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RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 9/25/2005 2:41:01 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

Are you referring to little details of the fantasy or the big picture? Little details I think we can compromise but the big picture I would not settle. If something realistic pops in my head, there is no reason why I would not go for it in real time.

This sums it up quite nicely for me. I know what I want as a base. And I also want to be with someone who is strong, which requires for me to adapt on certain levels. I think that being able to identify what I consider "the things that are non-negotiable" and then adapt in other areas is a strength for anyone, dominant, submissive or other.

My fantasy really is to be a stable, loving relationship with a man devoted to me with whom I have phenomenal kinky sex. We would need to have alignment on emotional, economical, spiritual and physical levels. I don't think that this is unrealistic.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to PetTeacher)

Post #: 21

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 9/25/2005 3:07:04 PM

mnottertail

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I am gonna take a different tack here, folks.....
Say it was your next door neigbor heating the coals and the poker instead of the well renown JW(with no spaces, lol). Is that a deal breaker? No. Say (and I know this is said as a man) that they won't jump out of the airplane at 40k feet onto your dick (no. Not everyone could be Airborne and people like IronBear would probably pass unless he had an off day, no matter the payola).

Reality is; we all compromise, we deal with it. If I got up every day to a totally subservient human......not the least glimmer of anything personal, just please me......don't you think that 80 or 90 years out that even that would get old? Of course, I must need have control. That's me. Where can I compromise, where can you? Uff Da......that is what we will spend our life forcasting and doing and cogitating.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 22

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 9/25/2005 3:33:45 PM

lonewolf05

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actually? "I" never ever settle for 2nd best. if i cant have things in my life how "I" want them..i dont want it then.
i do not take substitutions for anything in my life.

my life my game MY rules.

wolfie

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"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 23

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 9/25/2005 3:57:15 PM

mnottertail

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Hul Cheft Unshurn (sorry thats the best spelling I have)

I had two wonderful daughters in my lifetime, both are turning out to be Dommes.

I would have had boys I think.......

here I am

what is compromise? That which you can or cannot control? I see that as a distiction without a difference............

What say you wolf?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 24

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 9/25/2005 5:44:20 PM

lonewolf05

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Joined: 6/21/2005
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i say
alles ist mach nichts.
i just do not care...
there is very little in my life that i cannot control --- given my temperament.
but then, i live a very simple life w/o much needs or wants. and i myself see no difference between the 2...whatever you cannot control and it slips through your fingers,..and that which you can but you lose anyway...
you are still losing...right?
so since i am not a material guy...and i own so very little,...i control 99.99% of my life.

thats what the wolf says on it.

wolfie

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 25

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 9/25/2005 5:55:50 PM

mnottertail

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Mench meine nerven! That gave me pause, actually; lonewolf05, I am not sure I can cogently argue or agree with that. I wanna think about that. I am very impressed and will dwell on this for some time.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 26

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 9/26/2005 1:51:39 PM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

We've all got fantasies. We've all got expectations. Some of them are more important than others. How much do we expect our fantasies to play into our real lives? Should we figure it's all hooey, and settle for whatever we can get, or is it possible to get what we really want?

I found that an excellent exercise for me was to analysis my fantasies -- what was reoccuring and what was the underlining tone or need that was being played on.

When I analysized that then I could grasp what I was looking for and what I could and could not negotiate or compromise on.

Making that clear then gives other people the opportunity to see if it matches them (if they ask or read first that is).

Knowing what is really important for you will help you find a better match. I think it is unlikely anyone will find another person who can be 100% of what they fantasize about but we should get most of what we need, 90% or so? And if you let yourself be a touch flexible you might discover things you didn't know you liked once you have that relationship and can explore.

It can take years to find someone like this but you can fun and learn a lot about yourself as you test run folks who give you 50-90% of what you need too. Who knows, maybe you'll find someone who shows you desires and needs you didn't know you had.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 27

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 9/26/2005 2:53:13 PM

78787878

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All of my fantasies are a bunch of hooey, except the ones that became reality.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 28

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 9/26/2005 4:09:09 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Thanks for your responses everyone----I am kind of surprised that the person who indicated that dommes really should get over it and take what we can get hasn't weighed in. :)

As for myself, I know what I want, and I know what I need. I also know what I DON'T want and DON'T need. That part took longer to learn.

:)Ms Francine

(in reply to 78787878)

Post #: 29

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 9/26/2005 4:18:02 PM

Sylverdawn

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I have always found this analogy to work as regards to fantasy: Often they are like bakers chocolate, they look good, they smell good, the texture is right.. but in the end they prove to be a bitter. Fantasies need to provide the frame work for your reality they are they things we titilate ourselves with, the dank dungeon with the cold dripping water, the shivering naked sub illuminated only by a single bare light bulb. The Domina in leather, fishnets and boots stalking her prey for the night... wonderful image.. never mind its so cold your fingers freeze, he is shivering because influenza is about to set in, the dank moldy smell sends your allergies into over drive and you end up with drippy red nose, and sore feet from impossibly high heels on concrete...

