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Asking permission - 3/3/2008 5:10:45 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I was sent a mail on cm offering me advice but he said please dont respond unless you ask for permission from your Sir. I asked through his slave, and she said, "wow you have to ask permission for that" it got us talking about what you have to ask permission for. She sees me as the font of all knowledge (which I am not) and wants me to list things in that sort of vain that you ask permission for, i was just wondering if anyone could help me out so i dont loose my crown :D

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I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk
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RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 5:57:36 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		It will vary from Dom/me to Dom/me, but a general rule is not to respond to another Dom/me without first consulting your own.  Some tops won't care as long as it is only friendly conversation, others will want to know about every email.  I am a Switch, and in my case my Daddy thinks it is funny when other Doms write to me sniffing around.  (Makes Him feel like I am more valuable if others also show interest.)  He will give His permission for me to respond and will tell me to stop if the situation gets at all uncomfortable for me (like if the Dom is showing signs of sniffing around and wanting me for his own).

Our other standing rule is that no one (other than a doctor) is to see my breasts, genitals, or butt naked.  He considers those to belong to Him.  Keep in mind, though, that these are things that we talked about up front.  If you are collared than I am guessing that you have good communication with your Dom/me.  Your best choice would be to ask them directly if there are unspoken rules that you should be going by.


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RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 6:04:17 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		It wasnt so much a personal question more an interest in the types of things people have to ask permission for in a non sexual capacity really I mean there are the obvious ones and I dont want this to be a wanking thread. I know what I have to ask for but as it varies we were just interested in other peoples experiances. 

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Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

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RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 6:05:55 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Captain Obvious pointed out to me that only your Sir can answer this question.  If X thing is not on the list of things he requires permission for, you could just write back and say that you appreciate the desire to be polite, but your Sir has authorized you to communicate along these lines without checking first.

Either that, or read the official BDSM manual to Sir, and point out that he's requiring permission wrong.  I wouldn't mind watching what happens after that.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 6:13:39 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Ok I really think people are missing the point. Sir doesnt need us to ask permisson to talk to people. We were talking in the abstract about what some subs have to ask permission for, not us some subs I hope this makes it clearer, though i doubt it. 

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

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RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 6:40:58 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Some subs have to ask permission to sit, to eat, to potty...
Others only have to ask permission for big things such as spending His money, or...hmmm....I'm sorry, I never have to ask permission for anything so I'm at a loss.

Just as an aside, though, someone telling me that *I* had to get permission from my Dom, (which has already been given, as I am free to speak to whomever I choose), would seem to me to be 'domming me' in a way...
I know that's not what this was about, but it really jumped out at me.

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~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 6:42:36 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah It made me giggle, I made a sarcy comment about it to slavie. I guess though its better to say that to seem polite than not and offend people. I guess that they worry that it will be seen as a come on or something. 

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
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RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 6:59:55 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		I think the only thing I *have* to ask permission for is to cut my hair, and then not really so much, I know what his preference is and so long as I stay within those guidelines I can act without specific permission.

I tell him my schedule and when I go out for social time with friends I ask if he minds, not quite asking permission, but I do feel that it's polite(not quite the right word).

I ask or communicate on alot of things because he enjoys being part of the decision making process, but he in no way wants to have to micromanage.

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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

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RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 7:01:33 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Just as an aside, though, someone telling me that *I* had to get permission from my Dom, (which has already been given, as I am free to speak to whomever I choose), would seem to me to be 'domming me' in a way...
I know that's not what this was about, but it really jumped out at me.


I would certianly feel uncomfortable with someone who would dictate his rules into my relationship.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
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RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 7:01:50 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Darcy pretty much expects me to think for myself - which is a hard learning curve for me.  If I am tired and need to rest or feel unwell as an example, I often state my need and ask permission for it.  He isn't into micro management, but if wish to perfom an sexual act upon him for me(rather than him enjoying only - there is a difference), I ask permission.
 
Basically if it touches him directly, then I gain permission or blessing.  If it is indirect, he expects me to think for myself.
 
the.dark.

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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 7:04:02 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Your post reminded me that I always ask Darcy permission when I dye my hair.  I tend to flit through different colours and do not do so now without his permission and whther he would enjoy the colour.
 
the.dark. 

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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 7:08:02 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		my color tends to stay mostly the same-- within several shades depending on my mood, but it grows fast so I can decide to change the cut in a heart beat.

Since he's going to spend more time looking at it then I will, I think he deserves to be part of the process.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 7:17:14 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Ta both of you :D i didnt really think about hair. And thanks the.dark for mentioning the differance between affecting him and not another consideration i didnt really think about. 

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 7:36:13 AM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		Just as in any relationship, vanilla or BDSM, each partner considers the need, feelings, and preferences of the other when making decisions. If I knew my partner preferred something that I really didn't, but it made no difference to me in the long run, then I would do it without question. Otherwise, there would be communication and negotiation.

Permission? I'm an adult; I have a proven track record of making good decisions in my life. I am not a child to have to run everything by a parent or teacher before acting on it. If trust is in a relationship, then it must run in both directions.

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Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels


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RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 7:44:07 AM   
lilbitshy


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/8/2007
Status: offline 		Love the responses here. It has deffinitely given me some insight. But, I sort of read the situation perhaps a little differently. Perhaps this Dom was looking out for your best interests, so as not to get you in trouble for communicating with him?

shy

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RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 7:45:48 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Yes I believe he was, I dont think that it was any form of arrogance on his part. 

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to lilbitshy)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 7:46:06 AM   
SinergyNstrumpet


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		There is only one thing of a nonsexual nature I have to ask for. I have to ask if I can have chocolate

~Sinergy's strumpet~

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 7:46:28 AM   
Hissltora


Posts: 41
Joined: 8/23/2007
Status: offline 		Well, with the usual YMMV disclaimer, here is what is expected of me to ask permission:
 
To spend any amount of money above 5 dollars (preferrably ahead of time)
Leave the house farther than 15 miles
Changing the house schedule (ie sleeping earlier/later, moving supper)
Showering
Using the 'net
Having my haircut/dyed (within strict limits)
Leave His side while out in public
Get into the bed, or into the shower if W.we are showering together
 
There is prolly more, but it's become an inborn reaction and i can't identify the
specifics any more.
 
i am not required to ask to use the bathroom or leave a room, i need to let Him know that i am leaving in case He needs me.
 
Hope this is what you were looking for,
slave tora, devoted to SirN
 

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RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 7:52:48 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Thankyou, that is just what I was looking for :D thanks for sharing 

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Hissltora)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Asking permission - 3/3/2008 7:54:39 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Permission? I'm an adult; I have a proven track record of making good decisions in my life. I


It doesn't really have much to do with being an adult.  Some dominants prefer to exercise authority over their submissive by controlling certain behaviors which may/may not include asking permission to do certain things.


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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)
Profile   Post #: 20
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