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Help with Housework - 9/21/2005 9:48:24 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

I am very bad at doing housework. I mean, it's not that I have any problems actually acomplishing the stuff I need to do, it's that I don't want to do them.

One thing I would like to do, to make my partner's life easier, is to take over the household chores. I feel that it's my responsiblity anyway, and I know he'd prefer I do it, but for all that we've been together going on three years, he's still working on getting rid of the ideas of equality.

That is, he tends not to inforce the un-fun stuff.

And I don't want him to have to. I want to simply make his life better by doing the things he doesnt' want to do.

So. I was wondering if anyone could give me advice on how not to resent housework. how to remember NOT to ask him to it, or feel like he should. The biggest one right now is the dishes. I keep feeling that I'm doing too much, and pestering him to do them. I hate this. However, I have yet to come up with a good way to remind myself and to put my brain back where I want it.

please, please advise?

(In advance, we live with a roommate. The kneeling thing, or any very overt signs of "me property you owner" are nixed.)

Thank you!

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

Post #: 1

RE: Help with Housework - 9/21/2005 9:55:19 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Implement a very obvious and clear schedule/action/reward system.

Seriously, get a notebook, a posterboard, gold stickers or print out a schedule from the computer such as

Monday: Dishes, front stairs vacuum, bathroom clean up
Reward: Saturday dinner choice

Tuesday: Bedroom vacuum and pick up, towel cleaning
Reward: strawberries and whipped cream for dessert.

It puts it ALL out there in black and white, you get the immediate satisfaction of a check-off, and the knowledge of a clear upcoming reward, which you have BOTH agreed to. And you get the pleasure/displeasure of being like a kid handing a report card to him and he gets to have all the work pre-done while still having the ability to monitor your behavior and not have it be a bother.

You still might not ever like doing the dishes, but you will admit it needing to be done and can enjoy the service and reward aspect of it directly.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 2

RE: Help with Housework - 9/21/2005 10:21:27 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

i agree with Em. i hae exercise. So i got on Excel and created alittle sheet with "check offs" Twas really nice seeing all my "checks". Write yourself a letter, explaining to yourself why you really DO want to do the housework. No offense hon, but i have always believe where there is a will there is a way. If you truely want to do something, you'll do it. Maybe it is guilt you feel? If i'm out in left field, just ignore me. Make post its saying "Doing the dishes helps Master and makes Him happy"

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 3

RE: Help with Housework - 9/21/2005 11:00:28 PM

MissChicane

Posts: 39
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

I've been with my man for a long long time... and over that time i've gotten used to the things that need to be done. It's just seems to work out naturally. We were in a poly relationship not too long ago where I had a sister sub. She, having not been accustomed to everything was given a set schedule by our Dom. He got her a PDA and all set for scheduling. But of course there are other cheaper ways like organizers and such.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 4

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 5:50:54 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Grrrrrrrrr, housework sucks.
Those tidious little things like dishes, dust, sweeping, windows and
Worse of all vacuming! ( Hoover is an invention of the devil I swear it is )
Keeping things tidy is what our parents nagged us about all those years.
From soda cans to taking off boots and shoes at the door.
Making a habit of avoiding dirt, dropping things and putting them back
on the hanger helps. But those other things,
yikes ... ... ... takes scheduling until they become habit.

I feel for ya.

Q, who would rather kick start her broom then push Hoover anyday...........

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to MissChicane)

Post #: 5

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 6:32:04 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

and all this comes from women? what happened to the old school where women were natural nesters? damn. and here "I" am male,.......and naturally into domestics services........"I" do everything from rain gutters to digging septic tanks to anything from ceiling to floor.......i do it ALL..painting drywall washing walls and doing floors on my hands and knees to beds and dishes and ceiling fans and...........hell i do it all and i do it alone..........for my Mistress. including laundry-----and upgrading the computer myself changing hardware........upgrading software..........car maintenance...........

where are the old school women??????????

hmm i guess being an only child pays off finally........huh?

not bad for an old coot of 50+ huh?
wolfie

< Message edited by lonewolf05 -- 9/22/2005 6:34:07 AM >

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 6

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 6:51:05 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Here's a very mundane suggestion: make a chore chart.

I see no reason why a dominant or top in a consensual relationship can't do some chores around the house and for the family. However this is something you both need to decide together. When you've decided, make a list together and agree that each of you will work to fulfill your assigned chores.

