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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 8:53:42 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Colouredin, you are describing a natural progression in yourself that people follow from no RL experience to RL experience.  When someone is new, and has, for example, three months of essentially online-only experience, their identity is going to come from words and phrases, because that is their primary form of interaction with BDSM and D/s. 



I've always felt like an outsider online - I consider myself to be a part of the collarme fora, but I have nothing to do with a "lifestyle". I lead my own life the way I see fit for me. I don't really care whether I'm a "twue" submissive or not.

What is all this "experience" I keep on reading about? If we agree that Dom/sub feelings are part of someone's personality setup, do they require to be experienced at being used as a footstool in order to form their own identity?

Come to think of it, these words "lifestyle" and "experience" irk me just as much as "tftb" and "bftt"  . They're just so... conventional.

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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 8:56:12 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Hey whats wrong with conventional :P

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There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 8:59:45 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline
I know the irony isn't wasted on you :-) . And hey! Whatever rocks your boat! Conventionality must have its attraction... Look at all the people that are into uniforms. Can't do more conventional than that.


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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 9:01:33 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		My own definition of experience would include: being in a relationship that involves real-time participation in life-changing events, not just dates and play.  Examples from my own life would include: visiting her in the hospital, attending a funeral of one of her relatives, attending a teacher/parent/student conference because her child is doing poorly in school -- and dealing with the emotional reality before, during and after those events.

I am talking about the reality of caring about another person on a long-term basis.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to kittinSol)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 9:03:29 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

 And hey! Whatever rocks your boat!




Lets all stand in front of a mirror and repeat this as a mantra 20 times a day, go on you know you want to, do it or else you aint a true Dom, Master, Switch, slave, sub, polar bear, girl, boy, man, woman, human (i could go on but i think it may loose its comedic value)


_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 9:05:15 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

My own definition of experience would include: being in a relationship that involves real-time participation in life-changing events, not just dates and play.  Examples from my own life would include: visiting her in the hospital, attending a funeral of one of her relatives, attending a teacher/parent/student conference because her child is doing poorly in school -- and dealing with the emotional reality before, during and after those events.

I am talking about the reality of caring about another person on a long-term basis.



My definition of experiance would be whatever that person thinks of as experaince, oh dear, ive never been to see Sir in hospital, its not a real relationship, wait a sec while i go smash his knees in with a baseball bat so i can visit him and join the club


_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 9:08:17 AM   
TracyTaken


Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

I know the irony isn't wasted on you :-) . And hey! Whatever rocks your boat! Conventionality must have its attraction... Look at all the people that are into uniforms. Can't do more conventional than that.



Black leather is a convention too, some would say a tired one.  Mass marketing depends on the idea that we express individuality in purchasing mass-production products.  Maybe the same thing applies to the pond we choose to swim in.

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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 9:08:18 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

My own definition of experience would include: being in a relationship that involves real-time participation in life-changing events, not just dates and play.  Examples from my own life would include: visiting her in the hospital, attending a funeral of one of her relatives, attending a teacher/parent/student conference because her child is doing poorly in school -- and dealing with the emotional reality before, during and after those events.

I am talking about the reality of caring about another person on a long-term basis.



I like the emphasis on "caring". Your description very much mirrors my experience - though mine is limited: I ended up marrying the man, and he's the only Dominant man I ever knew.

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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 9:09:44 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		The word "include" tends to mean "contains but not limited to."  I think I am being too serious and you are having too much fun.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 9:10:28 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TracyTaken

Black leather is a convention too, some would say a tired one.  Mass marketing depends on the idea that we express individuality in purchasing mass-production products.  Maybe the same thing applies to the pond we choose to swim in.



I agree. Striving to be unconventional can make us more conventional than the most conventional people out there.

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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 9:10:45 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I think I am being too serious and you are having too much fun.



sorry, its a curse


_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 9:12:17 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I think I am being too serious and you are having too much fun.



sorry, its a curse



Who's bottoming here  ?

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RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 9:12:55 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

I agree. Striving to be unconventional can make us more conventional than the most conventional people out there.



Hehe my sister was a goth, all the same in their individuality, they used to be obbsessed with who was what (as i have found many sub cultures are) She would sit around saying, shes a goth, hes a trendy, shes a townie, hes a grunge, so one day I said what am I hun? and she said ummmm your nothing you are just boring, the irony was that she was trying so hard to be differant that she was the same as everyone else in their obbsession with uniqueness


_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to kittinSol)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 10:08:57 AM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		(FR)

First, Mr. Rogers as a Dom would be totally hot. I'll be his neighbor any day!

