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A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 8:22:59 PM   
simplewhispers


Posts: 232
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		is that not just as bad as a mouthy sub?? I am needing for you to help answer this...if all I have to give is me and I give you that freely and willingly , with very few reservations, you tell me you are attracted to me , I am a wonderul girl, then what would make you run ??I dont understand is it simply PHONE sex for the Dom that says he is owning you ? Please no cruel remarks I cant stand the thought of it ..

_____________________________

A silent woman is always more admired than a noisy one.
Season your admiration for a while With an attent ear. . .

simplewhispers
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 8:44:10 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I feel for you, it seems you have been the victim of a player. Perhaps he was never really serious, never intending to go through with this ... maybe he was but got a bad case of cold feet ... maybe he's already got a significant other and was only looking for some fun on the side ... maybe he didn't believe YOU would go through with it and got a fright when you did (it can be damned scary to suddenly have the power in reality, not just in fantasy) ... in short, there are any number of reasons as to why he has done a runner. I know you feel used, hurt, shattered, let down, bewildered, uncertain of yourself, and unsure as to whether you want to persist in this journey. All entirely natural responses. All I can say is that there are genuine ones out there, but sometimes there's a lot of frogs to kiss before you find the one that turns into the prince! The best advice I can give you is to not give quite so freely next time, explain that you have been badly hurt and realise it's important to maintain a certain guardedness until the Dom demonstrates His trustworthiness for your trust to be given. A genuine Dom will understand that and won't want all at once, He will know that trust has to grow and develop. And rather than rely entirely on the internet, I would encourage you to meet some real folks at a munch (a simple social event) ... even if you don't find the Dom of your dreams there you can make good friends who can help keep your feet on the ground!

I should just note that it's not only subs that are let down by Doms ... Dom/mes are also let down by subs sometimes! Seems to be a more common problem with male subs and female Dommes ... You spend a long time talking, they are all enthusiasm ... then go "poof" when it comes to actually meeting and following through! Just as hurtful if you let it be!

Be gentle with yourself simplewhispers ... most of Us here have been through a similar situation at one time or another!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 8:49:04 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplewhispers

is that not just as bad as a mouthy sub?? I am needing for you to help answer this...if all I have to give is me and I give you that freely and willingly , with very few reservations, you tell me you are attracted to me , I am a wonderul girl, then what would make you run ??I dont understand is it simply PHONE sex for the Dom that says he is owning you ? Please no cruel remarks I cant stand the thought of it ..


Sounds like one of the following
  • you have yet to meet the right DOM for you
  • you have been used by DOMs that are just wanting phone sex.
  • you are not DOMS that are sincere.

If this is a repeating pattern going on, you should consider rethinking about how you are hooking up or meeting such DOMS.  

Perhaps you should consider meeting people in the real time at Munches.   I assume this has been all long distance and online so far. 

Your profile indicates you are confused by D/s.   I can somewhat see where you could become confused if the DOMs you are meeting are responding this way.

Consider doing some Acid testing, and see if they are real or not.

Cyber and phone sex can be fun, however it does not mean that there's gonna be a serious commitment after it's said and done.    Some people simply have one night stands with Cyber or phone sex and cut bait and run on you.

You are correct, Owning somebody involves something more besides just Phone Sex.


(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:03:46 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		you just have to  use wisdom and be picky we all have been played just becareful do not play to what people think you should do trust your gut always to many liars loosers who think with just their dick or pussy

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:04:41 PM   
simplewhispers


Posts: 232
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		I know yall have heard this whine from many before, but I am simply emotionally devestated....... I want to think the Doms collar means more to him then just placing it on anyones neck....... And yes I do have great reservations about not just this lifestyle but in seeking a man at all

< Message edited by simplewhispers -- 3/4/2008 9:06:44 PM >

_____________________________

A silent woman is always more admired than a noisy one.
Season your admiration for a while With an attent ear. . .

simplewhispers

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:10:10 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I'm a guy.  I don't cyber.  I don't phone sex.  I also don't chat with someone for more than a week or so without setting a time to meet in real.  If she's not ready to meet, ok, it's not clicking, she can chat with someone else.

I think most people spend more time online before meeting.  Find your own comfort zone.  I'm out and don't care about people "knowing."  I have always said I would meet in the way that made you most comfortable.  Have ten of your friends there if you want.  I wasn't kidding.  Each female sub has met me alone though.  And I'm not looking now.  Also your profile is bigtime uninformative.  I wouldn't write you even if I were looking.  You are advertising yourself as confused, not as a complete person.

There really are decent people on this site who want to meet other decent people, in real life.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:10:29 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		If you feel that way, perhaps it is best to take a break. Often, we find what we most want when we stop searching.

This man sounds like he get's his jollies from phone sex. Sadly, it could be any woman he talks to on the phone, so you aren't special to him. You're just a voice.

No one can own you if you don't want them too. If this man is just using you and your voice as wank material, is he really you're Dom? He isn't, just like the ladies who work on phone sex lines aren't submissive to the men who pay to jack off to their words. Tell him to stop being a cheap prick and pay for phone sex. YOU need more than this.

Edited for spelling.

< Message edited by MissMagnolia -- 3/4/2008 9:11:50 PM >

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:12:07 PM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		this is a simple variation on a theme....i don't know what to tell you other than to be overly cautious.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3


He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:13:48 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		They can bail for so many reasons, and it can happen if you never had phone sex, if you met in real life, if you had a great time, if everything seemed just fine... not everybody is as honest and forthright and transparent as we (the generic "we") would like. Yes it would be nice if the bailer would tell you the truth, even if it hurts, as least then you aren't left wondering. But many people don't get the closure that would help them heal and move on.

