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Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 8:04:05 PM

dadyzbrat

Posts: 6
Status: offline

I have a question for my submissive sisters. How many of you have googled a Dominant? Am i psycho for doing it? Am i just playing it safe? Why on earth would a Dominant get SOOOO mad, that He would drop all communications. I know i am rambling, but i am extremely frustrated.
I had gone out with this Dominant numerous times. We had played, been intimate, He had stayed at my house NUMEROUS times. I was home bored and I did a search on His full name. Something came up that was not right.. "Dangerously Passive Agressive" (whatever that means) It had been posted by a Girl on some girlsavers/womansavers kind of site. I actually went into protective mode and confessed that I had done this search and sent him the link. I wanted to give Him the opportunity to clear His name. He went off on me and asked me "What else i snooped about him?" I had stopped at that point and told him what was online about Him.
The sub in me is frustated with having someone that i "submitted" to being sooo angry with me. The self-sufficient, single mother in me is thinking... You are most likely better off... Sure, i most likely am better off, but my question to the all of You is... is my behavior truly ALL that bad??? is his??? Any advise would be greatly appreciated!!!

thanks for a minute of your time...
lori

Post #: 1

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 8:14:30 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

I've googled every sub before I met with her. I don't try to figure out someone's Social Security number, or do anything intrusive. However, it is a good idea -- and recommended by many anti-scam web sites -- to pull phrases out of someone's profile, and letters they send, and google them too. There's nothing quite like seeing the exact same three letters a "submissive female" sent you being reported on an anti-scam web site. And yes, that has happened to me.

I encourage subs to google me. My google footprint verifies I am who I say I am.

That said, I would be pissed as hell if you gave an online blacklist any credibility at all. There's a reason respectable sites -- including CM -- don't permit blacklists. Anyone can say anything, with no foundation whatsoever. Your sending him that link was the 21st Century version of asking if he has stopped beating his wife yet. A chance to clear his name? If he's stayed at your place so many times, and there were no problems, why didn't you email the woman, say that she was full of shit and you knew better, but you would give her a chance to clear her name?

If you believe what you read on the web more readily than you believe your own real-life experience, you have a serious problem.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to dadyzbrat)

Post #: 2

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 8:19:08 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dadyzbrat

How many of you have googled a Dominant?

Yep, I google everything. ::laughs::

quote:

Am i psycho for doing it?

No, you're not a psycho. Well, I mean, you could be a psycho, but not for googling. ;)

quote:

Am i just playing it safe?

You know, there's nothing wrong with being safe. A lot of folks like knowing they are doing everything in their power to protect their best interests! It's called personal responsibility for your own welfare.

quote:

Why on earth would a Dominant get SOOOO mad, that He would drop all communications.

Eh, probably guilt or perhaps insecurity. It's a stupid thing to get mad about though.

quote:

I know i am rambling, but i am extremely frustrated.
I had gone out with this Dominant numerous times. We had played, been intimate, He had stayed at my house NUMEROUS times. I was home bored and I did a search on His full name. Something came up that was not right.. "Dangerously Passive Agressive" (whatever that means) It had been posted by a Girl on some girlsavers/womansavers kind of site. I actually went into protective mode and confessed that I had done this search and sent him the link. I wanted to give Him the opportunity to clear His name. He went off on me and asked me "What else i snooped about him?" I had stopped at that point and told him what was online about Him.
The sub in me is frustated with having someone that i "submitted" to being sooo angry with me. The self-sufficient, single mother in me is thinking... You are most likely better off... Sure, i most likely am better off, but my question to the all of You is... is my behavior truly ALL that bad??? is his??? Any advise would be greatly appreciated!!!

thanks for a minute of your time...
lori

Hmm.. sounds like dangerously passive-aggressive might have been right on target and that you got lucky that you were bored one night. My advise, google sooner next time. I had a prospective dominant get really pissed at me for checking out his references (which did NOT come back in a very flattering way at all) and it turns out that of the three references he provided, one of them was a fake name he used to see if prospects would follow through on checking his references. The dummy, however, gave me two other names of real women who trashed him pretty bad.

