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Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 10:09:21 AM

luvm

Posts: 8
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

i am in a Master/sub relationship for over one year.i love my Master and He says He has allowed me to love Him but He cannot love me back?i want Him for both a vanilla relationship and D/s relationship.He says that is not possible.i do not understand why as i love Him so.Will it be unhealthy to continue with me feeling as i do...so in love..and unreciprocated..even though he says he cares about me alot.

Post #: 1

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 10:18:02 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Only you can answer that.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to luvm)

Post #: 2

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 10:18:12 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvm

i am in a Master/sub relationship for over one year.i love my Master and He says He has allowed me to love Him but He cannot love me back?i want Him for both a vanilla relationship and D/s relationship.He says that is not possible.i do not understand why as i love Him so.Will it be unhealthy to continue with me feeling as i do...so in love..and unreciprocated..even though he says he cares about me alot.

Feelings are what they are. You can't turn them on and off like a switch.

However, you can choose what you do with both your feelings and your life. If this master will not provide you the relationship you want, you need to decide if what he is providing is sufficient. If he does not love you, there is nothing you can do about that. His feelings are what they are as well.

The relationship need not be unhealthy--but there is a significant probability that it may be.

_____________________________

(in reply to luvm)

Post #: 3

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 10:20:58 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

I would suggest that once you love someone you will always desire for them to love you and no amount of self delusion will get rid of that which will lead you to a lot of pain. At the same time if you are willing to feel that pain to be with him then thats your choice. You have to do what you can live with

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to luvm)

Post #: 4

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 10:28:45 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

so does that mean you can't even go out in public for a cup of coffee together unless you're saying 'yes master' or on a collar and lead, etc.

(in reply to luvm)

Post #: 5

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 10:31:15 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

i am in a Master/sub relationship for over one year.i love my Master and He says He has allowed me to love Him but He cannot love me back?i want Him for both a vanilla relationship and D/s relationship.He says that is not possible.i do not understand why as i love Him so.Will it be unhealthy to continue with me feeling as i do...so in love..and unreciprocated..even though he says he cares about me alot.

luvm,

to many dominants, love decreases the D/s dynamic and that is what he is driving at.

CP

(in reply to luvm)

Post #: 6

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 10:45:30 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvm

i am in a Master/sub relationship for over one year.i love my Master and He says He has allowed me to love Him but He cannot love me back?i want Him for both a vanilla relationship and D/s relationship.He says that is not possible.i do not understand why as i love Him so.Will it be unhealthy to continue with me feeling as i do...so in love..and unreciprocated..even though he says he cares about me alot.

To echo GreedyTop, only you can decide if that is healthy for you; we can't.

I am deeply in love with my Master. My greatest need was to be able to love as I need to love, expressing it and giving of myself in a way that is unconventional in "non-D/s" relationships. For him to accept and want my love fulfilled my need and brought me joy. I told him I would never ask him to love me; I just wanted to be his slave. That he came to love me (not in a romantic way) was icing on a very sweet cake.

But we are all unique individuals. Some do not want love in any part of their D/s relationship, some want sweet fulfilling romance, and then there is everything in between. Where do you most thrive?

(in reply to luvm)

Post #: 7

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 11:14:12 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvm
i am in a Master/sub relationship for over one year.i love my Master and He says He has allowed me to love Him but He cannot love me back?i want Him for both a vanilla relationship and D/s relationship.He says that is not possible.i do not understand why as i love Him so.Will it be unhealthy to continue with me feeling as i do...so in love..and unreciprocated..even though he says he cares about me alot.

It sounds as if you fell into the old trap of not really listening to what was going on and avoiding the truth because you were hoping it would change.

As others have said, he is telling you who he is and how he will be, you can choose to accept it for yourself or not.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to luvm)

Post #: 8

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 11:19:00 AM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

every person is different. Many Master's only wish a D/s dynamic that is free from love, sometimes even free from thier slaves love.
I am a slave, but I know that I am a love slave. even in play, being in love makes a huge difference to me, to how much pain I can take, for instance.
I have a lifelong contract with my Master. We discussed this when we negotated. I asked him, for instance, what were reasons to beg for release that he would consider. I asked him if not being loved - his not falling in love with me - would be such a reason. He said that he could see what I needed clearly enough that, for me, that would be a good reason to seek release.
I do love my Master very much. I watched as he clearly fell in love with me. For me, I need to be loved, and I need the security of being sure and secure and safe in my position, as his slave and in his love. I have those things.
Although he has the right to release me, for any reason or for no reason, for instance, I feel very secure that I have some ideas what it would take to cause him to think of releasing me, and they are things, not only that I would not do, but that I can not imagine me doing. Many, many other things would get me disciplined, but I feel secure in my place at his feet.
Only you can decide what you need. You must find yourself, eventually, in a relationship that meets your needs. I tend to be a long time between relationships when a relationship has had to end. Because I very much have a slaves heart, a desire to serve, and like extreme play, on top of it, and believe in my Master being in control - I always have plenty of Doms informing me that I will serve them and be thier slave. But who you eventually decide to serve has to have to do with you getting your needs met, as well.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 9

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 11:44:26 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Seriously? He doesn't love you and you don't understand why he won't have a vanilla relationship with you?

