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A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/26/2008 8:20:18 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
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Everyone has them, though we usually only hear about it from the sub/bottom's perspective. So what are yours? Do they ever come into play or do they tend to fall further towards the edge than your s-type so that it's the other person's limits that actually "limit" your activity? Has someone ever asked you to do something to them that was a limit for you and if so, how do you respond to that situation? Are your limits "the usual" like animals and otherwise "criminal activity" or do you have some unique hard limit that no one would ever guess?

Please, feel free to go beyond the specific questions I've posed.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

Post #: 1

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/26/2008 8:31:00 PM

NJDiscipline

Posts: 13
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I know I am on the extreme side of things, but my limits have never come into play. Usually, my hard limits (animals, children, etc.) coincide with those of the sub/slave I am considering. Other times, as the Dominant, if I choose to not partake in something...that's it...there is no issue.

If I had a sub/slave that wanted to do something that was a limit for me, I would instruct the sub/slave that it is a hard limit of mine and the sub/slave would respect my hard limit like I respect hers. I do absolutely feel that the hard limits of a Dominant are handled much differently then those of a sub/slave since the Dominant is in control.

One limit I have is needles. I cannot say it is a hard limit, I have done it before and will do it again, but it is one thing that I normally choose not to involve in a session.

MR. MILLER

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 2

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/26/2008 8:41:52 PM

ItalianSMistress

Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline

Other than the basic children and animals, My hard limits are scat, diapers and age play. Those are not just things I am uninterested in, they really really turn Me off, so there is no way I would ever break them. I have talked to people that are into those things, and for the most part, you just say you are not interested and thats that. Once and a while you get someone that thinks they can talk you into it, but most know better. I normally tell the slaves I screen that the only limits they can be sure I wont push are My own.

_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."

http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/

(in reply to NJDiscipline)

Post #: 3

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/26/2008 8:48:53 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Yes, like most straight lifestyle Dommes, straight subs only, no bi-s, no switches, no chicks, no marrieds, no geriatrics, no bears. No drinkers/marijuana smokers and other druggies.
No tv's, since I've never met one who wasn't a narcissist/camera junkie.
Another hard limit is masochists/pain divas and size queens who are only interested in bigger and bigger pain and strapons.
Coprophagia is another one: I love a tongue in my ass, the occasional Cleveland steamer is fine, but if a guy wants to eat sh*t and not just figuratively...nope.
OH! And I don't do stupid, no matter how cute they is.

(in reply to NJDiscipline)

Post #: 4

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/26/2008 8:50:26 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

My hard limits, are fairly simple. The obvious (kids, animals....) dont count.
Golden showers. I have no intention on peeing on anyone, ever.
Scat and any other color showers. See above reason, exchance peeing on for whatever method of shower it relates to.
Public verbal humiliation. I have to be there in public as well, and the people who look at you that way will also look at ME that way. no thank you.
Crossdressing for humiliation.
Maids uniforms. I *HATE* them.
Costumes, outfits and anything else that takes planning before hand.

I am very often pushed on the CDing points. Especially the maids uniform thing. Angel dresses for me, but it isnt humiliation, it is becasue when we play he is my baby girl. Fox may, on occasion. Also, not for humiliation. When I was looking, very few seemed to get the idea that it wasnt a humiliation thing for me, it is an asthetic one. I am not going to alow someone to CD if they look HIDEOUS. I will only allow it if they look god, and encourage it if they look better femenized than they do masculine (as in Angel's case)

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to ItalianSMistress)

Post #: 5

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/26/2008 8:55:05 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire
I will only allow it if they look good, and encourage it if they look better femenized than they do masculine (as in Angel's case)

Haha! I'm in the same boat with you there.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 6

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/26/2008 9:13:42 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I don't have "hard" or "soft" limits- I have things I won't do (limits), and things I'm up to discussing.

I actually have more limits as a top because I haven't mastered a lot of skills that just require a responsible warm body if you're the bottom.

I have a limit on getting water in my ears because I have hearing problems, tubes, and get infections very easily.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 7

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/26/2008 9:31:05 PM

MissDiandSirHugh

Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline

Scat and Children are it and not negotiable with any one.
In the future there could be others but until We have tried them or experienced being where they are done We are open to them.
But at all times respect those hard or any limits set by Others, if they wish to have them taken as far as they can be this will be done but again stoped when They safe word or We stop what ever that may be due to Us feeling it's becomeing to much for Them or Us.

_____________________________

HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/26/2008 9:31:47 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

I won't ever do extreme breath play.
I have visions of the preppy murder case dancing through my head whenever the situation arises.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 9

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/26/2008 10:44:21 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NJDiscipline

I do absolutely feel that the hard limits of a Dominant are handled much differently then those of a sub/slave since the Dominant is in control.

How are they handled differently for you? I find this very curious.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to NJDiscipline)

Post #: 10

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/27/2008 3:06:15 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

My hard limits

Blood--have seen enough of it, don't care to play with it
Scat/Diapers
Humiliation
Age Play
Animals
Children

I have never found my hard limits to be a point of contention with a slave. If I won't do something, I won't do it--the slave will either deal with it or move on.

_____________________________

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 11

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/27/2008 4:24:28 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire
The obvious (kids, animals....) don't count.

That used to be my point of view, as well. Someone here on CM pointed out that just because something is illegal or does not involve consenting adults do not assume that the other person doesn't list it as a kink and that made sense. Now they do count and I do mention them.

Beyond that I have never really considered that I have "limits". There are things that I likely won't be doing because I have no interest in them or do not find them erotic but since I am on the D side of the slash (and the captain of the ship, so to speak) I have never seen them as limits in a purist sense.