Some people's children. ::chuckles::

Celeste

edited for a really weird typo

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 2/28/2008 8:20:06 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to dadyzbrat)

Post #: 3

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 8:23:42 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I've googled every sub before I met with her. I don't try to figure out someone's Social Security number, or do anything intrusive. However, it is a good idea -- and recommended by many anti-scam web sites -- to pull phrases out of someone's profile, and letters they send, and google them too. There's nothing quite like seeing the exact same three letters a "submissive female" sent you being reported on an anti-scam web site. And yes, that has happened to me.

I encourage subs to google me. My google footprint verifies I am who I say I am.

That said, I would be pissed as hell if you gave an online blacklist any credibility at all. There's a reason respectable sites -- including CM -- don't permit blacklists. Anyone can say anything, with no foundation whatsoever. Your sending him that link was the 21st Century version of asking if he has stopped beating his wife yet. A chance to clear his name? If he's stayed at your place so many times, and there were no problems, why didn't you email the woman, say that she was full of shit and you knew better, but you would give her a chance to clear her name?

If you believe what you read on the web more readily than you believe your own real-life experience, you have a serious problem.

You know, I agree with you, Red, but his reaction, which could have been one of amusement or even bemusement is very telling. Otherwise, spot on.. to believe what you read on the internet is an iffy proposition at best.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 4

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 8:24:49 PM

dadyzbrat

Posts: 6
Status: offline

It wasnt that i believed what the other site said.. it was just that it had his full legal name, city he had lived in and it was obvious that some "scorned" woman had put it out to slander him... i wanted to give "HIM" a chance to clear his name.... I myself have had something put on the web about me. I had a pic on some website which i didnt give permission to have, i cleared my own name.

i just thought he should know about it.

Thanks for Your response.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 5

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 8:26:08 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I did all sorts of searches on my Master before things really progressed between us, and certainly before we met - Google and otherwise. I didn't know him. I didn't know anyone who knew him. So I played it safe.

I have no idea if he Googled me in return. I never asked!

(in reply to dadyzbrat)

Post #: 6

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 8:26:29 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Celeste, I think you are mixing apples and oranges. Getting live, in-person references from a Dom you are potentially considering playing with is by no means the same as accusing someone you have a relationship and history with -- and no reason to suspect -- simply because some ex posted something online.

I wouldn't ever get mad because someone googled me. Again, I encourage people to do it. But if someone took the attitude that she took -- at least in her original post on this thread -- that would be damn near a deal breaker for me. There would be no way for me to clear my name other that what I was already doing: treating her decently again and again. If that's not good enough for her, I will find someone who values me for who I am.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 7

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 8:31:02 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

Personally, I would feel terribly offended if someone asked me to defend myself from some anonymous posting on the web. Anybody can post anything on the web! And we all know there are some in this community who are unbalanced and, once rejected, make it their life's work to mete out revenge.

I can understand the desire to know all about one you care about, but to actually give that post any credence at all, well, that smacks of dishonesty and mistrust.

I side with your Dom on this.

(in reply to dadyzbrat)

Post #: 8

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 8:32:11 PM

dadyzbrat

Posts: 6
Status: offline

Red, this is good for me to hear. It gives me a look from his prospective. Thank You!!

I have no reason to google myself, but i do... i dont doubt myself. ( i didnt google him cuz i doubted him) if that makes sense.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 9

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 8:33:22 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Celeste, I think you are mixing apples and oranges. Getting live, in-person references from a Dom you are potentially considering playing with is by no means the same as accusing someone you have a relationship and history with -- and no reason to suspect -- simply because some ex posted something online.

I wouldn't ever get mad because someone googled me. Again, I encourage people to do it. But if someone took the attitude that she took -- at least in her original post on this thread -- that would be damn near a deal breaker for me. There would be no way for me to clear my name other that what I was already doing: treating her decently again and again. If that's not good enough for her, I will find someone who values me for who I am.

I guess we're just reading it differently. She said she went into 'protective mode' and I took that to mean being protective of 'him' so he could go to the site and clear off the misinformation (if it was misinformation.) Perhaps the OP could clarify what she meant by 'protective mode' because I may have been misreading it.

celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 10

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 8:35:21 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
She said she went into 'protective mode' and I took that to mean being protective of 'him'

I hope you are right. If that is the case, then, yes, he is overreacting.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 11

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 8:36:47 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

You were smart to find out information about him, ask him and give him a chance to explain himself.

