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RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 2:22:25 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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Actually if you pay attention the Op never gave direction and also did not request the thread closed so we get to decide what the topic is and since the thread is titles a poem then leaving "A Poem" is acceptable ande not a violation of TOS or Hijackiung.

Carry on Folks

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Post #: 41

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 2:22:38 PM

colouredin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

lol posting other poems is as much taking the focus of the OP as porn talk is :P
(Not that I mind it)

Ha i suppose you are right, there wasnt really any point to the initial thread, my bad :P

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Post #: 42

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 2:24:08 PM

BitaTruble

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From: Texas
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Your poem touched me in a way the OP's didn't. I liked it. Creative writing should evoke some sort of feeling, in my opinion, so in that regard, for me, this succeeds where the other failed. I didn't care about the story told in the OP and I did care about this one. Good job.

Celeste

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 43

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 2:25:05 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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Hickory Dickory Dock.
My balls fell out of my jock.
I laid them to rest
On some hooker's chest
And paddled her face with my cock.

Roll, roll, roll your cunt
Gently down my prick.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Then you'll suck my dick.

Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
That's more than my lazy wife does,
The fat, fuckin' smelly baboon

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
A lightbulb was stuck up her ass.
It woke up the spider
Who lived deep inside her.
He said "Hey, free electric and gas."

Jack and Jill went up the hill
And Jack would try to hump her.
Jill said No / and Jack said So
I'll ram it in your dumper.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
Will she blow me in the car.
I bought her dinner, she had fun.
My balls are boiling, I'd like to come.

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her old dog a snack.
The cupboard was bare,
She didn't despair.
She let Rover munch on her crack

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater.
Whacked off in the movie theater.
Sprayed his load across the screen
And ruined Titanic's final scene

Jack and Betty, up in a tree
F-U-C-K-I-N-G
First comes Betty, then comes Jack
Then comes the goo from Betty's crack.

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie
Jerked off in his girlfriend's eye
When her eye was dry and shut
Georgie fucked that one-eyed slut

Old King Cole was a merry old soul
A merry old soul was he
He chewed off his tit
And ate his own shit
And washed it down with some tea.

Andrew Dice Clay

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Post #: 44

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 2:26:09 PM

colouredin

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Joined: 2/2/2007
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Hahahaha omg that is so funny

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Post #: 45

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 2:26:41 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: silvermuse

okay, I'm 'game'

this one isn't a D/s poem, but is one of mine and I freely admit I don't write brilliant poetry.

Breathe

Don’t take him from me
I won’t let him go
Breathe

Six weeks isn’t enough
I won’t give him up
Breathe

Give me a sign
A movement of chest
Breathe

My life for his
My dreams I’ll give
Breathe

Hear my plea
Grant me a chance
Breathe

A flicker of life
The return of hope
He breathes.

Thank you.
You're too modest.

(in reply to silvermuse)

Post #: 46

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 2:28:22 PM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Actually if you pay attention the Op never gave direction and also did not request the thread closed so we get to decide what the topic is and since the thread is titles a poem then leaving "A Poem" is acceptable ande not a violation of TOS or Hijackiung.

Carry on Folks

lol you read the TOS thread?

I am proud ;) sadly you don't know humor..

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~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 47

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 2:34:55 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: liketophoto

There is no beauty in flight
when you are pecking away at road kill.

There is no beauty
When you are pecking away
At Autumn road kill

I'm the last one to stickle about line length (this one just flowed) but you really have to indicate a season if you want to call it haiku, liketophoto-san.

Thank you for showing us that pecking at road kill is not irredeemably estranged from beauty after all.

(in reply to liketophoto)

Post #: 48

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 2:36:41 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

There is an awful lot of steel on this thread.
Did anyone else notice that,
or is it just me,
with my steel fetish?
Any of you steels bring
the handcuffs?
shackles?
something?

~in chains today.

Thank you for posting to poem-a-matic.com

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 49

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 2:44:10 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KyttynTheMynx

I have to agree. This poem sucks. Theres no imagination to it other than, "I'm horny, got my dick in my hand, and I wanna write a poem!" Sorry, but I had to be honest.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KyttynTheMynx
(with a little help from poem-a-matic)

This Poem Sucks

I have to agree.
This poem sucks.
Theres no imagination to it
other than, "I'm horny,
got my dick in my hand, and
I wanna write a poem!"
Sorry, but I had to be honest.
I have to agree.
This poem sucks.
This poem sucks.

The self-referencing thing has been done before
But this poem shows
There is more
To explore

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)

Post #: 50

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 2:45:23 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: liketophoto

A pack of crows
sitting on a wire
one crows
another crows
crow crow crow
crows say
in their crow voice
look at me
look at me
poems
a single expression
just more words
by a writer

Why do some people write poetry?

Just
be
caws.

(in reply to liketophoto)

Post #: 51

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 2:49:21 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I would like to, if i may quote a small section of mastersteel007's profile for your perusal

"Yes, I am a Master.
I am the best lover/Master
you will ever experience.
Not saying I will be the
last for you...
But yes, the best...
I shall have you pleading and begging and moaning in ecstacy.
I shall have you trembling with pleasure.
You shall be mine.
Why do you hesitate so?
Come to me now..."

