couldnt go through with it (and I had already decided I wasn't going too) Apparently he wanted to Dom a Domme and decided the best way to do that was to meet at a hotel, then once in the room, overtake the Domme and have his sub tie her up then he would rape the Domme.

I am glad that my instincts told me something wasn't right here or I could have ended up getting hurt, or killed. Moral of the story be CAREFUL and trust your instincts. People are not always what they claim.

~Lashra



GOOD GOD!!!

He sounds like a psychopath rather than a dom...

DJ



_____________________________

letting go is a freedom in itself
http://fetishfandango.blogspot.com/

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/26/2008 8:46:15 PM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		This kind of thing does happen a lot and I tend to just believe that many men find it difficult to own up to their submissive sides...well, let's face it, submissive men DO get a lot of bad press. Then there is also the issue that many men do like both sides of the whip, but tend to label themselves Dom...not wanting to own the switch label, either. Let's face it, switches DO get a lot of bad press. But bottom (pun intended) line, if you think either of them might be worth your time and effort, why not try some play first...just to test the waters a little? And if those nasty Dom-like tendencies start coming out...just be sure to have a paddle nearby to whack that out of `em. They'll learn an important lesson about boundaries and you'll have a lot of fun. Who could ask for anything more?

Best,

MNN

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aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/26/2008 8:48:25 PM   
DominaJayde


Posts: 110
Joined: 12/28/2007
From: Tasmania, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I trust you will keep it to yourselves..:)

Jeff
(who would never sub....but might let you think so in order to get you in bed)


My lips are sealed.. honest

DJ



_____________________________

letting go is a freedom in itself
http://fetishfandango.blogspot.com/

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/26/2008 8:58:07 PM   
MzticStormz


Posts: 59
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		My common response to this type of approach from a "Dominant Male" that wants to sub to me is, " Sorry, I don't choose to play with closet submissives"  but each to their own.

(in reply to DominaJayde)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/27/2008 7:55:10 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I do have to say however my sub was at one time a gorean Master so it is true that sometimes people do wear a mask to cover up who they truly are. Now that he has embraced his submissive side he is a very happy man and not tense like he used to be. I think more people need to be who they truly are as opposed to what society expects otherwise the circle may never be broken.

I will also say that it does take time to get them over their "domly" habits, they have to be retrained in their thinking and that does take awhile, particularly if they have been in relationships with mainly submissive females. There maybe points where he may "test" you to see who the real dominant is, be prepared for that and unwaivering as I am sure you will be.

Good luck,
~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to MzticStormz)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/27/2008 8:55:06 AM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra
There maybe points where he may "test" you to see who the real dominant is, be prepared for that and unwaivering as I am sure you will be.


I've found that to be absolutely true, Lashra. Also, I'm glad to read this thread, since I've got these guys coming out of the woodwork and have always wondered what the deal was. I thought it might have something to do with the fact that I list as a switch; maybe they think a switch is more likely to understand their own switchy tendencies?

Anyway, my rule is that if I like a person as a person, then the D/s roles are totally negotiable and I'm open to try pretty much anything within my personal limits. So I have played with a few "Dominant" men. I've never had a really bad experience, although there have been a few that I just didn't have chemistry with.

One thing I'll say is that Doms exploring their sub-side seem to have a much higher chance of being SAMs. I happen to be okay with SAMs so it doesn't bother me too much, but it definitely seems like a lot of these guys need someone to MAKE them feel submissive, whereas a lot of natural subbie boys are just happy to serve. I have YET to meet a switchy-Dom where this was the case.

Piece of advice for anyone who wants to give this a shot: If he starts telling you how he would do it, put a gag and a blindfold on that idiot. Even if you shut him up, his eyes will still be testing you.


PS: Lashra, my little girl is sitting next to me while I mess around on the computer. She saw your picture and said "That's a princess!"

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/27/2008 9:08:53 AM   
MsIncontrol


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/3/2007
Status: offline 		Through my experience I think most of us are on target here...and here is what I have come across.

1) They are afraid to admit to being submissive as many view this as a weakness of some sort. 

