Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (Full Version)

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missturbation -> Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 10:29:49 AM)

Around 12 months ago i began speaking with a Dom and we got quite close. We spoke about meeting, taking things further etc and all was pretty sweet. That was until He mentioned that He wanted poly and that He had been speaking with a young newbie who He was thinking of taking on as a slave. Fair enough, but i really wanted nothing to do with poly at that time (bad break up) and told Him so.
I explained to Him about the bad break up and that i had no interest in mentoring this newbie in any shape or form, which was what He was asking me to do. We talked and talked things through and i eventually agreed to give it a go.
To cut a long story short i over night managed to turn into the worst slave in the world. My attitude stunk, my manners were appalling and i was so nowhere near as good as His new slave. Or so He said!
I took it for as long as i could, tried to be what He claimed He wanted but nothing was ever good enough and eventually i gave up. Bare in mind at this point we hadn't even met.
Now He has popped back into my life again and thinking things would be different we have been talking again. Things were pretty cool until He showed me His other two slaves. I have no problem with poly at this time at all, those of you who know me know i have been seeing my Sir for about 10 months now and we have a very open relationship.
Anyway He showed me His slaves, asked me what i thought and believing honesty was the best policy i told Him. They looked very nice, not my taste and a little too young. He didnt take it well and He basically called me jealous of their youth and beauty. As i told Him beauty is in the eye of the beholder and i just dont personally find them attractive.
All down hill from there lol. Nothing i say or do is right. One minute He wishes me to be a prospective slave of His, the next He is trying to show me good behaviour so i can find myself a good Master. He tells me to show Him my submission and desire to be His and yet when i ask Him for guidelines, expectations, i am speaking out of turn.
In short He claims i need breaking so He can build me up into an obedient pleasurable slave. Hes broken me alright but i dont think its in a good way at all! Ive given up, He wins. I told Him this and asked Him if He was now happy, he says no!! Apparently my attitude still stinks!
Now though He has my head spinning and im questioning whether i really do need breaking and fixing in some way shape or form?
 



chellekitty -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 10:34:30 AM)

definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results...unless this guy had a brain transplant, he hasn't changed enough to be compatible with you...so, unless you like pain and drama and chaos, leave him alone....it is him that has the problem with you, not that you are the problem....



colouredin -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 10:35:18 AM)

To be honest is sounds like he is the one with issues not you, although why you persist talking to him is beyond me. What he wants from you and what you want from him are clearly differant things. I say give it up. You must know being with someone for ten months that you can find someone you are compatable with its not that you havea  fundemental flaw it is simply that you do not mix well with this guy. Cut your losses and move on I say. 



missturbation -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 10:40:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results...unless this guy had a brain transplant, he hasn't changed enough to be compatible with you...so, unless you like pain and drama and chaos, leave him alone....it is him that has the problem with you, not that you are the problem....


Thank you chelle x If i keep reading your post over maybe it will sink in.
Nice new pic btw.
 
quote:

To be honest is sounds like he is the one with issues not you, although why you persist talking to him is beyond me.


Hi colouredin. I think i have developed issues. My mind is well and truly f****d. Mind games i love but this has been one bad trip. I find myself questioning my abilities to be a good slave, my confidence has vanished.



mnottertail -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 10:41:49 AM)

It is not my intent to start some sort of big goddammit here, and I am saying this with the most of best wishes I can muster for you, but great bleeding gobs of gooseshit, you make some really fuckin' piss poor choices.  You need to quit reading De Sade and getting off on the sexual aspect, and consider your actions, the consequences and take some stock in what you really want, what you are really willing to do, what you will give up, what you won't and find some serenity and happiness and logic within yourself, for your days here on earth. Bouncing from fucked up situation to fucked up situation, is just no way to go thru life.

If you see that as too mordant or something, well, more's the pity.

Cordially,
Ron



sirguym -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 10:46:24 AM)

I second the ladies above. It didn't work the first time; so it is even less likely to do so the second time.

Sometimes a Dom(me) has to help their submissive or slave past inhibitions or whatever.

But that only works 'with the grain', when they really want to be helped and accept the need for a degree of force or coercion.

There are plenty of male Doms out there to choose from.

You should avoid most of them, they will be beyond help or just not compatible with you.