Cali

_____________________________

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(in reply to luvm)

Post #: 10

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 11:47:15 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Will it be unhealthy to continue with me feeling as i do...so in love..and unreciprocated..even though he says he cares about me alot.

Only you can define what will be a rewarding relationship for you. Don't ask us if it's unhealthy for you, we don't know. How do you feel? Are you fulfilled? Are you sad that he doesn't love you? Is everything else about the relationship good?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to luvm)

Post #: 11

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 5:44:03 PM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

I'm in the if everything else is absolutely great you can work around this one thing camp. I did for years, he eventually did after many, many years come to love me. I do not believe you walk away from perfectly good relationships over this. If he cares about you, if he keeps you well and takes good care of you, only you can decide if you want to throw all of that away to find a man who may "love" you but may not treat you as well.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 12

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 5:50:42 PM

luvm

Posts: 8
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

i am not sure the message here...

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 13

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 5:57:40 PM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

M.S. and i are dealing with the same thing, He is my world but there is absolutely positively no relationship and there never will be. i fell in love with Him shortly after i met Him and have never fell out of love with Him so to speak but, we are strickly Master and slave, there isn't much in between when it comes to the bedroom and when out life is strictly about business which we are both committed to.

i really dont know what to tell you on this one because only you can decide. If you choose to continue, you will find yourself internally tested, i know i have, and five years later still am to this day, the love you feel never goes away, and there are times when the emotional hurt of wanting the relationship will feel so strong that you'll want to leave, personally when it comes to that subject i've learned that no matter how much i may want to at times, i just cant do it....He's my world, and when i choose complete enslavement, He got my heart too (something i tell Him all the time).

Best of luck in whatever you decide but like i and many others have probably said, it's got to be your choice.....no one elses.

~meticulous~

(in reply to luvm)

Post #: 14

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 6:00:13 PM

completenz

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

hard question and as others have suggested, really difficult for us to answer. We are not in your relationship, you are. You need to work this one out for yourself.
i, personally, need C's love as much as He needs mine. Others here do not feel the same. You need to work out your needs and if they are being met.
good luck
c

_____________________________

'Life is not always measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away'

(in reply to luvm)

Post #: 15

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 6:11:20 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvm

i am not sure the message here...

the message is:

Only YOU can decide if this relationship, as it stands, is going to be enough for you. If you decide that the good stuff outweighs the fact that he doesn't love you, then good for you. If you decide that him not loving you is a deal breaker, then it is time to find someone who is able to meet your emotional needs as well as your submissive needs.
Healthy? Not if you stay and are unhappy.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to luvm)

Post #: 16

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 6:19:22 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvm

i am in a Master/sub relationship for over one year.i love my Master and He says He has allowed me to love Him but He cannot love me back?i want Him for both a vanilla relationship and D/s relationship.He says that is not possible.i do not understand why as i love Him so.Will it be unhealthy to continue with me feeling as i do...so in love..and unreciprocated..even though he says he cares about me alot.

I wouldn't say "it would be" unhealthy... but their is a possibility that it will be.

But there is also a possibility that it will be fullfilling for you.

of course... there is also a possibility that it will be unfulfilling........

What this relationship becomes will depend on the two of you... and particularly on what you truly need to maintain an intimate healthy relationship for yourself.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to luvm)

Post #: 17

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 6:37:04 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He's being honest with you. Be grateful he's made himself this clear.

If you need one relationship that is everything for you, this isn't it. In that case you can stay there while looking for someone more suitable to fit your needs, or stay there until you need to leave, or leave now and be available when someone better suited for you comes along. Your choice. Personally I don't see much purpose in staying in a dead end relationship and I don't believe that you could fall in love with someone else while still fixated on him, but that's me.

If you're happy for now, then wait until you aren't happy to make changes. If you aren't happy now, then make those changes now.

Me? I fell in love before I submitted to him. But I needed that love relationship between us in order to submit.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 18

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 6:43:57 PM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Me? I fell in love before I submitted to him. But I needed that love relationship between us in order to submit.

That's where alot of problems originate from, and it's not necessarily a bad thing, it's more of the fact that the needs, wants and solutions differ so much from person to person and situation to situation. What might be ok with me may not be for the OP but, like many of us said, she has to be the one to make the decision...not Us....

~meticulous~

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 19

RE: Loving my Master - 3/2/2008 8:09:07 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I can't imagine giving myself to someone who would never love me.
I really feel for you, and, if you were my best friend, would tell you to find one who can give you both love and D/s.
There are many.
If you do decide to stay in this, you cannot blame him later, if you realize you wasted so much of your life....you just can't.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

Post #: 20

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