Now in my house it is a bit different because I have a husband and I have a slave. Our biggest problem was the husband not wanting the slave to do all his chores (and yet resenting that he had to do them) and my slave being capable of seeing what something needs done and just doing it.

We made a chore chart that laid out each persons responsibilities.

On top of that I do have the right to tell my slave (Fox) to help me with my share of the household work. I happen to want to be fairly active and independent so I do the laundry (he carried the loads upstairs and deals with the clean sheets and towels), I do most of the cooking (cause I like to cook), and I plan out all the shopping (he drives me and always carries in the sacks.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 7

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 7:00:10 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Oh Wolfie, being mulit talented is a good thing! just cause I hate Hoover with every inch of my being doesnt mean I cant or dont do the job. Nesting at least for me makes me stale, it provides no mental stimulation, no challenge. My talents lie elsewhere. Of course I do the best I can to make life easier for Master, and many of the "Old School" ways live well in me. But if given the choice I would much prefer to be busy on the Farm and not in the Farm house!

Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 8

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 7:22:06 AM

target

Posts: 46
Status: offline

Hey perverse... your master should chase you with the ice cube tray if you don't do the chores.

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 9

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 8:36:45 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05

and all this comes from women? what happened to the old school where women were natural nesters?

They never existed in the first place, they were just taught that was how they had to be.

It's not a woman thing. It's a person thing. I happen to be a person who dislikes household chores. I'm glad you like and don't need help with housework, but I do, and I find that they way you reacted to my request for help makes me a little irritated.

that said.

Thanks y'all. I think the idea of a chart will actually help me a great deal, especially if I can figured out a way to get it in my face. Maybe I'll make something the background to my computer. I can hardly help but see it there :)

Re: thetammyjo
He doesn't have a problem doing chores, but I don't want him to have to. This is a personal initiative thing. He's more into the fun part--hiting and sex--which is quite nice, but I'm here for -everything- and I'd like to be useful in those ways too.

I have the cooking part down, it's the other bits that are difficult for me.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 10

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 8:37:14 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: target

Hey perverse... your master should chase you with the ice cube tray if you don't do the chores.

Very funny :)

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to target)

Post #: 11

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 8:53:31 AM

target

Posts: 46
Status: offline

More seriously , do you put it all off because you don't like it? Had this problem here. Break it down on a schedule and stick to it till it becomes second nature. Every day here is a different room. General pick up on Fridays. As for dishes , whoever cooks , doesn't do them.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 12

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 9:07:38 AM

WickedKev

Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline

I have no toruble letting my slave do everything except cook, and that is becuase a) I am a better chef than her and b) I love to cook. I expect her to clean and wash my clothes and take care of all the other domestic chores. Now if something is not done it is hard to punish her there and then, as she has two children, but that happens so rarely as she is a very good slave. I also expect the children to contribute to the family in the form of doing the dishes, they hate doing it but hey life is a bitch.

(in reply to target)

Post #: 13

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 9:11:31 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedKev

I have no toruble letting my slave do everything except cook, and that is becuase a) I am a better chef than her and b) I love to cook. I expect her to clean and wash my clothes and take care of all the other domestic chores. Now if something is not done it is hard to punish her there and then, as she has two children, but that happens so rarely as she is a very good slave. I also expect the children to contribute to the family in the form of doing the dishes, they hate doing it but hey life is a bitch.

I wonder if there is a gender difference?

I was raised to help do housework by my mother; my father helped too but my mother was a homemaker and so she could do more cause she was around the house more.

My husband's family could afford a weekly maid service and his parents didn't train their kids (both sons) to do more than clean their rooms.

Anyway, just a thought....

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 9/22/2005 9:12:55 AM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to WickedKev)

Post #: 14

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 9:23:30 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

Perverse,

I, too, hate housework. However, since we both work full-time and often more than full-time, chores are always a problem. I love cooking but everything else is such a chore. We worked it out that he takes care of all the outside duties, cutting lawn, taking care of gardens, shoveling the snow, etc and I take care of everything inside, cooking, cleaning, laundry, serving him and keeping him happy.

Hmmmm.....problem is that when I don't get the laundry done and he is out of clean socks...well there is discipline. However, when he doesn't completely clean the snow off my car, I don't get to crop his ass!

(Shaking head) Seems there SHOULD be consequences for Doms as well.....lol

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 15

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 9:48:39 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: target

More seriously , do you put it all off because you don't like it? Had this problem here. Break it down on a schedule and stick to it till it becomes second nature. Every day here is a different room. General pick up on Fridays. As for dishes , whoever cooks , doesn't do them.