Second, it makes me sad when people diss service tops. I love being a service top, and I usually learn a lot doing it. In fact, service topping is a great way for newbie Dominants to learn some of the tricks of the trade. Currently, I'm trying to become a better rope top, and consider experienced rope bottoms a big plus as play partners. And hey, even old dogs can learn new tricks.

Third, I've been accused of bottoming from the top before. I'm just not a very controlling authoritarian Dominant, and I don't really want to be. Subs who want that kind of total control often gripe that I am too nice. I try to make this pretty clear with my username (What part of "Kind" is unclear?) and it is specifically stated in my profile, but it nevertheless still happens to me occasionally and puts a temporary dent in my confidence. Don't worry, I get over it. I'm a switch anyway, so being told I'm not a "twue" Dominant doesn't really make a lasting impression. I'm whatever I feel like being at the time. If I feel like worshiping my sub for a while because I'm just pleased as punch to be in their company, then that's what I'm going to do. Who cares if it's Domly? Hey whiny subbie, I'm the Domme here, and I feel like pleasing you. Just say THANK YOU idiot :P

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 10:19:37 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		See for me bottoming is about the physical act. So Bottoming from the Top, I have used to describe a Masochist Dom9inant telling their submissive You will beat me with this for this long this hard, etc. If openly spoken about not a thing wrong with it.
BTW it's also one hell of a way to mess with the head of a submissive.


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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 10:23:09 AM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		sure they do.....but, that's ok they are the Doms....

~meticulous~

(in reply to SugarMyChurro)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 10:25:20 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		Far out, and fucked up. I learn every day :-) .

And I thought I was perverse!

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 11:03:43 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin


Lets all stand in front of a mirror and repeat this as a mantra 20 times a day, go on you know you want to, do it or else you aint a true Dom, Master, Switch, slave, sub, polar bear, girl, boy, man, woman, human (i could go on but i think it may loose its comedic value)



Hey, where do I get to sign up to be a polar bear? I think that would be awesome.

As far as experience. Yeah, you can have cravings to be in charge, but until you've actually managed someone, you won't know how to do it in a way that is effective. There's a hell of a difference between a boss who says his door is always open and means it, and one that screams at you for interrupting him when you do need help.

Let's say you want your sub to quit smoking. Really think saying "You're now a nonsmoker and you have no urge for a cigarette" is going to be effective? Me neither. Yet there was a male sub some months ago who was being punished because he didn't magically lose the urge, and he wasn't allowed smokenders, hypnosis, the patch, wellbutrin or anything else. Now the domme may have naturally had the urge to dominate, but her actual practice was just horrendous. She set him up to fail and refused to learn anything about nicotine addiction or acknowledge her part in his problem. She really thought because she had sneaked a few cigarettes in high school, that she knew it all. Not my definition of experienced or competent.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 11:08:48 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedHotAndSoSexy

Hi all. I have been lurking around here and wanted to chime in. These terms of "topping from the bottom" etc. seem to me to be just various ways of expressing discontent with the way someone is dealing with you. So instead of communicating, these terms are thrown about.

I was with someone for the first time last week who was very nice, and I met him here so I thought he was a Dom. After all, he SAID he was.

When we got together, apparently he had never done anything remotely Dominant before in his life and I ended up telling him what to do. I kept trying to discuss it with him and he could not articulate his thoughts.

So, was I topping from below, from the top or just making sure I got some of my needs met?

P.S. The Mr. Rodgers metaphor was especially apt in this guys case; he was too passive even when I told him what I liked.




Actually, that doesn't mean he wasn't dominant, just that he had no s & m experience. He could be very dominant in day to day activities but without training to feel comfortable hurting someone.

There are tops who don't dominate, and dominants who don't get off on sadism. The two terms are not interchangable.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Bottoming from the top. - 3/5/2008 1:59:14 PM   
SpareBoyfriend


Posts: 20
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		I thought that we were supposed to ask what you like.

Heavens forbid that we would accidentally do something that you didn't like. If it's not extreme enough, then we're a wimp and not domly.  If it's too extreme, then we went to far and you never consented to that.

Ah!  I forgot!  True Doms can read minds!

(in reply to kittinSol)
Profile   Post #: 60
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