But somewhere out there there are several who will suit you particularly.

Put your efforts in that direction, not in trying to resusitate something that seems never really worked in the first place.



celticlord2112 -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 10:49:00 AM)

quote:

Now though He has my head spinning and im questioning whether i really do need breaking and fixing in some way shape or form?


You're not broken.
You don't need to be fixed.

Keep telling yourself that until you believe it.




missturbation -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 10:49:09 AM)

Thank you Ron. Maybe when i am feeling a little less delicate i will be able to appreciate your words a little more.
You are probably quite right in most of what you say, i do make some piss poor choices.
Right now though i can only thank you for shaking my confidence that little bit more.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 10:51:32 AM)

I am with Ron, though more NICE---dump this fucktard!   Be grateful that you never met in person, because he couldn't possibly be any BETTER than he already appears.  eeeeeeeeeeeeeh!  I love doing a mindfuck, but dang!  If ever someone was made to be blocked, it's this guy!



urtoy -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 10:52:05 AM)

Even though a jerk calls himself a dom  he's still a jerk. If someone treats you poorly, you need question only why you would put up with it.



christine1 -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 10:55:39 AM)

maybe you need some time to yourself and get your thoughts together...regroup and figure out who you are and what you want.  then maybe you can move on to a relationship that makes you happy and feel good about yourself.  why stay in a situation that makes you so miserable?  please don't say because you love him...sometimes love is not enough.



completenz -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 10:58:38 AM)

reread what Celticlord said and repeat it again and again.
This 'dom' sounds like a real loser and he doesnt deserve you. Block him from your life hon, he aint worth it
hugs
chrissie



lauren0221 -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:03:46 AM)

It's really important who we listen to. If someone is making you feel inadequate or unacceptable -  they are not someone you should listen to. From what you are writing here, it seems that the Dominant has issues that are not related to you, or your value.

Begs the question - why does he want you, if he doesn't want you? And why would you consider someone who doesn't think you're wonderful?



missturbation -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:04:13 AM)

I know you are right completenz but right now i just feel like a useless unworthy failure.



dawntreader -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:04:55 AM)


quote:

Now though He has my head spinning and im questioning whether i really do need breaking and fixing in some way shape or form?





i have been told this before...de ja vu'



Viridana -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:05:18 AM)

hmmm....... the only thought I got when I read the OP is: "why on earth is she still talking to him?" 



ThinkingKitten -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:05:56 AM)

OK, let me see if I've got this straight, based on what you said.

12 months ago you started talking to Dom A. He wanted poly. You weren't interested. He pushed, you caved in, it didn't work out and it was all your fault (according to him).
10 months ago you hooked up with your current Dom (Dom B). That seems to be an agreeable relationship.
Recently Dom A reappeared, is pushing the poly thing again, and once more you're not interested in that situation (for different reasons), and once more he's insisting it's all your fault.

Conclusion: stick with what you have and tell Dom A to f*k off.  He's clearly undermined your self esteem and confidence, which to me is a cardinal sin and not something any self-respecting Dom worth giving the time of day to would try to do. He knows he's got you rattled and is taking advantage. Better to keep looking than put up with that nonsense. You're worth more. Secondly, what the heck is Dom B doing during all of this? Sitting back and watching you get walked all over? Doing a fine job of taking care of his property.....??



dawntreader -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:06:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I know you are right completenz but right now i just feel like a useless unworthy failure.

What does your current Sir think about all this? Surely he is involved?



Aswad -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:07:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Now though He has my head spinning and im questioning whether i really do need breaking and fixing in some way shape or form?


That particular doubt can be nagging, neh?

Ron's words will make more sense when you've had time to settle down; for now, do as celticlord2112 suggested. Breathe deep, clear your thoughts, and repeat the mantra he offered until it sticks, or at least until you are calm enough to see things from a different perspective. You do not need breaking, and what the guy you're talking about suggested is not "fixing."

Which leads us to what others have said: choose a better Dom.

Health,
al-Aswad.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Do i really need to be broken and then fixed??? (3/2/2008 11:09:05 AM)

Well to be his slave you WOULD need to be broken down and remade.  His approach and lashing out doesn't strike me as particularly effective or useful in the long term- but as always, he's showing you exactly who he is and what he wants.

You can decide if that works for you or not.



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