RE: "Under Consideration"

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imtempting -> RE: "Under Consideration" (9/23/2005 7:56:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster Just let people be people. If they want to put "under consideration" on their profile, let them--even if you can't understand why they would do it. Banks will still be open on Monday. Yea I agree with you...

ragdoll -> RE: "Under Consideration" (9/23/2005 7:59:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lonewolf05 Darkfall<< "I" have been under consideration several times. it meansd i am talking to 'a' domme i am interested in. that is how i met the Ms i am with now. i understand Your views.....but ---some --- of us --- are not feeling we are being fooled. wolfie i agree!.. i currently consider myself semi-under-consideration... which means there is someone i'm mostly focusing my attentions here on. That doesn't mean i am abandoning the Message Board here or giving up talking to all other people (here or in "real life")! Nor does it mean i'm being "fooled"... the woman that i'm most focusing on is also focusing most on me.. we've talked a little about both of us switching our profiles just a little bit to reflect this (by adding something to state we are mostly focused on someone right now).. that said... since we haven't yet had a chance to meet face to face yet.. we aren't going to delete our profiles completely nor say "you can't get to know other people"... or anything like that, you know? but maybe i'm getting confused since for me the "under consideration" has nothing to do with a collar.. It's more like we're "considering each other potential real life partners" and.. that we really are enjoying getting to know each other without having to totally split our focus, you know? i don't really understand completely why no one really seems to see it this way? or maybe i am wrong in my understanding. ~ i don't consider the woman i'm talking to "lacking in confidence" because we've talked about doing this... or "lack of commitment".. because we haven't gotten to a place where either of us feel like "total commitment" would be fitting (especially since we haven't gotten to meet yet in r/t) i guess it seems like .. there are sinister pieces to the "under consideration" thing that i didn't think of, until reading this Thread. i guess there are some "dominant" people (online?) who use this "consideration" thingie in a different way...? or.. again, maybe i'm confusing "collar of consideration" with actual "genuinely considering a relationship with this person".

mnottertail -> RE: "Under Consideration" (9/23/2005 10:16:42 AM)
Mon Dieu!!!!!!! Svensk? nay! Norsk, ja! Ron

frenchpet -> RE: "Under Consideration" (9/23/2005 11:02:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail Mon Dieu!!!!!!! Svensk? nay! Norsk, ja! Ron Hei, Sorry I suspected you of being swedish [;)]. I hope you'll find some yummy gammelost... apparently the US post office doesn't like it and tends to throw it to the garbage because they think it stinks ! They don't know anything ! Ha det bra.

theRose4U -> RE: "Under Consideration" (9/23/2005 12:17:00 PM)
quote: or.. again, maybe i'm confusing "collar of consideration" with actual "genuinely considering a relationship with this person". That is the exact issue. A collar of consideration or training collar is something in my mind where you get along with the person already & want to consider a more in depth relationship with them...this after lengthy get to know you time. Online however. too many horney wanna b's find those new to BDSM especially online & tend to prey on them. This thread started from a profile that from a newbie that listed under consideration from Sir Domly Dom. Thus opening WHY is someone that hasn't probably met this person IN PERSON being collared at all regardless of what title you put on the collar.

IronBear -> RE: "Under Consideration" (9/23/2005 2:08:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: frenchpet quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail Mon Dieu!!!!!!! Svensk? nay! Norsk, ja! Ron Hei, Sorry I suspected you of being swedish [;)]. I hope you'll find some yummy gammelost... apparently the US post office doesn't like it and tends to throw it to the garbage because they think it stinks ! They don't know anything ! Ha det bra. Naaaaaaaaaaaaa I'll settle for a barrel of Tron's Cheese anyday. Even brave men quake and turn shades from bilious green to deathly white at the thouight at the thought of it and there is no greater punishment than being sat on a barrel of well matured (or was that manured) Tron's Cheese. never did see a slave last for more than 5 minutes seated on a barrel.

