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RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/5/2008 8:20:45 PM   
thefirst121


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/11/2007
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The problem I see with this question is that a Dom does not have 'sides'???
 
I have been a Dominant all my adult life and not because I decided to be one, but because it is who I am.  If you need to bring this out you are playing at being a Dom rather than being one.
 
Today too many Doms claim to be so, or switches although this is an act.  You cannot turn off being a Dominant, you just are, and therefore do not lose it, bloody hell.
 
You may not like what I am saying, but it is fact, and I would like the pretenders out there to be given a new name, like a Mod because they are not in fact what I would call a Dom and I know many true Doms and a few Dommes that agree.
 
It is a similar situation with a sub emale that say she is also a Domme, this is an act and one I allow when playing with more than one sub at times, but it is in reality  a sub doing my bidding rather than being another side of her.
 
Like or lump it, this is my view
 
Sir K

(in reply to LadyGothAngel)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/5/2008 8:39:38 PM   
mstrj69


Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
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Going back to the original post and "He is getting more forgetful than I am (and I have a medical reason to be, lol)."  My initial response was your medical reason to be forgetful and his getting more forgetful could have a lot to do with his reasons for not wanting to push you more.  Are you sure you did not mix some fantasy in with what you thought he was originally like as a Dominant ?  Could he be engrossed in upcoming emotional commitments ?  If he is, give him time.

(in reply to thefirst121)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/5/2008 9:02:28 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyGothAngel

But, as for an update: He is doing better and the arrangements sorted out between us are also working well. Unfortunately, this is not a real life situation, so doing things for him (irl) is out of the question at this very moment. I have met and spent time with him several times throughout the  years. Though he is expected to be here by the end of the summer, although for his fiancee (who is my RL best friend and sister).  So, you see.. talking does do some wonders, sometimes. We still plan to have a D/s relationship, a non-sexual one... neither of us have a problem with that.



Not in this lifetime will I be able to wrap my mind around the OP whining about having this type of relationship with her soon to be brother in law.

BadOne

_____________________________

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to LadyGothAngel)
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RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/5/2008 9:10:47 PM   
SixFootMaster


Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thefirst121

The problem I see with this question is that a Dom does not have 'sides'???
 
I have been a Dominant all my adult life and not because I decided to be one, but because it is who I am.  If you need to bring this out you are playing at being a Dom rather than being one.
 
Today too many Doms claim to be so, or switches although this is an act.  You cannot turn off being a Dominant, you just are, and therefore do not lose it, bloody hell.
 
You may not like what I am saying, but it is fact, and I would like the pretenders out there to be given a new name, like a Mod because they are not in fact what I would call a Dom and I know many true Doms and a few Dommes that agree.
 
It is a similar situation with a sub emale that say she is also a Domme, this is an act and one I allow when playing with more than one sub at times, but it is in reality  a sub doing my bidding rather than being another side of her.
 
Like or lump it, this is my view
 
Sir K


You've never actually lived with a slave full time, have you?

Six.


_____________________________

How-so oft fresh injurious deed
Doth turn Janus' petulant gaze
'pon the rocks and storm rift sea
And littered wood of broken days
disregard for toil shown
no ground broken, no seed sewn.

(in reply to thefirst121)
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RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/5/2008 10:00:53 PM   
ForcefuIHands


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/28/2005
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You know, this happened to a friend of mine. She was a high level executive, single mother, and just seemed to lose a part of herself. So, anyway she goes on vacation and gets to flirt around a bit, recharge the batteries... and eventually struck a balance between parental responsibility and adult desire...

Oh wait, that wasn't a friend of mine. That was a plot synopsis of "How Stella Got Her Groove Back." I'm always getting those confused.

(in reply to SixFootMaster)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/6/2008 8:37:44 AM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thefirst121

Today too many Doms claim to be so, or switches although this is an act.  You cannot turn off being a Dominant, you just are, and therefore do not lose it, bloody hell.
  
It is a similar situation with a sub emale that say she is also a Domme, this is an act and one I allow when playing with more than one sub at times, but it is in reality  a sub doing my bidding rather than being another side of her.
 
Like or lump it, this is my view
 
Sir K


One you are entitled to right or wrong, but it is amusing to those who have different experiences than you, like myself. I am an Alpha Female, Dominant in all ways personality wise, sexually a Sado-Masochist and owned by one person the man I call Master. He is Dominant in personality, an Alpha Male, and a Sadist. I am not doing his bidding when I torment another, I am enjoying myself, fully, mentally, emotionally and sexually. The same goes for him. Perhaps there are more to Switches than you have allowed yourself knowledge of.

poenkitten aka MC

(in reply to thefirst121)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/6/2008 9:09:53 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Not in this lifetime will I be able to wrap my mind around the OP whining about having this type of relationship with her soon to be brother in law.


