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Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 8:43:12 AM   
awakenednj


Posts: 657
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline 		Is being angry with your Sir a completely unacceptable thing? What do you do if your sub/slave is angry with you? (Especially if you know you could have handled something slightly better....) Any thoughts on the topic of anger towards the dominant would be welcome...
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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 8:52:49 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I know that i have felt angry towards Sir, anger is an emotion its not a controlable thing how you express it is. At the end of the day we are all humans first and foremost. If i think Sir has been totally out of line about something I will feel angry and I will more often than not tell him, i wouldnt shout or scream i would simply say "I think that was out of order" he doesnt have to agree. Any relationship is based on communication. Of course it depends what I am angry about, If I am angry that he ummm said he was going to give me 10 with the cane and gave me 11 thats kinda tough its his perogative but some things outside of that I have been angry at. Such as he had a bad day and wouldnt talk to me even though I hadnt done anything, I was fuming and told him so. He understood and appologised. It totally depends on the relationship/circumstance. 

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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 8:57:57 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Is being angry with your Sir a completely unacceptable thing? What do you do if your sub/slave is angry with you? (Especially if you know you could have handled something slightly better....) Any thoughts on the topic of anger towards the dominant would be welcome..


awaken,

each "D" has his/her own values at allowances, but for this dom it is understood right up front, there is no anger allowed toward me as it is an overt sign of disrespect.

CP

(in reply to awakenednj)
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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 9:00:41 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Is being angry with your Sir a completely unacceptable thing?
Being angry? No
Acting angry? well that's where you gotta ask yourself...feeling lucky???

(in reply to awakenednj)
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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 9:01:25 AM   
verysweet


Posts: 128
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: awakenednj
Is being angry with your Sir a completely unacceptable thing? What do you do if your sub/slave is angry with you? (Especially if you know you could have handled something slightly better....) Any thoughts on the topic of anger towards the dominant would be welcome...


As you probably know, it's pretty unrealistic to think that throughout the course of a relationship someone isn't going to 'fly off the handle'.  Whether it's something valid or totally ridiculous.  We're probably all guilty of making bad judgement calls from time to time.  Who knows, maybe he too realizes he could have handled the situation in a different way.

There's been a few times when I've gotten upset and angry at the silliest things.  Normally, I realize how badly I behaved and apologize.  Sometimes he brushes it off immediately, sometimes it takes him a while to calm down.  We don't have any type of punishment dynamic, so these types of miscommunications don't rear their head in the bdsm arena.

I tend to be very level headed about major issues that have come up.  Thankfully.  And I think my ability to handle them in that way has provided me a bit of leeway when I get pissy about the things that don't really matter.

I don't see a huge difference between being angry with your Dominant and being angry with anyone else you're involved with.  If the relationship is worth it to you, try to work it out.  And hopefully, if he's really made a bonehead maneuver he'll realize it and thoughtfully apologize.  Whether you accept that apology is another thing entirely.

I wish you well.



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Poetry in devotion.

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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 9:03:38 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I am expected to be a person as well as a submissive.
If a dom wants no anger but also expects 'complete honesty', well...he can't have both...
If you've ever taken even a basic psychology class, you will know that there is a reason for anger, everyone feels it, and it is necessary and normal.
I think someone who posted earlier was correct. Anger is unavoidable, how you express it is yours to control.
(unless you're a fiery french redhead...then...all bets are off)

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 9:06:52 AM   
awakenednj


Posts: 657
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
awaken,

each "D" has his/her own values at allowances, but for this dom it is understood right up front, there is no anger allowed toward me as it is an overt sign of disrespect.

CP


Even if you know and have admitted you did not do something you really should have? If you have failed your sub in some way- doesn't that earn a degree of disrespect?

(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 9:10:06 AM   
awakenednj


Posts: 657
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

(unless you're a fiery french redhead...then...all bets are off)


Hehe- blonde- but french and irish.... are the bets still off?? LOL

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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 9:19:12 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
awaken,

each "D" has his/her own values at allowances, but for this dom it is understood right up front, there is no anger allowed toward me as it is an overt sign of disrespect.

CP


Anger and resentment toward my Master have never been acceptable.  If I ever felt one of these things, I needed to figure out why, pronto, and get past it.

It's very doable.  Anger is an emotion that rarely enters our relationship.  We both screw up as we are fallible humans.  We deal with it and move on.  We both trust that the other has the best of intentions for each other and the relationship we desire.  With that in mind, benefit of the doubt is given and issues are dealt with.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 9:19:34 AM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		CelticPrince,
There are several possible explanations, but I am wondering if you could expound a bit. Do you live in a 24/7, live-in M/s relaitonship? How does one keep from ever getting angry?
Someone said that 'flying off the handle' is unaviodable, and I tottaly disagree. being angry is not an excuse to show any disrespect. And, I personally happen to be a person for whom my angers are fleeting and shortlived. I need to cry for a couple of minutes, go away and collect myself. Even when Master has not allowed this, I do not resort to disrespect. If He pushes me to talk before I am ready to talk calmly, well - I do anyway. Talk, and calmly, however frustrating that may be.
But how do you keep a submissive from ever feeling angry? and how do you deal with it when they do?

(in reply to awakenednj)
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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 9:23:12 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: awakenednj

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
awaken,

each "D" has his/her own values at allowances, but for this dom it is understood right up front, there is no anger allowed toward me as it is an overt sign of disrespect.