It's probably a case of semantics but if submissive A puts her foot down and tells Dominant Z that she wants to do X (and he is not interested in X) or even if Dominant Z wishes to do X and submissive A puts her foot down and says "ixnay" who is really in control in that situation? Limits are equivalent to control. If you are deploying them then you are assuming a measure of control. This is not to say that people on certain sides of the slash should not do this but rather to say that if you do - own up to it.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 12

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/27/2008 4:34:55 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

My hard limits are;
-scat
-animals
-children
-sadism/extreme pain
-men

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 13

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/27/2008 5:09:50 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

Submissives who are married
Women
Couples, married or not
Multiples
No tv's, tg's or ts's--they just won't work in My life structure
Any sub who must have constant xxx to submit ( spankings, chastity, nakedness, etc)
Any sub under 35
Those things blatantly illegal, stupid or immoral
Overused submissives ( who have been around and around and around the block)
Phone sex
Subs seeking a pro
Feces of any kind ( I shovel enough with the horses)
Blood/plasma
Needles
Catheters
Urine
Drugs ( unless a valid prescription for a diagnosed medical condition)
Smoking
Vulgarity
Degradation of the psyche
Diapers
Age play
Knives/Guns
Breath Play
Hoods
Cages
Subs who don't get family values
Subs who don't like cats
Anyone who voted for Bush ( ok this could be a soft limit <smiles> )

< Message edited by LadyHathor -- 2/27/2008 5:12:21 AM >

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 14

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/27/2008 5:28:24 AM

ItalianSMistress

Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

The obvious (kids, animals....) dont count.

I used to think that was obvious too, but its not. Just a few weeks back, I started talking to two different girls, and within the first few chats, one of them told Me she wanted a Domme that was going to make her fuck dogs, and the other one told Me that she had her teenaged son under her computer desk rubbing her feet while she was naked, to punish him. BLOCK

_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."

http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 15

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/27/2008 5:31:20 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

This is almost the opposite of a thread in another section just now.

The big three that most think are a *given*. No scat, animals, or anyone under the age of consent.

No subs or play partners old enough to be My father, or young enough to be My offspring.

No cd's/tv's/tg's.

No one who doesn't have the consent of their SO to engage in play.

Age play/diapers

Disrespect of Myself, My husband, My collared submissive, or any member of My poly family.

Any activity that would cause permanent harm.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 16

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/27/2008 5:45:36 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Well a Tops limits can often be hidden because they stear the scenes/play/SM/work...
Easy enough to be sure the scene doesn't go in a direction you are not comfortable with.
Much less often that a Top hits a "landmine" undiscovered limit, when things get a little uncomfortable the scene changes course sometimes not even being known that it was a limit being avoided.

The lack of experience Top limits are likely the most often hit upon of all limits in my experience.
Generally S types can learn to accept/ enjoy/ handle a specific SM skillset multiple times faster than a Top can become proficient at the same skill. Hell Elegant's list of things she wants to try do grows much faster than my list of things I am personally proficient at. That actually became an issue for us at one point, that we worked out when I pointed out that what took her 3 sessions to earn to love might take me months to become competent at. And I actually specified my self imposed limit of learning only 2 complex skill sets at any one time. When I get to the point where I feel competent at the skill then I'll start a new skillset and not until.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 17

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/27/2008 5:52:12 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

I do not have hard limits. The only limitations I have whilst topping are those which I am not experienced in and it's not a total 'no' just a 'not yet' because I need to expand my knowledge.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 18

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/27/2008 6:01:24 AM

ThunderRoad

Posts: 231
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline

I don't want to necessarily rattle off a list of hard limits, because a lot of my limits vary with the sub. I'm generally not interested in doing anything with anyone that is just going to ruin the experience for them. If she hates being flogged, then outside of a specific disciplinary action, why would I want to flog her when it's just going to bring everything down?

That said, scat and kids are way out for me, but most everything else is at least worth having a discussion about, because I can generally get into it if she says she's into it. There's a lot in that "I'm not comfortable with this, but if you get a kick out of it then I'll educate myself and see what we can do..." column. Is that topping from the bottom? Who knows and that's an argument for another day.

Now, on the other side, I do have some hard limits of things that MUST be included. If they aren't, then there's going to be serious compatibility problems. I enjoy fetish and nude photography, I enjoy mild watersports (I'm generally more voyeuristic in that regard), and I enjoy the BDSM community events and conferences. I'm sure there are others. If she's not willing to do any of those things, then I can't see it working for long.

< Message edited by ThunderRoad -- 2/27/2008 6:37:53 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 19

RE: A Dom/Top's hard limits - 2/27/2008 6:28:14 AM

LadyLynx

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

General limits:

kids,scat,urine,intentional death,(the scene planning to be ended in anyone's death, including animals.) bestality,extreme asphixiation,amputation (of any sort!)

Soft limits: (meaning things that I ethier don't know how to do, or won't do without being commited to that person.)blood,knives,needles,trampling with shoes,(particularly high heels, I don't know if I would ever do it.....) extreme cbt/genital torture. verbal humiliation. (I don't have alot of interest in it, I think it would get tedious to keep up after a while.)

About Crossdressing, it isn't a big thing for me, as long as the sub I am working with has a variety of interests, (and as long as it isn't a 24/7 thing.) I can work with it. However the idea of a boy looking as ridiculous as possible amuses me. (that wouldn't be a consistant thing ethier. it should be someone who is into humiliation, but not crossdressing.

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to ThunderRoad)

Post #: 20

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