sultryvoice -> RE: "Under Consideration" (9/23/2005 3:14:57 PM)
I have never been collared and not in the least upset about it. I just haven't found the right situation as of yet. I believe whatever works for you, go for it. I just think if you are going to be collared, then you get the real thing and nothing inbetween..and as it is said, YMMV.. Respectfully, sultry

FLButtSlut -> RE: "Under Consideration" (9/23/2005 8:25:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2 quote: ORIGINAL: MissChicane same FLButtSlut from lit? my man changed his profile to say 'taken' as soon as he found the two subs he was searching for. I think it only fair that if a sub/slave is exclusive to a person (under consideration) then that dom/me should do the same. This is Ds, this isn't about fairness, this isn't about "leveling a playing field." It's about getting to know someone else to see if you're compatible with eachother for the relationship you're interested in having. And, as the sub/slave, if you accept the rules of the dom, then you accept the rules of the dom. If you want things FAIR, if you want things to be the same on both sides, that's vanilla. Now, of course it's not wrong if the dom chooses to pronounce it on his/her profile as well. I'm simply confused why so many people are concerned about "fairness" when obviously any sub/dom IN this situation is perfectly ok with just the sub putting it in their profile AND if the people involved are so caught up in what their PROFILES are saying, to me that says there are deeper issues going on here that need to get worked out before ANYTHING else goes further. Like I said before, IDEALLY, the "period of consideration" is an excellent one, and in reality, is one that we all should undertake, whether we formally announce it or ritualize it or symbolize it or not. The reality is that most people use it as a playing card game to manipulate. But, as long as everyone is happy playing that card game, doms and subs, we really have nothing to intefere on. The concept was of those who ask a sub/slave to use that phrase in their profile are also asking that person to be "exclusive" (for lack of a better term), while they, on the other hand, are still "considering" everyone else that strikes their fancy. Now, if one is not bothered by that, then that is fine, have a good time. However, for those who are looking for a monogamous relationship, that, to me, is telling me that only one person there is going to be monogamous. The playing field of a Power Exchange essentially does not become "unlevel" until such time as agreements are made. I know that you are poly, and that is great for you. I am not poly, nor do I care to be. So if I were speaking with someone and considering EACH OTHER (which is exactly what should be happening), if he asked me to adjust my profile, then I would expect the same from him. That is a step towards building trust, to know that neither is, at the moment, looking elsewhere until a decision about that situation is made. A dom/master who tells me that since he is the "master" he has no obligation to me in that regard is going to find out that he can go back to looking, because he will have just shown me that he is disrespectful of MY feelings, and what I desire out of a bdsm relationship. This is not the case for everyone, and that is fine. The other very valuable thing to remember is that many "newbies" come to the forums to find out what is or is not "normal" in pursuing a bdsm relationship. I, for one, would not like them to walk away from this post with the idea that if "StudlyDom" told them they must do it while he continues checking out his other options, then this is something that "protocol" says they should do. I doesn't seem to me that you would want that either.

Phoenxx -> RE: "Under Consideration" (9/24/2005 12:16:49 AM)
Different people have different rules. I know real life couples where the Master plays with other girls but his live in slave only serves him. And I know couples that believe playing outside their relationship is wrong. And so on... Some people have very formal rituals. For every day life. As I said before, we do have engagements in real life in the so-called vanilla world. And funny thing, the ring goes on the woman’s finger. Yes there are people who are predators online and in real life BDSM. And in every day life too. Hell there are people that use guns for the purpose of killing people and robbing stores. Not for defending their home against the King’s Army… go figure. Any system can be perfect until you add us humans to it LOL…. And we will not all agree on what is the right way to do things. For a long while I have said that if anyone tells you that “this is the ONE true way” run… run fast and run far. If saying I’m under consideration makes them feel good.. so be it. If not, hopefully they will learn or hear about it from us old hands. But rather then mocking it, maybe we should find a way to warn people against the ways it can be abused. After all I won’t slay your sacred if you don’t slay mine. One thing that I personally do find, well funny, is the idea that in a Power Exchange society… people wanting everything equal. Let’s face it we are not all equal. I mean I’m 6’ and over weight…no way can I out run an Olympic runner. But I’m willing to bet he can’t swing a flogger as good as I can LOL…

