RE: A Poem (Full Version)

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ExSteelAgain -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 6:51:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

If Buk were still around, he'd chalk it all up to the mysteries of the universe..... sleep well.


I have one of Hank's books by my bed. Post Office.



Level -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 7:01:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

If Buk were still around, he'd chalk it all up to the mysteries of the universe..... sleep well.


I have one of Hank's books by my bed. Post Office.


Same here, I've read it several times. Women, Shakespeare Never Did This, Living On Luck, and Sunlight, Here I Am are on the shelf, too.



domahpet -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 7:05:50 PM)

 
quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet

well, at least I know who the real poet is around here..... ;)


Thank heavens. Finally someone who knows what he's talking about.
I guess I can go rustle up some dinner.  Much obliged.




WTF???



ExSteelAgain -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 7:07:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

If Buk were still around, he'd chalk it all up to the mysteries of the universe..... sleep well.


I have one of Hank's books by my bed. Post Office.


Same here, I've read it several times. Women, Shakespeare Never Did This, Living On Luck, and Sunlight, Here I Am are on the shelf, too.


Ham on Rye is worth reading too. It is his boyhood horrific life.



charmdpetKeira -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 7:08:04 PM)

Adding to the fun.
 
“I Promise”
 
The words his tongue formed,
Slipped through his lips.
The kiss that sealed our fate.
 
The door it closed,
Left no way out.
Words to regret?
Only time could tell.
 
Tonight, my thoughts are churning deep,
As I wait for time to speak.
Has a change of plans kept him away,
Or the promise he didn’t keep?
 
Thanks for the playground. [:)]
 
k



Level -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 7:11:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

If Buk were still around, he'd chalk it all up to the mysteries of the universe..... sleep well.


I have one of Hank's books by my bed. Post Office.


Same here, I've read it several times. Women, Shakespeare Never Did This, Living On Luck, and Sunlight, Here I Am are on the shelf, too.


Ham on Rye is worth reading too. It is his boyhood horrific life.


That's one I've missed..... adding it to the list, right now. Thanks.



Level -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 7:13:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: charmdpetKeira

Adding to the fun.
 
“I Promise”
 
The words his tongue formed,
Slipped through his lips.
The kiss that sealed our fate.
 
The door it closed,
Left no way out.
Words to regret?
Only time could tell.
 
Tonight, my thoughts are churning deep,
As I wait for time to speak.
Has a change of plans kept him away,
Or the promise he didn’t keep?
 
Thanks for the playground. [:)]
 
k



Hey, k.
 
Oooooo, I did one..... [:D]
 
Nice poetics..... I liked the "the words his tongue formed, slipped through his lips"..... flows nicely.



charmdpetKeira -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 7:55:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level



Hey, k.
 
Oooooo, I did one..... [:D]
 

Lol, Level.
Would it be too pretentious of me, to think I helped inspire this fine piece of art you have created?
 
quote:

Nice poetics..... I liked the "the words his tongue formed, slipped through his lips"..... flows nicely.

 
Thank you.[:)]
 
It was a spare of the moment thing. Perhaps the rest could use some find tuning? Kind of mixing my metaphores. [&:]
 
k



dawntreader -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 8:57:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Your poem touched me in a way the OP's didn't. I liked it. Creative writing should evoke some sort of feeling, in my opinion, so in that regard, for me, this succeeds where the other failed. I didn't care about the story told in the OP and I did care about this one. Good job.

Celeste


my thoughts as well~
Good poem SteelofUtah
peace of lyrics,
        j



charmdpetKeira -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 8:57:29 PM)

Revised

“I Promise”

The words his tongue formed,
Slipped through his lips.
The kiss that sealed our fate.

One door closed, leaves one way out.
Words to regret?
Only time would tell.

Now, here I sit.
Time holds its tongue.
Its secrets could cut deep.

Does the bond hold strong,
Or fall apart;
With the promise he didn’t keep?



dawntreader -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 9:56:25 PM)

This is good too Keira! ^^^



charmdpetKeira -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 9:59:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

This is good too Keira! ^^^


Thank you, J. [;)]



dawntreader -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 10:20:59 PM)

You are welcome!



heartcream -> RE: A Poem (3/2/2008 10:38:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I'm very sad. My dam has never erupted like the mother load.


I'm sorry you've never experienced a real dom.



I have never experienced a real dom either. When it happened to me, I was all alone.




Level -> RE: A Poem (3/3/2008 2:40:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: charmdpetKeira

Revised

“I Promise”

The words his tongue formed,
Slipped through his lips.
The kiss that sealed our fate.

One door closed, leaves one way out.
Words to regret?
Only time would tell.

Now, here I sit.
Time holds its tongue.
Its secrets could cut deep.

Does the bond hold strong,
Or fall apart;
With the promise he didn’t keep?


Very, very nice [;)]. I wished I would write more sometimes, but it makes my head  hurt, usually.



charmdpetKeira -> RE: A Poem (3/3/2008 4:02:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
Very, very nice [;)]. I wished I would write more sometimes, but it makes my head  hurt, usually.


Thank you, Level.

I made one last final revision on the last paragraph:

Does the bond hold strong;
Or fall apart?
Is this The Promise he didn’t keep?

Now it is complete.

I hear what you’re saying; I wish I could write on command, but it just doesn’t work that way for me.

k



velvetears -> RE: A Poem (3/3/2008 5:27:38 AM)

Peter peter big ass beater
had a slave and couldn’t lead her,
put her in a dungeon cell
and there he kept her, shhhhh don’t tell

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little sub horny
Sat and felt corny
Eating a pussy pie
She stuck in her finger
And there she would linger
And said, “What a good sub am I”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Naughty-subs, Naughty-subs, wilt thou behave?
Thou shalt not hide floggers, nor get on a rave;
But sit on a cushion, and rest your sore bum,
And hope that-your derriere’s color’s not plum

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was an old Master
 
Who lived in a club
 
He had so many subbies
 
He didn’t know what to rub
 
He gave them some spanks
 
Without any belts
 
He birched them all soundly
 
And left them with welts

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~






liketophoto -> RE: A Poem (3/3/2008 7:08:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: charmdpetKeira

Revised

“I Promise”

The words his tongue formed,
Slipped through his lips.
The kiss that sealed our fate.

One door closed, leaves one way out.
Words to regret?
Only time would tell.

Now, here I sit.
Time holds its tongue.
Its secrets could cut deep.

Does the bond hold strong,
Or fall apart;
With the promise he didn’t keep?


very nice!



charmdpetKeira -> RE: A Poem (3/3/2008 7:20:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: liketophoto
very nice!


Thank you, very much. [;)]
 
The fully revised version:
 
“I Promise”

The words his tongue formed,
Slipped through his lips;
The kiss that sealed our fate.

One door closed, leaves one way out.
Words to regret?
Only time would tell.
 
Now, here I sit.
Time holds its tongue.
Its secrets could cut deep.
 
Does the bond hold strong;
Or fall apart?
Is this The Promise he didn’t keep?



subtee -> RE: A Poem (3/3/2008 1:30:24 PM)

Oh my Keillor, you have such a large, throbbing, masterful, almost scary..........critique.

Very hot. And I'm sure I find it thus not just because I'm an English major. Woah, Noah.



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