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Bottoming from the top. - 3/4/2008 9:20:18 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
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The top from bottom thread made me wonder about the reverse effect, bottoming from the top.

It seems that people are aware that Dom/mes too exhibit manipulative or bratty behaviour. I wonder whether I'm alone in having noticed it (apart from one other poster, who will recognise himself), and am curious about others' opinions.

Drop anything into the pot. For good measure, I attach some humourous examples courtesy of Owner4SexSlave, however, serious examples interest me too. I'm doing a survey.

quote:

ORIGINAL Owner4SexSlave

Some cruel examples....

By the way, am I spanking your ass hard enough and do you mind if I pull your hair while I'm at it?

Would you be insulted if I used the word slut while talking dirty to you?

Would it be a bother to you, if we had Taco's for Dinner, that is if it does not take too much of your time to make tonight.

I'm sorry, I did not ask you for a blow job, you seemed to be too busy for me, so I went into the bathroom and jacked off, hope you don't mind.    hahahahaha.....

By the way, last month it upset me very much when that guy at Sears was checking out your ass, remember that day you wore that skimpy dress, I hate that dress and I never wanted to say anything before about it because I did not want to hurt your feelings.   This is what I have been pouting about for the last few weeks.

How come you never wear those sexy fishnet stockings I bought you for christmas, you wore them once, and never again. Did you hate that I got them for you, I thought you would have loved them.   I'm sorry, you did not like 'em baby, tell me what I should buy you next time baby.

< Message edited by kittinSol -- 3/4/2008 9:23:31 PM >

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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/4/2008 9:22:40 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Nope, you're not alone. People are people and they run the full length of the bell curve regardless of orientation, gender, race, religion .. you name it. Gotta love diversity!

Celeste

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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/4/2008 9:23:44 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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Do I get to speak French?

It's probably against TOS. J'en ai marre!

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Post #: 3

RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/4/2008 9:24:55 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
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I thought as much - what's interesting is that it's not as widely discussed in our circles, well, not on the collarme boards anyway, and certainly not in any capacity that I recognised.

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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/4/2008 9:27:50 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
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Merde alors, RedMagic. It wouldn't be against TOS, but it would be bad form. Sorry you're having a shitty time.

(Pourquoi t'en as marre? Tu veux aller boire une biere

? )

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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/4/2008 9:31:32 PM

RedMagic1

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Joined: 5/10/2007
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No, I'm fine. Just "showing off" my gutterfrench.

I agree with Celeste. Many people have learned manipulative traits to survive or get ahead. Doms do it too. I disagree with your point that it's never discussed on the boards. It's discussed all the time: wanker Doms, my Dom is punishing me unfairly, am I being unreasonable for being mad at my Dom for X. This all boils down to whether the actions are healthy for the relationship, or manipulative by one party at the expense of the relationship.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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Post #: 6

RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/4/2008 9:35:58 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Let's also remember that there's a huge prejudice and shun factor in any dom who appears anything less than "fabulously dominant all the time" imposed both internally and externally.

Bottoming from the top isn't always negative either- having a bottom give him a deep tissue massage or flogging, or top him in some way can be a very wonderful way for someone to serve.

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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/4/2008 9:38:56 PM

SubbieOnWheels

Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
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My guess is that it has been discussed, but never under the term "Bottoming from the top." That is, however, an apt description of the actions involved.

Whether it's TFTB or BFTT*, it's manipulative, passive-aggressive, and counter-productive.

*Good grief - that looks like a rude noise, doesn't it?

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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/4/2008 9:41:23 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels

My guess is that it has been discussed, but never under the term "Bottoming from the top." That is, however, an apt description of the actions involved.

Whether it's TFTB or BFTT*, it's manipulative, passive-aggressive, and counter-productive.

*Good grief - that looks like a rude noise, doesn't it?

On this note, off to hit the hay I go. More tomorrow. Nighty night all.

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Post #: 9

RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/4/2008 9:41:41 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
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One of my sub friends shared a story about a DOM she met from CM. (No names mentioned to protect the innocent and guilty parties here).   Anyways, I came up with the nickname "Mr. Rodgers - The ass spanker".   Because he actually acted and talked very much in the same mannerisms that Mr. Rodgers does.