Just my point of view.

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 30

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 9/29/2005 4:23:02 PM

lonewolf05

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quote:

"Yes, we women are inventive," she said. "Be careful. When you find your ideal, she might easily treat you more cruelly than you like."

=======

now THERE............is a FANTASY...........oh but perchance to dream....

grinning ear to ear-----

wolf

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to Sylverdawn)

Post #: 31

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 9/29/2005 5:38:13 PM

Sylverdawn

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A dream is a microscope through which we look at the hidden occurrences in our soul.... examine well..dare to hope for the impossible.

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 32

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 10/3/2005 4:57:38 AM

tarnishedhalo777

Posts: 119
Status: offline

I settled in several areas in the last relationship I was in...
(just oral from him /it didn't function/he had issues, as he was in prison too long).

I will never again be in a r/t experience where I can't at least have some of the basic desires met let alone compability,honesty....

If that's going to be the case,I'll do w/out having a S/O in my life. I have toys and a brain.

_____________________________

I will not die the death of loneliness by being afraid to love and afraid to get hurt. I will not commit figurative suicide by leaving my potential underdeveloped because I am afraid to take risks.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 33

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 10/3/2005 7:42:14 AM

whipmenow

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Joined: 8/3/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Should we figure it's all hooey, and settle for whatever we can get, or is it possible to get what we really want?

Are dommes really different than subs in this regard? Or different than vanilla, for that matter? Don't a lot of people, at some point, decide that their standards are unrealistic, or find that when someone actually meets their high standards in the areas they thought most important, the law of diminishing returns applies in other areas?

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 34

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 10/3/2005 11:52:39 PM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus.
How much do we expect our fantasies to play into our real lives? Should we figure it's all hooey, and settle for whatever we can get, or is it possible to get what we really want?

I see two different questions here. Real vs. Ideal? I'll take REAL every time. I have my fantastical view of what the "ideal" would be, but if I ran across a person who was REAL, as in thoroughly self-aware, openly communicative, completely honest and totally grounded... well, that would just be too good to turn down. "Ideal fantasies" would go right out the window. Why? Because a person who is that REAL, IS my ideal. My ideal isn't rooted in a particular act or fetish, it's about the integrity of the individual and situation involved.

The second question is about settling. If I accept REAL, and let go of my fantastical dreams of perfect service and submission, am I settling, or accepting? I think accepting reality has no negative connotation. Accepting reality is about realizing that which can be and IS real, here, and available to you. "Settling" on the other hand is about giving up the search with much less than the original goal.

The only time I hear the word "settle" between my ears is when I get burned out and don't want to invest any more energy into the search or the lifestyle. For me, I "settle" for taking time away in order to renew my energy. If I were to "accept the reality", then the reality is simply that I'm burnt out, not that I'm done with the lifestyle. The same would hold true for meeting people.

Did that answer either question, or did I just confuse myself more? :-)

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 35

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 10/4/2005 12:37:05 AM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

The serfs don't rebel in my fantasy. I mean, wouldn't the fantasy suck if you had to deal with rebellious serfs?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadameDahlia

And of course slightly better paid servants... I would hate to deal with a rebellion... -heavy sigh-

Well... I actually have a dream about owning my own island and staffing it with kinky folks that have been approved for citizenship. So everyone on my island is a happy, functional, D/s minded person.

But I also dream of kidnapping elves and young wizards...

I'm thinking the first one has a better chance of happening.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 36

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 10/4/2005 1:19:29 AM

Lordandmaster

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That sounds great, but I'm too much of an alpha male for that. On my fantasy island, everyone would be my slave.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

Post #: 37

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 10/4/2005 1:46:26 AM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

That sounds great, but I'm too much of an alpha male for that. On my fantasy island, everyone would be my slave.

-laughs- Who said anything about inviting Dom/mes to the island?

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 38

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 10/4/2005 4:41:23 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadameDahlia

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

That sounds great, but I'm too much of an alpha male for that. On my fantasy island, everyone would be my slave.

-laughs- Who said anything about inviting Dom/mes to the island?

Not even your wife?

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

Post #: 39

RE: Real vs Ideal: Should we compromise? - 10/4/2005 5:16:27 AM

BeeQueen

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Joined: 9/29/2005
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seen the answer i d give in a cpl of posts
there is plenty of things i will compromise
and there is a cpl of things i will not compromise

im a single mother and i rather stay alone than with someone i m not attrackted too
i cant bee bought
i dont need a man that in the first poss will leave me for another woman couse im not really what he was searching for
i wont settle for a monogamisitc relation (even tho sex is reservated for one guy)
im not picky about the look, but very picky about the personality of a guy
i will not act puppy in public and dominate in bed only
i m not willing to dress up like a doll all the time to give him the extra kick

and i had already a working poly relation, so i know it can bee done if u find the right mix

so, since we all have a life that excludes bdsm in many fields, compromise yes, but the big picture has to fit

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 40

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