2) Or they feel because they are dominant in other aspects of their lives, but wish to submit to someone special in the D/s context but aren't doormats that they aren't sure if they are submissive.

3) They just want to get laid...Domme/sub/switch..as long as she has the right parts he'll be whatever you want him to be to get in your pants.

4) They are a switch or just discovering their desires to bottom.

5) They aren't having any luck finding a submissive partner and will see if they have any better luck on the other side.


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Happiness is only real when shared. - Christopher McCandless

(in reply to DominaJayde)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/27/2008 9:23:56 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		The problem I have had in the few times I have actually taken a Dominant up on their desire to be sub is that they are not looking to submit. At best they want to bottom for a scene, but they will never be submissive. For me, at least, I do not enjoy going just from scene to scene with someone who is my submissive. I expect them to be my submisive all the time, and we scene when the desire is there. With them they had to know a scene was going to happen or they didnt slip into submissive mode.
I have one dominant friend, former dom partner, who would love to submit to me for a scene.  We have discussed it several times and he has made it clear that it is just out of curiousity for what its like to be on the other side for a scene or two.
Some may be very sincere andyou may stir submissive feelings in them they never had before. Personal chemistry does stranger things to people than just that. Or they can hve ulerior motives. There is also the possibility that they think they truly want it, and in practice it wont work for them at all.

One never knows.
Have fun, whichever you decide
DV



_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MsIncontrol)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/27/2008 10:39:44 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra
There maybe points where he may "test" you to see who the real dominant is, be prepared for that and unwaivering as I am sure you will be.


I've found that to be absolutely true, Lashra. Also, I'm glad to read this thread, since I've got these guys coming out of the woodwork and have always wondered what the deal was. I thought it might have something to do with the fact that I list as a switch; maybe they think a switch is more likely to understand their own switchy tendencies?

Anyway, my rule is that if I like a person as a person, then the D/s roles are totally negotiable and I'm open to try pretty much anything within my personal limits. So I have played with a few "Dominant" men. I've never had a really bad experience, although there have been a few that I just didn't have chemistry with.

One thing I'll say is that Doms exploring their sub-side seem to have a much higher chance of being SAMs. I happen to be okay with SAMs so it doesn't bother me too much, but it definitely seems like a lot of these guys need someone to MAKE them feel submissive, whereas a lot of natural subbie boys are just happy to serve. I have YET to meet a switchy-Dom where this was the case.

Piece of advice for anyone who wants to give this a shot: If he starts telling you how he would do it, put a gag and a blindfold on that idiot. Even if you shut him up, his eyes will still be testing you.


PS: Lashra, my little girl is sitting next to me while I mess around on the computer. She saw your picture and said "That's a princess!"

Aww tell her I said thank you and that she made my day.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/27/2008 2:18:28 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra
Apparently he wanted to Dom a Domme and decided the best way to do that was to meet at a hotel, then once in the room, overtake the Domme and have his sub tie her up then he would rape the Domme.


Yep.  This was the scenario I was referring to, when I said "switching when you didn't agree to switch". 

It's the reason that this sort of thing is for very close trusted friends only, or public play situations where there are many witnesses and people to intervene.  It's just the sort of thing that you really don't want to have to explain in a vanilla courtroom, as the victim of a rape or as the perpetrator of a homicide.  Talk about "he said/she said"--oy.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/27/2008 4:27:51 PM   
DominaJayde


Posts: 110
Joined: 12/28/2007
From: Tasmania, Australia
Status: offline 		Thank you Ladies (and gents) once again your collective wisdom has served me well, I should have realised that I was not a 'special unique flower' when it comes to a situation like this, but I didn't realise how prevalent it was, one more blinker gone.

DJ



_____________________________

letting go is a freedom in itself
http://fetishfandango.blogspot.com/

(in reply to ShaktiSama)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Male Doms who suddenly display their 'sub' side - 2/27/2008 4:55:36 PM   
Reigna


Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncontrol

<snip 5-item list>



Good list. I'd add one more item:

6. "I'm male. Of course I'm dominant." (The other side of that is, "I'm female. Of course I'm submissive.")

(in reply to MsIncontrol)
Profile   Post #: 38
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