FLButtSlut -> RE: "Under Consideration" (9/24/2005 12:37:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Phoenxx Different people have different rules. I know real life couples where the Master plays with other girls but his live in slave only serves him. And I know couples that believe playing outside their relationship is wrong. And so on... Some people have very formal rituals. For every day life. As I said before, we do have engagements in real life in the so-called vanilla world. And funny thing, the ring goes on the woman’s finger. Yes there are people who are predators online and in real life BDSM. And in every day life too. Hell there are people that use guns for the purpose of killing people and robbing stores. Not for defending their home against the King’s Army… go figure. Any system can be perfect until you add us humans to it LOL…. And we will not all agree on what is the right way to do things. For a long while I have said that if anyone tells you that “this is the ONE true way” run… run fast and run far. If saying I’m under consideration makes them feel good.. so be it. If not, hopefully they will learn or hear about it from us old hands. But rather then mocking it, maybe we should find a way to warn people against the ways it can be abused. After all I won’t slay your sacred if you don’t slay mine. One thing that I personally do find, well funny, is the idea that in a Power Exchange society… people wanting everything equal. Let’s face it we are not all equal. I mean I’m 6’ and over weight…no way can I out run an Olympic runner. But I’m willing to bet he can’t swing a flogger as good as I can LOL… That is my point, if it works for you, great. I just think that people should find out what the other person's view of how things are going to be first. Because the really funny thing is, until that power exchange is agreed to, everything IS pretty equal. Master considers slave, but the smart slave is considering master....equal.

ehlovindom -> RE: "Under Consideration" (9/24/2005 2:55:55 PM)
Unfortunately, this will keep on happening as long as there are predators and prey. Such collars of consideration would be more acceptable if you also saw the "Dom" involved putting down in his profile who it is he has given this 'collar' to. If subs write this to weed out the HNG's, it may work but then there are those of us who won't bother emailing a sub because of this. I think that is what the ignore/block button is for but then there are probably subs out there who are glad Dom's such as myself pass them by! I personally find it puzzling that after one or two days on-line, a sub will accept such a collar but I have come to accept this as part of the Wondeful World of Disney Domination which has it shares of mice and rats.

DrkkMaster -> RE: "Under Consideration" (10/1/2005 1:42:54 PM)
Seems to me that "consideration" goes both ways. A period of sharply defined limitations on rights, responsibilities, and obligations that once again, goes both ways. Usually with a set length of time. Right now, I have a girl wearing one. It's been three + years since the last, so velcro hardly applies. We are both big kids and real time, so we don't have matching "Master Lovely and slaveperfect" profiles to proclaim our undying fervor for each others soft bits. And, she knew just what kind of predator she was inviting across the threshold. I don't see a problem.

DreamyLadySnow -> RE: "Under Consideration" (10/1/2005 3:50:06 PM)
The first time I heard of them, I thought they were goofy. However, I've come to see them as a sign to other dom/mes to back off, as they are taking the time to get to know a particular dom/me and it would be easier if others were not hitting on them. Or trying to steal them away as happens in our community. I view it more as giving the two of them time to see if they click, if it will work, rather than the dom/me 'considering the lowly newbie sub to see if they are worthwhile'. That said, unwanted emails can be deleted and subs/slaves can say "no thanks, not interested" in real life, so I am not sure if they are necessary. DLS

slavedesires -> RE: "Under Consideration" (10/2/2005 7:37:11 AM)
quote: It all seems a little silly. Why do people accept such nonsense? Maybe it's because they're new. Everytime I see "under consideration" on someone's profile, their profile also mentions they're new to the lifestyle. Is it really necessary for others to take advantage of someone's new status like that, and lead them to believe they have something good going on, when in fact they have nothing? In fact, they have less than nothing. Now they're indirectly locked down to someone who isn't stepping up to the plate like they should. I make the same generalizations Darkfall has made when I see "under consideration." If someone is REALLY under consideration, why do they sign in all the time? Dont you think they'd stay off the site for a while and get to know someone? Or at least stay off the site while they learn more about this person and learn more about themselves? Another judgement on my part...but I also think they put it there to ward off some "unlikeables" they have encountered. Once again, we see the complex nature of people and are not privy to their motives. Thank the good Lord.