I don't like doing them ;) I do plan on breaking it down, soundsl ike a good idea.

And I'm getting ocnfused by some responses. Lots of people are saying "well, let him do some stuff too" Thing is, that's my job. Or at least it should be. I'm supposed to be doing things that he doesn't want to do, to make his life better. That's how we're trying tom ake our relationship work.

Even if he doesn't cook, he still shouldn't have to do the dishes because that's what I'm here for. I'm trying to get -rid- of the need for him to do household chores he doesn't enjoy. Afterall, what's the point of having a girl that's yours if you have to do all the stuff you don't like anyway?

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to target)

Post #: 16

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 9:54:02 AM

WickedKev

Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedKev

I have no toruble letting my slave do everything except cook, and that is becuase a) I am a better chef than her and b) I love to cook. I expect her to clean and wash my clothes and take care of all the other domestic chores. Now if something is not done it is hard to punish her there and then, as she has two children, but that happens so rarely as she is a very good slave. I also expect the children to contribute to the family in the form of doing the dishes, they hate doing it but hey life is a bitch.

I wonder if there is a gender difference?

I was raised to help do housework by my mother; my father helped too but my mother was a homemaker and so she could do more cause she was around the house more.

My husband's family could afford a weekly maid service and his parents didn't train their kids (both sons) to do more than clean their rooms.

Anyway, just a thought....

I can see your point, my mother too was a homemaker while my father the King of the castle, he provided and yes I guess it has rubbed off in a way. Also my dad was a better cook than my mother too......As for the kids contributing by doing work I also had too especially the dishes, and how I hate doing dishes

< Message edited by WickedKev -- 9/22/2005 9:57:14 AM >

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 17

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 10:20:46 AM

firefighteremt

Posts: 24
Joined: 7/5/2005
From: Buffalo NY (AREA)
Status: offline

PERVERSEANGELIC I had the same problem when I started my 24/7 relationship. I understood all the sexual ideas and skills. I didn't understand however that she needed me to set up rules and deadlines and just make a plan about what housework needed to be done. She didn't want to do it....but she needed to do it for me

_____________________________

It's your life...You live it

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 18

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 10:46:26 AM

MrPost

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

So far a lot of good suggestions, a couple of other tricks.
Start slowly with cleaning, 10-15 minute 'work times' to begin with, that way you do not burn out on cleaning. Then take a 45-50 minute break.
Dress for it, it seems to help me a great deal when I shower and dress in a 'uniform' (currently, hospital scrubs) to get me in the cleaning mind set.
The list is a very good idea with little rewards once everything is 'checked'
Focus on problem areas first, corners that get easily cluttered, that way you see the results fast.
A great website is flylady.net, kind of Suzie Homemaker but they have plans. schedules, tricks and a bunch of other neato info.

MrPost

_____________________________

I groan for the present sorrow. I groan for the sorrow to come. I groan questioning when there shall come a time when He shall ordain a limit to my suffering.
Aeschylus, Prometheus Bound

(in reply to firefighteremt)

Post #: 19

RE: Help with Housework - 9/22/2005 11:38:39 AM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

This may sound a little complicated, but it's what worked for me -- for years in fact. The plan itself came out of a book called "Sidetracked home executive" or "SHE"..lol.

First, i went around our house and decided what needed to be done -- from daily, weekly, monthly, yearly -- and i wrote it all down.

Second, i bought mysef some index cards, different colored for each catagory (purple = daily, green = monthly, etc.). i also bought numbered index cards - the kind that stick up from the rest (1-31) and some monthly cards (Jan., Feb., etc.).

i wrote all the chores down on the appropriate color, put them in a pretty box and left the box where i was sure to see it. i also wrote down the time it took(5 minutes, etc.). The surprise was in timing things, i discovered it didn't take me nearly as long as i had always thought -- for example it didn't really take me all day to polish the furniture and clean the floors -- maybe 30 minutes total since it was a big house..lol.

i always kept the current day in the front of the box, and found i enjoyed seeing the cards "disappear" back into the next day or month they had to be done.

i even had some cards for the (ex)hubby since there were things that needed to be remembered, but rarely were, and that i physically couldn't do myself. When the kids came along i added them to the cards. When they were little i put pictures on them and the word itself (like a bed) so they knew what to do (and wanted to back then, the little darlings..lol) plus it helped them to read.

i never did like doing all the chores, still don't for that matter, but the trick is to make something about it "fun", or challenging, or what ever works for you.

Hope this makes sense.

jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 20

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