In short he was supposed to top her for a session. Clear and upfront that ass spanking was not a limit and acceptable for play.   However, he was really monotoned and constantly asked her if it was Ok to do this or that to her. Dispite the fact activities had already been talked about well ahead of time.

She ended up cutting the play session short and avoiding him afterwards. Basically, he was putting all the control into her ball court and he was looking for her approval upon everything he was doing or trying to do.

I really hate to pass judgement upon this guy, cause I don't know him personally.   However, he's become a bit of a source of humor in conversations.   Whenever her or I say "Mr. Rodgers the Ass Spanker" we get a laugh out of it.   However, sad but true he was more of a service top or should I say "bottoming from the top".    He was a bit of a let down for her, and she could not mentally get into it nor enjoy one bit.

I know she's gonna pop on here and read this post and laugh her ass off, that I mentioned him this nickname.   Anyways, if you are DOM reading this and it sounds like you, you might need to rethink things a little.   Listen to what submissive girls who enjoy having their ass spanked have to say about it.

Mind you this is a scene play example.

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 10

RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/4/2008 9:46:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Poor male doms- damned if they do and damned if they don't. Take it slow and easy, make sure at every step that the girl is with ya and in the moment and she dumps you. Take it fast and hard and just do what she SAID she wanted, and you end up with cops at your door saying she was raped.

Sounds more like she wanted a service top- someone who would top her like she wanted to be topped, and now she gets to conveniently place all the wrongness on him for not being "aggressive enough."

Not all styles work with all people- but I could just as easily say she's a whiner do-me biatch slut.

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Post #: 11

RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/4/2008 9:56:37 PM

lovewithoutfear

Posts: 153
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline

Yanno, I could really enjoy a Mister Rogers kind of top along about now. So if any of you know who this is, let me know on the backside LOL!!

I am a firm believer that topping and bottoming are independent of domming and subbing. I believe that so long as there is consent and mutual enjoyment, there is nothing wrong with a dominant bottom ordering a submissive top to flog them, or such like.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 12

RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/4/2008 10:17:52 PM

Leatherist

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Joined: 12/11/2007
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRCcrn9m_wg

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Post #: 13

RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/4/2008 10:26:08 PM

Leatherist

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Bottoming from the top is the perfect answer to "the do me bottom" however.

Too much of an imagined good thing...can be very very bad indeed. Sometimes it's better to just keep your mouth shut and let the guy do his thing.

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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/4/2008 10:47:08 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovewithoutfear

Yanno, I could really enjoy a Mister Rogers kind of top along about now. So if any of you know who this is, let me know on the backside LOL!!

I am a firm believer that topping and bottoming are independent of domming and subbing. I believe that so long as there is consent and mutual enjoyment, there is nothing wrong with a dominant bottom ordering a submissive top to flog them, or such like.

"Bottoming from the top" not "topping from the bottom" here... I don't have an issue with topping from the bottom.... basically the concept here is when a "the top takes the bottom role, thus forcing the bottom to be the top", if somebody is expecting to be the bottom and they are forced into being a top regardless if they like it or not.

A dominant bottom ordering a submissive to top to flog them is really "topping from the bottom" because they gave the order to do it. Ummmmm... Ok think about like this. What if in your D/s relationship your Dom keeps taking on a submissive role? Basically when a Dom keeps becoming a bottom submissive to you? Think this might help get the point to what "Bottoming from the top" really is all about here...

< Message edited by Owner4SexSlave -- 3/4/2008 10:54:51 PM >

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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 2:21:38 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

"Bottoming from the top" should not be mistaken by beeing respectfull. Even a MAster can ask things. How else should one learn his sub?
If I have a new sub...I ask things..instead of force all on her

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 3/5/2008 2:22:12 AM >

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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 4:07:44 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

To me and this may come out jaded so i am sorry in advance, It seems that we as a group look for any reason to dismiss other peoples behaviour. We all take the piss out of the "one true way" idea and yet come up with lots of new things that imply the same thing. Topping from the bottom, bottoming from the top, bratty etc etc anything that we can use to draw a line between how we do what we do and how others do it so that we can in some way feel that our way is better. (this is not to say anyone in this post was doing this i was just thinking it as I was reading)

Whatever works for each person in their individual relationship, whatever they choose to label themselves, whatever they want is fine with me, it works for them and doesnt effect me. I have seen people say "oh they are just kinky" with such scorn, does that mean that to be in the gang and have someone to talk to at play time that they have to have completed a certain number of activities? If the way you feel about what you need from a D/s relationship doesnt fit in with someone elses why does anyone have to blame them for not having it right, no one has it universally right it is just right for them. If that happens you simply are not compatible, oh well NEXT.