Soulhuntre -> RE: "Under Consideration" (10/2/2005 10:10:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darkfall but does it strike anyone else as the poor person who is "under consideration" is being mislead? No, not really. Honestly? I don't generally think too much about it at all. Their choice, their life. Unless it is someone who I am very interested in; then I may or may not consider that tidbit of information as something to be worked around if I think it is worth the time. quote: ORIGINAL: Darkfall I'll tell you what I think when I see that. It strikes me as some dominant telling some poor new submissive, "I _think_ I might like you, but I don't want to commit to you exclusively - so, I'm going to tell you to put 'under consideration' on your profile so you other dominants feel warned off and so I don't have to worry about you talking to anyone else...Buuut, at the same time, I'll still be free to run around and hit on everyone else, because I'm not sure what the hell I want." :: shrugs :: I am sure for some people it is just like that. Not for all. In my house and among those I consider peers the meaning is simple: Someone is attempting to convince us that their service would be valuable and that they can fit within our structures. They have been convincing enough to that point that I am now going to grant them some status as an "insider" so that I can further evaluate their ability to perform. A consideration collar is a boon I grant to them... it means I am going to treat them as a member of the house to give them a chance to shine. I don't need to do this to assure their obedience - if they weren't being obedient it would not have gotten that far. I don't need to do it to assure their "monogamy" because until they become part of my house I don't care who else they serve - if they're are too busy as a result to perform well then their have blown their opportunity. Managing their time and attention is their problem, not mine. The concept that they might have some claim on who I do or do not interact with isn't even worth discussing. Under consideration or as my property or as my servant (different things) they certainly do not have an expectation that I won't "hit on" whomever I darn well please. I know all that sounds pretty cold and egotistical and well, it is :) quote: ORIGINAL: Darkfall It all seems a little silly. Why do people accept such nonsense? Maybe it's because they're new. Maybe it is because they live a lifestyle slightly different from your own, and are looking for service rather than romance. Every single potential servant I have met who really gets the idea of service as an orientation has inherantly understood the concept of being under consideration. quote: ORIGINAL: Darkfall Everytime I see "under consideration" on someone's profile, their profile also mentions they're new to the lifestyle. My experience tells me that "service orientation" is one of the fastest growing segments of the community. For a long time (from the mid 80's till about 2000) the community went through a PC/SSC phase that made it openly hostile to service oriented newcommers. Now that that is changing I am sure we will see more novices who openly admit to these feelings and relationship styles. quote: ORIGINAL: Darkfall Is it really necessary for others to take advantage of someone's new status like that, and lead them to believe they have something good going on, when in fact they have nothing? Nothing? Do they really >always< have nothing? I know a number of servants under consideration to my peers who have much more than nothing. For one thing they have an opportunity to pursue a positiont hey sincerely desire. For another they have the satisfaction of knowing that for some of us such a consideration is in and of itself an achievement. quote: ORIGINAL: Darkfall In fact, they have less than nothing. Now they're indirectly locked down to someone who isn't stepping up to the plate like they should. "like they should"? Clearly there is a set of rules out ther somewhere I am unfamiliar with. quote: ORIGINAL: Darkfall Don't do this wishy-washy "under consideration" garbage. No one is fooled - least of all the people who have been around the block and has seen this stuff far too many times over many years. Obviously we live on different "blocks" :) quote: ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2 This is Ds, this isn't about fairness, this isn't about "leveling a playing field." Thank god. For a minute I thought I was all alone. ES :) quote: ORIGINAL: slavedesires If someone is REALLY under consideration, why do they sign in all the time? Am I confused about this site? Is the only reason someone would participate in a forum or a chat to "get lucky"?