I now have to ask, who thinks that anything we said would have dented this (clearly impressive) man's ego in the slightest? Who now feels utterly remorseful for their previous comments? I must admit, i dont.

Who said anything about the poet? We were talking about the poem.
Try to stay focused.

You have to admit that in the snippet you provided mastersteel007 stretched himself beyond the conventions which constrained the prior work. I mean give credit where it's due.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 52

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 2:50:07 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: liketophoto

There is no beauty in flight
when you are pecking away at road kill.

There is no beauty
When you are pecking away
At Autumn road kill

I'm the last one to stickle about line length (this one just flowed) but you really have to indicate a season if you want to call it haiku, liketophoto-san.

Thank you for showing us that pecking at road kill is not irredeemably estranged from beauty after all.

my other nickname is "roadkill"
but i'm the "all season" model.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3

He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 53

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 2:52:36 PM

KyttynTheMynx

Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: KyttynTheMynx

I have to agree. This poem sucks. Theres no imagination to it other than, "I'm horny, got my dick in my hand, and I wanna write a poem!" Sorry, but I had to be honest.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KyttynTheMynx
(with a little help from poem-a-matic)

This Poem Sucks

I have to agree.
This poem sucks.
Theres no imagination to it
other than, "I'm horny,
got my dick in my hand, and
I wanna write a poem!"
Sorry, but I had to be honest.
I have to agree.
This poem sucks.
This poem sucks.

The self-referencing thing has been done before
But this poem shows
There is more
To explore

Noah, I am not the greatest poet in the world by a long shot, but you could have written that a tad better. Care to try again?

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 54

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 3:25:21 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I would like to, if i may quote a small section of mastersteel007's profile for your perusal

"Yes, I am a Master.
I am the best lover/Master
you will ever experience.
Not saying I will be the
last for you...
But yes, the best...
I shall have you pleading and begging and moaning in ecstacy.
I shall have you trembling with pleasure.
You shall be mine.
Why do you hesitate so?
Come to me now..."

I now have to ask, who thinks that anything we said would have dented this (clearly impressive) man's ego in the slightest? Who now feels utterly remorseful for their previous comments? I must admit, i dont.

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin
+ poem-a-matic
=
I Would Like To, If I May

I would like to,
if i may
quote a small section of
mastersteel007's profile
for your perusal
I now have to ask,
who thinks that anything we said
would have dented this
(clearly impressive)
man's ego in the slightest?
Who now feels utterly remorseful
for their previous comments?
I must admit, i dont.

I particularly enjoy the sudden temporal shift. Neither do I think that the typographical shift (to bold) that accompanies is too heavy-handed. The change in font size is what strikes me personally as gratuitous; the bold did the trick. But then I doubt I would have thought of demarcating the hemisperes of this poem with typography in the first place, so who am I to squawk? I'll heap more praise for having done it than blame for having done it ham-fistedly.

The question and answer (call and response?) in the last portion echoes to good effect the bifurcation in time and type already noted. I also like the evolution in the "I" lines.
First we hear the aspirational: "I would like to (...quote from ...)" Next comes the obedient: "I have to (ask)" which bows, or seems to bow, to the necessity ringing in "I must (admit)".

It isn't forced and it doesn't come off as gimmicky, especially since the last "I" line does such effective double duty grounding the final mirroring pair: "I must ..." and "I don't."

Go back and look at the positioning of "I now" and "Who now." It is either skillful or fortuitous and I don't care which. Subtle as it is it is a rhythmical element which gives poetic structure to a piece which doesn't rely much on traditional sorts of cues.

She starts with desire, asking permission. She ends with such a cleverly subtle challenge to necessity. You cannot deny that there is a lot to chew on in this nice little poem.

Colourededin, I think you're really opening up to the possibilities now. But do you really find the guy with the ego that impressive?

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 55

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 3:26:25 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: christine1

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

There once was a lad from Nantucket.....

i thought he was from boise?

An honest mistake.

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 56

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 3:28:07 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

I gotta say, that you really made me laugh when I read that, and I believe that we all see your point, thanks :D

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Post #: 57

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 3:33:58 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

It's okay with me that you shared your opinion of the poem. Here's my opinion of your critique: if you aren't going to read poetry imaginatively and with an open heart, then .... read it your way.

Not liking something does not mean not reading it with an open heart, as you said its personal taste, your liking it is fine but the fact that you like it does not make you more noble than any that dont. And i dont believe it was a you show me yours and ill show you mine deal.

I think you're highlighting the important difference between the act of saying: "I didn't like it", on the one hand, and the act of saying "It sucks" on the other. One sentence is about you, the other one tries not to be (the jury remains out, though.)

I don't want to press that very hard, since these days "That sucks" is often understood to mean nothing more than "I don't like it". I'm just sayin'.

But now really, are you claiming that you did indeed spend the time and energy to enter into the original poem with your imagination and an open heart? The impression I got was that you pretty much dismissed it out of hand.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 58

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 3:39:01 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
with poem-a-matic in New York

I'm very sad my
Dam has never erupted
Like the mother load.

Didn't I tell you kids to include a seasonal reference or allusion in your haiku?

Oh wait. Okay. Monsoon season can be inferred.

We're good here.

Next.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 59

RE: A Poem - 3/2/2008 3:42:45 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I'm very sad. My dam has never erupted like the mother load.

I'm sorry you've never experienced a real dom.

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- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 60

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