Well that certainly put a whole new spin on things.  Why oh why oh WHYYYY don't people throw out all those details in the first post? SURELY the OP had to know that just MIGHT change people's advice.

Cali


_____________________________

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(in reply to SailingBum)
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RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/6/2008 1:30:49 PM   
BlackPhx


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You obviously never accidently scan pass a Jerry Springer or Maury show description. Common cannon fodder on those shows, Sister In Law doing Brother In Law, while Mother In Law is chasing S-I-L's Dad. I think the song I'm my Own Grandpa got it's inspiration from those shows.

poenkitten 

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/6/2008 4:00:48 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
Perhaps the problem is that he's trying to be the Dom YOU want him to be and not the one he is naturally.

Master Fire


_____________________________

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-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LadyGothAngel)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/6/2008 6:01:56 PM   
thefirst121


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline

You've never actually lived with a slave full time, have you?

Six.

[/quote]

No, but I have had a slave live with me full time. 

What is your point? As I said like it or not it is my view. 

And none has felt my Dom side was slipping, this just makes no sense to me or them.

_____________________________

...Sir K...

(in reply to SixFootMaster)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/6/2008 6:12:25 PM   
thefirst121


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyGothAngel

Now, I agree here. You don't all know the whole story about me having to talk to him each time.
The talking about it was his idea, it was something I was asked to do by him when he started slipping backwards again.

Being his oldself doesn't mean I miss the sexual part, far from it. Hey, don't get me wrong, it is nice... but is NOT the foundation of our relationship -- talking is -- communication. But, as some suggested it might have been too much, but was that my fault when I was asked to do so? No.  Should he have said so, if that was it? Yes.

As for submitting, I do that everyday. Don't assume I don't in some way shape or form. Just because I am frustrated with how things are, doesn't mean I don't. Albiet, it may not be always from him. Sometimes, my lovely husband will do it when it is needed badly. Though it is something he cannot do all the time. He has a very demanding job.

But, as for an update: He is doing better and the arrangements sorted out between us are also working well. Unfortunately, this is not a real life situation, so doing things for him (irl) is out of the question at this very moment. I have met and spent time with him several times throughout the  years. Though he is expected to be here by the end of the summer, although for his fiancee (who is my RL best friend and sister).  So, you see.. talking does do some wonders, sometimes. We still plan to have a D/s relationship, a non-sexual one... neither of us have a problem with that.

But, back on track.. again thank you for all the replies, suggestions, advice, assumptions, and all that. It really was read and considered by us both. We did find a solution, which is why I have not replied recently. So, problem pretty much solved :)

Thank you,
LGA

(Sorry I did not add names with the quotes, but you all know who you are and what was said :)





Ok a different story and a unusual one.  I think the answer is simple stop analyzing it, it is no rl so he just needs to act better really.  I am amazed at this story and am not sure of the validity of what has been said.
 
Anyway good luck, and if you ask for advice you need to give all the info to get the well defined answer to your question
 
Sir K 

(in reply to LadyGothAngel)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/6/2008 7:42:55 PM   
thefirst121


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx


One you are entitled to right or wrong, but it is amusing to those who have different experiences than you, like myself. I am an Alpha Female, Dominant in all ways personality wise, sexually a Sado-Masochist and owned by one person the man I call Master. He is Dominant in personality, an Alpha Male, and a Sadist. I am not doing his bidding when I torment another, I am enjoying myself, fully, mentally, emotionally and sexually. The same goes for him. Perhaps there are more to Switches than you have allowed yourself knowledge of.

poenkitten aka MC


Firstly, I agree we are entitled to our own opinions, but I am a traditionalist and state that I have been around the scene for a long time, and formed certain opinions based on this.  I am not having a go at you but ask that you  read below

'A dominant (or "dom") is one who enjoys performing any of a variety of BDSM practices upon a submissive; or one who holds a dominant position within a relationship based upon dominance and submission (D/s). This enjoyment can spring from a simple desire for dominance or an enjoyment of the interplay of wills involved in such a scenario. A male dominant is often called a dom; a female, a domme or dominatrix.