But you know what? You're not the first, you won't be the last.  And the odds are, that he won't be the last to bail on you. So your choices are to be alone forever, or try again. I would like to think that trying again will be worth it.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:15:09 PM   
simplewhispers


Posts: 232
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		Red I wrote just how I feel........ I am CONFUSED........ I am feeling like part of whole, I seek completion as well as a compliment to me, I am simply not understand you want me to lay on the line........ again I just dont understand

_____________________________

A silent woman is always more admired than a noisy one.
Season your admiration for a while With an attent ear. . .

simplewhispers

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:17:48 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		Don't allow someone to claim they own you after just a few messages, chats, and phone calls. Even if the relationship isn't meant to be r/t, you still have to get to know one another well before you play. How can you trust someone you have barely met? How can you feel that you "belong" to someone who does not give back to you that special feeling I have heard slaves talk about?

Some so-called Doms have lovely phone voices, and they can talk you into doing or saying things that in the cold light of day you look at and say to yourself, "WTF was I thinking?" The euphoric feeling can last long after the phone call is over, but sooner or later either you'll wake up and cut off the relationship, or he will show his true colors by fading into the underbrush.

That's not to say that there aren't any number of Doms out there who would be wonderful phone-partners. You just have to be patient - and picky.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels


(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:18:09 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Do you like dogs?  Do you like sunsets or sunrises more?  Do you have children?  Do you want some/more?

Feelings are real.  Other things are real too.  Most people looking for a life partner -- or even a sub girlfriend -- are going to want to know more about you beyond how you were feeling the day you wrote your profile.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:22:47 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplewhispers

I know yall have heard this whine from many before, but I am simply emotionally devestated....... I want to think the Doms collar means more to him then just placing it on anyones neck....... And yes I do have great reservations about not just this lifestyle but in seeking a man at all


I hope this does not sound too far off base here.   But this sounds like a problem you are having with your choices in men both Vanilla and BDSM Doms.    To go out on a limb here, were you thinking perhaps you'd find a man in this lifestyle that would own and cherish you without dumping you?   Basically hoping to find less conditional requirements in a D/s or M/s relationship?

There are some people that are drawn BDSM thinking it will be an easy relationship fix or solution.   For example some Men are drawn to BDSM thinking they will pick up some Easy Slave girl that will put up with their bullshit.    Some Girls (not saying you) are drawn to this thinking they will find somebody who will pay for everything and put a roof over their head in exchange for sex.   Basically, Unrealistic expectations of what they expect to encounter.

I'm tempted to asked, if you were drawn to D/s BDSM relationships as an alternative to vanilla thinking you'd find somebody who was more accepting of who you are?   That it would be a solution to your failed vanilla relationships?   BDSM may or may not be the right fix for you babe.   Perhaps, you need to question things with your choices in partners and not the lifestyle you are living.

You might want to consider getting a little professional counseling or exploring things with some good introspection.  Have you considered exploring that the problem might lay within your own pick of men?   I'm not trying to be hard on you here.  Just give you some food for thought.   Have you considered exploring therapy a little?  Perhaps, I'm off base here in the lines of thinking and my suggestions and input.  

This is just my gut response to what you have posted so far.  

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:23:13 PM   
simplewhispers


Posts: 232
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		Red I will see to that promply thank you for pointing that out

_____________________________

A silent woman is always more admired than a noisy one.
Season your admiration for a while With an attent ear. . .

simplewhispers

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:26:57 PM   
simplewhispers


Posts: 232
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		scuse me I did not mean to imply that I have had several failed relatioships, cause I have not, nor did I ask or want financial gain from him , he knew this, and what wanted I said I would give .... the thing you are right about is that I dont use good judgement sometimes when it comes to the opposite sex


_____________________________

A silent woman is always more admired than a noisy one.
Season your admiration for a while With an attent ear. . .

simplewhispers

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:29:40 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplewhispers

I am feeling like part of whole, I seek completion as well as a compliment to me


If you feel that you are not complete without a partner, then you need to stop looking.  You will not find what you are seeking in someone else. Become a complete person yourself first, then find someone to complement you.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:31:19 PM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		hun, it sounds like all he was trying to do was get into your cyber panties.  Unfortunately that does happen online, no matter what site you are on.  Make a no phone sex rule until there have been a lot of normal conversations where the two of you spend time getting to know each other on a number of levels.  If it is all about sexsexsex, run, because he is not worth your heart or pain.

edited to point out how sound Cali's advice is.  The only person that can make you a whole and complete person is yourself.

< Message edited by sweetwenchie -- 3/4/2008 9:35:27 PM >

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:33:45 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: simplewhispers

I am feeling like part of whole, I seek completion as well as a compliment to me


If you feel that you are not complete without a partner, then you need to stop looking.  You will not find what you are seeking in someone else. Become a complete person yourself first, then find someone to complement you.

Cali



Brava

The line, "She completes me," is one of the stupidest lines from movies. it ranks right up there with, "Love means never having to say you're sorry."

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels


(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:36:28 PM   
simplewhispers


Posts: 232
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		Many folks find that you are not complete until you meet your other half........ I see people that are so in sync....... thats the other half I speak of ......

_____________________________

A silent woman is always more admired than a noisy one.
Season your admiration for a while With an attent ear. . .

simplewhispers

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: A neglectful Dom - 3/4/2008 9:37:25 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Simple I have heard this form you time and again, and my advice to you remains the same.  You can either keep doing what you're doing, or you can really look at what your patterns are and start to make changes.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)
Profile   Post #: 20
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