You were LUCKY, nothing harmful happened, since he had already spent the night in your house.

Personally, at this stage of the game in my life, I prefer to err on the side of caution.

His reaction, shows big red flags.

Get all the information you can, check the person out well, BEFORE you allow them to
spend the night.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 2/28/2008 8:49:20 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to dadyzbrat)

Post #: 12

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 8:38:23 PM

dadyzbrat

Posts: 6
Status: offline

I went into protective mode of Him... I wanted him to be able to clear his name. If i had only been protecting myself i would of never told Him about the link.
Sorry I didnt clarify this...

There are some good replies to me... even the ones that sting my eyes... Thank you.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 13

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 8:45:09 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

Yep, I google pretty much anyone I meet off the internet. I expect that they do the same. I certainly would take anything I came across with a grain of salt, ex-girlfriends do happen.
   I actually ate lunch with this guy once, and then, while later googling him, learned from his myspace page that he was in a relationship. I kicked myself for not doing it sooner (although I got free food out of the deal, and he got nothing). I confronted him and he admitted it.
   He told me he thought a submissive would be turned on by being the other woman. I told him a variety of things, many of them too complex for him to understand (I use big words when I'm really, really angry and he was a poor, deluded frat boy).
   So, yes, it may be somewhat unsubmissive to internet-stalk potential doms, but I think it's a important idea that I'd never be without. Sure, some chick's myspace page could be lying, or some jealous one-night-stand could be posting on "Don't Date Him, Girl!", but remember, the internet does occasionally hold useful information. Like the sex offender registry.

(in reply to dadyzbrat)

Post #: 14

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 9:28:24 PM

unravel

Posts: 90
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

Frankly i do not see that you did anything wrong... what's wrong with googling? It is public domain, it shows you care about Him in a way that you inquired through google... and what's wrong with being cautious? i am not sure i get His reaction either since you seem to have been respectful and open-minded when you came to Him with that "negative" stuff you found about Him.
i don't think you did anything wrong at all...
unravel

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 15

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/28/2008 11:30:17 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Try googling screen names, too. Mine pops up all over the place. Master Fire does not. My given name does. It's interesting when students find me (I teach adults). *chuckle*

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to dadyzbrat)

Post #: 16

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/29/2008 5:09:30 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

he has something to hide.

I google everyone, I will eventually ask for a license so I can do a bg check, and I expect the same, one can not be too careful---though what was to creepy was one sub who got My house on those aerial maps or something and would everyday tell Me what life was like in the neighborhood--caaaaarreeeeepppyyyy.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to dadyzbrat)

Post #: 17

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/29/2008 6:12:37 AM

dadyzbrat

Posts: 6
Status: offline

well that is wayyyyyy creepy!!!!

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 18

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/29/2008 6:17:32 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Hopefully you've been reassured by the responses you've gotten so far... your behavior isn't unusual and it certainly isn't bad. I've always googled and researched any prospective dominant... to me, it would be bad not to and that attitude has served me very well. FirmhandKY expected me to research him... my doing so proved to him my seriousness and resourcefulness. He actually provided me with "clues" during our early conversations that would lead me to information about him, then waited to see if I would pick up on those clues and follow through.

lol... I think I surprised him.

Please don't think that you've screwed something good up. I had a dominant once disappear on me after he realized that I was checking into the things he was telling me. Like yourself, I wasn't challenging him with what I found (or didn't find), but I didn't hide the fact that I sought out additional information on him. He became very angry that I didn't trust him and very shortly thereafter ceased all communication. There was a reason for that, though I didn't find out until much later. I posted about it here.

(in reply to dadyzbrat)

Post #: 19

RE: Googling a prospective Dominant/Play partner - 2/29/2008 6:20:44 AM

MadameShy

Posts: 31
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

Googles Myself

got me wondering what others are saying about Me LOL

_____________________________

Still Searching for that Little Girl

(in reply to dadyzbrat)

Post #: 20

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