The main difference between a dominant and a top is that the dominant ostensibly does not follow instructions, although they are limited by what the submissive is willing to do.
A top filling the dominant role is not necessarily a dominant, and vice versa, and a bottom is not necessarily submissive. At one end of the continuum is a submissive who enjoys taking orders from a dominant but does not receive any physical stimulation. At the other is a bottom who enjoys the intense physical and psychological stimulation but does not submit to the person delivering them.
The top may sometimes even be the partner who is following instructions, i.e., they top when, and in the manner, requested by the bottom. A person who applies sensation or control to a bottom, but does so to the bottom's explicit instruction is a service top.
Contrast this with the pure dominant, who might give orders to a submissive, or otherwise employ physical or psychological techniques of control, but might instruct the submissive to perform the act on him.
A submissive (or "sub") is one who enjoys having any of a variety of BDSM practices performed upon them by a dominant; or one who holds a submissive position within a relationship based upon dominance and submission (D/s). This enjoyment can spring from a simple desire for submission or an enjoyment of the interplay of wills involved in such a scenario.
The main difference between a submissive and a
bottom is that the submissive ostensibly does not give instructions, although they do set limits on what the dominant can do.
It should be noted that for bottoms who are not
submissive, the bottom is most often the partner who is giving instructions—the top typically tops when, and in the manner, requested by the bottom. Failure to choose a trustworthy top can be very dangerous (see safeword), and even a trustworthy but overzealous top can inflict severe pain or injury by failing to pay attention to the bottom.
In many BDSM communities, there is a distinction between a submissive and a slave. In this context, a slave's goal is surrender and obedience. In contrast, a submissive tends to expect some gratification in return for his or her submission.
Many distinguish top/bottom from dominant/submissive by seeing top/bottom as an expression of physical power, while dominant/submissive is an expression of psychological power. In many cases, the dominant/submissive relationship involves the dominant party psychologically tearing down and denigrating the submissive (consensually, meeting the submissive's expressed needs and respecting hard limits). In contrast, the top/bottom relationship is more commonly marked by mutual respect and support" 

 

< Message edited by thefirst121 -- 3/6/2008 7:45:17 PM >


_____________________________

...Sir K...

(in reply to BlackPhx)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/6/2008 9:35:47 PM   
BlackMagicMan


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline
It's gotta be in you not on you.  Sounds like your master isn't a real dom.  He puts it on like a mask for his personal enjoyment instead of being a real dom. 

I guess this is the difference between play acting and the real thing.

With the real thing you never lose it.  It just is.  Whether or not your acting out with some bondage fetishes or just walking to work. 

(in reply to LadyGothAngel)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/6/2008 9:44:00 PM   
SixFootMaster


Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
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Oh do settle down. Look, I'm sure you're very happy, and I'm sure your experience and years in the lifestyle is wonderful and has taught you beyond what any of us here might every know. Truly you are the Guru.

A dominant does not "lose" their dominant nature, it's a matter of expression and manifestation, and yes that can happen. It happens more than you might suspect, usually in accompaniment with a general depression or outside stress. I think you're confusing your dominance/submission and sensation play, but mostly your post makes little to no sense above what we already know. The oversized font doesn't help either.

It's just as dominant to completely ignore your slave if you're not interested in playing, as it is to pull out the whip, crop, flogger, ice, wax et al.

Six.


_____________________________

How-so oft fresh injurious deed
Doth turn Janus' petulant gaze
'pon the rocks and storm rift sea
And littered wood of broken days
disregard for toil shown
no ground broken, no seed sewn.

(in reply to thefirst121)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/6/2008 11:42:15 PM   
thefirst121


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline
As I am glad yout tag is making you feel like a big man, geez.
 
As for the font it saves me needing to put my glasses on, but yet again you are the expert aren't you.

It is well we move in different circles as you obviously are far superior to any around you.  Wake up to yourself six.  I am far from confused, I have researched this and know it to be true, I do not pretend to be an expert as some around here seem to and always express my opinion as such.

Stop pretending six, a true Dom does not need to preen their feathers and if you don't like what I have to say just ignore it, I certainly couldn't think any less of you for it, I at least understand the concept of agrreing to diseagree.
 
 

< Message edited by thefirst121 -- 3/6/2008 11:57:57 PM >


_____________________________

...Sir K...

(in reply to SixFootMaster)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/7/2008 5:30:39 AM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
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The interesting thing about research is like statistics it can be skewed to show whatever you desire it to show. E.G. while you state using such a large font saves you having to put your glasses on, one would think that they need to be on to read the posts you are responding to. Considering we have at least one Domina who is legally blind and requires JAWS a program that reads her screen and types her responses, without the use of oversized type, it is hard to lend credence to your claim. Research would prove a different result than the one you postulate and claim.