Misstoyou -> RE: "Under Consideration" (10/2/2005 10:43:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Soulhuntre quote: ORIGINAL: slavedesires If someone is REALLY under consideration, why do they sign in all the time? Am I confused about this site? Is the only reason someone would participate in a forum or a chat to "get lucky"? Yes, I get this from the other side, from suspicious submissives. If I'm not looking, why in the world am I always on here...hmm? lol

FLButtSlut -> RE: "Under Consideration" (10/2/2005 11:38:11 AM)
Soulhuntre, For what you are looking for, it is quite true that it is not a level playing field. However, for those who are seeking a monogamous relationship that contains a D/s dynamic, the time prior to that relationship commencing IS a level playing field. I am not a "service oriented" sub, rather I am seeking a life partner, and a monogamous one at that. Therefore, I do have every right to expect that should this person express to me that they don't want me to have that kind of contact with other dominants that they also should stop having that kind of contact with other subs. It all comes down to what you are seeking from this lifestyle. If you are poly, then obviously, the rules are different. If you are looking for monogamy, then you can't begin to trust someone who is at the same time checking out everyone else to see if there is something "better", and that goes for both sides. The idea that each person be honest and up front about what their expectations are is paramount. Since I want a monogamous relationship, I have EVERY right in the world to discuss this with a potential dominant to insure that we are both looking for the same thing. If you are of the mindset that I don't have that right, then we are obviously not on the same page to begin with. Luckily, there are many other fish in the sea for both of us to find people with wants/desires compatible to my own. But continuing to imply that subs/slaves have no rights in the "courting" phase is laughable. If that were the case, every self proclaimed master would be able to snatch up anyone they desired because the sub/slave didn't have a say in the matter. If masters think that they do not subject themselves to "consideration" by the sub/slave they are also considering, they are quite deluded. I am sure it is a wonderful fantasy to think that every sub/slave you speak with thinks that the sun rises and sets to your every word following the introduction, but when reality strikes and they say "hey, we are into different things, thanks but no thanks", wake up and realize that YOU did not meet THEIR requirements. And their EQUAL right to do that will smack you upside the head.

PassionsHarmony -> RE: "Under Consideration" (10/2/2005 1:12:22 PM)
I currenly have a collar of consideration, though it is real time. We talked online and by phone for several moths just as friends. To me until you meet it is hard to know if a true connection is there so I am careful with expectations and keep it to friendship. We then spent a week together it seemed to click for both of us. He offered me a collar of consideration, meaning to us exclusive time period to see if 24/7 is there. We live 3000 miles apart and attempt to spend 10 or more days together per month. To me the collar is smart it carries weight as to seriousness but it also gives us both time to see if we are right. 3000 mile move is something to be looked at seriously. As is accepting a collar. So while perhaps it is not for everyone it works quite well for us. As to putting it on my profile I did so in hopes of slowing down mail. I come on here to read the boards and talk with a few I have enjoyed meeting since joining. Putting it on my profile did not do much good so I added a journal entry. That didn't seem to do much good either so I removed my photo. lol that seems to have pretty much stopped unwanted mail. Harmony

FLButtSlut -> RE: "Under Consideration" (10/2/2005 1:36:07 PM)
PassionsHarmony, You made a decision based on that "oh so forbidden" level playing field of examining and discussing your options. Good for you. Something everyone should be doing. I think that the whole "collar of consideration" issue isn't whether or not such things can legitimately exists. I think it is more a matter of whether or not both parties involved have the same concept of its meaning.

wantinaSireorSir -> RE: "Under Consideration" (10/2/2005 1:50:05 PM)
I feel a Darkfall feels. If a Dom isnt even thinking of being exclusive to a slave or sub he should just be upfront instead of having them put "under consideration" There are some Dom's out there I find that are just into this for the sake of saying that they are a Dom, Master, Sir, or even one that is still kinda new to me Sire. But then i may be wrong. wantinaSireorSir [;)]

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