I am sorry if that sounded aggressive but its just something I have been thinking about when reading a couple of replies on the boards generally recently.

:D

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Post #: 17

RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 4:42:28 AM

MissLily

Posts: 146
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

I think it's a given that people top when they really should not.

Then again, some tops might come off as off bottoming from the top by being over sollicitous or too whinny.

I'm always sollicitous the for the well being of My sub. I'll make sure he's ok, but he cannot mystake this for being weak. There's a whole attitude, tone, body language that comes with being Dominant, and that doesn't go away when you're being nice...

Miss Lily

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Post #: 18

RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 4:49:40 AM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
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quote:

Listen to what submissive girls who enjoy having their ass spanked have to say about it.

I find the Mr. Rogers thing kind of charming, especially if sang too.

I'd dress up school girl ... it could work.

It sounds like he couldn't get a feel for her, read her reactions, so he had to ask.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 19

RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 4:50:27 AM

SugarMyChurro

Posts: 1912
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline

Well, it's still early and I need to sharpen up before I begin other more serious tasks...

quote:

ORIGINAL Owner4SexSlave
By the way, am I spanking your ass hard enough and do you mind if I pull your hair while I'm at it?

I never ask that kind of thing. It seems absurd. I also do not play with safewords. It can all be discussed afterward during a non-sex, non-scene situation. Certainly, I will hear a girl out if she has complaints. I may even consider some of them in the future. I reserve the right to do exactly as I please.

quote:

ORIGINAL Owner4SexSlave
Would you be insulted if I used the word slut while talking dirty to you?

I think I uses the terms "cunt" and "fuck-hole" a lot more than "slut."

quote:

ORIGINAL Owner4SexSlave
Would it be a bother to you, if we had Taco's for Dinner, that is if it does not take too much of your time to make tonight.

I do a lot of the cooking. But if I want her to do the cooking instead I let her work to her strengths and don't get too dictatorial about it. If I wanted to extensively micromanage her every move I could just do it myself. Simple things always impress. I can't live off Mac and Cheese - but I can do well with semi-elaborate salads, cut fruit, bread, and wine.

Frankly, I expect and encourage lots of independence in my slave. I expect my needs to be anticipated and catered to even before an utterance should escape my lips. And this is true for all issues between us.

Good service means anticipating needs.

quote:

ORIGINAL Owner4SexSlave
I'm sorry, I did not ask you for a blow job, you seemed to be too busy for me, so I went into the bathroom and jacked off, hope you don't mind.

I almost never jerk off unless I am finishing off on her tits or something.

The girl is there for use, even if that's just putting her on her knees until I get off and she doesn't.

quote:

ORIGINAL Owner4SexSlave
By the way, last month it upset me very much when that guy at Sears was checking out your ass, remember that day you wore that skimpy dress, I hate that dress and I never wanted to say anything before about it because I did not want to hurt your feelings. This is what I have been pouting about for the last few weeks.

I don't care who looks or for what reason. I expect my slave to dress in a manner that is pleasing to me. I favor skirts and dislike pants on a woman. Panties are optional.

If another man or woman finds the sight of my slave pleasing as well, it means almost nothing to me. I do notice it more than she does and I am not above pointing it out as I think its good for her self-esteem to know that she is admired.

quote:

ORIGINAL Owner4SexSlave
How come you never wear those sexy fishnet stockings I bought you for christmas, you wore them once, and never again.

If I have purchased items of clothing for someone, I do expect them to be worn occasionally and I am not above insisting upon it from time to time.

Verbally, I can be very polite. But I do still command and mine is the final word. As I am secure in my dominance I see no reason to be overbearing about it.

Patience is also a virtue. I find that women often go through rebellious phases. I can let it ride for a while, only then to call attention to it and ask that the behavior be corrected.

Hell, even the cat occasionally scratches me!

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 20

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