CP


Even if you know and have admitted you did not do something you really should have? If you have failed your sub in some way- doesn't that earn a degree of disrespect?



I won't presume to answer this for CP but wanted to chime in.

I would not disrespect him for being fallible.  95% of the time he is dead-on accurate in what he does regarding me and our dynamic, with about a 5% error rate.  But I submit to 100% of the man, and that means knowing in advance that he is going to err on occasion.  I accept this already.  Any time I disrespect my Master, I am bringing contempt into the relationship, which is one of the main destroyers of any relationship. Since I prefer to preserve what we have rather than destroy it, I respect him always - who he is, what he is trying to do, and how he does it.

(in reply to awakenednj)
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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 9:27:41 AM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline 		i wish my dom would post here

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*crystal*
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(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 9:35:33 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		there is nothing wrong with having the feelings of anger... or any other emotions for that matter...

What does matter.. is the actions you take because of those feelings!  Some actions are not so good... some are very good. 

Lastly.... Why have the feelings has alot of impact on the actions you take.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 9:42:02 AM   
awakenednj


Posts: 657
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I would not disrespect him for being fallible.  95% of the time he is dead-on accurate in what he does regarding me and our dynamic, with about a 5% error rate.  But I submit to 100% of the man, and that means knowing in advance that he is going to err on occasion.  I accept this already.  Any time I disrespect my Master, I am bringing contempt into the relationship, which is one of the main destroyers of any relationship. Since I prefer to preserve what we have rather than destroy it, I respect him always - who he is, what he is trying to do, and how he does it.


That makes sense.... hmmmm...

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 9:52:44 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Hi awakened.  Over time, I just stopped ever feeling angry for knowing he was doing the best he could.  The rare times I do feel anger toward him now, it is really short-lived.  It lasts about as long as it takes me to remind myself of how I really feel.  Sometimes I'm just angry at how a situation ended up.  But to be angry at him is to blame him for something.  And in the big picture overall...things are really really good.  Getting mad at him for mistakes along the way just feels silly to me, and a distraction away from what we have.  So if I want to blame him for anything, I can blame him for creating an environment in which I can thrive. 

(in reply to awakenednj)
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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 10:03:10 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		If he wants a sub who never feels anger, he should drop you and buy a blow-up doll.  If you want a Dom with no flaws, you should drop him and write one of the many perfect Doms with profiles here on CM.

It is not disrespectful to feel angry.  However, certain ways of acting on that anger would be disrespectful to anyone, Dom or sub.  Often, even the really big things -- like infidelity -- are the "fault" of more than one person.  Sure, the one going outside the relationship bears the most responsibility for the immediate action... but the action is a symptom of an underlying problem in the relationship.  Both people had better work on that, or end the relationship as it currently exists.  This could be either by saying, "Now we're poly," or "It's over, Rover."

If you don't tell him how he hurt you, then you are witholding necessary information.  If you try to punish him for making an honest mistake, then you will not just be damaging him.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 10:10:12 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
If you don't tell him how he hurt you, then you are witholding necessary information.  If you try to punish him for making an honest mistake, then you will not just be damaging him.



I agree with both sentences above.  I've told him any time he has hurt me.  Doesn't mean I get myself angry over it, because I see the bigger picture.

But maybe that's a trait with us blow-up dolls. 

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 10:35:15 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I believe much the same as Owned- experience a feeling is what it is.  But it needs to be dealt with at the source and not allowed to fester.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 10:38:09 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		HoneyMaster says that even saints get angry. There is such a thing as righteous anger.
Just because we are 'submissive' doesn't mean we are 'stepford wives' (His terms, not mine)
I do get angry.
I am allowed to express it, and I attempt to do so respectfully. (this is not always successful)
The final say-so regarding an issue is His, however, unless it involves unmentionables, and then, it is a joint decision.
I feel that sometimes we have a 'who's the twue submissive' thing going on here, and I just want to say that there is no such thing.
It's what works for you.
Obviously, someone in a long distance relationship, or an on-line relationship can be more 'submissive' than one who lives it day to day 24/7, and has done so for sometime.
Another thing to think about is what is being given.
If submission comes totally naturally to one, and they crawl behind their master begging for punishment and/or mercy,
are they really more submissive than one who has to struggle against society's conditioning and other life experiences in order to submit?
What works for me, will not work for many.
What works for many, may not work for me.
I respect your opinion, and hope that you respect mine.
Sorry, OP, for this mini-hi-jack. I felt the need to say what I said.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Angry with Master - 3/1/2008 10:44:18 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
Obviously, someone in a long distance relationship, or an on-line relationship can be more 'submissive' than one who lives it day to day 24/7, and has done so for sometime.

I'm not sure what you mean here?  LDRs may be a very different dynamic of expectation and connection, but certainly isn't "more" or "less" than a live-in situation overall.  In some ways LDR makes things ten times harder than a live-in.

quote:

If submission comes totally naturally to one, and they crawl behind their master begging for punishment and/or mercy,
are they really more submissive than one who has to struggle against society's conditioning and other life experiences in order to submit?

They are both being true to themselves.  I don't value one over the other except when it comes to what works in my own relationships.  I'd be annoyed at someone if they tried to tell me their submission was "more" than mine because they had to struggle- that's a martyr.


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
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