I like many here are quite aware of the myriad definitions of a Dominant, Sadist, Top, Submissive, Slave, Bottom not only the BDSM meanings, but historical as well as psychological. There is no one true meaning for any of them. Humans are far too variable a creature to be neatly square peged. I am a slave but not a submissive. I haven't got a submissive bone in my body, but do have some heavy masochistic ones. I submit to my Masters control and choices for me, he owns me, but there isn't a person in the face of this earth who upon meeting me would ever think that I am not a Dominant person. Most wouldn't even think it from the way I write and speak on here. Those who have submitted to me have felt not only my Dominance but my sadism. I am a Switch, and have no problem flowing between one mindset or the other.

I don't expect you to understand that type of mind, any more than I would expect someone who never moves from behind their computer screen to understand the athlete who needs to exercise daily to feel right. Just please don't think that what you have researched and "know" is all there is. If it were that simple the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) would not be undergoing a 5th revision as we speak. With all the research they have done on the psychology of people they should have had it nailed down in revision 2 or 3 at the most yet they keep learning something new daily. We are a truly complicated creature and difficult to label in simple terms.

poenkitten aka MC (need coffee to spell right)

< Message edited by BlackPhx -- 3/7/2008 5:31:40 AM >

(in reply to thefirst121)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/7/2008 5:53:06 AM   
thefirst121


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx

The interesting thing about research is like statistics it can be skewed to show whatever you desire it to show. E.G. while you state using such a large font saves you having to put your glasses on, one would think that they need to be on to read the posts you are responding to. Considering we have at least one Domina who is legally blind and requires JAWS a program that reads her screen and types her responses, without the use of oversized type, it is hard to lend credence to your claim. Research would prove a different result than the one you postulate and claim.


I see you are an expert on everything, I am not leagally blind but as I do not touch type I need to be able to read the words on the screen as well as seeing the keyboard, who the devil do you think you are to question my right to a font I find easier, if you don't like it I am sure I don't need to tell you where to go.
 
If I were blind then I would not have the need to read what I am typing, If only people as thick as this learned to mind their own business, these threads would be better places.
 
As for my research at least I have done a lot of it and lived it as well. I am not a pretender that is unable to tell the difference between a Dominant person and an actor who plays different parts.  Go on Jerry Springer, he likes actors, I do not.
 
Now it is simple if you want to comment on these posts, answer the questions posed and stop annoying those of us that are giving our own opinion. 

_____________________________

...Sir K...

(in reply to BlackPhx)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/7/2008 6:29:38 AM   
Action


Posts: 260
Joined: 8/19/2005
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SixFootMaster

Oh do settle down. Look, I'm sure you're very happy, and I'm sure your experience and years in the lifestyle is wonderful and has taught you beyond what any of us here might every know. Truly you are the Guru.

A dominant does not "lose" their dominant nature, it's a matter of expression and manifestation, and yes that can happen. It happens more than you might suspect, usually in accompaniment with a general depression or outside stress. I think you're confusing your dominance/submission and sensation play, but mostly your post makes little to no sense above what we already know. The oversized font doesn't help either.

It's just as dominant to completely ignore your slave if you're not interested in playing, as it is to pull out the whip, crop, flogger, ice, wax et al.

Six.



Im not a big toy person myself as much as just turning around and doing something brutal and physical but I have to agree with Mr Six's words here.


_____________________________

The only ones for me are the mad ones....who burn burn burn like fabulous roman candles. -Jack Kerouac

(in reply to SixFootMaster)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/7/2008 6:33:25 AM   
Action


Posts: 260
Joined: 8/19/2005
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ForcefuIHands

You know, this happened to a friend of mine. She was a high level executive, single mother, and just seemed to lose a part of herself. So, anyway she goes on vacation and gets to flirt around a bit, recharge the batteries... and eventually struck a balance between parental responsibility and adult desire...

Oh wait, that wasn't a friend of mine. That was a plot synopsis of "How Stella Got Her Groove Back." I'm always getting those confused.


ROFL is all I have to say to that,
Kudos Forceful


_____________________________

The only ones for me are the mad ones....who burn burn burn like fabulous roman candles. -Jack Kerouac

(in reply to ForcefuIHands)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Bringing Your Dom side back, need help! - 3/7/2008 9:37:20 PM   
SixFootMaster


Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thefirst121 and if you don't like what I have to say just ignore it


Excellent idea. Welcome to my ignore list. Population 2.

Edited to strip ugly oversized fontage, and trim quote.

< Message edited by SixFootMaster -- 3/7/2008 9:40:51 PM >


_____________________________

How-so oft fresh injurious deed
Doth turn Janus' petulant gaze
'pon the rocks and storm rift sea
And littered wood of broken days
disregard for toil shown
no ground broken, no seed sewn.

(in reply to thefirst121)
Profile   Post #: 40
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